OK, so this is gonna be a little deep I guess
In the fall semester of 2025 I had added the organic chemistry 2 course with like three other courses and was supposed to have a easy light semester but what happened was that Obviously, I was getting diagnosed with my chronic illness, small fiber neuropathy, and then also was being badly treated for it where my first neurologist would just give me all sorts of medication‘s with basically no limits and so after about just just a little over a month maybe of starting the fall semester I started going through withdrawls from at least four different types of antidepressants I think maybe more anyway that’s obviously a longer story for another day but what happened was that in that organic chemistry course I did not actually really attend any of the classes or when I did attend I would go very late and things like that even if you look at it I think I didn’t attend the first week, week and a half of that semester
So anyway, I think I had classes on Monday and Wednesday I mean the organic chemistry classes so one week before I actually withdrew from that semester (because of my health issues and mainly at the time the bad withdrawals from meds) I went to class on a Monday and that day when I went to class I think it was like I had only went to class twice before maybe and so I got into class. I was late again. I put down my stuff and sat for maybe a minute then I picked up my stuff and got up and left. Now if you ask me like oh, why did you do that? Why did you leave? I don’t really remember like a clear reason for that but looking back of course I know that I was struggling. I was really sick. I was in a lot of pain and I was not only that, but also you know kind of really sad about what was happening to me especially that it was like all new at the time and I was getting worse rapidly anyway on Wednesday I went to class again, but this time I had actually already spoke to my advisor through email and we decided that I will go to him next week so he can do the withdrawal process for me and so I went to class that Wednesday even though I knew I was gonna withdraw from the whole semester just a week after or less than a week after that is because I actually had so many absences that if I had gotten any more absences and to be honest, I was already due for it, but if I had gotten any more absences, I was 100% gonna be failed because well in my university I don’t know if you guys do that too, but we have a maximum of like six absences, and after that you are gonna be failed automatically basically.
So on the day of Wednesday last day I ever went to university that semester the fall semester 2025 I got on into class and I was also late again lol and I sat in there like very far far back and that classroom we were in was a bit long so sitting in the back meant you were like really really in the back. The professor was explaining something and he went like “OK now this is an example. Please try to solve it” now of course I didn’t even attempt to look up or solve the exercise because at this point I had zero idea I mean, maybe even negative idea about what was going on in life generally and especially in a like scientific kind of way but what I did notice was that the professor was kind of like B lining towards me and at the time and still till now I mean, I am afraid of like professors and teachers you know general authority figures in that sense especially men I don’t really have it that much with women I don know why… so he was standing in front of me and I was sitting looking all confused but also, I also bet that I was even a little red in the face because I get blush so fast when I am like kind of scared so anyway, he asked me” What is your name?” and I obviously gave him my name and then he was like why did you get out last lecture? And at that moment, obviously because I understood what he was thinking, and I understood what he wanted to know. I calmed back down immediately and just told him matter fact because at this time, of course I had been struggling with the thought of Well first losing the money and second losing all this time where I would just be sitting at home doing nothing basically and also struggling with being sick, so yeah, I told him matter of factly that I am sick and don’t worry about it. I am in the process of withdrawing from the semester and I am only here because my advisor can’t see me till next week and I didn’t want to get failed because of my absences before I get a chance to withdraw. Then he was just like OK I guess he was fine with it. He wouldn’t have to worry about me as a student any longer because I was gonna withdraw and that was that end of story at that point.
