絶望な｜女

Ennui; she/they, first draft Millennial Embrace cringe: Become shameless. (header: ThymeCraft on Etsy; icon: EntropyKing)

[gessorly]

No friction, no flame; no struggle no progress

No sweat

How many times do we have to win

'Til you realise we have not lost yet?

(Also available to download for free here on Bandcamp!)

[zetsubonna]

how dare you tell me my texts are too long sir I have 1800+ followers on tumblr dot com and yes most of them are ghosts but they loved this shit when they were alive

Siri send Dad Cat’s In The Cradle and The Living Years and any other songs you can find about dads who miss out and then die alone about it

[zetsubonna]

I started my sleep experiment on Sunday night, as you may recall: Ignore all previous instructions, get ready for bed at dark.

My blood sugar is consistently 40 to 60 points lower and I’m no longer dropping off at work when it’s too quiet. I also haven’t caught myself micro sleeping in these three days. My appetite is more consistent/stable, and I’m eating less and drinking more. My alarms are currently set for bedtime at 10:30 and rising at 5, but it’s looking more like my best hours are 9:30–6:30. I am working with a substantial (decades…) sleep deficit, though, so that might change later. When I get up at 6:30, having showered as part of the bedtime ritual, I’m literally dressed and ready to go in twenty minutes. No lag. I’m getting to work earlier and earlier and feeling more motivated when I get there.

Now people make all kinds of noise about not eating that close to bedtime, no screens that close to bedtime, no sounds, blackout curtains— I’m not doing all of that. When the sun starts to go down, I start putting stuff away, when it’s dark, I take a shower, and then I lay down. Snorlax says I’m usually out cold in 20 minutes. I did have a hiccup Monday night when I fell awake at 12:50AM because my room was too hot (no AC, just two fans) but I went downstairs and was back to sleep on the couch in twenty minutes and woke up at 6:30 with no alarm.

I get off work at 5, I get home between 6:30—7:30. There aren’t three hours to skip between dinner and bedtime. It doesn’t math, and I’m not going to stress about it. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Dinner is so close to bedtime that I don’t have time to get peckish, really. I also get hungry earlier in the morning and the idea of breakfast before 10AM doesn’t make me nauseated.

So, yeah: Sleep. I recommend it.

[zetsubonna]

(peri)menopause

50: Did I tell you I started HRT last month?

45: No! How’s that going for you?

50: It’s amazing. So many of my symptoms are just gone.

48: Maybe it’s time for me to do that, but most of my symptoms are fading.

45: I just have the brain fog. I keep catching myself staring off into the distance and then saying, “Wait— what was I doing?”

50: I haven’t been forgetting as much. But I do lose words.

48: I can never remember why I went into a room.

45: I have the most amazing aphasia. I’m constantly saying the wrong word, or making up new phrases.

[hellallamerican]

a ton of people have unexpectedly followed me over the last 2 days so here is my rent-lowering gunshot:

the american south is the most racially diverse and poorest region of the united states, and any political sentiment that treats the south is stupid or expendable is inherently racist and classist. a lot of y'all are racist and classist. the south is also the heart of american culture. argue with a wall. you cannot deny that everybody in the entire world does not emulate artists from atlanta. there is vested interest in keeping the south poor and uneducated BECAUSE this is the most racially diverse region in this country. if you actually give a fuck about progress, you would fight for the south, not mock us.

[byjove]

I love asking people how their parents met. You always get an interesting reply. My best friend’s parents met on the relatively new internet in 1999. My other friend’s parents met at Burger King when one was the manager and the other was a regular customer. My parents met at the beach because they were neighbors in their rental houses, mom was on a church trip and dad was getting blackout drunk every night with his friends next door.

Tell me how your parents met in the tags.

[zetsubonna]

Please tell me you understand that allosexual people can still enjoy nonsexual intimacy. Like, holding hands and hair petting and laughing together and sharing meals are not a unique experience that only aces can enjoy. I know there is an ongoing crisis in the cishet universe where people are having bad sex because they don’t even like each other, but those people are just making bad choices. I would venture to say that most people enjoy nonsexual intimacy.

I’m aro and I keep getting recommended ace and aro-ace communities on my For You page, and I am starting to feel like people are losing the plot.

[oddarette]

“Do Dead Malls Go To Heaven?”

Experimented a bit with a new way of detailing the tiles. Kinda like it? This particular piece took a hell of a lot of work. I’d love if you shared the vibes it’s giving off, for research purposes 💖

[zetsubonna]

I really love the colors! You always do bright colors really well? But the pink you chose for the tiles is so unique, and the plants and water are really vivid, and the lighting is fantastic.

