Erin you mentioned a woodpecker in chapter 16 and you activated my special interest in mythology and birds.. at the same time somehow. So I decided I must figure out the significance of the bird. I must.
woodpeckers have been known to peck at aluminium roof vents because they LOVE the sound it makes. This has relevance I swear. This woodpecker I am talking about is called the Desert Gilded Woodpecker. They are found in the Sonora Dessert and one of the most startling experiences that people reported upon touring there is a strange loud sound, sounding like “a machine gun.” In ancient Roman mythology, it is said this sound is made by Mars, the god of War; in his woodpecker form. Mars, is also the god of metal because it is believed that iron, or metal is sacred. The woodpeckers do not peck the metal vents for battle, but to show of to female woodpeckers. Make the biggest racket possibly to signal for a mate. Or to define territory.. or for many other reasons.
Bare with me this connects to the story I swear.
Mars was not actually originally the god of war. He was pro gal the father-god who brought bread for the two divine twins and their wolf-mother who was nursing them. This relates to woodpeckers, who carve the family home and help incubate the eggs before hatch. This is why a “woodpecker god” would be the perfect archetype for a nurturing male.
Chapter 16— “Whereas Loki is seemingly drawn to the empty sight, Peter finds his gaze wandering towards the giant oak tree casting shade over the benches. There's no wind rustling the leaves, but he hears the pitter patter of small feet.
He hands Haley off to Dick when they get to the benches. A red-headed woodpecker is standing on one of the branches. It peers down at Peter, just as curious as he is. Has Peter ever seen one of these in person before?”
After this, dick is seemingly continuously watching and checking in on Peter, even before this actually. Just like how male woodpeckers watch after their young, and how mars helped care for the two divine twins.
The woodpecker is mentioned three times after this, once — "Why would you need to escape?"
Dick stares Loki down.
Peter pointedly looks up into the tree, where the woodpecker is still chilling out. After a couple beats of silence from both offending parties, Dick presses, "Peter?"
Twice—"You need to be grateful that he wants to go back at all." Loki snaps. Both Peter and Dick flinch this time. He shrinks in on himself as the three of them go quiet. The only sound is the woodpecker getting closer to the ground again.”
Now here’s where it falls apart. Not anything on you, I just couldn’t place how the woodpecker getting closer had any relevance to the ancient Roman god, Mars. It could be a stretch, but the woodpecker could be getting closer as comfort, like how sick keeps comforting Peter the entire time. It just didn’t feel right. To me.
Thrice—“His chest feels lighter than it has in weeks, warm at the thought that Dick could be on to something here.
moving-!
The woodpecker abruptly flaps its wings, rustling the leaves around it. It flies up out of the branches of the great oak tree, towards the bright blue sky above them.”
Now it really fell apart. The bird leaving felt final, it could be related to male woodpeckers leaving their kids when they grow up, leaving them to their own journey. Or dick easing peters worries. But it didn’t feel right to me. This feels final, like a weight lifted off Peter’s shoulders. So I switched.
It haunted me. I couldn’t figure it out. I would think I had something, that i figured out a meaning of something. And then boom, gone. But it hit me, Norse mythology. I mean, Thor is literally less than one or two chapters away. Coincidentally, woodpeckers, in Norse mythology are called “Thor birds.” While Thor uses Mjolnir, the powerful woodpeckers will drum in trees nearby.
That’s all. That’s all I could find. I’ll admit, I’m a weak reader on Norse mythology. I don’t know a lot. Almost none, actually. Erin this bird haunts me. What did you mean by including this bird I need to know I MUST. You have thrown me a bone whether intentionally or not (it probably wasn’t. I’m insane about birds.) and I must chew it all until I finally get down to whatever thebfuck is inside that bone. WHAT IS INSIDE OF THE BONE ERIN?!?? WHAT DOES THE BIRD MEAN?!!
You have no idea how happy this ask made me. I was already doing a little hop and a skip over seeing how long it was and then I realized it's about the woodpecker!!! and now I'm over the moon because no one has really hit the nail on the head until now and I couldn't offer up any info until someone got it so YEAHHHH im excited!!
You're right in both ways! The woodpecker is "Thor's bird" in Norse Mythology (at least from what I could find), and it's also a metaphor for what's going on with Peter and Dick in that chapter!
A lot of people thought that the woodpecker was Mysterio, which made me giggle (and gave me ideas). But really, I've been hinting for many many chapters that Thor would be showing up in the story and he'd be relevant.
Specifically, I wanted to show that something magic was happening around Peter other than Loki. Someone else sent an ask or made a comment (can't remember which) pointing out the lightning had started a while ago. That lightning was my first hint, but I needed something else to show how close Klarion was getting with his magic, and how soon Thor would be showing up. I figured, well, maybe it should be a bird, to go on theme with Robin. Lo and behold- I find the woodpecker, related to Thor (loosely, I believe?), and when looking into them, I see they're family oriented. It fit all too well to have this woodpecker be a hint to Thor and a metaphor for Dick and Peter's growing relationship, and how Dick has pushed Peter forward towards success: whether he stay there with Dick, or fly off on his own.
Gahhhhh there's a lot I could say about all of that. How Dick is pushing (challenging his world view) Peter out of the nest (his comfort zone) so he can learn to fly on his own (have confidence in himself) like Richard never got to,,, but I'm a wee bit tired and this post would end up too long and rambly lol
I like to imagine that every once in a while Red Hood just goes off comms for long stretches of time and comes back bruised as shit and exhausted before logging off for the night and the rest of bat brigade is trying to figure out which villain of the week keeps jumping him.
Eventually they, cause communication is a skill no one learned, just start harassing hood’s men to find out whose turf they are invading only to find out they thought the bats were beefing with Red again cause he keeps mumbling about brats.
Now they are trying to find out which one of them is lying about fucking with Jason and no one is owning up, the trackers they keep putting on him are fizzling out, no one as any idea and Jason ain’t saying shit. But like he’s never properly irritated about it or asks for help nor can they find anything out so they let it go for now (read keep trying to track him to no avail).
And then one night Red Robin comes across Red getting chased and then fighting off a feral looking teenager on the roofs of Crime Alley and just when he looks like he is getting the upper hand another drops down from above (how the fuck the nearest taller building is not anywhere near close enough to dive into the fight from what the fuck?!?) and joins the brawl.
Tim is about to rush in to help Jason before the two teens’ heads turn in unison to him with Lazarus green eyes and look like cats when they see a red dot. Jason panics and before he can grab them, they leap and now Tim is in a cartoon brawl dust cloud and all and Jason has joined in and is calling them all brats and how his gunna whop their ass- and there is a foot in his mouth.
And yet through it all Tim never feels afraid. In fact, as he fights he realises they are keeping up and beating him all whilst smiling and punning(?!? They must never meet dick SHIT DUCK) and that won’t fucking do, so he brings out all his tools and tricks and is getting matching by two raccoon twins. 20 minutes later they are all grinning bloody smiles and just as he is about to slam his bo staff up into into the female looking twin, a whistle is blown.
They all freeze and look over in unison as if they all became shining quadruplets at a giant shit house built fucking man. And like Tim has seen big men. Bane is a big mother fucker. Superman is a big mother fucker, and is also shaped like one. Bats is big but this guy even though his is maybe not as large he feels infinitely more terrifying and that’s before you get to the flaming(fucking literally, how does that even work or stay in the pony tail) white hair.
“Alright enough for tonight or foods gunna go cold. Inside.” A voice bellows across the roof before the man disappears??!? At the mention of food the one top of Tim almost starts drooling, gets up and starts dragging Tim’s still prone body across the roof and off of it OH FUCK AND INTO A WALL WHA and they went through it… well
A couple second later Jason and the other dude stumble in. Jason picks Tim up as he is coming down from that mini adrenaline rush at and puts a arm around Tim, half hug half chokehold, saying “say nothing and you get to join once a week. Say shit and you’re haunted.” And walks off to the kitchen and starts bringing out food.
