Zoei

"It's called arson and those people are witnesses." they/them

[zoei101]

Roman: Hold on! I'm having one of those things... like a headache but with pictures!

Logan: ...what?

Virgil: He has an idea

Patton: Will he be okay??

Virgil: Hard to say, Roman's never had one before.

[zoei101]

Roman: whose turn is it to give the peptalk?

Patton: it's janus' turn

Janus: fuck shit up out there but don't die

Virgil, wiping away a tear: inspirational.

[zoei101]

Logan: Remus, I'm-

Logan:

Logan: why is our marriage certificate on fire?

Remus: good luck trying to return me without the receipt

[zoei101]

Patton: how much sleep do you guys get?

Logan: I get the optimal eight hours.

Roman: a prince needs his beauty rest!

Janus: well...

Remus: I sleep with my toes in mustard!!

Virgil:

Virgil, shrugging: sometimes my eyes close when i sneeze

[zoei101]

Patton: remus? why aren't you wearing a shirt??

Remus, proudly: can't spill food on your shirt if you're not wearing one

[zoei101]

Patton, in his dad voice: roman, did you eat all the powdered donuts?

Roman, panicking: n...no..

Patton: I can see the white powder on your pants, mister

Roman:

Roman: that's cocaine.

[zoei101]

Virgil: me trying to calm down by lighting some incense only to find out they were actually sparklers is so painfully on brand.

[zoei101]

Roman: i mastered the blade so you have a man that can protect you

Virgil: nothing's sexier than a man that can put me out of my misery

[zoei101]

Remus: *points at roman* fuck you.

Remus: *points at logan and puts a quarter in the swear jar* fuck you.

Remus: *points at janus* fuck me

Remus: *points at patton* not allowed to swear at you so uh hi

[zoei101]

Police: you're being arrested for reckless driving by having three people on one moped

Roman: god damn it

Roman:

Roman: wait three?

Police: ...yes, three.

Virgil: oh my god

Remus: JANUS FUCKING FELL OFF

[zoei101]

Patton, concerned: what happened, kiddo? what'd you do?

Roman: something bad. i don't want to talk about it.

Janus: thank god, 'cause i didn't want to hear about it

[zoei101]

Janus: who the fuck added me to a fucking group chat?

Patton: >:O language

Roman: yeah watch your fucking language

Remus: OKAY WHO TAUGHT ROMAN THE FUCK WORD

Virgil: 'the fuck word'

Logan: are you stupid? you guys use the f word all the time

Roman: oh my god he censored it

Virgil: say fuck logan

Remus: do it, logan. say fuck.

[were-owl-deactivated20241025]

@shitpost-sides

[rose-coloured-prince]

asdfkhasdf

op

op

does he say it?? :eyes:

[zoei101]

only to remus, because nobody will ever believe him

[zoei101]

Remus: am i going too far?

Janus: no, no, no. you went too far seven hours ago. now you're going to prison

[zoei101]

Thomas: where is virgil???

Roman: i got this

Roman, shouting: IT REALLY DO BE LIKE THAT HUH

*distant footsteps booking it down the stairs at an alarming speed*

Virgil: IT REALLY DO

[zoei101]

Virgil: why do you put up with remus??

Janus: oh uh, you know, because we're friends

Virgil: why

Janus: wow, you ask really hard questions. look, i know he can be aggravating, but what you have to remember is he's not doing it on purpose, it's just how he is. but he's also loyal and trustworthy and we have fun together

Virgil: you know you're describing a dog, right?

Janus: he did bite me once, but in his defense, i came up behind him while he was eating

Virgil: yeah, they hate that

[zoei101]

Remus: man, this party is boring

Virgil: remus. we're at a funeral.

[zoei101]

Janus: who the fuck added me to a fucking group chat?

Patton: >:O language

Roman: yeah watch your fucking language

Remus: OKAY WHO TAUGHT ROMAN THE FUCK WORD

Virgil: 'the fuck word'

Logan: are you stupid? you guys use the f word all the time

Roman: oh my god he censored it

Virgil: say fuck logan

Remus: do it, logan. say fuck.