*** i lost // my way.

indie multimuse rp blog.

[zvku]

hi friends, enemies and strangers! welcome to my indie multimuse rp blog, where the fun is neverending. except it ends abruptly because life and a full time job has me in a chokehold. however! please see my muses page if you're on mobile or have issues with the theme ♡  open to plotting, just dm :)))

[blanksweats]

𝐅𝐎𝐑 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐑𝐄𝐂𝐎𝐑𝐃 -- if there is indeed some omnipotent entity taking note of the various and sundry goings on in park sunghoon's life ( he has theories -- ) , he'd want it to be known that he is not late. he's just ... enjoying some fresh air. a leisurely stroll at his mother's expense. but in his defense ( !!! ) , tending to the shop in her absence was at the bottom of his priority list on this particular afternoon.

he'd much rather spend his rare day off lounging around the empty house ( even rarer ) or cruising around the han river , but if he were to skip another shift he has an inkling that a storage room of new inventory was going to be the least of his worries ... doesn't stop him from contemplating faking another random injury or four hour mystery illness ( don't wanna workitis , real contagious ) .

the thought is fleeting though , distracted by the usual hustle and bustle of market street. it should be enough of an excuse , a short-cut turned long-cut , and a little scoping out of the competition. he slides to a halt near the first few stalls , narrowly missing a run-in with an old woman peddling decorative shoelaces before popping his longboard up into his hand.

he wanders aimlessly for a bit , eyes wide as he hovers around a table of pendants. it seemed like something one of his sister's would like. he points out the shiniest one and with a bit of haggling it's his for the taking. he's still admiring it , holding it up to the light to get a closer look. it almost seems as if there's some sort of writing on i -

" oof! " he huffs , clutching onto his shoulder dramatically before cracking a smile and inspecting his hoodie. " 's okay! barely a scratch on me ," he offers a polite smile , mirroring her bow. " oh? this? it's from right over there! cool right? ... but a little over priced , if you really want to find the good stuff you should check out this place a few blocks up." a shameless plug? perhaps. but bringing in a new customer would surely save him from facing the wrath.

[zvku]

a part of her is relieved that she he was as easy going as he is. though, the other portion of her brain only whispers how he's only trying to be nice to her to get some sort of compensation out of her. then again, her aunt did say that not everyone has bad intentions. it was good to stay optimistic. eyes motion to a subtle squint only to have her features settle to an inquisitive nod. she eyes the the overpriced artefact in his hand, couldn't help the glimmer that sparkled in her too-expanded pupils.

"o-oh really?" she peers over his shoulder, "are you also heading that way?" it'd be awkward if they both made their way to the same destination post apology and the customary wave goodbyes.

she could use something like that, her eyes falling back onto the pendant in his hand. they'd be good for warding off evil spirits, or at least bad luck. "if you are, i'd like to accompany you... i-if that's okay?" she trails off into a whisper, feeling as though she has been too assertive. first, having essentially attacked him with her shoulder. followed by trying to snipe the jewel in his hand, only to further inconvenience him by stalking him now.

"i-i'm not stalking you!" she blurts out, hands moving to wave off the mental accusation. "i can make my own way there!" she adds, nodding. way, already lost. directions, to the wind. mind, down the gutter. she's dazed and resorts to dropping her head as low as it can spinally go. "i'm sorry but i've forgotten... where you said the stall would be..."

the sun beaming down on her delicate skin only furthers the slight daze that works through her vision and she's quick to unroll the sleeves that cuffed above her elbows. the looming threat of being an upcoming zoo exhibition carves its way into her reverie.

[blanksweats]

Simon is nothing if not obedient when he's surpassed his usual threshold for feigned sobriety. If one were to tilt their head and squint , it would almost seem as if he still had full control of all his faculties. It was all in the eyes , he told himself. As long as he could place them on something stable in the room it was usually enough to stave off that pesky vertigo and the impending doom that came along with it. Though , it didn't seem to be doing him much good now , hardly able to focus on anything besides the bile rising in the back of his throat and -

Horse. There's a horse. On the wall. In the far right corner. Oddly misshapen and painted in some funky color scheme , almost as if it was someone's idea of what a horse should look like ( he wonders if its a spawn from a fever dream... induced by some substance that most likely did not mix very well with alcohol at all - ). Whatever the case it does wonders to distract Simon from that icky feeling and suddenly he's right as rain , with an upright posture and a warm grin. "Definitely not pregnant , but I never rule out immaculate conception - Or alien abduction. I've been d - doing a lot to get their attention lately , it's only a matter of time..."

