Catnip

Just a 23 year old girl with cats living in the netherlands. Always looking for new friends in different countries to visit.

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Who's the goat

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Just another sunday

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Everywhere I go they come running

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Don't dry off a wine glass with the stem resting on your hand... Trust me

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At the hairdressers

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13th of august got home to this

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Enjoying the last rays of summer

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Getting pussy everywhere I go

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Castiel wonders why the water is wet...

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Such a charming boy

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Might be drunk in this pic or just tired. Who knows???

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A little tribute to the ones lost.

What was supposed to be the happiest day of the year, turned into the worst experience for both Chloé and us. She was pregnant of 3 baby bengals and we thought everything was fine. She even got an echo late the night before she started labor. She was so strong and brave, but the first kitten that came out was dead, born with an open back. The second was so skinny it was basically a shell of a kitten and she was also dead. The last kitten was born alive and I assisted Chloé as she severed the umbilical cord, only to discover this kittens back was also completely open. It was about 7.30 in the morning and we rushed to the vet. I still remember the meows of the little kitten fighting for its life. Unfortunately the kitten had to be put down. Chloé didn't get to blossom as a mother after all that hard work and pain. We lost a future of expanding our family.

It is crazy how much this hurts, yet in such a different way than losing a regular pet. The first day I was beside myself. Begging, pleading to give me a baby, because I felt like my heart wasn't going to survive without one. Safe to say I survived, even though it felt impossible.

Chloé is doing fine, as fine as a cat can be after losing her first babies. She cuddles with me a lot and started grooming me. Her meow changed completely. She has already stopped looking at the spot where she gave birth. Her sister, Carlos, sometimes just sits there staring, like she knows.

I buried them in my parents garden next to my dog. My dog was obsessed with babies.

The day after we lost the babies I also lost my job, but that felt like the least important thing ever. At least I get to spend some more time with Chloé while I search for another job...

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Meet Chloé, my newest kitty cat!

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New hair, new me!

Feeling high and mighty with black hair. Definitely in a "the pretty reckless" rock mood. Gonna be a bit rock and roll for a while

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It's my birthday so I decided to change something

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This blog was just so I could connect with people and document my life. But I've gotten to the part where I strongly believe that I don't deserve to be alive. I fucked everything up. Yes I might have been tormented, abused by my brother for a decade while all my friends took his side and my parents refused to see that he is a sociopath. If they had been able to see that moment in Italy where I had run from the waiting line to collect myself because he was forcing me to lose my calmth. And how he followed me with that cruel smile and pushed me off of the rocks I was sitting on. And then how he chased me around the park making me feel like I was a character in a horror movie trying not to be slaughtered. He has made me feel like I was worth nothing. He enjoyed my pain. And my fucking parents still try and pretend, believe, that he actually cares about me beyond being his little toy to torment. I love them, but I hate them so much for never being there for me. Believing me. Actually punishing their son for what he has done to me. I am broken. I will foreverr be broken because of this.  I wonder... Would i be this broken, this hurt if someone actually helped this little hurt teenage girl? I learned not to fight back because he would only hurt me more. If I die it's going to be on them. The people I asked to help me so many times, but refused to believe me. I have been in therapy so many times in my life. And it helped, for a while, but I always come back to this point where I feel like I am better off dead. Maybe life isn't just for everyone? I'm in so much pain. I don't know what to do with myself.