free but at what cost

Ouyang Zizhen | Eng-Chinese lit major and feelings expertee | Don't be rude or I'll either cry or write you into the omegaverse. You won't know which until it's too late

[zizhen-deez-nuts]

Ohohooo this will be lit! Since it looks like everyone is joining in on the fun i thought i should finally make a blog too :D

(let's ignore the 5 more i have for other khm stuff for now)

Hi there!! I'm Zizhen

English - Chinese literature major and your best bet for romantic advice (fill me in pls I'm desperate)

I fear i know ball (a bit of everything but nothing at once) and I'm not afraid to use it !!!

Ma tags:

#zizhen prompts - for all general opinions and ideas of yours truly

#i shall answer - for any advice i give or question i answer

#lit and whatnot - school and hobby related stuff (anything and everything)

#will use this as inspiration - life happenings i sadly/luckily experience

People i know:

Ma gang: bestieeees

@not-so-lan-jingyi - part of my hivemind (hopefully still my soulmate)

@jin-ling-and-fairy - my beloved friend<3 (i know you love me too a-ling)

@ghost-girl-xiao-qing - our queen, my pretty girlfriend<3 (the one with the braincell)

@lan-sizhui-stars - ATTENTION EVERYONE he's finally here!! The last part of my heart, my soul, my mind (one day i will reach the same level of love that he has for bunnies just watch me - UPDATE I DID IT)

My seniors: weird ahh group but good for inspiration

@nomore-mr-wifi - cool ahh senior i admire and want more romantical gossip of (don't tell Jingyi)

@resident-fanboy - another part of my hivemind (with due respect senior Nie :D)

@jiang-yanlijie - my friend's mama whom i both fear and respect

@guanyao-house-of-jin - we only had little interaction but a senior i also wanted more romantic gossip of

@xichen-jade-of-lan - Senior who should totally let me get full access to the Lan library

@niemj - Hot senior who scares me a little BUT just the right amount

@bunnies-in-the-moutains - my friend group's (father figure) senior. Very honourable (funny) man :)

Adulter adults:

@prof-lan-qiren

@cooking-with-xingchen

People i only have to tag because of courtesy not because i like them:

@looming-dis-ass-ter

Ooc stuff:

This is a purely rp blog for our best boi Zizhen. Please refrain from out of character interaction but otherwise feel free to hang around/ask questions ^^

You can also reach me on my main blog:

@digital-deers-blog

The pictures i use are not mine and only there for funsies (no ai in this household)

Minors please dni !!!! This blog's not intended to be nsfw but it'd be more comfortable for everyone involved

Have fun and be respectful!!!!

[ghost-girl-xiao-qing]

What if... And now hear me out

What if you come to the library (i happen to have a shift there today🤭) we both choose a book (either for each other or for ourselves) and we go back to mine and do a cozy reading seshhhh

I bake us some cookies and make us some tea even

And be overall very nice and very soft👀

@zizhen-deez-nuts

YESSSSS

Yes yes yes we SHOULD. That sounds very nice :)

[zizhen-deez-nuts]

You gave me the idea🤭

And good because I've already found a lemon cookie recipe i want to try

As for the book.. i fear I'm way too indecisive so that might take a while..

[explosionshark]

hey. come hang out in the same room as me while i read my lame books

[ghost-girl-xiao-qing]

@zizhen-deez-nuts date idea

[zizhen-deez-nuts]

We should totally do this!

[valtsv]

i don't play about corpse rights it's extremely important and serious to me

[zizhen-deez-nuts]

@ghost-girl-xiao-qing

[alexandriaocasiocortez]

Being a flop changed my life. The world is not my oyster, I am glowing. I walked into a pole this morning. There's very little I wouldn't do for $1,000

[zizhen-deez-nuts]

Zizhennnnn :3 wanna go to the park and feed the crows?

@ghost-girl-xiao-qing

YESSSS!! :3

Can we feed the ducks too?

[ghost-girl-xiao-qing]

Ofc we can! Ducks need to be fed too, and I think I have some frozen peas we can give them☝️

I want to train the crows to steal for me :)

[zizhen-deez-nuts]

Ooooo sounds good !