He trails off , train of thought completely off the rails. His silence is probably for the best before he spends the next half hour describing his well thought out and perfectly couth arguments against and for probing ( he's had them both in the old memory bank in the off chance an alien invasion occurs and he has to find a way to make himself useful ).

He blinks down at her hand with a furrowed brow. "Six. If you square it. You know what else has a six in it , my n -" Although his eyes remain locked on her manicure, his hands blindly pad around his jacket for his cellphone. Oh. Well , that's not good. In fact , it's worse. "Shit. Shit , shit , shit - Have you seen - " He drops to the floor in search , panic settling into his features.

[zvku]

the whole alien spiel had her mind in knots, she wasn't sure if it was the glass on her table that's making her hallucinate the entire encounter before her eyes, or if she's truly gone mad. a hoax of a conversation, closer to a fever dream that digs its nail into her mind and drags and it keeps dragging. and it drags until she's taken back into the shell of her once sober self. "aliens... huh..." she mumbles after he gets the last of his abduction speech out.

the thought trails, it loops and curls only straightening when the silence in their conversation envelopes her. though, it barely does. she no longer knows what's going on. the cacophony of music sprinkled in by the clinking of glass in the background gradually moving to the forefront. her gaze moves from him to her fingers, "six?" she stares blankly at her digits for a moment, attempting to process his words. she couldn't tell if he was extremely smart of extremely out of his mind. both apply in this instance, she settles.

the sudden change of air, panic settles in and she feels the mass hysteria spread to her own bloodstream like a virus infecting her system. "what am i seeing? what are we seeing?" mimicking his actions.

the swiftness in her having dropped to the floor beside him was not doing her any favours. she's starting to feel the nausea seep into her vision, arms spread for a moment attempting to regain her composure but it only makes her panic when she's unable to make the feeling subside. "oh no... oh no, oh no..." nausea is a known sign of pregnancy, it can't be!

[zvku]

NEW MESSAGE !!!

SENDING TO: @blanksweats / open FROM: kim naeun SUBJECT: arm length distance pls

the markets are more crowded than what she remembers them to be, and it's slightly concerning to her that life has chosen to punish her in this way. the glints of sun reflecting off of the jewels adorning each stall glazes her vision, a squint moves across her features as she moves to swiftly dodge the masses. she's attempting to maintain an arms length from everyone and it's gradually becoming more challenging. she can't be caught transforming here, what would become of her?

a zoo exhibition - main feature: kim naeun.

she couldn't have that. over her dead body.

and this was why she should have listened to her family when they told her to visit later on in the day, when the lights dimmed slightly and the roads were more empty. the post-bustling hours were more accommodating for those cursed like her. damn the stubbornness that coursed through her veins!

a shoulder collides with the another and she catches herself pouncing backwards with vigilance. an arm raises up to separate her from the other, "s-sorry! i wasn't paying attention very well." she hesitates, attempting to not sound nor appear rude. a small bow moves through her, arm lowering with hesitation but it manages to meet her sides again.

her gaze catches something that the other is holding, "w-wow! where did you find that?" the market was indeed filled with both trash and treasure, rare finds in the pits of the hellscape readily primed to be ripped from the depths.

[zvku]

NEW MESSAGE !!!

SENDING TO: @blanksweats / open FROM: lee insu SUBJECT: give me your money

the stardust children’s foundation charity was well under way, purple and golden streamers adorning the cornices of the venue, chandeliers hanging from the ceiling as crystals fell from the arms. rounded tables surrounded by esteemed guests and faces of the upper echelon of society, though nameless, insu knew better than to allow his usual condescending overtone bleed through his gaze or leak from his words. he holds onto the well practiced smiles and the carefully crafted speech that he has managed to practice enough that it’s becoming second nature. a mask over his original grotesque monstrosity of a personality, one that his mother did well to educate him not to be, but blood runs thicker than nurtured presence and he is stuck with the shadow of his father, cast overhead and imprinted into his soul. bleak and confronting.

his speech about the wellbeing of children, the need to sacrifice one’s own needs to supplement those less fortunate. all mirages of the reality that the attendees only hoped for recognition of their good deeds and nothing more, a cover up for all the scams they’ve done, for all the sins they’ve uncovered with tainted hands. this charity was but an excuse to clear their names, a plaque in their honour, held closely to their chests as a symbolism of good morality.

insu knows better than to trust the crooked people of the upper echelon, including himself. and as he concludes his speech, he directs most to the foundation’s donation booth, encouraging to give what they can, honourable mentions would be rolled out at his father’s campaign, giving credit to those who donated a certain amount and above. a small price to pay for showcasing one’s morality.

slender digits come to rake through ebony strands as he paces off stage, presented by a sea of people as his own father pulls him aside. a hand gesturing to the guest in front. he nods, a smile tugging at his corners, as his father carries on with the small talk, “i’m lee insu.” he recognises them from somewhere but can't exactly pinpoint it. his father adds that insu is the founder of the stardust children’s foundation, giving insu a small nod, one he could only assume was used to bait those who knew little of their family.

feigned approval that he would only receive in the presence of other’s, whilst behind closed doors harsh words were exchanged with criticism jarring enough that it sets his flesh ablaze. 