… safe to say the rest of the bats are now confused why Tim of all people is now turning up bruised as well with Jason, cause if it was him to start why has he started loosing all of a sudden??? And he says fuck all but his weapons and fighting style has got more chaotic and terrifying.
Oh and he seems to be eating… well you win some and lose some
I have this scene in my head of a giant DC/batfam crossover where everyone in the batfam inherits Bruce's adoption tendencies and he has no clue what to do about it.
Like one day, the batfam find a homeless Peter Parker, end up doing a DNA test, and bam, it's Dick's son. He's around 14, and has that same sunny disposition as his father. The Wayne family has grown by one and they couldn't be happier.
Except... Jason has been acting weird lately...
At first, it was a little weird because he had been spending more time around the manor to see Peter. And then he stopped. Completely cut contact out of nowhere. Dick confronts him and finds a 16 year old Danny Phantom hiding behind his brother with the brightest, green eyed glare Dicks ever seen.
A month later a French class visits.
It's their last trip of their middle school year before highschool. 17 year old Damian Wayne walks in with a 12 year old Marinette who's small, nervous, and is so smart she skipped a grade. Damian is happy to announce that he has a new daughter.
Danny, staring up at Tim, who currently Robin: okay...so this isn't what it looks like.
Tim, giving dead pan glare: so you arnt breaking into Drake Manor?
Danny, shoulders dropping: okay yeah it's totally what it looks like...but not because you think!
Tim, sighing slightly: so you arnt homeless and thought that since Timothy Drake was recently adopted by Bruce Wanye, and both of his parents are dead you can just move in and live here?
Danny, blinking owlishly: I mean, yeah? I mean, not homeless, and I didn't even know that dude got adopted, like good for him, hope that he is safe and shiz, sucks that he parents died and all but not here to squat dude.
Tim, raising a single eyebrow: then why pray tell are you here?
Danny, kicking at the ground a bit: so like...ugh, so I might be um like...a...fudge what's the word...ah! Psychopomp? Like I am a dude that helps like people's ghosts pass and like keeps em happy.
Tim, squinting behind his mask: the only person that died here is Jack Drake and I assure you, his soul would not be happy going to where he deserves to be.
Danny, holding up his hands: wow lot of misplaced aggression there boy wonder...no I ain't here for him, like him and his wife did like...so much tomb raiding they would make the Victorians jelly. I am here cus they stole some dudes shit and he wants it back...like yesterday.
Tim, tilting his head: so you are here to steal an artifact.
Danny, popping the P sound: Yup, something about some guys clay tablet, he liked keeping his hate mail for some reason, said this one was about how he shorted some dudes iron? Or was it copper... my Mesopotamian isn't the best.
Tim, eyes widening, because he knows *exactly* which tablet he is talking about: Oh...yeah no bro, you seem chill but I really can't let you have that so why don't you just like...walk away and I won't be forced to do something kay?
Danny, frowning: Sames dude, up until that .y guy cus like...I *really* wasn't asking...
Tim, sighing as he extends his bo staff: Try and just like, not hold a grude yeah? Don't need a new villain...
Danny, pulling out an ecto gun and turning it on: I don't know man...I feel like we have good banter.
(They fight, Tim is still training so he is a bit sloppy, and Danny isn't shooting to kill, so it's more of them playing cat and mouse throughout Drake Manor, it ends with Danny stealing the tablet but having to leave the ecto gun, which gets broken when he escapes)
Tim, panting as he watches Danny flee: Fuck...is this what B feels after fighting Catwoman?
---
Bruce, rubbing his temples as Tim explains why he was late for training: You tried to apprehend an unknown, with a weapon of an unknown source and power...in the home of your secret identity?
Tim, looking properly chastised: God...yes that happened...he wasn't that bad honestly...was pretty witty.
Bruce developing a twitch in his eye: No.
Tim: No? No what.
Bruce, glaring hard at his adopted son: No falling in love with a villain.
Tim, looking scandalized now: Oh? What is this? Hypocrisy thy name is Bruce Wayne!
Bruce's glare turns into a batglare: Ten laps around the cave and fifty bo staff katas...no villains!
---
Danny becomes Tim's rogue, but not really, most of their battles are more each other showing off their new gear/moves they learned.
Danny also is only using tech that his parents made and he upgraded since he really doesn't want to go ghost in front of *Robin*, who is totally not his crush, and the only reason why he won't is because batman would 100% be on his ass.
Danny, pulling a massive creep stick with a nail driven through it out of seemingly nowhere: The new and approved Creep Stick! This time with nail to add tetnus damage!
Tim, watching as 'The Inventor' escapes once more: I hate seeing him leave but by God do I love watching him go...Damn should have turned on the camera just so I can see it again.
Barbara chiming in: Keep the main line PG Robin.
Batman, through coms: Hn...we shall be having words when we get back to the cave
Tim, sipping a soup that The Occultist made: "So like...why were you even here?
---
When the Titans tower incident occurs, Tim could only watch in awe as the Inventor, not only comes in from the ceiling with a literal metal chair, and then continues to beat up the guy with a bad Robin cosplay.
Danny, panting as he holds up the chair again: Back I say! Back! My blorbo!
Jason, seething as he actually hisses at this random teen that appeared out of nowhere, scurrying away while cradling his broken arm: You shall rue the day! Jason Todd was here bitches!
Tim, staring up at Danny, face a bloody mess and an adoring look in his eyes: omg he stalks me, this is must what the other guys felt when I did it!
They don't really start dating, it's much more Danny breaking into Tim's house and just not leaving.
Tim, watching as his "arch enemy" is sprawled across his couch, bucket of ice cream in one hand, spoon in another, phone balanced between his ear and shoulder, pants and socks tossed haphazardly across the living room and just chilling in his boxers: Now wait a damn minute.
Danny, pausing while looking up from his ice cream (which is actually Tim's, since the boy is rich and buys the good shit), pointing his spoon accusatorily at Tim: Your fucking late Mister! Drag race started half an hour ago and we agreed to watch it together!
Tim, blushing under the Robin mask: Sorry case got good and- wait wait wait, when did we agree to watch drag race together?
Danny, rolling his eyes: when I made breakfast this morning? I even gave you extra strong coffee for your solem swearing that you would be here.
Tim, thinking back to earlier: I just...remember a bright white orb giving me a mug and a plate of food...
Danny, scoffing: this is why I need to drug you to get to sleep more often. Now take off your gear and get over here, they about to choose who shall sashay away!
Tim, nodding slowly: Hope it is that one queen from last episode, that lio sink didn't have any- wait! Ugh you keep distracting me! When did you fucking move in? I don't even know your name!
Danny with a spoon just an inch away from his mouth: Jazz? Yeah I uhh...I gotta call you back...(clicks hang up on his phone) Your joking right? For the shits and gigs?
Tim, shaking his head slowly: No shits, not a single gig my dude, 100% honest.
Danny, who had just arrived this morning since his parents are renovating because Fenton HQ is a glaring OSHA violation, but also who's middle names are "commit to the bit" and "Gaslight GateKeep Girl boss" : Babe we have been dating for like, *months*...d-do ou really not remember?
Tim, existential crisis made manifest: Oh no...I have been mind wiped.
Danny, astounded that worked: Baby I am so sorry...
They "date" for like a week before Danny starts feeling bad that he tricked Tim (who he finally got to see maskless, he had to stop his heart to not show any outward reaction to that, cus like hell he is cute) and wants to come clean but he honestly never had seen Tim more happy nor more healthy.
Danny, sitting across Bruce at the Manor: S-So um...like yeah we um...met at a science convention? My um...my parents were show casing stuff and like...we met there?
Bruce, eyes narrowing because that sounded like a lie: Hn.
Dick, happy that Tim finally felt comfortable to bring his "boyfriend" to dinner: B stop glaring! Your going to scare off Timmy's Bf! God you weren't this bad when I brought over Roy that one time.
Bruce doesn't stop glaring, and it's making Danny even more nervous: Um I uh...need to use the bathroom one sec...
Tim moves to guide him but Alfred waves him to sit down: You really must eat Master Timothy, I did make your favorite today. I shall guide Mister Fenton to the lavatory.
