Wordplay as Foreplay: A Pinto Rp

he was helping him more than he'd ever let on

[zqandcfine]

Chris is quickly reduced to shameless panting, his mouth falling open and his eyes squeezed shut.  Zach's hand moving over them is sure and fast and so good that he can't focus on anything else.  The heat pooling in his stomach makes him groan.  He's nearly burning up with the need to come; he's never needed anything more in his entire life, it seems.   Chris opens his eyes, looks back at Zach and there's something in the other man's eyes and he can't look away.  When Zach comes, Chris swallows and looks down, watching the other man's come coat his hand and the whole thing is so unreal, so perfect and exactly like he'd imagined.  "Zach, I--" he pants.  Zach's thumb flicks over the head of his dick and that's it for Chris; he squeezes his eyes shut and comes hard.  

He lays there for a minute after, breathing gradually slowing.  Chris rolls onto his back and stares at the ceiling, a stupid grin working it's way onto his face.  His whole body is relaxed and he just feels good, better than he's felt in a long time.  "Fuck," he says, and laughs.  He turns his head to look at Zach, his eyes shining.  "I think I needed that."  It's not awkward, Chris realizes.  Not strange.  Nothing has changed between them save for the fact that they're both without clothes on his bed in a hotel room in Moscow, and Zach just gave him one of the better hand jobs he's received in his life. He vaguely wonders what other talents Zach has that Chris has yet to realize and his chest swells with the realization that this is just the beginning.  The beginning of the press tour, the beginning of...them as a real thing.  

He rolls off the bed and heads into the bathroom, returning a moment later with a damp washcloth.  He wipes himself off and tosses it at Zach, pulling back the covers to lay in the bed because fuck, he's tired.  

[zqandcfine]

Hearing Chris' soft "please" is almost too much. But then he feels a hand come down and wrap around both of them and Zach feels like he's had the wind knocked out of him. He pulls his lips apart from Chris' and rests their foreheads together, focusing on breathing in and out, and trying to ensure that this moment isn't over too quickly.

He's wanted Chris for so long. He'd found him beautiful from the get-go, but had written him off as your typical California boy. As he got to know Chris though, he realized just how wrong that assumption had been. Their friendship grew over the years, and he found himself being constantly surprised by Chris. His fierce intelligence, his wit, his compassion. Never in his life had Zach had a co-worker, or truthfully a friend, with whom he could discuss anything and everything. From symbolism within Blake's poetry, to Machiavellian ethics, to government apathy in Myanmar. It was in discovering this combination of truly endless beauty and brains that Zach first realized that he was in trouble.

A year ago he dared hope that this moment would happen, but after the events in New York he'd carefully closed off any thought of it. It had been too difficult to let his thoughts dwell on something so unattainable. But, it seems, the constant surprise that is Christopher Whitelaw Pine struck again.

Feeling slightly more collected Zach reaches his hand between them to move with Chris'. His other arm supports his weight, with an elbow on the mattress next to Chris' shoulder, and a hand idly running fingers through Chris' hair. He kisses up that strong jaw, back to lips that are parted slightly when he arrives. The kiss is softer now, a sharp contrast to their hands which have picked up pace as they stoke together. Zach can feel himself getting close and thinks that from the quickened breaths and moans that Chris is too.

He takes one last moment to remember every detail, opening his eyes to watch the flush on Chris' face deepen. He tries to take in every sensation, the feel of Chris' hard, perspiring body beneath him, of his fingers wrapped around them. It all just feels so right.

As he feels the last build up he focuses back on Chris' face. Eyelids open slowly and the sight of those endless blue pools sends him over that final, glorious, edge.

[zqandcfine]

Chris is suddenly cold without Zach's weight on top of him and a shiver runs through his body.  He looks over and Zach looks wrecked, like he's just ran over someone's cat and Chris's heart sinks.  He didn't mean to make Zach feel like he's done something wrong.  

"Hey, man, it's fine.  Really I just needed to--yeah.  I just needed a sec, that's all."  

He brings Zach's thumb into his mouth for a fraction of a second, bites down before releasing it.  He still wants Zach, that fact is clear in both his mind and the aching hardness between his legs.  He just needed a second to breathe.  At Zach's words he lets out a small laugh.  "I do tend to have that effect on people.  It's okay, really."  Chris takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly, inching forward back to the heat radiating from Zach's body.  

