Gourd Zonker

im shitting in positions you could never even comprehend // follow @tank-spotter its way more important

[zonky420]

✨️hiya girlies✨️

so i know tumblrinas just ❤️ LOVE ❤️ demanding personal information ✨️🤓

i thought id list my most important in this handy dandy pinned post 😁🎉❤️🏇

my 🏳️‍⚧️pronouns🏳️‍🌈 are ⁉️/💅

my 👩‍🦳age⏳️ is whatever makes me older than you 😆🙀

my 🏠home🏠 address is your🫵 nearest storm drain🌩☔️

my full legal name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way 😇🥰👅

and im an agab level 50 dark woke Capricorn and i ❤️ 🙏JESUS ☦️

its so wonderfuly loverly to meet you all !! ☺️🤪🤩👋

DNI: Minors, Majors, Lovers, Haters, Redditors, The catholic church, "cis" people, cis "people", The president of the United Sates, Proshippers, Procreators, Procrastinateors, Mr Bean fans, Residents of Moose Jaw , Tumblr users, The girl reading this <3

[cicero-not-cisero]

Strainer? I barely know 'er!

[cicero-not-cisero]

I've hardly known the lass two minutes and you want me to colander??

[zonky420]

yes my liege youre incredibly humorous,,, truly the funniest queen to ever live,, the gods laugh heartily at your wit. now about these uprisings, i fear our rival kingdoms may be suppoting them with arms and funds

[cicero-not-cisero]

I'm starting to think you only tolerate my jokes to talk about this peasant uprising you keep mentioning. Which i thought we solved by beheading them with swords. Did that not work?

[zonky420]

my liege i highly appreciate your jokes theyre very funny,, also turns out the beheadings just angered the peasants more ?? theyve come back stronger call themselves "communists" or something,, i think we just raze the worst towns and see what that does

[cicero-not-cisero]

Strange, that usually works. Well, I may as well hear what they're making such a big fuss about. Have them send an emmissary with their demands. I'll decide then whether to start burning.

Incidentally, do any of our rival kingdoms have any peasant uprisings? I think our espionage fund has some extra coin we can use and I like the idea of arming their populace and getting them on our side.

[zonky420]

ill contact the rebels at once my liege,, as for our rival kingdoms i did hear of some potential unrest in the pizza federation we could capitalize on

[cicero-not-cisero]

Strainer? I barely know 'er!

[cicero-not-cisero]

I've hardly known the lass two minutes and you want me to colander??

[zonky420]

yes my liege youre incredibly humorous,,, truly the funniest queen to ever live,, the gods laugh heartily at your wit. now about these uprisings, i fear our rival kingdoms may be suppoting them with arms and funds

[cicero-not-cisero]

I'm starting to think you only tolerate my jokes to talk about this peasant uprising you keep mentioning. Which i thought we solved by beheading them with swords. Did that not work?

[zonky420]

my liege i highly appreciate your jokes theyre very funny,, also turns out the beheadings just angered the peasants more ?? theyve come back stronger call themselves "communists" or something,, i think we just raze the worst towns and see what that does

[cicero-not-cisero]

Strainer? I barely know 'er!

[cicero-not-cisero]

I've hardly known the lass two minutes and you want me to colander??

[zonky420]

yes my liege youre incredibly humorous,,, truly the funniest queen to ever live,, the gods laugh heartily at your wit. now about these uprisings, i fear our rival kingdoms may be suppoting them with arms and funds

[what-if-i-just-did]

Tumblr as the loud, alt, gnc nerd with coloured hair, a ton of Pride pins, and lots of merch

Ao3 as the quiet, unassuming book nerd that's secretly freaky as fuck

Does anyone else see my vision

[strangestcase]

and they’re both racist

[mrhealyourgirl]

and they're both racist

[arbuscule]

I think gay porn would be better if there was a beautiful, fully clothed trans woman smoking a blunt in the back of the video. She’s occasionally in the shot and just winks at the camera and then goes back to watching the boys fuck

[arbuscule]

Omg that’s such a great idea. I volunteer

[zonky420]

how does the US even function with what seems to be literally no government regulation on anything like how are any of you still alive when you can sell cars that are objectively and blatantly dangerous to both drivers and pedestrians and theres an entire subsection of people who think thats absolutely fine actually

[hall-of-the-mountain-queen]

it's dire here. I feel like I'm going to get pancaked every time I bike on the street

[zonky420]

honestly just throw the whole country out at this point the whole things fucked just desolve the whole thing

[hymnism]

[beaft]

this website is so funny because every couple years we repeat the discourse of "which marginalised group is it morally okay for us to shit on?" and somehow nobody ever learns from it. we just look back and go, "hey, remember that time when everyone was joking about how ace people should all be put in meat grinders? that was so messed up. we should not have done that. anyway, here's my topical joke about how polyamorous people should all be put in meat grinders."

[beaft]

this post is still getting me anon hate pretty much on the daily btw. in case you were curious about the state of things

[my-dailydreams]

[zonky420]

i bet a lot of you who make fun of symboli rudolf's va's english would sound like the most awkward fucker alive trying to speak japanese

[maja-paja]

watching an old show is like okay so how long until the next transmisogynist or fatphobic joke

[spaghettioverdose-deactivated20]

watching a new show is also like that

[epicsause-official]

since its june i wanted to admit that about 3 years ago i made what is probably my biggest contribution to the internet

[zonky420]

how does the US even function with what seems to be literally no government regulation on anything like how are any of you still alive when you can sell cars that are objectively and blatantly dangerous to both drivers and pedestrians and theres an entire subsection of people who think thats absolutely fine actually

[captain-price-returns]

[cpericardium]

[strange-aeons]

Surely Garfield of all things isn't something that gets in the way of religion

implication is that his previous religion was Garfield . . .