They will be the only creatures on the planet with a healthy work-life balance if it's up to us

I also learnt some tricks on the farm on how to make ducks like you more

I'm excited to find out if it works on wild birds too or not ^^

[ghost-girl-xiao-qing]

Oooh EXCELLENT! Soon we shall have a bird army to do our bidding in exchange for treats and affection✌️

[zizhen-deez-nuts]

Oh how I'd want to be a bird

[ghost-girl-xiao-qing]

Dw, you don’t have to be a bird for me to give you treats and affection! I will do that anyway, all you want <3

[zizhen-deez-nuts]

And you don't have to give me treats and affection for me to love you<3 🤭

[zizhen-deez-nuts]

Zizhennnnn :3 wanna go to the park and feed the crows?

@ghost-girl-xiao-qing

YESSSS!! :3

Can we feed the ducks too?

[ghost-girl-xiao-qing]

Ofc we can! Ducks need to be fed too, and I think I have some frozen peas we can give them☝️

I want to train the crows to steal for me :)

[zizhen-deez-nuts]

Ooooo sounds good !

They will be the only creatures on the planet with a healthy work-life balance if it's up to us

I also learnt some tricks on the farm on how to make ducks like you more

I'm excited to find out if it works on wild birds too or not ^^

[ghost-girl-xiao-qing]

Oooh EXCELLENT! Soon we shall have a bird army to do our bidding in exchange for treats and affection✌️

[zizhen-deez-nuts]

Oh how I'd want to be a bird

[zizhen-deez-nuts]

Zizhennnnn :3 wanna go to the park and feed the crows?

@ghost-girl-xiao-qing

YESSSS!! :3

Can we feed the ducks too?

[ghost-girl-xiao-qing]

Ofc we can! Ducks need to be fed too, and I think I have some frozen peas we can give them☝️

I want to train the crows to steal for me :)

[zizhen-deez-nuts]

Ooooo sounds good !

They will be the only creatures on the planet with a healthy work-life balance if it's up to us

I also learnt some tricks on the farm on how to make ducks like you more

I'm excited to find out if it works on wild birds too or not ^^

[zizhen-deez-nuts]

Zizhennnnn :3 wanna go to the park and feed the crows?

@ghost-girl-xiao-qing

YESSSS!! :3

Can we feed the ducks too?

[ghost-girl-xiao-qing]

Oh em gee who is that cutie staring cinematically at the tree line!🫣

@zizhen-deez-nuts surprise! Came to pet the cows. And I see you too I guess ;)

[zizhen-deez-nuts]

Omgomgomg you finally visited!!! I'm oh so ready for this. I've got A LOT to show you!!! :D

[ghost-girl-xiao-qing]

Tv time with boyfriend, and☝️kitty

@zizhen-deez-nuts

[zizhen-deez-nuts]

Exactly where I'm supposed to be ☝️

[ghost-girl-xiao-qing]

We should order food. That would complete this I think. Either proper food or ice cream :)

[zizhen-deez-nuts]

But then one of us would have to move to get the food..

[ghost-girl-xiao-qing]

UGH YOU ARE SO RIGHT. Life’s injustices really are never ending…they should invent food you don’t have to get up and get

[zizhen-deez-nuts]

Modern world this modern world that.. and we can't even have these small luxuries.. :(

[ghost-girl-xiao-qing]

We have self-driving cars and satellite network and yet no robots to bring food to me when I am cuddling my boyfriend. Because they hate to see us happy

[zizhen-deez-nuts]

They clearly should think more of their priorities.. because something is clearly wrong here

[ghost-girl-xiao-qing]

I agree☝️you deserve better than this

[zizhen-deez-nuts]

WE* deserve better than this!

[ghost-girl-xiao-qing]

Yeah, but mostly you I think🙂‍↔️

[zizhen-deez-nuts]

Do you not want food and ice cream? 🧐🤔

[ghost-girl-xiao-qing]

I mean, I did suggest it. For you! Cause i like to spoil you :)

[zizhen-deez-nuts]

Hmm.. makes sense i guess BUT i have a counter argument!☝️ I like to spoil you too 😌🤭

[ghost-girl-xiao-qing]

Suspicious…..now why would you want to do that….

[zizhen-deez-nuts]

The same reason i wake up in the morning or breathe in this very air 🫴

[ghost-girl-xiao-qing]

Because you have to?🤨

[zizhen-deez-nuts]

XIAO QING NO WHAT

Because caring for you is in my nature, because it's something so essentially me i simply couldn't live without it !!!

[ghost-girl-xiao-qing]

I…

Fuck me, I really don’t deserve you. How are you this sweet all the time?

[zizhen-deez-nuts]

I don't deserve you!

