for a moment, their lips pressed together, and cas’ heart skipped a beat.
cas finally felt free. his lips against dean’s. he finally understood what the word home meant. this, right here, with dean. it was where he was meant to be.
the hunter’s hands came up against cas’ shoulders and cas desperately hoped dean would deepen the kiss. he wanted. he wanted. he wanted.
cas was shoved backwards. hard.
“the hell are you doing?” dean snapped.
“I-I thought… dean, I-” cas stumbled over his words. he didn’t understand. the movie dates. the food sharing. the lingering touches. dean always checking in on him. the longing stares when dean thought cas wasn’t looking. the way they gravitated towards each other. all the hints sam had been dropping. cas had been so sure… so sure dean had wanted him too…
dean shook his head, taking a step backwards. “no,” dean hissed, turning on his heel and walking away.
cas stood there in the war room, staring at the doorway dean had disappeared through. dean would come back. he always did. cas had just startled him, that was all. dean would come back to him.
something in cas’ chest felt like it was shattering. a piece of himself he didn’t even know existed.
fingers grazing against the plastic in his pocket, cas placed the mixtape on the war table with trembling hands. turning away, cas walked up the steps and out the bunker door.
dean sat against his closed bedroom door, shoulders shaking as silent tears streaked down his cheeks, soaking his shirt. he choked out a sob, covering his mouth to stifle the sound. he wanted. he wanted. he wanted. he’d had it for just a moment, and it was everything he’d needed and more.
his heart ached. bled. yearned.
I’m just not good enough for you, cas. I never will be.