@zzz-inactive - Tumblr Blog

Me, 363 days of the year: America fucking sucks.

Me, on the Fourth of July: America fucking sucks.

Me, after the World Cup Final: 🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸God Bless America!!! I love living in the USA! No other country can even come close. Truly unparalleled. The greatest country in the world.🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸

newbiesquadgoals

That's science right there.

onceuponacaskett

1) Ashlyn and Ali are the only couple to have 2 World Cup medals each

2) Megan Rapinoe scored the game winning goal

3) Kelley O’Hara celebrates by kissing her gf in the stands

extramadness

hello. just me. coming here to vent to my world where i pretty much don’t know anyone b/c sometimes that’s just what you need.

Something is wrong, health-wise. I feel it. I know it. This time for real. I have internally felt something in this specific spot in my leg for the past few months. It started out as an occasional throbbing pain back in like november, but it has become more persistent and it keeps me up at night now. Its been months. Now i touch that spot and i can physically feel something there--and that’s what’s now scaring me the most.

I finally made a doctors apt. Should’ve done this months ago, but I just wanted to make sure it wasn’t in my head. I’ve suspected that it could be an aneurism for the past few months, but now that I can feel what I feel from the skin side, I get freaked that it might be something even worse. I’m a bit of a hypochondriac, I know... but this is something that’s actually physically there, and I don’t like it. My apt isn’t for another month, that’s the earliest I could get in, and I already feel bad cuz drs apts are so damn expensive even with insurance. hoping it’s nothing (or something benign and easy to fix, cuz this pain is sucking).

Dear younger self, It DID get better. Thank you for sticking around

Thank you for not giving up on us,

Update. May 26,2018

Reflected on many old posts I wrote on my blogs over the last 8 years or so, and read about how I struggled, and the obstacles I had to overcome. There were nights when I didn’t think I’d make it, nights when I thought I’d be saying my last goodbyes, but I always pushed myself to fight past every urge to quit--holding onto the smallest dash of hope that maybe one day it could get better.

I’m not saying the difficult times are gone for good...but it for sure did get better.

I wish that I could make the feeling go away. As I’ve gotten older I’ve gotten better at not feeling extremely depressed and suicidal on a daily basis, but every once in a while it still creeps up.

Sometimes the worst part is realizing that what goes on in my home isn’t normal and I am one of those kids who grew up in a very disfunctional abusive household.

And pretty much nobody in the real world pegs me for that person, because somehow I’m good at making it seem like I have it all together.

#abusive

I’m so angry. I’m angry at everyone. I’m angry at my family. I’m upset with my girlfriend even though she did something with good intentions but I still got angry about it. I’m angry at people who I don’t even know. I’m just so angry all the time. I’m so fucking angry. I’m angry at myself for not being able to control my anger. I feel so fucking out of control. I hate myself. I hate everything. I wish I could die.

It’s especially around the holidays when I get extra sad. Everyone is home and having a good time with family members. I can’t seem to make a connection with my family, and it’s just getting worse and worse every year. My mom doesn’t even want anything to do with me.

suicidalnixi

I often imagine how people would react to my death.

(via suicidalnixi)

I’m at that point where I just really want to die again.

lesbiancousin

painting a gay bar as a safe place for straight girls avoiding straight men is wild to me bc ideally it would be a safe place from the straights for gay ppl but we can’t have anything can we

lesbiancousin

i think people here are misunderstanding what im trying to say. this isn’t a fuck you to every straight girl who’s been to a gay bar. i myself wouldn’t blink at the idea of bringing some of my straight friends to a gay bar for a fun night out. what im criticizing is this new wave of articles and think pieces urging straight women to take refuge in places that are ultimately meant to be safe places for gay people from straight people themselves. if you want to write about a need for more women’s spaces and women’s bars where women can feel safer, im all for it. but don’t try to rewrite or infringe on what a lgbt space is meant for - a space for lgbt people themselves

thegenderdetective

You really hate women don’t you

lesbiancousin

you’re talking to a whole lesbian buddy

My life has been flowing really well up to a point. I’ve been in an amazing 7 month relationship, I’m a published author, and on the surface it just really seems like things have been great. But I have not been ok. My friend went missing, they found him a month later dead from suicide they say. The entire experience was really emotional. I’ve been pretty out of everything since then. I’ve fallen back into my depression like never before. Anxiety... I can’t even go to parties anymore. Large crowds make me anxious, my girlfriend can’t even be around me anymore when I’m like this. I don’t blame her. I don’t want to be around anyone. My a cappella group which once brought me the most joy out of my college experience, is now the thing I dread most. Every rehearsal is a fight with myself to get there because the people there make me anxious, I never feel good enough, and I feel like I’m making it worse for everyone there. Yesterday was our fall concert, I didn’t have fun at all, and it’s always my favorite day. I had to hide in my room for the majority of my after party because being around people is too much for me to deal with.

I’ve been feeling really bad about myself again lately. Days I don’t want to exist. Days nothing is worth it anymore. I don’t want to anymore. But it sucks, cuz I know how much pain these acts put people through. I can’t even be angry with them though, because I know how it feels. I know how bad they probably had to be feeling to just do it. I just can’t look past it some days and wonder why I keep holding back.

It’s not that the people here aren’t good enough for me, because they are. It’s that I’m not really doing anything good for them. I’m just not good enough right now. It’s not that people don’t love me. Because I know they do, just nothing can make me feel better. That’s the frustrating part. Knowing I have all the people in the world who love me so much, but I just can’t do anything but feel horrible about everything.