Alright… Here goes all or nothing, I suppose...
Sherlock. Sherlock. @artofdeductionbysholmes
Do you remember the first time we sat here? I was… nervous. Nervous about you. Nervous about being with you, about whether I could keep up without making a fool of myself, about whether we’d even last this long. Nervous about… everything, really. And here I am... Nervous again. Though this time, for a slightly different reason.
Fifteen years ago, I sensed that you were throwing me a lifeline I desperately needed, and I was right. You gave my life purpose by pulling me into the madness, and I guess that says more about me than about you… But I never really had a choice after that. Nor did I want a different choice. I was hooked.
I didn’t realize back then how much I’d come to need you. How much I’d want to be part of the chaos, the mysteries, the danger… and of you. How much I’d want to be part of us.
I thought I was just tagging along for the ride, just a guy trying to fill the gap in your life. If anything, I had no idea how much you would fill mine. I had no idea what I was stepping into. You weren’t the distraction I thought you were—you were the reason I started breathing again, living again. And I didn’t dare admit that to myself until it was almost too late.
Sherlock, I’ve spent fifteen years beside you, in the middle of all the chaos, through moments when I thought I'd never see you again. I’ve spent fifteen years not knowing how to handle being properly us. But every single time, I couldn’t walk away. I didn’t want to walk away. Because it was always you, Sherlock. You. It was always the way you made me see the world differently, the way you needed me even when you didn’t know how to show it. And even when we almost lost everything… I still needed you. And I think… I know I always will.
Perhaps I shouldn’t bring up Mary right now, but it’s important that you understand this:
I loved her, yes. She was everything I needed at a time when I was looking for stability, for peace, for someone to build a life with. And for a while, that’s exactly what I thought I wanted. She gave me the family I didn’t know I wanted, the kind of love that was steady and real. But, as much as I loved her, it wasn’t the same. It wasn’t the same as you, Sherlock.
You and I—what we have—it’s, I don’t care how cliché this must sound, it’s different. It’s not just a love built on quiet moments or the comfort of shared days. It’s something that shakes me to my core. Every time I’m with you, I feel like the ground beneath me is shifting. It’s unpredictable, thrilling. It’s essential.
There’s a force between us that pulls me in, whether I’m ready for it or not. I never expected to need you as much as I do, but that’s the truth of it. You make me see the world in ways I never could have imagined before you walked into my life.
With you, I’ve never felt more alive, more like I’m part of something far greater than myself. You’ve turned my world upside down, in a way I never thought I needed, and I know I can’t live without it.
The love I have for you, Sherlock… that’s the one that truly shakes the foundations of who I am. It’s the kind of love that changes everything. And I think I’ve always known, deep down, that it was never really a choice. Not for me.
You’ve been the constant in my life. Through everything we’ve been through, you’ve been the one thing I can rely on. Even when you were… away… I sought you out and found you. You were—and are—ingrained in my very existence. And I’ve realized something crucial in the last year: I will never want it any other way. Nothing matters to me more than this. I just want you.
And I know I’ve never been good at expressing this, but Sherlock… I’m asking you now, in this place, of all places—where it all started, where we began as just partners—to be. To be officially more than just partners for the rest of our lives. I'm ready to make that vow.
I promise you I will never take you for granted. That I will never hurt you as I have before. That I will spend the rest of my days proving to you that I am worthy of being in your life.
Here I am, hoping that you allow me at least this convention.
I guess what I’m asking is….
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