Alfred does indeed lead Danny from the dining room, but the second they are far enough the old butler suddenly has a shotgun in hand, skin suddenly a pale blue and objects around the parlor turning green and floating: While they do try and see the best in others, I do not Phantom, now I must ask you to kindly leave and never contact Master Timothy every again. I shall not let my charge fall for such as the likes of you.
Danny blinking at how he was addressed, a sudden ghostly blue mist escaping his mouth: Oh shit.
They have a ghost fight, all while comically popping in and out of the dining room, making excuses for whyvthe other is gone.
It ends when Tim, finally fed up with why his boyfriend is taking so long opens the door only to see him duking it out with Alfred, fully gone ghost and was loosing.
Such leads to confessions of lies, real feeling and why Alfred has been able to be a spry 60 even though he fought in WWI and it is very much the mid 2010s.
(Danny and Tim do end up together, this time with no lies about a mind wipe, and get Kon and Bart to join their polycule later on)
So Damian is in college, and he’s continued being a vigilante, but people are starting to get a bit suspicious when he leaves during a rouge attack. He needs someone to be his alibi, and it has to be someone he can realistically be around alone for long periods of time.
Enter Danielle Jane Masters. She’s an archaeology major, and is currently looking for a place to live that’s not a dorm. Quiet enough to to slip by, but is also a presence that’s impossible to fully ignore. She’s also pretty and smart enough for their ‘relationship’ to not be a total shock
Damian offers his apartment in exchange for her to be his fake girlfriend.
~
Dani’s attending GU, and after her roommate infested her dorm with mutated cockroaches, she decides that she’s done with the dorm hall.
She can’t exactly find a place to stay with roommates willing to overlook her halfa oddities (doesn’t eat much/at all, eyes glow, etc) and she can’t afford rent on her own (and she would not be asking Vlad for money). Jazz and Danny have enough on their plate, with Danny taking his rightful throne and Jazz getting a PhD in Star City.
Dani also is keeping a low profile, partly due to the GIW and partly due to the bats, who might run her out of town before she finishes her degree.
So having a fake boyfriend to keep her cover as a normal college student is perfect. All she has to do is be a good fake girlfriend until she graduates and she can leave town.
Why Damian needs a fake girlfriend is none of her business, but she suspects hes involved in crime.
They mostly ignore each other, but over time they develop a small friendship and a ‘friends with benefits’ type of thing even though they’re already ‘dating’.
Shenanigans in no particular order:
- Damian notices Dani doesn’t eat much, and gets pretty concerned, especially after he realizes she also doesn’t sleep (halfa stuff)
- Dani gets the flu, and Damian goes full doctor mode. Turns out Dani not only hates being cared for, she’s also clingy when she’s sick
- Dani doesn’t come back one night, so Damian goes out to look for her and finds her as a sacrifice for a cult meant to bring ‘peace and harmony’ to the world. They take her blood and before they add it to the circle, all the power cuts out. Damian heads back to the apartment to find Dani waiting for him, saying she was ‘so worried’ (She was. She sensed he was near during the ritual and caused a city-wide blackout and slipped out invisibly and intangibly)
-the Waynes are entirely convinced that Dani and Damian are actually dating, and Damian goes: ‘these fucking idiots. I wonder how long we can fool them.’ Surprisingly, Danis up for the challenge, and Damian invites her to a gala, where they pretend to be the most in love couple then can be without making it obvious they’re faking. Has Dani always stared at him like this?
-Jon visits, and even he’s convinced. That’s when Damian realizes that he actually wants to date Dani
-Something happens to Dani’s room/bed (maybe it’s flooded, the frame snaps, etc) and suddenly it’s just one bed
-that same night, one of Damian’s sibling slip through Damian’s window bc they’re injured and just see Damian and Dani and it’s just really awkward, especially if one of them wakes up.
-if it’s Dani that wakes up, she just sees a shadow at the foot of the bed, realizes Damian’s sleeping right next to her, and she grabs the nearest lamp and throws it. The person crumples to the ground and Dani finally turns on the light to see a vigilante on the ground unconscious.
- if it’s Damian, he’s just really embarrassed while the vigilante thinks it’s cute. Damian ends up trying to get his sibling to leave while also trying to not wake up Dani, who eventually smothers him with a pillow trying to get him to shut up.
-it turns out they sleep way better when the others there, so they make excuses to stay
-Danny stops by for an hour and is promptly not fooled by their charade and accuses Damian of holding her hostage. Barbara or Tim decide to hack into his apartment’s security camera and catches the part of the conversation where Danny threatens Damian
-one of them gets partnered with a member of the opposite gender, and the other is wildly jealous about it
-one of them gets a stalker and they spot the stalker in public, and in order to ward them off, they start making out with the other. The stalker posts the photos on the internet
-a talk show wants to have an interview with them, and they play a game (“what’s their favorite color? “What’s their biggest pet peeve” etc). They answer every question correctly.
-they have a public pretend fight that gets a little too real
-Jason or Steph finds out and they help Damian plan an apology date
-someone insults Damian too Dani’s face and Dani snaps. There’s yelling, video recordings, and a whole bunch of shit and Dani doesn’t even realize Damian’s standing right behind her, approaching her to ask her out on that apology date.
-Dani gets invited out by some of her friends and they ditch her and Dani’s drunk, has no ride, and is feeling extremely uncomfortable, so she calls Damian, who drops whatever he’s doing to come get her
-Damian gets home late after a rough patrol and Dani fell asleep at the counter waiting for him because she was worried
-fake proposal. Even better if it’s not planned at all, and they’re just like “do you to marry me?” “Ok sure.” “👍”
Any more ideas? Not sure how it’ll end, so i want to see your suggestions
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Danny was watching the news when he felt the distinctive tug of a Summoning Ritual. The reporter was saying that some fruitloops from another dimension were trying to invade earth. An average event for an Amity Park resident, but the rest of the planet weren’t nearly as well adjusted (or rather, numb to the trauma). Danny suspected this was the cause for the summons.
“Um. Danny?” Sam pointed at the TV. “You gonna sort that out or do you think the Justice League can handle it?” The three of them had been chilling out at Tuckers house and watching cartoons prior to the news alert.
“Uh, hang on, I can feel a Summons coming on…” Danny said, standing up and stretching out.
“Seriously? Now? Could these guys not have better timing??” Tucker groaned next to him. Or rather, groaned from the depths of the couch, as Danny couldn’t see much of him inside the wedge of blankets. There was a foot sticking out and that was it.
“Actually… I think it’s great timing” Danny hummed. “I recognize the caller ID” he huffed, letting himself get pulled away by the magic of the ritual, and shifting into his Ghost King appearance - the Observants would throw a tantrum if he didn’t, even if it is just John Constantine.
The ‘King Form’ transformation was different to ‘Going Ghost’. His regular transformation was no different to breathing, or flexing a muscle. He’d blink, and flesh and blood had been changed to ectoplasm and energy. The King Form, on the other hand, felt like a spiritual adrenaline rush. Danny could feel his core humming as his forearms turned to ice, and both arms split in two. His vision sharpened and became more vibrant as his secondary and tertiary eyes opened. He stretched his back and sighed in satisfaction as his flesh tore away to expose his bones- to this day Danny isn’t sure why that feels so satisfying, it’s like getting his back cracked after a long day. His legs melted together to form his long, serpentine tail. He ran his tongue over his sharpened teeth, flexed his claws and flicked his tail in satisfaction. All set.
He’d initially been self conscious about the King form, still was a little bit honestly, but his friends and family had assured him he looked great. Not too Eldritch horror to be traumatic, but enough to be comfortably unsettling. His mother had said the extra eyes were very pretty. His Dad had spent an hour poking at his newly exposed bones, fascinated (which is how Danny found out his spinal cord is ticklish, who knew).