come this semester of course I right now have like five classes and two labs and I am juggling a lot, but I guess it’s finals week so I am almost basically done with everything. I did add the organic chemistry course with that specific professor not because I specifically wanted him, although I don’t have a problem with him, but mainly because he is the only professor that gives that subject in my university and let me tell you something that happened in between me withdrawing from the fall semester and me starting the spring semester so at the very end of the fall semester, the one that I withdrew from this professor, who is not from my country and is from a neighboring country had received the news that his daughter who suddenly got sick and went to the hospital some weeks ago is now died. Of course, I am very, very sad about it and even at the time when I was at home and I heard the news I was so empathetic to it, of course, it’s a very hard subject and I have lost some of the closest people to my heart, and so although I don’t know the pain of losing a daughter I can imagine it’s really hard. So with this context, I can continue to tell you what happened this semester
I came back really strongly this semester not physically of course I do still struggle with small fiber neuropathy. It’s still new to me and for some reason after like three weeks of the start of the semester, I developed chronic migraines that just wouldn’t go away and currently I’m trying to find a medication that works for it with my doctor, but it’s it’s really hard and I can imagine it’s gonna be very long also but anyway I came back academically strong and I decided that I was gonna try to do my best and so I did actually for the first two months until the war happened of course it didn’t happen to my country, but it happened to a very neighboring country and my university because it is the American university in my country so it got like some threats or whatever so we stopped attending in person classes and moved to online and I don’t know what did it specifically but maybe it’s a combination between organic chemistry being so hard and me not only dealing with a new chronic illness being small fiber, empathy, but also a newer chronic migraines, and also on top of that the whole university semester thing going into online school and I don’t like online school and I don’t think that it is good for me so I started getting sometimes anxious. I started getting really fatigued being at home like I don’t know what do you call it can you call it cabin fever lol but with all of that, it didn’t go on forever, even though it felt like it for the last two weeks of this semester we went back to in person, but actually before I got to come to university in person I experienced a bad flareup and couldn’t attend the first day, which would’ve been fine except the fact that I had two quizzes for my organic chemistry class that day yes two quizzes and one lecture for two different chapters after I got a bit better from the flareup I talk to my friend who is with me and that subject and she I think try to make me feel better saying that the quizzes were hard anyway and me getting a zero in them is not that big of a deal because it’s fine and it’s OK and all of that well guess who didn’t agree with that my total GPA in that course because in my university you pass if you get a 60% or higher and my GPA got to a 59% 
now, I wanna say something to give you even more perspective before the let’s say main event of this story so one time early February I was getting these really bad pain flareups in my legs and specifically in my thighs, which were nothing like I had ever experienced before it was the first time experiencing them for me and so I was not only in a great amount of physical pain, but also mentally worried about what is happening and why do I even get worse all the time so before class time and I’m talking about the organic chemistry class time at about nine because my class starts at 9:30 I actually realize that I cannot push through the day and I had to right now as quick as possible get to the university clinic and get them to give me some sort of pain medication that would help me finish the day because I also had a lab session at like 2 PM later that day that I had to attend whether I liked it or not so I did go to the clinic at 9 AM, but I only got out of the clinic at like 930 and then I only got to the classroom at 10 AM. No I’d like to let you know that generally professor is in my university are strict about if you are going to attend don’t be that late, especially so I had that on my mind and I also had on my mind the fact that we had our first ever quiz that semester on that day yes, I know I have a bad luck with the quizzes. No, I don’t think it has something to do with being anxious because at that time I had already finished studying for them. but hey who knows maybe i do actually have a sever allergy to being quizzed or smth. when i got to the calss room i open the classroom door a little and looked at the professor. He looked at me and I was like can I have a moment, please then he came out of the class I think at the time I looked distressed because I remember when he saw me, his face like changed expressions and he was like immediately worried so I told him that I’m sorry for being late. I had to go to the clinic to get pain meds and I am not talking about like orally. What do you call it when they put a cannula in your arm or something anyway yeah so I actually had had it still in my arm because the nurse at the clinic told me that I should keep it in case I needed it to get some more later that day or at night because that flare up was like a multi day flare up now and that was my second time getting pain meds anyway so yeah, so he actually could see the cannula in my arm and all of that if my flusteredness wasn’t proof enough and so I asked him if it was OK for me to get into class and especially because I wanted to do the quiz and not miss it which was at the end of the class and he agreed but he said like if you don’t have anything after the class time, you could get some rest right now and then come in at 11 AM and take the class and the quiz with the next section and so I was like yeah that would sound actually wonderful and thank you so much so I did that.
