Kind of insane about the way Gerard's trauma of being completely isolated, helpless and constantly in danger for all of his teenage years has shaped him into someone who always sought out safety and didn't know how to talk to people. Which makes so much sense once you understand what made him this way.
But then he grew up to take a social position that reinforced his trauma responses and made them a way of life – he was a prince. Of course he was meant to be safe in a castle. Of course he didn't know how to talk to people and no one ever taught him. It just let his issues fester while he turned a blind eye, because he didn't even know what was actually wrong. No one ever explained it to him. First he was an obnoxious kid, then he was punished for it, and then he was fixed. That's it. No need to think about it anymore.
And then there's Elody!!! She was the one who fixed him!!! He wasn't a frog anymore, which was the biggest source of his fear. So surely he was fine!!! Everything was fine!!! And not just that, she loved him. It's not just that he was in love with her and then they started to fall apart, it was that she was the only person who loved him. The first ever person to point out how unfair it was that he had to live the way he did. But he didn't even hear it. He didn't hear that he didn't deserve it. He just heard that he was safe now. And once he was safe, there was no need to think about it anymore. Because there were no more herons. Because he had Elody.
And then they fell apart and he was out on the street and in danger and he was a frog again and. He was unmasked. He looked at himself in the mirror and saw someone who not only was a frog, but deserved to be one. He ignored it until he couldn't anymore because it hurt too much to think about. That apparently he wasn't fixed after all. That he actually had to think about it. Remember it. Consider it. Consider himself as a person rather than the protagonist of a neat little fairy tale.
And I bet that hurt, because if he was really honest with himself, he didn't like himself one bit. In his own eyes, he was still the same kid who got turned into a frog and "deserved it". Because before the frog pond, it was his parents. He was always fighting to prove himself worthy of attention. And he was punished for it. And they didn't even look for him.
He'd always felt like there was something wrong with him without understanding why. He'd never known what it would be like to not feel that way.
Idk. He makes me feel a lot.
blakekathryn
titsay
areudirty
jacobvanloon
kaledo-art
turnnoffyourmind
yousharknotpass
prguitarman