He felt himself reaching his destination, and climbed his way out of the magic and back into the physical plane (no matter how many times he tried, he could never quite explain how Summonings felt. A tunnel of pure energy and ectoplasm was as close as he could get). Rising out of the portal, he was greeted by what appeared to be not only John Constantine, but the entire Justice League. Dang. No pressure. He spotted a lot of people flinch as he arose - not unreasonable, Danny was absolutely massive like this, and he was aware of how intimidating he looked. Constantine waved at him, drawing his full attention to the Justice League Dark and Founding members at the front of the crowd. He smiled at them, and the Flash went pale, seeing his teeth. Oops.
“Evening your majesty” Constantine grinned, “You look delightfully spooky today.” Danny appreciated that Constantine was comfortable enough with him at this point to be jovial, reverence was just creepy.
“Hellblazer” Danny chuckled. “You reek of cheep beer and cigarette smoke. Good to know you’re taking care of your health. Eager to join me in the realms?” Danny crossed one set of arms and set the others on his hips. Batman and Zatanna tensed at the perceived threat, but John just rolled his eyes.
“Hahah. Very funny. Do you really need to chirp about my health every time you see me?” The magician sighed.
“I’ll stop when you start prioritizing it” Danny rolled all six eyes, earning a shudder from Green Lantern. “I take it this is about your new interdimensional visitors?”
“You’re already aware of the situation then.” Batman said gruffly. It wasn’t so much of a question as it was a statement. Danny had to suppress a squeal - Batman and his clan were undeniably some of his favorite heroes, they were part of the reason he wanted to go to University in Gotham in the first place. He’d even taken the risk of apartment hunting near the infamous Crime Alley in the hope of seeing one specific Bat…
“News travels fast Dark Knight. Whoever first said ‘Dead Men tell no tales’ had clearly never met a Ghost before” Danny chuckled. He wasn’t going to tell them he was just watching TV, he didn’t want to give too much away in front of strangers. It’s not a total lie anyway, Ghosts did love a good gossip. “I take it you called me to get rid of them?”
“Indeed we did, a lot of lives are at stake.” Constantine grimaced. “I, John Constantine, on the behalf of the Justice League, ask for your aid in banishing these wankers from our dimension. Please” the Hellblazer’s bowed, the other leaguers following suit. Several JLD members sighed despairingly at John’s lack of formality.
“Eloquent” Danny quipped, and shrugged “of course you have my aid. But you know as well as I, that it cannot simply be given freely, as much as I would like to” Danny grimaced, running a hand through his hair and curling his tail below him to sit on.
“Yeah I know. Formality dictates a deal be made, blah blah blah.” Constantine rose from the bow with an annoyed sigh. “Remind me why you have to do that again? Because it’s not like you’ve got anyone to answer too.”
“I’ll be threatened with more paperwork. My desk is already overflowing, I can’t afford to get anymore.” Danny deadpanned. He really needed a secretary. “Besides, blowing off all the other Ghostly Offices and Officials would be a very Pariah Dark thing to do, and I’m trying to avoid that for very understandable reasons.”
“I get it I get it.” John sighed. “Well, can’t give you my bloody soul since you already have it, and I doubt you want anyone else’s either.”
“Definitely not. I really want to stay out of the Soul Trade as much as possible.” Danny grumbled. It was bad enough he inherited a bunch of contacts from Pariah when he took the throne, he didn’t want any more souls! He’s only acquired two by himself so far, Razer had caught him by surprise, and he couldn’t exactly refuse Satan’s ‘gift’. “Tradition and formality dictate that the payment must be of significant value to the summoner, so something like a sandwich would be considered insufficient, no matter how much I wish it wasn’t. I need something significant, in order to not have those OCD eyeball-jerks the Observants up in arms later.” Green Arrow repeated that last part, muttering in confusion.
“You would save the world for a sandwich?” Superman asked, looking rather taken aback.
“Sandwiches are good” Danny shrugged, ignoring the crowds mutters of ‘why would an eldritch horror want a sandwich’ and a few murmurs of ‘he’s not wrong’. “I have no desire for souls, and find slaves, brides and firstborns to be tasteless and vile. So while they would be sufficient, I would not accept them on principle.”
“Would things of Monetary value be sufficient? Or money in and of itself?” Batman queried. Danny hummed, considering the question. Does Batman have money? Is that why he’s asking? Justice League has to get funding from somewhere… Wes Weston’s ‘Batman is a Wayne family member’ conspiracy surfaced in his mind, and Danny quickly swatted it back to the depths on principle.
“It can be, but the cost would be need to be proportionate to the request, and I’d rather not bankrupt anyone.” Danny sighed.
“You mentioned not wanting souls or lives, but what of blood sacrifice itself?” Wonder Woman asked. Danny recalled that the ancient Greeks would sacrifice animals to the gods, so this wasn’t too surprising coming from her.
“I have… mixed feelings regarding that. I refuse to accept human sacrifices of course, but animals are reasonably acceptable. I’ve no issue with consuming flesh and blood, if anything my Doctor would encourage it, but I have close allies that deeply frown upon sacrifices of that nature, and admittedly I find it uncomfortable myself.” Sam would re-kill him if he accepted a slaughtered animal. “I’ve seen enough dead goats at this point for several un-lifetimes…” Danny muttered bitterly.
“S-s-starting to see why you’d r-rather accept a s-sandwich. This i-is sup-prisingly c-complicated.” Flash grinned awkwardly. Danny attempted to give him a reassuring smile, but judging by his reaction he wasn’t very successful. Dangit.
“Breathe speedster. Remember that I mean you no harm.” Danny murmured as gently as he could. He really didn’t, despite how much work the Flashpoints gave both him and Clockwork (who probably would mean the speedster harm if they ever met). The Flash did not look 100% convinced, but still seemed grateful for the assurance.
“This is getting difficult.” Superman scowled. “Lives are on the line, we need to act fast.”
“I share your anxiety, son of Krypton. I take no pleasure or satisfaction from lives being cut short prematurely, as mine once was.” Danny sighed, leaning back. The JL members were muttering amongst themselves. Trying to come up with ideas. His last comment got a few winces of sympathy from the crowd, particularly the JLD. They no doubt were wondering how violent and cruel his demise must have been, in order to create a spirit like him. Danny was going to let them continue thinking that, as there was no way he was ever letting them find out he died by ‘electrocution & an inter-dimensional portal opening on his head due to Teenage stupidity’.
Danny let the whispers and mutters of the crowd flow over him, but regretted it quickly. Unsurprisingly, the Ghost King form was unpopular. Many people in attendance were clearly frightened and uncomfortable with his appearance. Danny would switch back to regular Phantom if he could, but he could only drop it once the deal was made and no sooner, otherwise he’d never hear the end of it from the Observants!! God he hated those eyeball-bastards and their commitment to traditions. They seemed determined to drown him in paperwork! And thanks to their Traditions and Formalities he was scaring 90% of the caped community. Not the kind of first impression Danny would have preferred.
“…For the sake of my sanity would you stop lusting over the Eldritch horror?!” A voice suddenly wheezed out. Ahh, of course. There’s always one or two Teratophiliacs in the crowd. As much as Danny disliked people being scared of the king form, the Monsterfucker community creeped him out. Sometimes they just got a bit too… intense. Danny glanced over to see who had been speaking, and was immediately stunned. What in the heck? That was the Batfamily. One of them was… interested? What? Most of them appeared to be talking to Red Hood, does that mean… w-was it him? There was no denying that Hood was Danny’s favorite among the Gotham Vigilantes. For… um, multiple reasons, most of which Sam and Val still teased him for. Hood then removed his helmet and… wow. He’s actually pretty handsome… forget that. He’s gorgeous. Danny should probably focus but-
“I will not. That is single-handedly the most beautiful and hot creature I have ever seen in my life, and I have no shame in admitting that!” What. “I do not care if he’s an undead eldritch horror, he could do utterly unspeakable things to me and I would thank him for the rest of eternity. I shit you not, I would have his fucking children if I was biologically capable of it.” Double What. “I have never seen a being more ethereally beautiful and haunting, and I am genuinely tempted to write poetry about how gorgeous he is. And I would appreciate it if you would ease off my back about it, and just let me enjoy my fantasies in peace, alright?” Hood finished his tirade, much to the shock of both his siblings and Danny. He’d been rather loud, and several people had noticed Danny looking in that direction, baffled. Danny on the other hand…
…Oh ANCIENTS. That really just happened?! Holy crap holy crap holy crap! Red Hood. RED HOOD. Thought… all that?! About Danny?! Danny’s vigilante celebrity crush of all people?! He liked the Ghist King form?! ANCIENTS GIVE HIM STRENGTH. RED HOOD IS INTO DANNY. This was definitely not how Danny thought this summoning would go, he’d have thought he’d died and gone to heaven if it weren’t for the fact he was already dead multiple times over!