Chris's heart starts that frantic beating again when Zach kisses his hands and he swallows, unsure of how to react.  Zach is touching him as if he might break, looking at him like he's somehow something special.  Chris can't remember a time when anyone ever looked at him like that, and suddenly his throat feels tight but his chest swells with something Chris isn't sure he's ready to accept. 

Nodding at the other man's words, Chris pushes his hips forward again to meet Zach's.  "Of course," he whispers, a little breathlessly this time.  "But I trust you."  When the words leave his mouth he knows that he means them completely.  With all that's been happening to him in the past few years, the fame, the press conferences, the paparazzi, Zach has always been there like an anchor keeping him grounded.  The realization startles him slightly and he looks at Zach as if for the first time.  "I trust you," he repeats, and brings their mouths together again.  

The pace is slower this time, less frenzied.  Chris takes the time to open his mouth and map out the crevices of Zach's with his tongue, the ridges of his teeth.  He wraps a hand around Zach's back, running his hand down to the dip in the small of his back, tentatively over the curve of his ass.  When he pushes his erection into Zach's, Chris lets out a desperate groan.  "Please," he breathes, using his other hand to push Zach's between their bodies to wrap around both of them.  

[zqandcfine]

"Shit. Yeah... yeah." Zach rolls off of Chris and lies next to him on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. He reaches up and runs a hand over his face. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have... Shit."

He feels terrible. The last thing he wants to do is rush Chris into something he's not ready for. Slow it down, he thinks. We have time, there's no rush.

Zach takes a minute to get his bearings and turns his body, so he's facing Chris on the bed. He can see that Chris has relaxed a bit, encourages him to mimic his position and they watch one another silently for several minutes, faces and bodies close, but not touching.

He lifts a hand and lightly brushes Chris' cheek, runs his thumb over his bottom lip. "I'm sorry. I lost a bit of self control when you gave me those bedroom eyes..." he laughs softly, hoping to ease the tension that has fallen around them. It seems to work as he senses Chris' anxiety lifting little by little.

Slow. Keep it slow.

Zach nudges Chris' knee with his own before tangling their legs together from knees to toes. He then brings his hand from Chris' face to lift his hand from where it's resting on the mattress between them. He lightly and slowly traces it with his own fingers before bringing it to his lips and placing soft kisses on the pad of each digit. When he's done he entwines their fingers and rests them together back on the mattress between them.

"Thank you for telling me to slow it down." Zach says, only above a whisper. "I need you to promise me that you'll always do that. That you'll always let me know when I'm taking things too fast or too far. If you don't..." He takes a deep breath, "Well, I need you to promise me, okay?"

[zqandcfine]

Everything is moving so fast that Chris can barely keep up.  Zach seemed to be everywhere at once, hands running down his sides, hips grinding into his own, lips on his face, neck, chest.  He's not used to letting other people take control but the most he could do now was pant into Zach's mouth, squirm underneath his touch, run his fingers through his hair.  He's so turned on his brain can no longer think coherently enough to form real sentences and so he follows Zach's lead in pulling off both of their clothes.  His hands shake as he fumbles with the buttons of his pants but Zach undoes everything with ease and suddenly the cool air hits his warm skin and Chris freezes.  

He pulls away from Zach and looks down at the two of their bodies flush together.  "Zach," he pants, "Zach."  It's a strange feeling building inside him, anxiety and arousal mixing in his stomach and chest.  He's not sure about any of this anymore and Zach's cock is hard and thick and right there rubbing against his and Chris has never seen another male dick like this before, save for an accident he had walking in on his roommate Berkeley, but Chris can't deny that what's happening right now, yeah, it's pretty hot.  

But it's all so new and Chris needs a second to process everything.  "Can we just--slow down for a second."  He lets his head fall back on the pillow, taking deep breaths.  "I'm good, I'm good," he babbles, fingers digging into Zach's sides, keeping the contact between them.  He's feels like he's already on the edge  "Just never done this before."  

[zqandcfine]

Well, Chris was talking. Zach figured he'd take that as a win for now.

