Iām trying to work through my internalized abelism. Iām trying to figure out what it means for me to be autistic. As far as my social struggles, I have a clear understanding. But with regards to my senses and stimming I struggle. I remember as a kid I would do stimming things, but pressure from other people put an end to that quickly. So iām trying to re-discover that part of me. but itās hard. Supressing myself is so ingrained that I dont know where to start. Inhibiting urges, thoughts, and actions is sorta my strength. I dont know what stimming feels like for me and what isnāt. And Iām really bad at gauging how i feel. I dont know if anyone else has tips for discovering this in yourselves. (p.s. iāve tried loosening my grip, and ājust letting it happenā but that doesnāt work. Iām too self aware. too high strung i guess)
I had a very similar growing-up, and I too cannot simply ājust let it happenā - itās really frustrating, because I do accept my autistic self (mostly), and I want to be able to stim freely. Idk why Iām adding text to your post instead of just rebloggingā¦ I guess I wanted to say that, I resonate with your experience deeply, and that you are not alone, and Iām so sorry youāre fighting a battle aligned with mine. Itās really hard to unlearn all those years of forced assimilation/ablesim; but I believe in us, and think we can do it.
š thank you