And it's easy when it's about you. You make me into a better person d8d you know that? ^^

[ghost-girl-xiao-qing]

You’re really to nice for your own good, Zizhen. I’m an ill-tempered asshole? And you’re so nice and gentle and understanding, and I love you so much, but really you…

Never mind. Sorry. It’s not that big of a deal honestly

[zizhen-deez-nuts]

Who said that??? No you are not?? You are like one of the most emotionally intelligent and considerate people I know???

I what - ? It does seem like a big deal tho? Look I won't make you talk about it but know that I'm here to listen, anytime

[ghost-girl-xiao-qing]

I—

I don’t know if I really believe you. But thanks anyway. I…it’s hard for me to talk about shit like this; I’m sorry. The effects of spending the better part of your life on the streets, I guess…

[zizhen-deez-nuts]

Well then I'll just have to say it until you believe it! It's okay to have doubts but you're definitely not alone in this !!!

(please tell me if I'm too much and too enthusiastic about this. I don't want to pressure you in any way, I'm just worried and would like to help any way i can. Because i care about you and i think so highly of you it saddens me to know you can't currently see that.. )

[ghost-girl-xiao-qing]

I…okay. And don’t apologize; I love how sweet you are, even if I have a hard time believe it sometimes

[zizhen-deez-nuts]

I will keep being my best self for you then<3

[ghost-girl-xiao-qing]

Tv time with boyfriend, and☝️kitty

@zizhen-deez-nuts

[zizhen-deez-nuts]

Exactly where I'm supposed to be ☝️

[ghost-girl-xiao-qing]

We should order food. That would complete this I think. Either proper food or ice cream :)

[zizhen-deez-nuts]

But then one of us would have to move to get the food..

[ghost-girl-xiao-qing]

UGH YOU ARE SO RIGHT. Life’s injustices really are never ending…they should invent food you don’t have to get up and get

[zizhen-deez-nuts]

Modern world this modern world that.. and we can't even have these small luxuries.. :(

[ghost-girl-xiao-qing]

We have self-driving cars and satellite network and yet no robots to bring food to me when I am cuddling my boyfriend. Because they hate to see us happy

[zizhen-deez-nuts]

They clearly should think more of their priorities.. because something is clearly wrong here

[ghost-girl-xiao-qing]

I agree☝️you deserve better than this

[zizhen-deez-nuts]

WE* deserve better than this!

[ghost-girl-xiao-qing]

Yeah, but mostly you I think🙂‍↔️

[zizhen-deez-nuts]

Do you not want food and ice cream? 🧐🤔

[ghost-girl-xiao-qing]

I mean, I did suggest it. For you! Cause i like to spoil you :)

[zizhen-deez-nuts]

Hmm.. makes sense i guess BUT i have a counter argument!☝️ I like to spoil you too 😌🤭

[ghost-girl-xiao-qing]

Suspicious…..now why would you want to do that….

[zizhen-deez-nuts]

The same reason i wake up in the morning or breathe in this very air 🫴

[ghost-girl-xiao-qing]

Because you have to?🤨

[zizhen-deez-nuts]

XIAO QING NO WHAT

Because caring for you is in my nature, because it's something so essentially me i simply couldn't live without it !!!

[ghost-girl-xiao-qing]

I…

Fuck me, I really don’t deserve you. How are you this sweet all the time?

[zizhen-deez-nuts]

I don't deserve you!

And it's easy when it's about you. You make me into a better person d8d you know that? ^^

[ghost-girl-xiao-qing]

You’re really to nice for your own good, Zizhen. I’m an ill-tempered asshole? And you’re so nice and gentle and understanding, and I love you so much, but really you…

Never mind. Sorry. It’s not that big of a deal honestly

[zizhen-deez-nuts]

Who said that??? No you are not?? You are like one of the most emotionally intelligent and considerate people I know???

I what - ? It does seem like a big deal tho? Look I won't make you talk about it but know that I'm here to listen, anytime

[ghost-girl-xiao-qing]

I—

I don’t know if I really believe you. But thanks anyway. I…it’s hard for me to talk about shit like this; I’m sorry. The effects of spending the better part of your life on the streets, I guess…

[zizhen-deez-nuts]

Well then I'll just have to say it until you believe it! It's okay to have doubts but you're definitely not alone in this !!!