"i hope everything is to your liking thus far?" it was tough work keeping up the fakery when every part of his facial muscles wanted to declare a revolution.

[zvku]

NEW MESSAGE !!!

SENDING TO: @blanksweats / open FROM: geum taeyang SUBJECT: alleyway brawl

sight seeing at this hour was obviously not ideal. the thought flickers into a rampant flame as he feels his senses heighten at the potential threat of danger. footsteps come to a halt. feeling the tinge of excitement scrape by the wayside to his right and he feels the looming presence of adrenaline digging into his palms.

an impatient growl whistles through the alleyway and he is quick to feel the brush of metallic swipe by his temple. he has gotten rusty, seeing the shadow dash off into the distance. the thieves are getting well trained (at least that's what he assumes) and he starts to wonder if they have a dedicated academy they attend. one to hone their thievery and maximise the scoundrel in them. digits move to investigate the impact, a small scratch - a little disappointed that he was touched at all.

a sigh leaving him, his night had been ruined.

if it weren’t for the promises he had handed to himself as empty as he had thought they were - it now felt wrong to have a theiving throat intertwined between his fingers. he lets go as soon as the thought of his hollow promises surface. “… you’re lucky.” he mutters with a scoff, deciding to let the culprit run free without consequences.

though the fun hadn’t stopped there, on the far end of the alleyway he could sense a similar threat. he starts to bark, attempting to mimic the hellhounds, in hopes of attracting them but sorely fails. he breaks into a fit of laughter, a deep contrast to the barking only several seconds prior. he forgets about his promise to himself - to not go about mercilessly beating others for the sake of his stress relief.

and it doesn’t take long before his feet takes him to the looming shadows on the other end, the voice yelling back baffles him slightly - unsure of what was going on. the thought dies down just as quickly as the fist that threatens to lunge at him. “what’d you do to these guys?” turning to the other slightly, an arm securing the neck of a presumed thief that struggles before him. “what are these? thieves? gremlins? the homeless?”

[blanksweats]

THIN ICE.

starter for @zvku ( bianca windsor ) | location pretty up in the air, he thinks they took two lefts and a right, and parked by a pizza place though.

Another day, another double fisting of old fashions as the midnight hour draws near. Simon's not sure how long he's been in this particular bar but he's staring to get those sort of looks. The kind of looks that say things like, you've overstayed your welcome and someone get this asshole out of here! ( pretty rude, if you asked him ).

How he's managed to duck and dodge every security shirt wearing bruiser in this place is a mystery. Cloak of invisibility? Quick wit? Super light on his feet? Something like that. By the time Simon's grown even mildly aware that he was indeed plastered, he's teetered his way back to his group of acquaintances. A circle of strangers he's latched on to for the evening. Their table was spacious, seats comfy, and the waitress made her rounds every hour on the hour. What more would a lush need?

A little ways away from velvet booth, the tip of his loafer collides with an empty and abandoned bottle of Pinot Grigio. Look what I can do, his mind snickers, gently taking a step onto its edge. He locks eyes with who he assumes is a member of the entourage. What was her name again? Brianna? Becca? B - Doesn't matter, he'd forget after another drink.

"You should be good at this," he states rather matter-of-factly, arms extended, standing on one foot in a rather precarious display of balance. "Said you were an ice skater, huh? It's the strong core - " His own rumbles in disdain for the series of events that occurred prior. He takes a step off of the bottle with a snort.

"Where to next? The night is young and I'm wide... wide -" What's this? Nausea? Well, that's not good.