He felt the heat of hands running over the bare skin of his back and sides and decided that there was far too much clothing on both of them right now. He breaks apart from Chris' lips and leans back on his heels. When he notices the slight look of panic on the other mans face he gives a reassuring smile before pulling his shirt over his head. He then tugs lightly on Chris' arms, pulling him forward from the headboard and reaching to pull his shirt up and off.

He pulls Chris forward by the hips, allowing them to lay down flat on the bed when he leans in to resume their kissing. Chris' lips are soft and Zach can't help the moan that escapes when Chris' back hits the mattress and their flushed chests are pressed together. He shifts his hips once more and rubs his now throbbing erection into Chris' matching one. He feels Chris tense a bit at the sensation and goes back to focusing on the kissing.

When Chris is once again relaxed under him, Zach begins kissing along his jaw, murmuring things like "God, you're beautiful" and "waited so long for this". He moves slowly down Chris' neck to his chest taking note of every reaction as he goes: A soft giggle at the base of the ear, a slight moan at the clavicle, an enthusiastic hip thrust at the nipple.

When Zach's lips meet the gorgeous convex of Chris' hip bone he brings his hands down to run along the hard line straining against denim. This earns him a more desperate moan and a tug from the hands running through his hair, making him smile. He carefully unhooks the button, and once again runs his hand over Chris as he unzips them, before slowly tugging down, along with Chris' boxer briefs.

Zach steps off the bed to pull the items off Chris, before tossing them on the floor. He then makes quick work of his own clothes and crawls back on top of Chris. Their lips meet once more and Zach brings his chest and hips down to meet Chris'.

[zqandcfine]

Chris tries not to look too smug when he sees that he's won.  His breath comes in short little bursts and his heart starts thumping in his chest.  Chris is filled with anticipation, but it's not the horrible, sinking feeling he'd been experiencing the past few days.  This was the kind of anticipation that preceded something that was going to be very awesome.  

Zach's body on top of him is firm pressure and Chris finds that he doesn't mind letting the other man take control.  He presses his hips upwards into Zach's, the heat of it makes him groan softly.  Running his hand down Zach's back, he clutches at his shirt until he can push his hands up underneath and run his hands over the lean muscle.  Zach's lips are soft and Chris opens his mouth, slips his tongue out to meet Zach's.  

"Can't believe you wanted to talk instead."  Chris laughs against Zach's mouth.  He's always been pretty vocal during sex, and whether it's with a man or woman, Chris gets hot and says whatever's on his mind.  He also wanted to push Zach's buttons a little, see what reactions he could get out of the other man.  "I could hardly sit still on the flight,"  He grinds his hips up again, eliciting a gasp from both of them.  "Almost went to jerk off in the bathroom and thought about you joining me."  

[zqandcfine]

Zach wants to shout at Chris. Overthinking it?! Has Chris forgotten the last year? Should Zach be checking him for a head injury instead of trying to talk this over? He sighs in frustration before finally bringing his eyes up to Chris and-- Every coherent thought drops out of his mind. Chris is sitting against the headboard grinning at him. He looks more open that Zach can ever remember seeing him, with his face still flushed and he looks utterly wanton. Zach feels all of the want and need he'd been so carefully compartmentalizing the past months (hell, years) rush forward at the sight. He's light headed and finds himself moving towards Chris on the bed. He moves over Chris until their lips are once again together, and his hands are tangled in hair. He shifts his hips, feels Chris' erection on this thigh, and is completely undone.

[zqandcfine]

Chris can't help his disappointment when Zach pushes him away, as hesitant as it seems.  The body against his is not soft and curvy like he's used to and Chris finds that he likes the hard angles of Zach's hips and the firm flatness of his chest.  His arousal hits him so hard Chris nearly feels his head spin and the fact that Zach's face is flushed and his lips are parted aren't helping the situation.  

But then Zach says something about needing to talk and Chris suddenly finds himself sitting on the bed and anticipating something that's going to be very unsexy.  He stares dumbly at Zach, unable to think about anything other than kissing Zach and the hardness in his pants.  And Chris doesn't want to talk about things.  He doesn't want to have to think about what's going on inside his head.  Chris feels like a five year old being lectured by his parents and he grimaces.  He's a goddamn adult and he doesn't need Zach telling him--wait, what? 

