Profession: Textile Designer
Years keeping it 100: 26 years
Jesus to me…I hope you have all day. Well…Jesus is so much to me & it’s really sort of hard to put it in words, really. He’s first my savior, you know my Lord, but in addition to that he’s my greatest confidant, he’s my best friend, he’s my anchor. He’s who I run to when I feel lost or hopeless or if I’m upset. I feel he’s the only person that understands me, he gets me. And so he is my all encompassing person, you know, he provides, you know, he listens, he corrects me. And even in the moments when I feel as though I am being corrected & disciplined by him in a way that isn’t comfortable, you know, I recognize that it’s important. You know what I mean? I love my dad, I love my mom & was I happy as a kid when I was spanked or reprimanded? No. But I valued them as my parents & I understood that they were doing something that was right. And so he’s also my disciplinarian & I love him. Truth is, he’s my everything. And it’s hard to put in words who Jesus is to me. I say to people I don’t know how I would survive, how I would function had I not known him, you know what I mean? And I understand why people who don’t know him, they have no sense of being anchored, you know, they have no hope. Which is why they turn to so many things to pacify themselves, you know, drugs, alcohol, sex, that sort of thing. He’s proven himself over the years to be the one person that I can trust, who will never let me down. My family means everything to me, but I recognize that they’re mere humans, that they’re greatly flawed & at no point are they to me everything that I need them to be. Jesus has been that, you know what I mean. He’s been a counselor & a wise one. And a great friend & a comforter. In my darkest of moments, when I can’t share my deepest pains with someone else who I feel might not understand or who might judge me, I can run to him. And even in the absence of words, I feel his comfort & his reassurance, you know. So to put it simply, he is my anchor, my hope, my strength, he’s my everything. And would I hate to imagine a life apart from him, you know what I mean? I live for him. I live for him.
HOW DID YOU BECOME CONVICTED JESUS IS THE REAL DEAL, THAT IS WHO HE SAID HE WAS?
I think as a spiritual being, you can’t help but realize that there’s a force greater, bigger than you are. And some will say “the universe”, you know, but I think a part of us, each person, even atheists, recognizes that there is something there. And some people give credit to science. I’ve come to realize that my God is beyond one that I can intellectualize. And so he is spiritual. And so from a very, very young age, I’ve always felt a connection & a connection with a divine being. And I was taught early, that this was, that his name was Jesus & you know I went to church & I saw people around me having a certain experience & uh more than I understood it, it was something that I had an appreciation for because I realized that these people, believed in something that was really, really huge. And so my curiosity would always lead me to not just say the prayer “our father” & just repeat words, but I really wanted to find out who this God was. And so as a kid, there were very specific prayers that I would pray. And they were answered for the most part & to me that was a confirmation that this Jesus was real. If I was sad as a kid & I prayed about a particular thing that made me sad, I would experience peace, I would experience joy. And then as I got older & I started to read the scripture for myself, then I started to get great revelation about Jesus. And it would solidify in my mind, one of the things that I’ve always believed in. That Jesus wasn’t just this person you go to church on Sundays to worship. That Jesus was real, that he was a real person, that though we couldn’t see him or hear him, you know touch him in a tangible way, that he was real. And that he was concerned about me. And so the more I started to read the word, the more real he became to me. And the more I started to pray. And as I started praying then I started worshiping & I would sense his tangible presence. And I knew when I was 18 for sure that Jesus was real. Why? Because there was a part of me that started searching. And I was searching & I don’t have to do this, it’s so weird talking to a tablet, it makes me feel a little rigid almost, but I started searching for something because there was an emptiness inside, there was a void. So even although I was reading the word & praying there was a void, yah. And I remember the summer of 1991, I started praying like “Lord, I want to get to know you better,” right? But it so happens that at the same time that - there was a church not far from where I lived & you know there were these beautiful girls who would come together for these meetings on Fridays. I was like “oh man” & I said to my brother because we were in college & we lived together & we were away from our parents & I said to him “let’s visit these, this youth group on a Friday & see what it’s about.” He was like “yah sure.” So the first night I went by myself ‘cause my brother had to work & I was like “oh man this is dope, this is kool, these girls are pretty & you get to know people”. And then as I started going, the meetings became more about me meeting people, being a social thing & I started having, it taking on its own form & having a certain meaning. And I didn’t realize God was setting me up. That same summer, maybe a month and a half later, I had a dream & in the dream - it was a dream, but it felt so real, but it was God coming to me & he said to me “I’m ready for you.” And I said “What? You’re ready? If it’s to die, I’m not ready to die. If it’s to get saved, I’m not ready, I’m just 18. I’m just starting to live. I need to enjoy life & spread my wild oats & you know, I need to do me. I’m not ready. I need to party a little more.” Then he left the room & I was weeping. So I continued to return to these meetings. But God started making himself real to me. Yah. Because all of this came, one first from this little desire to really connect with this Jesus who I’ve been hearing about all my life who I’ve prayed to as well & I read about. And it’s amazing how he sets it up. He creates a desire, once I start saying “I want to get to know you” he says “ok I’m going to create a greater desire” & then oh well here’s a church next to me, next door pretty much & I would not have gone had there not been this huge meeting & these girls that were coming together as part of the meeting. And that led to me hearing the word & being in an atmosphere of worship. And then I have this dream & then after the dream, I was invited by my brother’s supervisor to another church. And the long short is we both got saved there weeks after visiting. At this point I think, it was sort of like fertile soil if you will. And my heart was open & tender to receive Jesus. So I knew without a shadow of a doubt that Jesus was real. Because there was a desire that I had. That it’s just hard to explain. It’s, it’s my spiritual man crying out for this connection because you know we’re designed for him. And I found Jesus that year. Yah? I can’t tell you, the many thousands of experiences that I’ve had that have confirmed in my mind, in my heart, in my spirit, that Jesus is real. It goes beyond an answered prayer. It’s about experiencing certain peace that I never knew before, that a woman, my family, a job, a degree, money, cloths, all the things I love, couldn’t give me. It’s a presence that assures me in my darkest moments that it is going to be alright. Even if I’m facing a challenge at the moment that seems insurmountable, to know in that moment, that Jesus is with me. As real as you are to me, he is to me. I can’t see him. But I experience him through others, others loving me. The fact that I get up everyday & I can do this the things we take for granted because how else can we do that without him? So Jesus is real & has proven himself to me day after day through different experiences. He’s real. He’s real.