“Well, I have good news for you Hood” Robin spoke, having noticed Danny’s attention on them.
“What?”
“His Majesty apparently has very keen hearing”. Red Hood abruptly turned and saw Danny staring, and his face went bright red.
“…Oh”
There was a beat of silence, before Danny felt his face heat up and he quickly covered it, letting a flustered little whine escape him, decorum be damned. He’d heard things like t-that before, even in regular phantom form, but he’d never really heard it from anyone who Danny actually found likeable or attractive. Especially not where the king form was concerned. For once, Danny has been gifted a Monsterfucker he was genuinely into!! Thank you universe!! Dammit, he could hear Constantine snickering! Bastard!
“W-well. Thank you, that is um… quite the confidence booster” Danny choked out, peeking out at Red Hood through a gap between his fingers. Hood looked like he was blushing even harder, and damn it was cute! Danny wanted to burn that image into his retinas. All six of them.
“Y-you’re Welcome.” Hood replied, sounding a little hoarse. Now that Danny thought about it, he’d never heard Hood’s voice without the Helmet’s vocoder distorting it. He has a very nice voice, you can actually hear the Jersey accent. It would sound pretty nice screaming his naaaAAA DANIEL JAMES FENTON. NO. BAD GHOST KING. NOW IS NOT THE TIME TO BE HORNY.
“Oh my fucking god” Red Robin and Spoiler wheezed, partially collapsing from laughter. Signal and Orphan looked like they were barely keeping their composure, and Robin and Nightwing looked various different levels of horrified. Oh fuck, right, they have an audience here. Focus Danny focus!!
“Ahahah let’s back to the negotiations ey???!” Danny yelped, turning back to Constantine and removing his hands from his face and forcing a more confident grin onto his face. Constantine was clearly not convincinced by the display, and the other JL members weren’t quite sure how they felt about seeing more of Danny’s teeth. Batman looked like he was reevaluating life decisions, which was fair.
“Yes. We d-definitely should” Constantine choked, still laughing. Danny glared at him.
“John I swear to the ancients I can and will sic Youngblood on you again if you don’t shut up” Danny hissed. Constantine immediately groaned.
“Oh Christ please don’t. He threw eggs and toilet paper at me for a full forty eight hours. I don’t know where he got that many eggs, or that much bog roll, but I can’t face doing that much laundry again” he groaned, causing a few snickers from his coworkers. “Alright look, you’re a Guardian Spirit right? Protection based obsession? You could probably knock the price down since this likely counts as obsession fulfillment, right?” Oh fuck, yes! Why hadn’t Danny thought of that sooner!!
“You’re right, it does, I should have thought of that. It would decrease the price dramatically, since I’d be protecting such a large volume of people” Danny felt his core buzz excitedly at the prospect. “Actually, Obsession fulfillment can be considered a form of payment in and of itself!” It just didn’t happen very often because obsessions are complicated.
“Alright then! Now we’re getting somewhere!” Constantine grinned.
“Do you have other obsessions we could fulfill?” Zatanna queried. Green Lantern paled a little.
“His other obsessions could be something weird and dangerous, why would she ask that?? That just seems so unnecessarily risky” He muttered under his breath. Danny folded his arms, a little annoyed.
“I can hear you, Lantern” Danny said coldly, and the man immediately went white as a sheet and began stuttering apolgies. He shut up when Danny held up a hand.
“I understand your concern, believe me. There are plenty of unsavory spirits out there. I just wasn’t thrilled with your tone.” Danny sighed. “To answer your question Zatanna, my other primary obsession is Space. I’ve been in love with the cosmos since I was very young, and it carried over in death.” Danny explained sheepishly.
“That explains the cloak, I just thought it was for aesthetic purposes” Aquaman hummed. Danny lifted some of the material, smile fond. A few awed gasps sounded out as a couple shooting stars zoomed across the folds.
“Ah! I’ve got an idea!” Constantine grinned. “It fulfills the space obsession, and the protection one a bit! Your career started out as a small town vigilante right?”
“Started and remains so, I haven’t yet left the hero business, and don’t really plan on doing so any time soon” Danny shrugged. “Why’d you ask?”
“Wait, Constantine, you can’t be thinking of..” Green Arrow began.
“A Justice League membership would give you watchtower access.” Constantine grinned, and Danny’s eyes widened. Several people sputtered.
“Constantine, King Phantom is a massive unknown to us, we can’t just—” Superman protested. Batman nodded in agreement.
“It’d be fine. Phantom is a Guardian Spirit at heart. Giving him long term access to the watchtower would mean it’s protected against all supernatural threats, and in the case of a similar incident ever cropping up, we could simply call on him as another Member, and we wouldn’t have to go through this summoning ritual bullshite again. I can vouch for his character” John explained, before turning to Danny and speaking in choppy Ghost Speak with a mischievous grin. “It also mean that you is more likely to be path-crossing with Red Hood.”
Holy crap. This would be AWESOME. WATCHTOWER ACCESS?! He could hang out on the coolest space station ever?! Surrounded by cool heroes?! Working with them?? Making a much better second impression since the first one is scaring most of them?? Local hero Danny Phantom finally getting the recognition, support and respect he’s been craving since he was 14?? And beating Red Huntress to it is so totally a bonus!! Suck it Valerie!! And… oh man. Red Hood. Working together. Sharing a break room. That. That is an image. That is an image Danny likes. Oh ancients, potential for Office romance moments? (Is Danny still reeling from the fact he actually has a shot with Hood? 100%).
Who cares if the Observants don’t think it’s enough, Danny is not passing up this opportunity. “You’ve got a deal Hellblazer. I’d be honoured” Danny replied, bowing and barely containing his excitement. Danny stretched out his hand, condensing energy into solid matter and forming a Contract, holding it out to Constantine to take. The mage took it, grinning victoriously, but was met with several people protesting loudly. Dangit, Danny thought it was too easy —
“I stand with Constantine on this. A Guardian Spirit as strong as High King Phantom would be an invaluable asset to us all” Dr Fate spoke out over the crowd, silencing all voices of dissent. He’d been silent up until now, but Danny had noticed him scrutinizing him. Guess he… passed the test? Yay regardless. “…Do remember to read the fine print Constantine” the doctor murmured quietly.
“I’m not a bloody rookie, get your shiny mug out of my arse you wanker” Constantine grumbled. “No insidious loopholes for us to be snared in, and we’re allowed to terminate it at any time. Best deal you can probably get, especially from someone of Phantom’s caliber” Constantine smiled, signing his name and passing it to be signed by the rest of the JLD and Founding members. They all scanned the contract before signing. There were still some grumbling, but Zatanna told them that it was worth it for the amount of lives that will be saved. Finally, the contract was signed, and dissipated in a puff of smoke. Danny felt the distinctive tug on his core indicating the deal was done. FINALLY.
“Alright, the deal is made and all the terms are agreed upon. The contract is officially signed. I will deal with the invading forces, and make sure they will never be able to cut through to another dimension in the name of tyranny again” Danny straightened up as he spoke. “I will depart and deal with the threat at once.”
“The Justice League is in your debt King Phantom” Batman spoke, bowing respectfully. Now, Danny needed to go and chuck the fruitloop invaders back into their own dimension, and ward it against them escaping it again without noble intentions. It shouldn’t be too time consuming or exhausting… so he… Danny probably had time to… oh for the love of, just do it coward!! Danny turned once more to Red Hood, who immediately snapped to attention. Robin and Nightwing both reached for their weapons, while Red Robin pulled out a phone, smirking.