(please tell me if I'm too much and too enthusiastic about this. I don't want to pressure you in any way, I'm just worried and would like to help any way i can. Because i care about you and i think so highly of you it saddens me to know you can't currently see that.. )

[ghost-girl-xiao-qing]

Tv time with boyfriend, and☝️kitty

@zizhen-deez-nuts

[zizhen-deez-nuts]

Exactly where I'm supposed to be ☝️

[not-so-lan-jingyi]

Exactly where you are supposed to be and that's why we haven't hung out in fucking forever now 😒😒😒

[zizhen-deez-nuts]

:0

Nooooo my man my pal my soulmate i was not ignoring you by any chance i was just working my ass off :(

Maybe you could visit the farm too? Or the library?? D:

[not-so-lan-jingyi]

ik i was just trying to get in between you guys convo

dude idk how you are managing classes and TWO part times don't burn out zizhen a burnt out you and the world isn't as bright anymore 😔

The farm!! i wanna visit

[zizhen-deez-nuts]

Oh okay, thought you were mad.. So you're not mad, right? Because I totally get it if you were

I might have started on the bum out path but at least there are animals! ☝️

And yesss please do!! I can introduce you to our goats and sheep, they are the best!! And bring Sizhui too, we have bunnies too! (But don't tell him, i want it to be a surprise 🤭)

[not-so-lan-jingyi]

No mate im not mad 😭 i get that you are busy the horrors of adulthood has gotten you rip 😔

Omg i LOVE goats and sheeps!!! And bunnies!! All the more reasons to drop by! :p I won't tell him anything 🤐 he's been feeling down lately maybe being buried in a cluster of bunnies will make him feel better :D

[zizhen-deez-nuts]

It really did... What if i completely loose my whimsy? D: I can't afford that.. that's like 99% of my personality

Even more of a reason to visit then!!!

[not-so-lan-jingyi]

True we can't have you personality less now but i guess that's a phase of adulthood as well 😔 you gotta try and make me time for yourself to keep from losing your whimsy dude

I'll visit as soon as sizhui is alright!

[zizhen-deez-nuts]

Why's adulthood literally just struggling and more struggling man. 10/0 I don't recommend T T

And yessss please dooo!!

[ghost-girl-xiao-qing]

Tv time with boyfriend, and☝️kitty

@zizhen-deez-nuts

[zizhen-deez-nuts]

Exactly where I'm supposed to be ☝️

[ghost-girl-xiao-qing]

We should order food. That would complete this I think. Either proper food or ice cream :)

[zizhen-deez-nuts]

But then one of us would have to move to get the food..

[ghost-girl-xiao-qing]

UGH YOU ARE SO RIGHT. Life’s injustices really are never ending…they should invent food you don’t have to get up and get

[zizhen-deez-nuts]

Modern world this modern world that.. and we can't even have these small luxuries.. :(

[ghost-girl-xiao-qing]

We have self-driving cars and satellite network and yet no robots to bring food to me when I am cuddling my boyfriend. Because they hate to see us happy

[zizhen-deez-nuts]

They clearly should think more of their priorities.. because something is clearly wrong here

[ghost-girl-xiao-qing]

I agree☝️you deserve better than this

[zizhen-deez-nuts]

WE* deserve better than this!

[ghost-girl-xiao-qing]

Yeah, but mostly you I think🙂‍↔️

[zizhen-deez-nuts]

Do you not want food and ice cream? 🧐🤔

[ghost-girl-xiao-qing]

I mean, I did suggest it. For you! Cause i like to spoil you :)

[zizhen-deez-nuts]

Hmm.. makes sense i guess BUT i have a counter argument!☝️ I like to spoil you too 😌🤭

[ghost-girl-xiao-qing]

Suspicious…..now why would you want to do that….

[zizhen-deez-nuts]

The same reason i wake up in the morning or breathe in this very air 🫴

[ghost-girl-xiao-qing]

Because you have to?🤨

[zizhen-deez-nuts]

XIAO QING NO WHAT

Because caring for you is in my nature, because it's something so essentially me i simply couldn't live without it !!!

[ghost-girl-xiao-qing]

I…

Fuck me, I really don’t deserve you. How are you this sweet all the time?

[zizhen-deez-nuts]

I don't deserve you!

And it's easy when it's about you. You make me into a better person d8d you know that? ^^

[ghost-girl-xiao-qing]

You’re really to nice for your own good, Zizhen. I’m an ill-tempered asshole? And you’re so nice and gentle and understanding, and I love you so much, but really you…

Never mind. Sorry. It’s not that big of a deal honestly

[zizhen-deez-nuts]

Who said that??? No you are not?? You are like one of the most emotionally intelligent and considerate people I know???