Zach's words are loaded and weren't what Chris had been expecting.  This whole thing wasn't ending up the way he thought it would and the panic is swelling back in his chest.  Chris wants to follow his first instinct, which is to bolt but he realizes that unless he wants to officially be the biggest asshole then he needs to sort things out.  

"Hey, Zach.  Can you at least sit down?  You're making me nervous, buddy."  Once Zach is seated next to him on the bed, Chris scoots up so he can sit cross legged against the headboard, tucking the pillows behind his back.  

"As stupid as this is gonna sound coming from me," he says, a shy smile working it's way onto his face, "I think you might be over thinking this a little.  Just…I dunno, let it happen.  I'm in this now, okay, and I'm not gonna freak and you're not gonna screw this up.  If there's something that's bothering me or I feel like I need to talk about, I'll let you know."  He grins at Zach, hoping that's enough for now.  Because Chris is, if anything, still a man, and he was expecting something a bit more…physical.  So he turns on his best bedroom eyes and stretches out a bit more on the bed.  "I was thinking about you during the entire flight, you know."  So Chris might be deflecting, so what.  Sue him for not wanting to try and sort through the mess in his head.

[zqandcfine]

Zach made a plan. A really good plan. It involved sitting a safe distance from Chris and a lot of talking. In his nervousness he even sat at the desk in his hotel room and made a list of things they needed to talk about. Important things. Things that needed to be discussed before anything else happened. Yes, it was a really great plan.

However, he is currently finding himself wedged tightly between a hard body and the back a hotel room door. Chris has a hand on his hip, bringing them flush together, and another on his face while he kisses the hell out of him. Zach is still slightly startled, so his arms lay limply at his sides. He can feel a heat starting to pool low in his belly though and it's enough of a jolt to bring him back to himself.

The plan, right, The Plan.

He runs his hands up Chris' sides and deepens the kiss for a moment (he is only human) before pushing lightly against Chris' chest. Their lips part slowly and they stay close for a little longer, absorbing the others body heat and breathing the same air.

Zach's eyes are still closed when he softly says "the plan" aloud and he imagines Chris giving him a questioning look. He walks them further into the room towards the bed. "Sit" he says firmly, and Chris does, still looking both hazy and flushed from their kissing. Zach then takes a few steps back and leans against a dresser. He crosses his arms across his chest and takes a deep breath.

"I need you to talk to me Chris. I need to know what's going on in that beautiful head of yours."

Because the truth is is that Zach hasn't a clue. He knows Chris is scared, but that he's ready to face that fear. For him. And truth be told, that simple fact scares Zach shitless. He doesn't want to dive in too quickly and spook Chris, overwhelm him. But he doesn't want to go too slow either, with not knowing what Chris is ready for. He figures Chris is going to need a nudge here and there to be able to step outside his comfort zone, and Zach is perfectly willing to take on the responsibility. But, he needs a little guidance.

Chris remains silent and Zach can feel a slight surge of frustration emerge. Whether it's at Chris, himself, or the situation, he can't say.

"Okay, look: I'm crazy about you. Hell, in the last few months I've started to think that I'm actually, probably, in love with you. So, this" he gestures between them, "I need to make sure we do this right. That we don't completely fuck it up over a misunderstanding or something equally ridiculous. Because this is just too important for me to let that happen. You're too important."

He realizes that he's rambling, but he figures it's better than an awkward silence. He also can't look Chris in the face right now. He feels like he's said too much, bared himself to Chris in a way that can't be taken back. All he can do now is wait for Chris to speak.

[zqandcfine]

beginnings

Chris’s heart nearly stops and he thinks that there’s still time for Zach to say no, to laugh it off and tell Chris the hundreds of reasons why they shouldn’t and just forget it.  Then Zach raises his hand and he touches Chris’s face in a gesture so gentle his heart instead begins beating so fast Chris thinks it might beat right out of his chest.  He leans ever so slightly into the touch before taking Zach’s wrist and pulling his hand down.  Glancing around the plane to make sure no one had seen, Chris then grins back, suddenly so light he feels as if he could float the rest of the way to Moscow.  