“Um. B-before I go, uh…” Danny mumbled nervously, looking away nervously. “R-Red Hood, if I may speak with you for a moment?” Holy crap he’s really doing this holy crap holy crap holy crap. Be cool Fenton! Red Hood walked up to the edge of the summoning circle, apparently oblivious to the terrified hissing and discouraging from Nightwing and Robin. Danny gulped nervously, hoping that his normal form wasn’t too much of a let down, and shifted back to regular Phantom, keeping the ring, crown and cloak. Danny immediately felt relieved when the blush returned to the vigilante’s cheeks - standard Phantom was still a hit! Blushing, Danny reached into his chest and began fumbling for his phone. Keys, wallet, emergency chloroform, Fenton Thermos, Soup Thermos, PHONE!!
“I-I’m cool with exchanging contact info, I-if you’d like to meet up and get lunch sometime?” Danny smiled nervously. “T-this is a lot easier than summoning circles, certainly much less messy” he explained while gesturing to the beat up looking phone. Hopefully this isn’t too sudden…
Red Hood gaped at him for a minute, before frantically fumbling for his own phone. “Y-yeah! I am very cool with that. Totally cool, very enthusiastic. I would love to have lunch with you sometime” he said, pulling out the phone and pulling up the New Contact page. The pair exchanged phone numbers, putting each other’s contact information in.
“Um. Y’know, not the first time someone’s y’know. Reacted like that to the Ghost King Form. It’s just… first time it’s been from someone this hot” Danny admitted, glancing up at the vigilante. Ancients he was hot. Now that they’re eye level Danny could see all the details and was mentally filing them away for later when he was alone. Ugh, those muscles, and his hair looks so fluffy! Scars look pretty hot too, Danny could wouldn’t mind adding in a few of his own marks to that stunning canvas - focus Danny!!
“R-really? High praise coming from you King Phantom” Hood smiled. Danny resisted the urge to kiss that smile… and that jawline… and neck…. shoulders… wait shit! He needs to give the guy his actual name first!!
“Oh, you can call me Danny. My full name’s Danny Phantom.” He said quickly while phasing his phone back into his body, unable to wipe the grin off his face.
“Danny then. Cute name” Hood smirked. Oh Danny really wanted to wipe that smirk off his face. Preferably by pinning him against a wall. Or floor, or potentially a ceiling — The nearest available flat surface. “So, you thought I was hot?” Focus Danny, you can be horny later.
“Oh yes, drop dead gorgeous.” Danny laughed. “Not to mention what you said had my cold dead heart skip a beat or two.” Or maybe flat out stop it for a few seconds, but no one needs to know that.
“Was that a death pun? What that two death puns?” Hood asked, eyes wide with amusement and surprise. Ahh, so he also appreciates dark humour. God, he was way too perfect. Danny is definitely going off the deep end here.
“Mayybe” Danny smirked. Time to show off, just a little. And also indulge, just a little (he couldn’t resist, Hood was WAY too hot!!). Danny pushed some energy into his hands, and casually tore through the summoning barrier. He leaned in, while his target was still stunned, and promptly gave Hood a chaste little peck on the cheek. Ancients, he smelt fantastic! He smelt of Lazarus Ecto, Curses and tea, plus Danny could actually detect a hint of gunpowder, which was insanely sexy.
He then yoinked himself back and flew away, before his poor impluse control got the better of him. He spotted Nightwing lying prone on the floor and Spoiler wheeze laughing. Guess the guy fainted. “OKAYGOTTAGOSAVELIVESNOWCALLMEBYEEEEEEE!!” He screamed, hurting out of the watchtower window and towards the dimensional rip. He couldn’t hold it in anymore.
“FUUUUUUUUCKKK YEEEEEEEESSS!!” Danny screamed with joy, body slamming a spaceship back through the Interdimensional Rip. He has a date with The Red Hood! Danny Phantom has a date with The Red Hood!
Finally, the invaders were dealt with. He’d basically just drop kicked several battleships back into their native dimension, and sent Dan, Fright Knight, Pandora and the Skeleton Army to collect (and beat up) any stragglers, while weaving a ward around that dimension. Unless they were doing it with good intentions, no one could get out of that dimension.
He opened a portal into his room and collapsed on his bed with an exhausted but happy wheeze. He pulled his belongings out of himself with a grin, before shifting back to human form. Jazz was walking by, but upon noticing the flash of light from his transformation, quickly dashed in.
“Danny!! You’re back!! I saw the news, you did it!!” She cheered, bundling him up into a crushing hug. Danny, at that point, was too exhausted to hug her back, so just nuzzled his head against her chest. She released him, and laughed as he plopped back down into his bed like a ragdoll. “Oof, okay. You look like shit, so I assume you’re exhausted.”
“Dead tired” Danny chuckled.
“Can you at least give me the highlights??” Jazz smiled, then smirked. “You’ve got a stupid grin on your face so I take it something good happened.”
“Well, firstly: I’m joining the Justice League” he grinned. Jazz’s eyes widened, before she squealed in joy and hugged him again, this time lifting Danny up and spinning him around the room, before droppping him back on the bed. “Don’t tell mom and dad until tomorrow. I don’t have the energy for their particular brand of enthusiasm right now” Danny wheezed.
“I won’t but congratulations congratulations congratulations!!” She grinned, sitting up. “You’ve earned it little brother, seriously. Anything else??”
“Ohhhh definitely. But you can tell nobody, it’s my news to share” Danny grinned. She nodded gravely, grinning again when Danny lifted his phone. Time for the bombshell to end all bombshells: “I got Red Hood’s fucking phone number” he grinned victoriously.
Jazz proceeded to loose her mind, quite loudly. Danny had to clamp a hand over her mouth, laughing, so she wouldn’t wake their parents. Suffice to say his big sister was happy for him.
Oh ancients, Danny could not wait to text Red Hood in the morning…
PART ONE
And here’s the highly requested part two!! Thank you all so much for all the love on the first part, I’m so glad you all enjoyed it! Hope this lives up to your expectations.
I will be continuing this further, and posting this on Ao3. All future additions to the story will be posted there.
Again, thank you for all the love, & if you’ve got potential date ideas for these two idiots I’d love to hear them.
Do not repost this to other platforms. If you see this elsewhere, it is likely without my consent.
If you see this elsewhere please notify me
It started with Earth being invaded by beings from a foreign dimension. They’d used some weird combination of magic and science to carve their way into this dimension, and were set on conquering Earth to use the inhabitants as a slave force/food supply/something else sinister and morally abhorrent. Jason wasn’t 100% paying attention to what these guys goals were, he just knew he was allowed to shoot the scumbags.
Anyway: interdimensional threat, requires interdimensional aid. The JL Dark had decided on summoning the King of the Infinite Realms. Which sounds intense and risky, but Constantine had assured them all it was fine. Apparently the last king was dethroned, and the new ruler was quite keen on maintaining balance, and not being a ‘Tyrannical Dimension-Razing Wanker like Pariah Dark had been’ (John Constantine at his finest).
Apparently there had been friendly encounters with the king before. Raven had met with the king, seeking his aid in emancipating herself from her father. She had described King Phantom as kind hearted and rather humorous, but absolutely ruthless when the chips were down - Trigon no longer held sway over Raven, and she was forever in King Phantom’s debt.
One of the Green Lantern Team’s allies, some Emo, Bichomatic Lantern called Razer (Jason did not know those guys came in more than one colour until now), had apparently sold Phantom his soul in return for finding his missing/dead girlfriend (that whole situation has been labeled as ‘Existentially Complicated’ by Hal Jordan). When he had been called to confirm, Razer had explained that King Phantom was immensely uncomfortable about the whole Soul-Owning part, and was actually very enthusiastic about helping to reunite the lovers. As for the Soul Contract part, it had been reduced to 100 years of service and a garuntee of employment after Razer’s inevitable demise. Jason thought that was a pretty good deal, all things considered.
