ZENV WEEK DAY 3: FIRST DATES (gentle angst for a gentle boi)
There was a word for the alien emotions that were running through his head, but he couldn’t for the life of him remember it. Nervousness? Worry? That wouldn’t make sense. He was simply going for coffee. And cake. At a well-known city centre date spot. With Jihyun who he hadn’t seen since he revealed all the secrets he’d been keeping and went to Rome to become an artist. Damn, he needed a smoke or a beer or something to calm his nerves.
It wasn’t as if he could it off as a catchup with an old friend, it was different. Before Jihyun had left, they’d shared a weird phone call. He’d called up to thank him for taking care of Yoosung throughout everything with Rika. But Jihyun was so easy to talk to so he ended up spilling his heart out at 3 am and joking about stalkers. It felt… intimate. The type of intimacy he’d never felt with Saeyoung or Yoosung or Jaehee.The type of intimacy he’d never felt with a friend.
Luckily, his phone rang. He was surprised it hadn’t rung sooner, he was pretty popular after all. He had ladies calling him all the time, of course. Yeah, ladies. “Ah, hah, sorry Hyun. I’m almost there,” Jihyun spoke with the biggest telltale sign of someone being in a hurry; awkward panting. Hyun’s dizzying thoughts had distracted him so much that he hadn’t even realised that Jihyun was running late. “No need to worry, I barely just got here myself. So much rehearsing needed doing, yikes!” He lied. They finished up their conversation quickly, which was filled with awkward laughter and an array of strange noises from Zen’s side, and ended with a promise that Jihyun would be there soon.
True to his word, he arrived moments later and, after noting that Zen had already received a beverage, ordered from the counter before taking a seat across from the actor. “Hyun, it’s nice to see you,” he greeted him with a widespread smile, “tell me, how have you been?” He propped an elbow up and rested his head against a bejeweled knuckle. Something that usually hinted that he was prepared to listen to someone talk for a whiiile. Which was exctly what Hyun did. He spoke until well after Jihyun’s drink had arrived. The topic constantly flitted between his career and his health habits. Both of which earned him a “that’s so great” and an encouraging grin from V. Eventually, the conversation flattened out and Hyun asked “so what about you? I bet you’ve got art hanging in the Louvre by now.” Jihyun’s story was nowhere near as long as Hyun’s, although he did suggest that he wasn’t that good of an artist which earned a bout of refusal from the other male. After that, the conversation flicked back and forth as the two of them filled each other in on how they’d spent their years apart.
It wasn’t until their third drink that Hyun finally asked whether he was well and truly okay. Reflexively, Jihyun looked away and sighed, albeit for no more than a second. “Maybe I’m not completely okay just yet, but I will be. Soon,” he said with a nod. At the gesture, Hyun was reminded of something and so he pulled out his phone, which earned a slightly disproving glance from V, and flicked through his pictures. “Do you remember that photo you gave me? You said it’d be good to look at it times of emotional turmoil,” he explained as he laid his phone on the table so it was visible. “It does have a calming effect on me, better than my own selfies even, and I wondered why. Why such a pretty picture, one almost as pretty as pictures of me, would be used in times of emotional turmoil? Well, I think I figured it out. Emotional turmoil isn’t always a bad thing. Like, this flower right here? It’s growing on a cliff. Which, is pretty hard. After all the storms and rocks and stuff that this flower has to go through, it’s still there. So, bad things can bring good things sometimes, you know?” It reminded me of you. After his monologue ended, Jihyun stayed quiet for a few moments. At first he thought that perhaps he was so amazed by the fact that he managed to get it right that he had been rendered speechless.However, Hyun quickly identified the expression on the other man’s features as sheepish. “Huh?”
“Well… I never thought of it that deeply. What you said was pretty cool, though.” At that comment, the two of them laughed nervously with a light reddish tint to their ears. In an attempt to dissuade the conversation from awkwardness, Jihyun reached forward and traced the outline of the photo lightly with his fingernail. “I can’t believe you kept it.” “Why wouldn’t I? You gave it to me.”
The conversation ran to a halt after that, with the two of them exchanging awkward laughter and side glances at the others in the cafe. They made their departure soon after and as they walked to the parking lot, Hyun worried that he’d screwed things up somehow. Should he not have revisited the territory that their intimate phone call slept in? Should he have continued to joke about selfies, skin care and the trustfundkid’s stupid cat antics? His usual banter felt weird for some reason. As if he needed to be on a different level with Jihyun than he did the other members. But, why?
“Hyun, do you drive a car now?” The question surprised him, as he froze midway climbing into his ride. “Er, yeah. I gave up the bike a long time ago. A good man once told me that he was worried I’d hurt myself,” he tried to brush the issue aside with a nonchalant joke. He had given up his motorbike the day after his call with Jihyun. “I’m glad. I don’t know what I’d do if you got hurt, especially when I’m not around to help,” the attempt at returning the joke was washed away by the bittersweet smile that clouded his face. Hyun stepped out of the car and straightened himself up again with his confidence boosted. “You’re here now, though, aren’t you?” A question full of a thousand underlaying questions. “Yeah, you’re right,” an answer with a hundred differing meanings. They both stepped closer, one a lot more tentative than the other. A three inch height difference was all that separated them. But alas, Hyun remembered the words he had been told merely an hour before. “Maybe I’m not completely okay just yet, but I will be. Soon,”
He opened his car door once more and turned away. “We should do this again. Soon.” “Yeah, we should.” Zen retreated into the haven of his car and watched out of his rear view mirror as Jihyun walked away looking as dumbfounded as he was.
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