“So I’m guessing that means you’re not mad at me?”  His hand remains on Zach’s wrist, unable to let go.  Chris feels bold, and he intertwines his fingers with Zach’s.  It feels so normal and Chris takes this as a sign that yeah, everything is a bit confusing but if holding Zach’s hand is what feels good, then he must be doing something right.  

They chat on and off during the rest of the plane ride; Zach sleeps through a lot of it and for the first time Chris actively considers how this situation had been affecting Zach.  He’s been caught up in his own mixed feelings and questions and the whole gay thing that he hadn’t really thought about how his actions messed with Zach’s head.  Chris is too worked up to sleep more than a few hours on and off and he spends some of the time wandering around the plane and visiting with his friends. 

When they finally land, Chris is antsier than ever.  Everything just seems so much more interesting and they finally have a night off, even if they have an early call the next morning.  On the ride to the hotel, Chris sits closer to Zach in the car than is necessary and the heat of Zach’s thigh against his sends welcome warmth coursing through him.  He’s a bit disappointed to learn that their rooms are on different floors again, but he stops Zach before the other man exits the elevator with a hand on his arm. 

“Come to my room in an hour, okay?”  He releases Zach’s arm and grins at him before the door closes behind him. 

Chris isn’t really sure that’s a good idea, considering his tendency to overthink things in the heat of the moment, but he’s determined to shut his damn brain off for the time being and just let himself feel.  After he’s rearranged the room three or four times, brushed his teeth, washed his face, Chris is pacing the room waiting for Zach.  And then he hears a resonant knock, and Chris’s eyes stare at the door, anticipation welling in his stomach. 

“C’mon, Pine,” he mutters to himself, “you said you wanted to do this.  Now either man up or go home.”  And with that, he strides resolutely over to the door, opening it to reveal Zach looking…well, like Zach.  He lets out a breath and cracks a smile.  Not so scary after all. 

[zqandcfine]

Zach looked down at the "I'm Sorry" on the page before him and felt an uncomfortable tightness in his chest. This was the moment he had been waiting for- The proverbial dropping of that dreaded other shoe. Chris was apologizing for kissing him and as much as he'd prepared himself for this moment, it wasn't enough.

Back in New York he'd played it cool, and thinking back he has no idea how he'd managed it. In the past several months he'd come to realize just how intense his longing for Chris was, so as the press tour approached he did everything he could to build up a steel fortress around his heart. Unfortunately the foundation was flawed and the whole thing began to crumble the moment Chris' lips moved against his on the beach. The days that followed were emotionally draining. To sit there and pretend that nothing had happened, Zach thought there could be nothing worse. Well, he thought that until this moment.

He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. And another.

When he thinks he's grounded enough, he brings himself back and looks towards Chris. He's met with nervousness and an almost pleading expression on the other mans face. Please, please don't ask me to forget everything we've been through... Zach thinks. He's honestly not sure such a thing would be possible at this point.

Chris starts and stops before he finally begins speaking. Zach listens and hears all the things one would expect when being rejected: Chris is sorry for freaking out. He was a jackass. He thinks Zach is mad at him. He's confused. He wants to give it a shot. They can just--- Wait, what?

Zach shakes his head. That can't be right. "I think I’m ready to do it for real, if you want." He plays the sentence over in his head. He stares dumbly at Chris, who is staring at his own hands. Zach quickly replays Chris' apology over in his mind and realizes that it is possible that he jumped to the wrong conclusion. Or did he? The mixture of sleep deprivation, emotional exhaustion, and oppressive self doubt leave Zach unsure.

"Do you.." He stumbles a bit, takes another deep breath, collects himself. "When you say 'do it for real', do... Um, do you mean 'us'?"

Chris turns back to Zach, giving him the slightest, slowest nod. Zach thinks he sees genuine fear on that beautiful face and he wants nothing more than to kiss it away. Given the awkwardness of their position, and the low patrician separating them, such a gesture wouldn't work. But also not trusting his ability to speak at the moment, Zach raises his hand to rest against Chris' cheek, letting his thumb run lightly over his bottom lip. He hopes the action suffices. He smiles at Chris and thinks it's the first genuine smile he can remember having in a long, long time.

