Working up smiles

[1mallears]

1st grader: "I got married at recess today"

Me: "that's exciting"

1st grader: "Are you married?"

Me: "Nope"

1st grader: "how old are you?"

Me: "I'm 24"

1st grader: "Wow you really need to get married!"

Me: "whys that?"

1st grader: "cuz 24 is really old, it might be too late"

[1mallears]

First grader: *screams "I DON'T WANT TO PEE MY PANTS!"

Me: "uh do you need to go to the bathroom?"

First grader: "yes."

[1mallears]

Third grader: "I really want a barbie airplane, but its expensive and my mom says that if I want it I have to buy it myself. But then I would have to save up all my money and I don't like that idea."

[1mallears]

It always amazes me how pumped kids are to show you their recess battle wounds

[1mallears]

Me: "tell me about your family"

Kindergartner: *in one breath "There's mom and dad, and John,hes in high school and really big, and then there's me and Jane (twins) we were a mistake"

[1mallears]

*In the middle of working on /r/s, I correct him and prompt to try again

5th grader: sighs "I'm getting into a lot of trouble at home."

Me: shocked "What? because of your /r/s?!"

5th grader: "No, I'm just really hating my brother right now."

[1mallears]

I was running late and so I was walking swiftly down the hall, and one of my first graders stepped in front of me with his hands up and said “Miss S woah, this is not a playground. This is a school. you need to walk nice.” 

[1mallears]

Me: "Do you remember what we work on in speech?"

First grader: "I can't say B**ch"

Me: ... "Well, yeah but mostly we work on /s/ and /z/"

[1mallears]

First grader: "I don't want to go to speech! I just want to go to school!"

Me: "Good news! Speech is apart of school!"

First grader: *unimpressed* "NO."

[1mallears]

One of my special needs kids was coming out of a behavior and was hanging out on the floor, a class walked by to go to lunch and he threw his arm over his head to block his eyes and said “nope! I don’t like any of you!” And then poked his head out to yell “INCLUDING YOU JANE!”

[1mallears]

In the hallway

1st grader: *crying* "I don't want to wear a mask! I don't like it!"

Teacher: "I know, I don't like it either, but we wear them to keep us safe"

1st grader: *still crying* "Let's just not"

[1mallears]

I was dealing with a difficult mom today trying to get her kid on for online therapy, when I was finally able to get them logged on to do a session, the kid was in his underwear. When I asked if he could put on some clothes real fast she was shocked that I knew he wasn’t wearing any. She didn’t think I would be able to see them. And I’m like fam, this is a video conference. 

[1mallears]

Since schools are shut down due to Covid-19 I have to do online therapy from my house. Today I was working with two kindergarteners who front their /k/s (the /k/s turn into /t/s). So we’re going and it’s complete chaos, and in walks my cat and gives a big meow, which instantly starts a chorus of “a titty!!!” and one of them starts chanting “I want to see your titty!”.  The little control I had was long gone after that. 

[1mallears]

Superhero day brought in some pretty legit costumes, but my favorite was the 3rd grader who came in pajamas, a blanket cape, and a bedazzled eye mask saying she was “the worst super villain of all time” and when asked about what her powers were said “I just do everything better”

[1mallears]

Dress up as what you want to be when you grow up day brought gems such as: 

-Undercover narcotics officer (3rd grader)

-Princess of Canada (Kindergartener)

-Video game designer (5th grader, came in pajamas)

-Doctor (2nd grader, also came in pajamas)

-Army general (2nd grader, came in camo pajamas and sunglasses that were worn inside) 

-A cat (3rd grader)

-Captain Marvel (3rd grader)

-Navy seal (4th grader)

- Fairy godmother (2nd grader)

-A ballerina dentist (3rd grade) 

-Astronaut Chef (1st grade)

-A “real actual cowboy with a living horse, a real one this one is just pretend” (kindergartener) 

[1mallears]

Me: "Are you guys excited for Valentine's day?"

2nd grader #1: "I'm going to ask Marry from Mrs. T's class to be my valentine I think, she likes me she lives on my street"

2nd grader #2: "I asked Jane to be my valentine already"

#1: "she's Jakes valentine tho"

#2: "no they broke up she told me"

#1: "they're back together, I know they are in my class and she said she would be his valentine"

#2: *heartbroken* "But I already gave her a fun dip"

[1mallears]

The fifth graders are doing a Harry Potter themed unite and today they got sorted into houses, when I picked up one of my fifth graders he was pissed

Me: "How was the sorting ceremony?"

5th grader: "Not good."

Me: "Oh no did you not get the house you were hoping for?"

5th grader: "Nope. They put me in hufflepuff, but I'm a slytherin."

Me: "That's a bummer I'm sorry"

5th grader: "It's ok, I'm going to make my friend switch with me"