I what - ? It does seem like a big deal tho? Look I won't make you talk about it but know that I'm here to listen, anytime

[ghost-girl-xiao-qing]

“I hope this email finds you well” how your email genuinely finds me

[zizhen-deez-nuts]

A-qing..? Are you alright? D:

Did something happen? Do you need me to come over? I could maybe bring you food, or make something there

[ghost-girl-xiao-qing]

Oh, um. I’m…fine. Well, no, I’m not, but honestly it’s stupid and it’s my fault anyway so I just need to grow up and deal with it honestly

[zizhen-deez-nuts]

It doesn't matter if it's stupid or not if it makes you feel like that. You are allowed to have emotions and strong reactions whatever the reason is

Do you want to tell me about it? Letting it out might help.

[ghost-girl-xiao-qing]

I don’t know…it’s entirely my fault. I just can’t read a fucking room and tell when I’m making someone uncomfortable, unfortunately. Long story short, I took a joke too far and accidentally made Sizhui uncomfortable and now he’s mad at me and I tried to text him but he ignored me and now I don’t know what to do

Because really it’s my fault! I should have noticed I was making him uncomfortable and backed off, but heaven fucking forbid I pay enough attention to notice something like that, apparently.

[zizhen-deez-nuts]

You know you can't always do and be perfect right? Everyone makes mistakes. A friendship without fighting is nonexistent

I'm sure he just needs some time to cool off and you can talk it out after. I know it's hard to read situations sometimes and mess up. What really matters is how you deal with it when that happens. And him and i know you enough i think to know what not to take personally

So maybe just give him some space and time for now?

[ghost-girl-xiao-qing]

Tv time with boyfriend, and☝️kitty

@zizhen-deez-nuts

[zizhen-deez-nuts]

Exactly where I'm supposed to be ☝️

[ghost-girl-xiao-qing]

We should order food. That would complete this I think. Either proper food or ice cream :)

[zizhen-deez-nuts]

But then one of us would have to move to get the food..

[ghost-girl-xiao-qing]

UGH YOU ARE SO RIGHT. Life’s injustices really are never ending…they should invent food you don’t have to get up and get

[zizhen-deez-nuts]

Modern world this modern world that.. and we can't even have these small luxuries.. :(

[ghost-girl-xiao-qing]

We have self-driving cars and satellite network and yet no robots to bring food to me when I am cuddling my boyfriend. Because they hate to see us happy

[zizhen-deez-nuts]

They clearly should think more of their priorities.. because something is clearly wrong here

[ghost-girl-xiao-qing]

I agree☝️you deserve better than this

[zizhen-deez-nuts]

WE* deserve better than this!

[ghost-girl-xiao-qing]

Yeah, but mostly you I think🙂‍↔️

[zizhen-deez-nuts]

Do you not want food and ice cream? 🧐🤔

[ghost-girl-xiao-qing]

I mean, I did suggest it. For you! Cause i like to spoil you :)

[zizhen-deez-nuts]

Hmm.. makes sense i guess BUT i have a counter argument!☝️ I like to spoil you too 😌🤭

[ghost-girl-xiao-qing]

Suspicious…..now why would you want to do that….

[zizhen-deez-nuts]

The same reason i wake up in the morning or breathe in this very air 🫴

[ghost-girl-xiao-qing]

Because you have to?🤨

[zizhen-deez-nuts]

XIAO QING NO WHAT

Because caring for you is in my nature, because it's something so essentially me i simply couldn't live without it !!!

[ghost-girl-xiao-qing]

I…

Fuck me, I really don’t deserve you. How are you this sweet all the time?

[zizhen-deez-nuts]

I don't deserve you!

And it's easy when it's about you. You make me into a better person d8d you know that? ^^

[ghost-girl-xiao-qing]

“I hope this email finds you well” how your email genuinely finds me

[zizhen-deez-nuts]

A-qing..? Are you alright? D:

Did something happen? Do you need me to come over? I could maybe bring you food, or make something there

[ghost-girl-xiao-qing]

Oh, um. I’m…fine. Well, no, I’m not, but honestly it’s stupid and it’s my fault anyway so I just need to grow up and deal with it honestly

[zizhen-deez-nuts]

It doesn't matter if it's stupid or not if it makes you feel like that. You are allowed to have emotions and strong reactions whatever the reason is

Do you want to tell me about it? Letting it out might help.