justsomegirl

17. random girl with too much to say.

[02gwen20]

I collect flowers

Thorns prick

Tear my skin

A flowy red

Warm and thick

I wrap the wound

Then wipe my tears

For I have drowned

In my worst fears

It’s all my choice

My own fault

Still I rejoice

In pain and hurt

I will not change

Nor will I learn

I choose my fate

It's just innate

I see the flower

Pick it up

Prick my hands

Once more and more

There is no cure

Oh it’s my bane!

This allure

Of ache and strain

[02gwen20]

I wait,

You linger.

Thoughts blurry

Head heavy

I wait,

You linger.

Broken hearts

Mangled parts

I wait,

You linger.

Chests swell

Eyes well

I wait,

You linger.

Left behind

Our past shrined

I wait,

You linger.

Another face

Different taste

I wait,

You linger.

Some hope

New way to cope

I wait,

You linger.

I fall again

One step forward, three back

I wait,

You linger.

Sunrise, sunset

Days pass

I wait,

You linger.

I don’t want to wait

But you refuse to fade

I wait.

I wait,

I wait.

I wait!

And one day,

You won’t linger.

[antoniettabrandeisova]

The Piazetta in Venice by Night, Henry Pether (British, 1828–1865)

[vijara]

look: the right people will get it. the right people will see you and appreciate you for the person that you are. the right people won’t require you to dilute, censor, or edit yourself in order to be worthy of their time and affection. you don’t need to waste your time on people who are committed to misunderstanding you 

[02gwen20]

Loneliness

Loneliness is being in a room full of people and feeling like a ghost.

Loneliness is talking to your favourite person and feeling ignored.

Loneliness sometimes is not being alone, but feeling like you left your body and cannot come back to it, come back to the people waiting for you.

Sometimes loneliness is not just feeling lonely, but feeling like the feeling will never stop.

-g

[02gwen20]

it must suck to not be viewed as human, but as something else.

Whenever I imagine the life of a celebrity, I think of this. They are glorified so much, and they can sometimes be perceived or portrayed as something other than human. As something more. As something different. And I feel like this would affect me so much. To not be seen as a person. To have some of your rights like privacy violated. To have to hide your feelings, your real personality and pretend to be someone you’re not in order to make everyone happy.

This is why I admire celebrities who decide not to care what people think of them. It is so difficult to ignore the opinions of others. It doesn’t matter if it is only one opinion, deciding whether they affect you or not is hard. But I can’t even begin to imagine what the pressure of millions of eyes looking at your every move must feel like. To be judged for everything you do, everything you say, the clothes you wear, the people you choose to be with. To have your life be viewed as something people have the right to have an opinion on.

And all the people who stop listening to all the voices telling them what they should or shouldn’t do are some of the bravest there are. And they should be given credit to. 

(Harry Styles is one of my favourite example of this.)

[02gwen20]

seventeen

Sometimes I get so nostalgic of the age I am. Seventeen is such a coming of age, well… age. And I don’t feel like I’m changing. I feel the same as when I was sixteen, fifteen and the ages before that. Sure, I have more experiences than I did before. But I still feel like the same person, who makes the same mistakes. I still get sad. I still get mad. I still feel frustrated. I still feel like there’s more to life than whatever I’ve done until now. I want to do more and feel more than before. I want to explore the world and myself. I wish I could do all of this while continuing to do all the other things I feel like I must do. School is the best example of this, and I feel like it is also the most relatable one. I want to have a great future and do whatever I want then, but at the same time I want to do something with my life right now. Not just study and prepare for the future. I want to enjoy the present as much as I enjoy the idea of the future or the comfort of the past. I think that is what we all want to do. 

We forget to enjoy the present and concentrate in other times, weather it’s the future or the past. And we want to move back or further in time without considering that this might be some of the best times we’ll have in our lives. And we forget to remember the feelings and we forget to appreciate them. And that right there, is for me, one of the biggest lost a human can have. To forget to remember and to forget to appreciate. 

[02gwen20]

https://dead--poets.tumblr.com/post/620085574789890048/lesbian-moon-whale-eggs

wanderlust

lesbian-moon: “ whale-eggs: “ your-url-is-problematic: “ odddior: “ i know there’s a lot going on but ICE are now one step closer to literal

[02gwen20]

Secret love letters to someone (2/?)