[zetsubonna]

I helped my brother install the drain pipe in our new bathtub.

This was accomplished by fingering the overflow drain to hold it in place, and simultaneously fingering the bottom drain to get it lined up and plugged. Literally: sticking my fingers into them and pulling upward like a g-spot.

Finally, the queer skills were applicable to non-human plumbing.

[theartofangirling]

everyone say thank you to that one anne hathaway twelfth night promo image for all it's done for fandom

[gondorrevealparty]

Polycules should be able to trade people like sports teams do

[gondorrevealparty]

Listen -- you're a good defender and your pussy is fantastic, but that's not what our team needs right now. We're trading you to Greater Boston in exchange for someone who has a car.

[zetsubonna]

trade ourselves like Pokémon cards

“We have a power bottom who can run D&D, but what we need is a service top who can run Pathfinder.”

“Damn, we have a carabiner butch who can run Draw Steel?”

“…Does she come with power tools?”

[zetsubonna]

story 4

prompt: Write a story about a character who discovers a mysterious book with a hidden message.

‘You Are’ is a very vague title, though I suppose ‘You Will’ or ‘You Aren’t’ would be as bad, or worse.

I open it to find a seemingly endless list of epithets and adjectives. Most of them seem— relatively positive.

The answer is on page 537, I think: “loved.” All the ways I am, from everyone I ever met.

How singular.

[zetsubonna]

story 3

prompt: Write a poem that explores the idea of home and what it means to you.

When I was a kid, in the early years, home was not a place:

We moved every year or two, so home was the people I brought with me.

When I was in middle school, home became a place. Brick. Three bedrooms, two baths, and a chair from decades ago.

In high school, home was my bedroom, where my angry mother rarely came, and where I could hide, even though the temperature sucked.

Now I own a house, but it doesn’t always feel real. Bright paint and cheap furniture, and something is always broken.

I’ve stopped looking, though.

Home is a memory.

I can’t go back.

[zetsubonna]

story 2

Prompt: Write a story about a character who receives a letter from a long-lost relative with a surprising revelation.

I have never let myself be concerned about my father. He left while my mother was pregnant, fairly early on, and she said, the one time I recall asking, that he simply didn’t want to be a father.

I loved my mother, and I had no reason to doubt this explanation, but after she died I received a letter from a woman who claimed to be my father.

I loved my mother, but I never dared to tell her everything.

I’m meeting my father on Friday. She sent me a picture. She looks like me, before I cut my hair and started adding facial hair with make up pencils, while I wait for the meds to work.

I’m bringing her carnations.

[zetsubonna]

story 1

prompt: Write a story from the perspective of an animal who is trying to survive in the wilderness.

I don’t belong here. I was in a warm, safe, human house, once. I was fed twice a day and I could sleep safely whenever I liked. I had a box of dirt in which to do my business— though I didn’t really have to be concerned about burying it, as there were no predators, and my human would scoop it out and dispose of it every few days.

I was snuggled and coddled, and only poked and prodded very rarely.

So, how did I end up here?

My human brought home another human, and that human began putting me outside.

At first, I was excited— I could explore the wider world, and hunt and chase all the birds I could see through the windows! But the birds’ bones cut my mouth, and there are so many big things outside that move quickly and might hurt me.

I’m very scared, all the time, and sometimes I struggle to find a dry place when water falls from the sky.

I’m sad and lonely, and I miss my human, but I’m lost, and can’t find my way home…

[zetsubonna]

I remember that one tumblr post where someone pointed out that “with all due respect” can mean “none.”

I’m remembering it really hard right now as I’m contemplating blocking this person in the stationery Discord who is getting way too mad at me for explaining the “you’re not rotting, you’re resting” thing.

[zetsubonna]

Me: posts 1 paragraph of three sentences chastising someone for referring to laying a bed as rotting, explains that word choices in such situations are proven to have lasting psychological effects (2 sentences), accompanies it with a cute .jpg of Betty from Date Everything. The people I was talking to thank me and make jokes that they need to think of Betty when they’re resenting their bed.

Self Appointed Language Police: Twelve paragraph harangue about how I shouldn’t police other people’s language or make statements like that so early in the morning

Me: 🤨🙄🫩

[zetsubonna]

I remember that one tumblr post where someone pointed out that “with all due respect” can mean “none.”

I’m remembering it really hard right now as I’m contemplating blocking this person in the stationery Discord who is getting way too mad at me for explaining the “you’re not rotting, you’re resting” thing.