When I had that breakdown, I wasn't exactly in my right mind. The stress of multiple personal things (my own personal baggage and my mother's personal bagge) ended up making me break. That and the combination of several things that would cause a chemical imbalance really. Well it really skewed my thought process a lot.
This isn't to say any of what I did or said was okay. Because it wasn't. I was obsessed with either trying to prove that I wasn't the badguy, or that he wasn't the good guy.
In truth, life isn't black and white like that. We were ALL hurting a lot, and we didn't know how to handle it. Without proper communication and understanding of boundaries, friendships can fall apart very easily like that.
I felt like I needed to 'expose' the toxic traits because I was worried about literally everyone. The team and the fans. I kept thinking to myself "oh no, an abuser shouldn't be an influential person!" So my 'momfriend' instincts went overboard and just went full on sacrificial no matter how bad I looked.
And then that ended up with me looking like an asshole, dragging everyone down with me, and then me turning it into a situation where I was the one victimized the most. And that's not helping anyone.
And so I want to say sorry to everyone for being so misleading and wishy washy. I don't have control over your perception of me or anyone else. All I can do is be in control of what I do and how I react to the things other people say and do.
It's a very tough battle, because that requires knowing and understanding yourself. But it's very necessary to be the best version of yourself.
I hope that you all will be able to build healthy relationships with each other, making sure to take care of your own well being and offering help to support your friends as much as you are capable to. Don't overwork yourself. Don't give if you have to sacrifice self care. It only ends in ruin.
To find me now, you can follow my new blog @thehealingplum, which is more mental health focused.
with love, Zeo