[zvku]

the night doesn't stop just because the light starts to dim overhead, it's young, as young as it gets. she sees the youngins rushing into the bar by the entrance, some stumbling on their own feet while others drape themselves like overgrown vines snaking its way onto their companion. a sneer motions through the corner of her lips, a monitoring gaze dips in between each table as an elbow edges closer to the centre of their round table. perhaps she's also beginning to lose it.

you should be good at this. the comment receives a raise of her brow, too straight that it makes her look angry. a stylistic choice she tells herself and less of trying to hide the constant self hate speech that spews through her once too-arched brows. she watches with an impressed tug of her corners, he's good. or maybe she's lost it. perhaps both. "were." she emphasises. a huff of a chuckle leaving her, "strong core and lack of fear." she nods, good stuff this one.

she lets her gaze wonder the venue before settling back onto his amidst the sudden stutter. wide what? wide open? wide awake? wide footed? wide what? she was on the edge of her seat, eyes narrowing in before registering the situation before her. "suck it in, suck it back in!" the slight horror evident in her voice, was it panic or fear? "if you're going to throw up, don't." she rests a hand on his shoulder, hoping it'd ground him or was it making it worse? immediately retracting it only to frantically look around her. "are you drunk or pregnant?" she's lost it. she's absolutely lost it.

mental plans of taking him to the hospital were already playing through in her mind. does she leave him here to go buy a pregnancy testing kit? does she take him with her? the night's acquaintances have scattered, some having stayed put with indifference. they've seen this all before, a too familiar scene but it never gets any less fearful for her.

"are you dying? how many fingers am i holding up?" she quickly flashes three up in front of him.

[zvku]

@nneutralchaotic + hyunwoo & haeni

life comes in waves of unpredictability and crashes against the shores of uncertainty. it doesn't take long for the afternoon zephyr to carry the stones of despair across the mountainous ranges of isolation. and all that's left is her... the midnight gale that brush against her temples, soothing the ache that once pounded between her dull hues. she has been glazed over by the unwilling nature of her luck, stingy in all of its aspects. her neck ails her, her shoulders tense and her knees quiver from the weight of her body balancing unevenly on her feet. sweaty palms from the stress of maintaining her stance, press against her trousers and she sighs. it seems actively avoiding him isn't good either.

the way she would avoid meeting his gaze, a quick shoulder that would skid pass his own across the hallway, accompanied by a small nod that could have easily been mistaken for muscle spasm. haeni was ashamed of how he would see her, a dependent intern who pitifully spent all of her time and raised all of her efforts to a boy who overlooked her. to a boy who only saw her as a means to an end. to a boy who would curse at her because she wasn't who he thought she was. to a boy who held her past against her and repetitively slammed it against her already breaking soul. her fragile ego shattering at the sight of hyunwoo in the hallway, instinctively her gaze shifts to the person behind him - seemingly preoccupied with the schedule she has made up in her mind.

the inevitable occurs when her phone dings with a notification from a change of schedules, for a change of schedule that could possibly relate to him. she was forced to engage in a conversation that was well above her means of confidence, she takes a shaky breath - its been weeks since an actual interaction was held between them.

"h-hyunwoo...?" she stutters disgracefully before averting her gaze once more, "i think the performances got rearranged... you might want to recheck your reschedule to be sure." she informs him, voice more firm than the last and she can't deny the fact that she misses his company - she misses him. with his absence as of late, she has felt even emptier.

[zvku]

tearingdiamonds​:

it takes a while for him to register her words, the overwhelming pot of self-pity cultured by years of brooding over the reason why she left making him reflexively doubt his own ears. it’s the truth, the part of him that’s hopeful zooms in on the first half of the sentence–believe in the fact that she wants to ask you out. it sits like a hopeful angel upon his shoulder, even as he stares at her and drowns in the simplicity of her actions–how beautiful she seems, seated upon the floor, eyes lifted and hair falling slightly over her shoulders, the white ball of fluff that was once supposed to be theirs frolicking happily in her arms. 

“i’m not that ridiculous.” he mumbles, shaking his hair slightly, allowing his fringe to fall right over his eyes as he avoided her stare, stiffening as she drew close, hands wrapping round his middle, wetting his shirt with her wet hands. 

he stares almost incredulously at her, both unable to comprehend her affection and the ease of it that shouldn’t have been the case, especially in the narrative of his own reality. 

“uh…” clearly, he was equally as stupid as years before, when his crush on her was still fresh as hell, and just being around her could reduce him into spewing plain stupidity out of his mouth, even though he played it off better back then as arrogance. “there’s the five second rule.” he blinks at her, grabbing the ramen back from her hands. “besides–” a slight huff formed in a pout upon his lips. “the hot water kills all the germs, right? it’s not as if i cooked it and then dropped it on the floor and decided to grandly munch on it for lunch. it’ll be fine. i’ll have this ruined packet, and open a new one for you.” 

it’s genuinely rare for them to communicate like this, he thinks to himself, taking the packet of ramen from her hands and slipping it into the pot of boiling water, crushing the empty packets between his hands and throwing it into the dustbin. 

he used to be–no, he was always angry around her, even more so, now in the present. 