OK back to I would say present day because it’s so new right now yeah after the online and then the return of the in person and then me missing one class that also caused me to miss two quizzes. I was very scared actually of failing the class, but then also I had bigger things on my mind for one other classes and for another my health so yes, I thought about it, but maybe not as obsessively as someone else would and I went about my life because I also had a late midterm for one of the other classes I was taking that was like literally the week before this one which is a week before the finals week and on top of that too early finals, which were the lab finals because we get them outside of the finals week anyway I had a lot on my plate and I had a lot of assignments so I was like doing all of that and on the last day of last week which here I guess in my country we begin our weekend on Friday so the last day was Thursday so on Thursday 2 PM I got into a big exam room to perform my general biology lab theoretical final and guess who was there so obviously my gel biology lab instructor was there. The lab assistant was there plus my organic chemistry professor why you might ask Well no real reason other than I don’t know professors in my university help each other during exams to like coach over students or whatever I don’t know what other people do in their universities and so anyway, I didn’t really think much about it other than being like oh that’s my professor so cool to myself and I began solving away at my exam paper and to be honest before I even got through the second MCQ my organic chemistry professor was setting I mean, standing in front of me leaning over me and calling my name yeah I guess but that time he had memorized my name. He is kind of good at memorizing my name because he likes to use it a lot and he likes to actually use it not really correctly because he kinda pronounces it wrong lol so anyway, I looked up at him. I was like yes, professor “ did you know that you haven’t taken the two quizzes chapter 4 in chapter 5?” “ yes I do know that doctor” “ why haven’t you taken?” “ well because I am sick so sometimes I can’t come into university and sometimes I have to stay at the hospital so yeah.” no I know that I may have said it kind of weird, especially considering that I should have worded it more apologetically I guess but the whole point is that I cannot mentally take on the task of going to my professors and asking for forgiveness and asking for another chance after I have already done something so I don’t have any issue going to a professor in advance and asking for accommodations or things like that but after the fact, I really do struggle with being like oh sorry I was sick that day because to me it just is not something I am used to doing and so if I can avoid it I do and since I felt like I could just pass my class and maybe not really care about this ones great so much so I was OK with missing these two quizzes. “ I want you to take these two quizzes. I want to give them to you.”  I was in shock when my professor said that because like I understand being curious about why your student didn’t show up to such an important where they would have to take two quizzes, but to go up to a student and tell them that in a way like you care about their grade more than they do it’s so bizarre to me, but well, if you look into what he went through last semester and what I went through last semester and thinking that maybe he actually remembered me and didn’t forget me, which is not a far-fetched idea because in my university, we are also not that many students and if you count to the pharmacy students alone you would be like yeah that’s a small group of people given perspective of of course and so anyway obviously I was surprised but I was like yeah I would love that and he said you know I want to help you so I wanna give you the quizzes before your final exam so that would have to be on a Sunday and I told him that I am actually free all day on Sunday so if he he would like to pick a time, I would love to
be there so yeah, he said that I should email him and I did and we agreed upon 11 AM Sunday so I went home. I studied my ass off and went back up to the university at Sunday and he gave me the exam in his office or actually be like the two quizzes and I actually did quite well. I got a nine on the first one and a 9.5 on the second one of course out of 10 which brought up my total grade in that course by 15% so it went to 74%, which is honestly so great and another great thing about that was that while I was actually really anxious about him asking me for details and asking me for like why this is why that why didn’t you come confirm to me for help and what is wrong with you exactly and all of that he didn’t even bring it up. He didn’t even bring up that I didn’t take the two quizzes on Sunday and he didn’t bring up that I didn’t come. Tell him he didn’t bring up anything actually other than telling me to prepare Well for the final and that he wishes me luck.
So try it all back up together why I think that me and my organic chemistry professor or trauma bonded is because of the false semester of 2025 when I got diagnosed with a chronic illness that I will have to live the rest of my life with, and he sadly lost his daughter to a sudden illness then I went around and tried to take back my life, specially academically, and thankfully, he was there to help me and show me compassion with no judgment.
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