[zqandcfine]

The phrase Chris had written down was easy enough, and it only takes Zach a few carefully chosen vowels and one double consonant to figure it out.  Chris fills in the blanks with “I’m sorry” and hands the sheet over to Zach, eyes one step away from pleading.  He swallows, throat suddenly dry. 

“Uh.”  It wasn’t the best start to the apology he’d spent the last few days concocting in his head, but Chris runs a hand through his hair and tries again.  “I didn’t mean to freak out on you when, y’know.”  Chris shifts in his seat and realizes this is the first time either of them have directly addressed whatever it was that was happening between them. 

“I don’t know what happened and I’m such a jackass, I know you must be so fucking mad and that’s fine, I get it.”  The words came spilling out of his mouth before he could stop them.  “And I don’t know what exactly is happening or what I’m feeling but I uh---I guess all I do know is that I’m not imagining things, I don’t think.  I think I’m ready to do it for real, if you want.  But…if you don’t want that we can just forget it happened.”  He finishes with a tightlipped grimace and looks at his hands.  Chris isn’t sure why he’s so nervous.  Zach can be as mad as he wants, he can reject him, but Chris knows that Zach would never judge him for something like this. 

[zqandcfine]

Zach wants to sleep, but his internal clock is so out-of-whack that he's not sure he'll be able to. The nausea he's feeling isn't helping matters either. It crept up when he stepped on the plane and saw Chris getting settled in the seat next to the one he was assigned to. He sighed and cursed the universe because really?

They were flying from Sydney to Dubai, a 14 hour journey. And then 6 hours from Dubai to Moscow, plus the 4 hour layover between. The day could quite literally not be any longer.

He arrived at the seat and gave Chris a tight-lipped smile and a nod before settling in. The first hour or so passed uneventfully, and then he notices Chris shuffling around in his carry on. A few moments later something is shifted into his eye line and there's a nudge on his shoulder.

He looks up and is meant with Chris' smirk, and looks back down at the Hangman game that his been set up on the paper. He laughs softly and smiles, turning his body towards Chris and the table set between their seats.

"Oh, it is so on."

[zqandcfine]

beginnings

Chris had been spending so much time feeling guilty about what happened on the beach that he found himself unable to enjoy anything they did in Sidney.  He simply went through the motions, flashing smiles, chatting about Kirk’s character arc.  Even finding creative ways to incorporate the vocabulary lacked the excitement it used to have.  But Chris was nothing if not an actor, and he faked it as best he could.  He must have been doing a decent job because no one asked him questions.  The only thing he received were glances from Zach every so often and Chris wasn’t stupid.  He knew he’d fucked up. 

He didn’t mean to do this to Zach, he really didn’t.  It was just that every time he found himself feeling too comfortable with everything it was like some alarm went off in his head.  A glaring red alarm that screamed the word “hetero” repeatedly in his brain.  But every day Chris wasn’t sure he was so heterosexual anymore.  Maybe he was bisexual.  Or maybe he just liked Zach.  Whatever this was called, it scared the shit out of him and kept him up at night, and the only way Chris knew how to deal with it was act like an asshole about everything, apparently.     

The remaining time in Sydney had been awkward and even that was a bit of an understatement.  The secure feeling he’d felt when they’d first landed was replaced with confusion and guilt, and Chris can’t stand it anymore.  And now, on top of everything, he’s seated next to Zach on the plane ride to Moscow.  Perfect.  The knot in his stomach grows with every second of silence between them and Chris sighs in resignation. 

Tearing off a piece of paper from a notebook in his carryon, he scribbles the blanks for a two word phrase and the empty hangman noose and hands the paper to Zach with a light nudge to the shoulder. 

“Hangman?”  Chris’s face is somewhere between hopeful and aloof, as if he could somehow write this off as nothing as well. 

[zqandcfine]

Thread: Beginnings

Zach stays sitting there on the beach until the sun has completely set and the air around him begins to feel cool against his skin. He doesn't want to be frustrated with Chris, but he can't help but feel like he's back standing on that street corner in New York City all those months ago.

They'd spent the evening in the back of that West Village bar talking easily about everything and nothing. Late into the night they broached the subject they'd both been dancing around: Them. Chris had talked about how confused he was by his own feelings, how scared he was. Zach responded the only way he could, telling Chris that they didn't have to mean anything if he didn't want them to. That he could live with going back to what they were. He thought at the time that it was true, but of course knows now that the reality wasn't quite so simple.