Constantine’s soul also belonged to King Phantom apparently. This was not very surprising, because it felt like almost everybody had a claim to the Hellblazer’s soul at this point (even Tim, who initially drew up that contract as a joke). The High King apparently had a disagreement with Satan himself at one point, and the devil had politely ‘gifted’ Phantom the Hellblazer’s soul in retaliation. Every contract Constantine had ever made with a Hellborn creature had been passed onto King Phantom, in an act of Pettiness disguised as respect. ‘According to king Phantom, I’m that annoying’ Constantine had announced proudly. Everyone agreed that a) that’s not something he should be proud of, and b) yes he is that annoying. Much like Razer, Constantine had a nice, cushy desk job waiting for him when he eventually kicks the bucket.
All in all, they had good reason to believe High King Phantom would assist them in their time of need. Since it had been an all hands on Deck Scenario, Jason was here with the rest of the Batfamily, fighting alongside the rest of the Costumed Community - every hero, vigilante and antihero had been called in. Currently, Jason was toward the back of the crowd with his siblings, while the JLD and the Founding Members negotiated with King Phantom. The rest of the crowd were monitoring the situation planetside or gossiping. Naturally, their Royal Guest currently in the huge summoning circle was the primary topic being discussed.
And dear god, was the High King an incredible, beautiful sight to behold. Phantom was over four stories tall, with snowy white hair that faded into soft vapour. His skin was a pale blueish gray, and he had long pointed ears, and six glowing green eyes. When the king spoke, Jason could see that his serrated teeth and long, razor sharp canines were Lazarus green, and that his tongue was forked. When he smiled, it was a little too wide to be considered normal. He had four arms, the forearms seemingly made of living ice, with phantom’s green-tinged bones visible through them. His torso was partially melted away, revealing part of his glowing green ribcage and spinal cord. His hips were covered, his flesh returning, and forming a long, black, coiling tail seemingly formed of wispy tendrils. His hands had long, talon-like claws that looked like they could spear through multiple entire humans, and looked sharp enough to shred through metal with ease. He seemed to be clothed in a skin tight, black and white jumpsuit, and had a flowing cape that looked like it contained the cosmos in its folds. His kingly artifacts, the crown and ring, glowed a pulsating, neon green, emanating strength and power.
He looked terrifying, a being of pure Death. A great deal of the room looked up at King Phantom in fear.
He was the most beautifully harrowing thing Jason had ever seen. It didn’t help that Phantom has such a kind looking smile, despite his less human features. He had such a gentle and friendly voice too, and yet he still commanded power with it. Jason’s poor dark romance obsessed heart was swooning HARD… And unfortunately it was kind of obvious, even with the helmet on.
“Hood. Not the time for Gay Panic. Or Monsterfucker panic.” Tim hissed, elbowing him. “I get it, I can kind of see where you’re coming from, but for the love of god pull yourself together.”
“Shut up, just let me enjoy the view in peace” Jason hissed back, eyes not leaving the six-eyed, undead, royal beauty before him. He swallowed, throat feeling dry, despite the fact Jason was probably drooling. Definitely drooling.
“I agree with Red Robin. For once. This is unbecoming of you hood.” Damian chimed in, annoyed. “That is an eldritch emissary of death itself. It reeks of the Lazarus pits. Do not fall for it.”
“Really not sure why you’re so enamored anyway. That guy looks scary as shit” Nightwing grumbled, eyes trained suspiciously on the giant ghost, posture tense. He clearly did not share Jason’s superior taste.
“Shut the fuck up” Jason growled, annoyed. He just wanted to ogle the undead eye-candy without his siblings audibly judging him for it, judge him in your heads like normal people for crying out loud.
“He’s very polite and friendly” Cass remarked neutrally. She looked a little uncomfortable, but Phantom clearly didn’t set off as many warning alarms for her as he did for Dick and Damien.
“Please do not indulge Jason’s monsterfucker agenda” Tim groaned. Steph laughed.
“The lights and colours on this guy…. I mean he is kind of mesmerizing, to be fair to hood” Duke hummed, staring at King Phantom with awe.
“Thank you Signal, for being the only guy here to back me up” Jason grumbled, folding his arms defensively.
“Well, to be fair to the others, I’m like 90% sure you’re drooling under the helmet Big Red” Steph laughed, and Jason flipped the bird at her in response.
“I totally am, and I feel zero shame for it” Jason grinned. “That guy is a solid 12/10, an absolute bombshell of an Entity” he purred. Tim gagged dramatically.
“Oh fucking hell little wing, for the sake of my sanity would you stop lusting over the Eldritch horror?!” Nightwing wheezed, glancing between Jason and Phantom’s titanic floating form in mostly hidden terror. Alright, that’s it. Time to horrify his siblings in public. Maybe this will teach them to keep their mouths shut. Jason turned to his brother, taking the helmet off so Dick could see his domino mask covered face as he said this.
“I will not. That is single-handedly the most beautiful and hot creature I have ever seen in my life, and I have no shame in admitting that!” Jason announced proudly. “I do not care if he’s an undead eldritch horror, he could do utterly unspeakable things to me and I would thank him for the rest of eternity. I shit you not, I would have his fucking children if I was biologically capable of it. I have never seen a being more ethereally beautiful and haunting, and I am genuinely tempted to write poetry about how gorgeous he is. And I would appreciate it if you would ease off my back about it, and just let me enjoy my fantasies in peace, alright?”
Dick’s mouth was agape, speechless. Jason smiled, smug. That wasn’t even the most shameless thing he could have said, there were a lot of thoughts rattling around in his brain and only 80% were PG-13. Even his other siblings had been shocked into silence. He was so proud he didn’t even notice how quiet things had gotten.
“Well, I have good news for you Hood” Damien wheezed, and Jason turned to him, raising an eyebrow.
“What?”
“His Majesty apparently has very keen hearing” Damien finished, eyes trained nervously on the high king in question. Jason quickly turned to see not only a large portion of the Justice League staring at him in confusion or shock… but King Phantom himself staring at him, wide eyed and mouth agape.
Oops
“…oh.” Jason said intelligently, face turning as red as his helmet. He really hoped King Phantom wasn’t offended by that little outburst. In hindsight, Jason really should have guessed that the guy who’s ears were roughly the same size as a car would have good hearing. He could see Constantine suppressing Laughter, and Bruce had his head in his hands. Welp, this is what he gets for being Horny in public. Phantom had completely frozen up, and Jason frantically started thinking of apologies. He’d definitely screwed this up.
Suddenly, phantom’s mouth snapped shut, his face turning bright green, and he reeled back a bit, covering all six eyes with both sets of hands. Jason swore the guy whimpered a little. It was a noise Jason would replay in his mind for ever.
“W-well. Thank you, that is um… quite the confidence booster” Phantom choked out, flustered and flushed, peeking out at Jason through a gap between his fingers. Cute.
“Y-you’re Welcome.” Jason replied, equally flustered. Holy shit holy shit holy shit that response was ADORABLE. Have Mercy on Jason’s poor battered soul! He can’t handle this!! His mind is already picking potential wedding outfits! And that’s not a small feat when you account for the size difference!
“Oh my fucking god” Steph and Tim wheezed, barely containing their laughter. Fair enough to them, the laughter is earned.
“Ahahah let’s back to the negotiations ey???!” Phantom yelped nervously, turning back to Constantine and removing his hands from his face and grinning. He was still bright green and he looked so monumentally flustered and awkward, Jason was swooning once more. God, if King Phantom was interested in a consort…
“I think we should probably give up on Hood” Robin sighed “he’s too far gone”. He was met with a series of agreeing grunts and grumbles.
The talks went on for a bit longer, the JL and JLD finally hashing out a contract that wouldn’t negatively impact the JL, and that wouldn’t ‘have those OCD eyeball-jerks the Observants up in arms later’. Phantoms pointy ear-tips were still flushed green.
“Alright, the deal is made and all the terms are agreed upon. The contract is officially signed. I will deal with the invading forces, and make sure they will never be able to cut through to another dimension in the name of tyranny again” Phantom spoke formally, his voice firm and confident. “I will depart and deal with the threat at once.”