The first thing I remember whenever I think about you are your eyes. The wrinkles that formed around them whenever you smiled, the beautiful shade of brown that made me feel at home and the way your glasses made them look a little bit bigger than they were. I remember loving the way they sparkled in the sun when we laid in the grass and how much they changed whenever you were sad. The second thing I remember is the day you left.

It was a shitty day. The morning had been dreadful and everything that could have gone wrong did. But I didn't want it to ever end. I didn't want you to leave. I didn't want you to leave me. I remember staring at you the whole day during every single class and feeling like my world was falling apart, and you weren't even gone yet. 

It was the last day of school and no teacher had anything interesting planned, so they mostly just let us be. I was afraid of this because it meant that the only distraction I had was gone and I would have to spend the day thinking about the fact that you wouldn't be with me next year. Whenever you asked if I was alright I would tell you I was. I didn't want you to feel guilty, it wasn't your fault that you had to leave. And it was definitely not your fault I had gotten so attached to you.

I didn't want you to see me cry and have your last memory of me being such a sad and pathetic one. So I just followed you around and smiled, without saying a word. Me being quiet was very uncommon. I was normally the one that spoke the most. Most of the things I used to say  were pretty stupid, but I was younger and I used to say everything I thought of. It would usually be about some random shit or something dumb I had done the previous day. But you never made me feel bad about anything I said, you always paid attention to every thought I had and made witty funny jokes that made me laugh; or commented on a detail I hadn't expected you to notice.

You always had your way with words. They used to come out of your mouth so fluidly. Your sentences sounded like a poems and your voice like a melody. I used to love hearing you talk, hearing you sing. You never had anything mean to say about anyone and only positive things came out of your mouth. I used to envy this about you. But I loved the way you made everyone feel special. I loved the way you made me feel.

So I spent the day saying nothing, and we remained in silence for most of it. Our other friends weren't as observant as you and didn't notice I barley spoke a word during the whole school day, or didn't care. We were all so concentrated in the fact that you were leaving, that we didn't really care for anything else. They all used to love you, you know? I suspect they loved you almost as much as I did, as I still do. You were a light in all of our lives. To some brighter than to others. But a light nevertheless and everyone was sad to see you go.

When the school day finished I felt the floor under me start to crumble, I remember feeling my knees get weak and thinking I was about to fall. But then you hugged me and the scent of your hair brought me back to reality. And you said the word I had been dreading since the day I found out you were moving. Goodbye.

Yours truly, g.

[02gwen20]

secret love letters to someone. (1/?)

As a child I never obsessed over a princess or a fictional character, or even a colour. I liked everything the same, and by that I mean not that much. I never had a favourite stuffed animal, I never had a favourite shirt, and I certainly never had any best friends. In my eyes everyone I met was just a shallow person, it didn't matter if I didn't know what that meant, I just didn't like people that much. 

So I started looking for places I could belong to. I would join random fandoms and I started making friends. And they were able to fill the void and appease the loneliness I was feeling, but the connections I formed with all that wonderful people were never enough. 

This loneliness was slowly consuming me, not even my family knew how to make me feel better. I started shutting everyone out and tried my best to ignore the hole I felt growing inside my chest. I had stopped trying to find friends or ways to feel better and started focusing in school, books and other things to distract myself. That was until I met you.

You with your beautiful eyes and smile that could light up a room instantly. You and your ability to make everyone feel a little bit less weird. You and your soft voice that could calm me down before an exam.

I don't remember the first time I met you, I wish I did. I wish I could remember what you made me feel when you first noticed me or the first time we talked. We sort of became friends through other friends but we had already known of each other for what felt like our entire lives. We went to the same school our entire lives and it was quite small. So no one was a stranger to anyone. But we didn't really get to know each other until we were just a bit older than children... I think. Everything was so long ago and at the same time I  can still feel you sitting next to me, talking about a new book you discovered or what happened in the latest episode of Glee.

You are still so important to me and I don’t think you’ll ever stop being such a huge part of my life. You helped me find myself. You are the reason I am still fighting through everything life has put me through. And you don’t even know it.

So this is my way of telling you everything I feel. Of telling you how much you mean to me. Even if you never read it.

Yours truly, g.