“what are we doing, haeni?” the chopsticks poke the cooking noodles, his head tilted slightly and eyes fixed upon the boiling food before him, lips pursed and the ache in his heart returning quickly as he avoided her stare. “remind me again, what exactly are we doing here, in this place, acting like lovers or friends when we’re supposed to be friends?”  

he hated the word when it came to her, teeth biting down upon his lower lips, the swivel of his hands stirring the boiling ramen therapeutic, as he afforded himself the distraction, choosing not to confront her or look her in the eyes. he couldn’t. 

after all, he wouldn’t know what exactly to say if their eyes met. 

i love you? i missed you? 

i don’t care that you left back then? he didn’t even have the right to do something like that. they were nothing to each other but friends back then after all. 

“so why didn’t you ask me out back then?” the words echo sorely between them, filled of memories of watching her fall into the arms of an older man and return, with her bright, and his heart and sense of inferiority crushed below. “i was available. and i doubt that i was ugly in your eyes.” he leaned back against the counter, dropping in the new packet of ramen and crossing his arms, focusing his eyes upon the furball that now clambered up onto haeni’s shoulders. “i mean, you didn’t even flinch when i ruined my looks with that half and half dyed hair. so clearly, you don’t think i’m that ugly.” 

years of stifled subsistence, as if hands had been wrapped around her throat. bruised marks labelling her pinky flesh a sombre mauve, though it was nothing compared to the aching in her joints. a wheezy breath of disappointment that barely sustains her, one might even refer to her as a walking corpse at this stage with how she so wearily holds her head. it hangs low, feeling the muscle pain against her shoulders as she forces herself to perform as the confident ex trainee that she was morphed to be. oh how miserable she had become after his departure, no - after her departure. it was almost unfair as to put the weight of her exit of their relationship on him, as unfair as how she felt he had put all the blame on her without understanding a single thing. the harshness of his words, how coarse and bellowing they were in her reverie. a shudder takes over her for a moment, gaze lost in the sharpness of his features.

a chuckle escapes her salmon tinted lips, her own features soften as he spoke - nodding. “sure, the hot water will kill all the germs.” though she doesn’t discount the fact that all the dirt would remain in the soup, knowing that he probably hadn’t taken the most care in ensuring its cleanliness. a gentle sigh following.

and it was moments like this, that gave her a sense of hope. the same chorus that they had shared crescendos to a reminiscent time of when her tears fell out of happiness and not out of sheer grief. then, it inevitably stops. it shatters - the harsh reality of their past seeps into the tattered papers that she had tried so hard to keep wrapped in by feigned ignorance. perhaps if she had tried enough to ignore it, their shared reality could be misinterpreted as something beautiful, as something worth having - as something more than this suppressed hostility. 

what are we doing, haeni?

silence befell in between each of his syllables, failing to find the right words to fill in the stillness of their conversation. though her gaze never fails to trace the outlines of his features, something about the way he holds himself still mesmerises her, even in tense moments as these. she felt as if he were trying to elicit some sort of reaction out of her, some sort of validation to confirm the tempestuous scenarios in his mind. she remains silent, her gaze finally falling to the floor beneath, no longer able to gaze at his features. a sense of stinging penetrating her chest, fingers curl almost instinctively and nothing but a slow, deep inhale takes place of empty words. 

she doesn’t want to accidentally spew something amidst all the chaos of her emotions. unsaid words that had been left silenced for good reason, and she suppresses the urge to scream - one, that she knows will follow by a ceaseless tirade of tears. 

“why didn’t you ask me?” she finally manages to hush between tinted lips, “i waited but-” she pauses, digits lifting to take bitna (or was it female hyuk? she has yet to decide) “... but nothing ever happened. i was young and i did what i thought was right, even if now - those thoughts have changed, i can’t change what i’ve chosen to do.” she feels like she was going in circles, having sworn she had said the exact thing at one point or another to him, or perhaps, it was her therapist. a clouded judgement and an even cloudier reverie, keeping her from having anything productive with him - especially when both players had lost their controllers. 

“i would never think you were ugly.” her gaze lifting to meet with his again, “never.” the sincerity bleeding from her voice was evident in the way her hues almost glistened with regret for having not stuck by his side. villainising herself. “but... you’re right. i shouldn’t be here, we’re... we’re nothing.” not even friends but rather distant colleagues who frequented the same shows, representing opposing companies.