That night had ended much like this one. As they neared Chris' hotel Zach felt himself being halted by a strong hand on his forearm. He turned and watched as Chris contemplated his next move. Zach could sense the inner conflict and remained silent. He had fully expected Chris to throw out a quick "nevermind", but instead the other man stepped towards him, hesitantly bringing that hand from Zach's forearm to his chest. He was so surprised by that move that he didn't have time to register Chris' further movement of bringing their lips together. That kiss wasn't like tonight's. It was heady and raw and a little desperate. And it lasted much longer than it should have considering where they had been standing. It also broke off abruptly when Chris' mind finally caught up with his body, and he quickly spit out a bullshit excuse and bolted.

Things were awkward after that. The texts became less frequent, the phone calls even more so. They didn't meet up when Zach got back to LA. He heard through friends when Chris and Dom split, just as he's sure Chris heard about him and Jon. He knew that Joe had invited Chris to the farewell party that was thrown before he moved to New York. And he pretended not to be heartbroken when Chris didn't come.

He snaps himself back to reality, running his hands over face. There's so much he wants to tell Chris, but he's not sure he can. The last thing he wants is to scare Chris more than he already is, which is why even that night in New York he'd kept any talk of his feelings to a minimum. The thought of putting himself out there like that only to have Chris realize that he's actually not that cool with the idea of them, is fucking terrifying. And given that the current track record is 0 for 2, Zach doesn't have much confidence in it going any other way.

He lets out a sigh and stands before turning around to head back to the hotel. He skips dinner, showers, and goes to bed at 9pm, blaming jet lag rather then depression. It's easier that way.

When he sees Chris the next morning he puts all of his energy into a cool facade. They have a full day of interviews ahead of them, so he simply pretends that the beach didn't happen and nothing has changed. The first couple of interviews are a little off, but after Marla comes over during a short break with a grin and JJ's vocab list they quickly find their footing and fall easily into their usual competitive banter.

The rest of their time in Sydney is spent in press conferences, photo shoots, more interviews, and eventually the premiere. It's exhausting but Zach is thankful for the lack of free time. On their fourth, and last, night in Sydney he's relieved when a knock on his door reveals the smiling faces of Zoe and Alice. They are dressed to kill and inform him that he will be accompanying them to a club. He drinks and dances and returns some mild flirting that is directed his way, if only for the slight ego boost it brings him.

The next morning he finds himself hung over, exhausted, and once again filled with that self loathing he'd really hoped he'd magically drank/danced/flirted away. It also turned out that the universe had a dark sense of humour because it looks like he's seated next with Chris for the 24 hour flight to Moscow.

[zqandcfine]

For once, Chris shut his brain off and allows himself to just feel.  The memories of that night in New York surge forward and everything feels so familiar.  Zach’s warm tongue moves against his and he sighs gently against the other man’s mouth.  Everything else seems to dissolve beneath him; Chris’s hand grips the sand beneath him as if it was something tangible and reliable to hold on to.  And it seems as if Zach knows.  The other man’s hand reaches up to touch his face as if that could somehow anchor him to this moment.  Zach’s fingers are gentle but the pads are thick, rough and it seems to set off an alarm in Chris’s brain that these are most definitely not the hands of a woman, and as far as Chris could remember, his thing was women.   

So when Zach pulls away, Chris’s breath comes a bit faster than he’d like, his heart racing in his chest.  The world comes crashing down around him and the anxiety hits as he realizes that yes, he does want this and yes, continuing would be more than okay.  But something stops him.  Maybe it’s the firm grip on the back of his neck that jolts him back to reality but Chris realizes he can’t stay here.  His head is buzzing with a million and one thoughts and he can’t.  He just can’t.  

He jerks away and attempts to arrange his face into something other than the panic and confusion swelling in his chest.  Chris pushes himself up, stumbling a bit on the uneven sand and runs a hand through his hair. 

“Uh, that was...” he trails off, unable to complete the thought.  "Yeah, I have to go," he mutters, and marches back in the direction of their hotel, leaving Zach looking like a ditched prom date.