“The Justice League is in your debt King Phantom” Bruce bowed his head respectfully, and Phantom returned the bow graciously. Then the king… lingered. Awkward. He glanced toward Jason, who straightened up.
“Um. B-before I go, uh…” Phantom mumbled nervously, before averting his gaze. “R-Red Hood, if I may speak with you for a moment?”Jason gulped, walking forward to stand at the front of the crowd, before king Phantom. He could feel everyone’s eyes on him. Phantom gulped, before there was suddenly a flash of light, as Phantom’s form seems to shift, morph and shrink, until a significantly smaller figure stood before him. It was unmistakably still King Phantom, despite not looking more like a regular person (if you ignore the glowing, the grey-blue skin, white hair and green eyes), his crown and ring still present. Only now, the cape looked more like a cloak, and his jumpsuit resembled a simplistic Hero getup. He also had legs now. They were nice legs. They would probably look great while pinning Jason down on the floor, while Phantoms boot pressed against his throat— FOCUS JASON. HEAD OUT OF GUTTER.
Phantom was still green-faced and sheepish. He hesitantly reached into his sternum - hand going right inside himself - and pulled out a battered looking phone. Apparently instead of pockets, Phantom just kept his possessions inside his body. Fascinating.
“I-I’m cool with exchanging contact info, I-if you’d like to meet up and get lunch sometime?” Phantom smiled at him, nervously. “T-this is a lot easier than summoning circles, certainly much less messy” the ghost explained, gesturing to the phone.
Jason gaped, before springing into action and pulling out his favorite burner phone. Holy shit holy shit holy shit. Hot eldritch shapeshifter wants to go on a date. This is the best day ever. “Y-yeah! I am very cool with that. Totally cool, very enthusiastic. I would love to have lunch with you sometime” Jason rambled as he walked up to the edge of the summoning circle, and the pair began typing in each other’s numbers. Phantom still had the claws and fangs, but they look looked less likely to carve through his flesh and shred Jason to pieces (he wouldn’t mind if they did, it’d be such a sexy way to go).
“Um. Y’know, not the first time someone’s y’know. Reacted like that to the Ghost King Form.” Phantom murmured. “It’s just… first time it’s been from someone this hot” the King smiled, looking up at Jason through his hair. God, how does this guy alternate between being super hot and super cute so well. It’s unfair.
“R-really? High praise coming from you King Phantom” Jason smiled, finishing typing in the Kings digits and pocketing his phone. Play it cool Todd.
“Oh, you can call me Danny. My full name’s Danny Phantom.” Danny grinned at him. The king of all dead and ruler of the infinite realms name was Danny. Fucking Danny. It’s perfect.
“Danny then. Cute name” Jason smirked, earring him a blush from the Ghost. “So, you thought I was hot?”
“Oh yes, drop dead gorgeous.” Danny laughed, oh what a beautiful sound that was. “Not to mention what you said had my cold dead heart to skip a beat or two.”
“Was that a death pun? What that two death puns?” Why did Jason find that adorable? God they share a love of death puns. His heart just skipped a damn beat!
“Mayybe” Danny smirked, before tearing through the summoning barrier (HE COULD DO THAT THE WHOLE TIME), causing several people to curse and yell in shock, and gave Jason a peck on the cheek. Before he could react, Danny zoomed off towards the chaos, yelling “OKAYGOTTAGOSAVELIVESNOWCALLMEBYEEEEEEE!!” As he left, phasing through the Watchtower window. Jason stood there, brain sending him the Error 404 message as he stood there in shock. He sat down.
“Holy fucking shit” Jason wheezed, breaking the silence.
“Holy fucking shit indeed! Congratulations Red Hood! You just scored one hell of a date!” Constantine laughed. “Fucking hell kid. I’ve seen cosmic powered entities get flustered before, but never one that powerful! You just won the bloody lottery.”
The whole room was alight with conversation. Jason had kind of forgotten that the Justice League was even there, or that the world was a stake! He flopped backward against the ground, staring up at the watchtower cieling. He’d just, apparently, wooed an all powerful undead spirit in under a minute. Damn. Jason could see Bruce approaching him slowly.
“Son.” Bruce said, tonelessly.
“Save it old man, I don’t want a lecture” Jason sighed, closing his eyes.
“I… I don’t have a lecture for that” Bruce admitted, sounding as shocked as Jason felt. “Im still processing everything I just saw. I don’t know what just happened.”
“Me neither to be honest” Jason wheezed.
“…Congratulations. Be cautious… I suppose” Bruce mumbled, still shocked at the series of events. “Be sure to form contingencies if Phantom’s attentions turn sour.”
“Thanks B.” Jason responded, lying there on the watchtower floor, wondering if that was all a dream. The rest of the League ran around him, still paying attention to the crisis Phantom was actively solving. Holy crap. Jason Todd-Wayne had a date with the Ghost King.
…
“…I think Nightwing fainted!” Superboy yelled, lifting the limp form of Nightwing. Oops.
PART TWO
Should I continue this + post it to Ao3? Lemme know in the comments.
DC x DP Prompt — Is It Kidnapping If They're a Zombie? (PT1)
At the ripe age of fourteen, Danny works at Gotham Cemetery. It's not anything aesthetic, and he probably wouldn't be doing it if he and Jazz didn't need the money, but it's at least fun.
No one asks questions— well, at least the humans don't— and it isn't too hard. He cleans up the tombstones and takes photos to transcript into a database so family members can find their relatives.
Of course, there's some shades and even a few blob ghosts, but they quickly dissipate or don't stay long.
It's some cloudy, dour Tuesday afternoon after school and Danny is working on one portion of the cemetery when his ghost sense goes off.
He's curious, and not one to ignore the spirits of the dead, so he weaves through the weathered graves in a random direction.
It's basically empty at this hour, and after a good fifteen minutes of wandering, Danny is about to give up trying to find whatever ghost was around here.
But there's movement. Underneath a tree. He remembers that section. There's a mother and a kid, probably around fifteen, buried right there. Always with fresh bouquet or gifts. It's tragic, but there's no lack of inscriptions with barely days apart of birth and death in this graveyard.
He's almost at the plaque and tombstone when he sees what has to be a hand claw up through the freshly toiled dirt.
Danny screams. Loudly.
He starts to dig with his hands as well, taking large hunks of dirt with desperation because someone was buried alive. That's horrifying, even to a half-dead kid.
His ghost sense goes off again and Danny is confused and appalled and many other emotions as he finally hauls up another teen from out of a coffin.
The boy's— Jasons?— fingers are a mess, they're both covered in dirt and mud and it's starting to rain. He should've, by all accounts, immediately called 911.
But with the sinking suspicion that it's something more than a normal, living human. And he definitely can't have the Guys in White or even Batman involved with some innocent ambiguous undead creature...
Danny tried to explain that thought process to a half-hysterical Jazz when she came back from her shift at the library to find an open-eyed, catatonic teenager in a bloody, filthy funeral suit.
Ultimately, the siblings bandage his wounds. They're both aware that he needs professional medical care, but for now, it's stopping the blood. Jazz uses their leaky shower and Danny's extra clothes to clean "The Zombie Boy" up.
He doesn't reply to any questions, not to his name, doesn't walk unless they sort of drag him, and barely even blinks.
Issue one of many?
They don't know how in the Realms he's alive. By all accounts and death certificates, Jason was really and truly killed. Dead. Permanently horizontal. Had gone on the merry-go-round of the Circle of Life.
Issue two?
Jason Todd is the famously adopted son of Bruce Wayne. And he's only been dead for three days.
Love the idea of Dan (with Jazz’s encouragement) trying to redeem himself as Amity Park’s new hero - only to fail every. single. time. So here’s a special comic for a special occasion!
20 years ago today, Ultimate Enemy aired, and it quickly became my favorite Danny Phantom episode even though I'm quite new to the Phandom. It’s also the only time my favorite character appeared (sigh). I think about him and this episode every single day - it’ll always hold a special place in my heart. 💚👻
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