This whole obsession with wheelchair users struggling on foot down the aisle at their wedding or across the stage for graduation is 100% powered by ableism.
āThe heartwarming story of how one woman worked for 8 months straight so she could escape the horror that is being in wheelchair for a few short minutes to struggle slowly and painfully down the aisle on her special day.ā
āthe horror that is being in a wheelchairā bitch itās hella better than struggling slowly & painfully down the aisle ffs
āDespite being permanently paralyzed, her one goal since her accident has been to walk across the stage for graduation. The whole crowd gave her a standing ovation and broke into tears when she dragged her paralyzed legs across the stage with the help of leg braces and a walker to collect her diploma, after which she immediately sat back down in her wheelchair, which she will use to move around for the rest of her life.ā
How the hell is this an inspirational story? This person needs better goals. And a therapist.
Theyāre toxic in an even greater way because as a disabled person, I didnāt realise till I was reading this how much I had internalised that. I genuinely have had feelings of fear and shame about using a chair or a walker if I get married. And why? Because Iām constantly seeing āheartwarmingā stories about disabled people who shed their mobility aids for that moment. Why the hell am I afraid of using them to get married? Anyone who marries me or attends the wedding will know I need them and love me regardless.
Bless this post for making me realise Iād internalised that shit.
These types of stories teach people, both abled and disabled, that using mobility aids, especially wheelchairs, is inferior.
here are some beautiful brides in chairs with dresses they ROCK. I know a lot of disabled ppl with internalized ableism think they āwonāt look goodā if they use their chair, but hereās some literally gorgeous gals for ur consideration
(that last ones cute as fuck and i teared up at it)
Who needs a bouquet when you can be a bouquet?
I made my addition to this post in June 2019. Its now January 2020 and I no longer feel guilty about the idea of going down the aisle one day with mobility aids.
God bless the disabled community, y'all saved me from some internalised bullshit
This post floated by a few months ago, and I remember something to effect of thereās a difference between recovery and refusal. That is, like, I have a friend that suffered an incomplete spinal cord injury. He can walk again now, and I donāt think Iāve seen him use his chair in a few years. When he walked at his graduation, it was to show off his recovery. That he wasnāt quite ready to go through a full day upright, but he could walk across a stage, unassisted, and soon he would be able to do that every day. Thereās also a difference in someone like me choosing to not use a mobility aid. My mobility is intensely fluid, especially seasonally. So, I would plan a summer wedding. And while I love my cane it can also be the biggest pain in my ass, so Iād want to just go unassisted. But thatās normal for me, at least right now. I can walk without an aid during about half of the year. Itās reasonable to assume I can make it through one day without it. All of that is different than someone that is fully and permanently paralyzed, that will never walk again, dragging themselves along because they feel thatās somehow better. Overall though, my biggest takeaway is fuck the media. Because disabled people should be able to make whatever decision they want without the media turning it into this grand inspirational story.
Disabled people should be able to make whatever decision they want without the media turning it into this grand inspirational story.
THIS.
Couldnāt pass up the opportunity to add my disabled joy to this post. Look at this love!
Taking the opportunity to add these photos of Jessica Kellgren-Fozard and her wife Claudia, from this twitter post. JessicaĀ also has a youtube channel thatās primarily about disability and chronic illness and LGBT stuff (itās amazing!)Ā
I would also like to personally share, Annika Victoria who ALSO has a youtube channel. This photo was taken from her instagram - she made her wedding dress dress herself, BY HAND. Her youtube channel is mostly DIY fashion and sewing tutorials. I love her so much, sheās so unapologetically herself and informative
I also wanna add these pictures of Ade Adepitan fucking rocking this badass suit at his wedding! Give my fellow disabled mascs some love too
look how much fun theyāre both having! yes!
and also this couple, who are both wheelchair users
this is from their beautifully coordinated wedding!
As a person who relies on mobility aids the constant pressure society puts on us to go through pain just to spare the āembarrassmentā and āinconvenienceā of using one is ducking irritating. Especially for these events. I remember wanting to learn how to not need one (despite having chronic pain in both legs to the point that even wearing pants and putting on shoes is excruciating, let alone walking). Then back in June I stupidly believed it would be better if I didnāt use one at my graduation ceremony. Cause I was embarrassed that I needed one, and I wanted to show my family that I could do it. Now, when I tell you I donāt remember shit from that day. I mean it. I donāt remember what I was wearing. Donāt remember getting my diploma. Donāt remember any of it. All I remember is being in excruciating pain. Stupid choice on my part, but if it werenāt for the constant harassment from able bodied folks in my life and these stupid āheartwarmingā videos, I wouldnāt have fallen for the trap. I wouldāve rocked my mobility aid. But, I think it all boils down to able bodied people are afraid that it could one day be them, so they wanna see if we can do it, just to feel better.