WHY DO PEOPLE NEED JESUS?
Because we all need a savior. We all need to be saved. Saved from ourselves, most importantly. But - and that’s really what it boils down to. Why did he come? He came to save. He came to deliver us. And primarily from sin, to rescue us from hopelessness & a destiny - a destiny with the enemy where our souls would be in perpetual misery. And so I think just the same way that one could say well I need a husband or I need a wife to feel complete, someone to go home to at night & of course there are more reasons than bedding someone, but for companionship. Some people get married to feel secure, to have someone to partner with, to have someone build them up & build someone else up & to complete them & you know to just have someone - so bottom line is, we all need a savior. And I recognize each day how just imperfect I am & I always say to people that my faith is not out of tradition, it’s not out of me being religious, it’s about recognizing my need of Christ because I’m a mess without him. A royal mess. There’s no good in me, right? And it’s one of the things I say to people often when I share Christ with them because often times we come across as hypocritical because we say “well you’re bad & that’s why you need the Lord” & I say “No, you know what? We’re all bad & without him, I’d be worse than you are. And that is why I need him. I need someone to keep me focused, I need someone to bring out the best in me. And only he can. I need someone to rescue me from me because I think I am my biggest enemy. There is no good in me apart from him. I need him because there’s no peace without him. There’s no joy without him. I am miserable without him.” I can always tell when - because sometimes you know you’re sort of on autopilot & you get busy with life & what have you. But I can always tell from having a certain feeling - something’s off, what’s wrong? Oh, I haven’t been praying. I haven’t been reading the word. I haven’t been listening to God. I haven’t been worshiping. You feel the difference. My mind is on everything else other than what it should be on. I can’t focus - my thoughts, my though pattern, it’s corrupt. And I have to be real. I have to be real. I’m not going to tell you well - my best days are the days when I seek him before I leave the house. When I get in the word. Those are my best days. I need him for direction, to get guidance. Otherwise I’m walking around hopeless, I’m lost. And I don’t want to sound melodramatic, but it is what it is. This - God has - he’s set up my life in a way that I recognize my need of him. There was a time when, even as a Christian, I was very dependent upon self & I felt as though I was unstoppable. And he had to change those things. So sometimes he brings us to the end of ourselves to recognize “Dude!” (*chuckles) “You’re nothing without me. And I’m going to prove to you. And I’m going to take you down a certain path that you’re going to recognize your need of me.” And so he takes away our crutches. He takes away everything that we thought in life were the things that made us valuable, the things that made us important or feel important, the things that gave us value. And so you realize it’s not your degree. You realize it’s not money. (*chuckles) And so while I’m such an imperfect Christian, I’ve just come to realize that man, I can’t survive without him, that I need him everyday. Every single day. Everyday.
WHAT IS THE ONE THING ABOUT JEUSUS YOU WISH EVERYONE UNDERSTOOD OR KNEW?
That his love - that he loves us more. He loves us regardless of our strugglings, our failures. He loves us regardless of our past. And that love represents forgiveness. Because of his love for us, that he is so compassionate & understanding & patient. You know I think all of that love encompasses all of that. Because I believe for a very long time, the world has taught to believe that the one idea - of course there is heaven & there’s hell, but too often what we preach to the world is hell fire rather than the love of God. And that’s really why Jesus came because of his love. The Bible says “for God so loved the world that he gave his only son” & Jesus came because of love. You know he didn’t come to punish us. He didn’t come to judge us, certainly not. The day of judgement is coming, but he really came to save us because of his love for us. And I really wish that people could understand the love of God because this is what changes our lives. And he doesn’t change it for a season, but he changes it forever. I think that once you’ve had a real encounter with him, you can’t help but be changed. You can’t help but become a better person because love, love does that. Love heals, love comforts, it reassures, it restores, it provides, it protects. And like I said in my first question it corrects. That’s love. So if you think of love, in its truest & purest form, that’s Jesus.