Journal of a survivor

I used to battle the forces of darkness, now I'm retired. Ask some questions if you want and I'll answer as best I can.

[1stforge]

The End of the Line

Okay I am shutting down. This isn't the Old Man. This isn't something else. This is me, the creator. Calling it in. I cannot update on time, I cannot seem to get a hold of the story, and I cannot even focus myself into a cohesive schedule. Life is filled with burdens and distraction and I cannot keep up at this time. Previously I had a plethora of time, but now I'm too busy. When I started I thought I might have a community or some form of fan base. That was VERY wishful thinking. I need to come to grips and move on. Maybe I'll start a new project, maybe I'll return in some far off time. But right now I need to say it like it is. This will be my 303rd post to approximately 177 followers, at least 50 of which are porn blogs. While it was pretty cool that so many of you have followed me, it isn't fair to drag those few of you into the quiet that is this current blog. So, if any of you have questions, please ask. I'm still going to use this to surf Tumblr and dig on this awesome site. So, gotta fly, thanks for the "Likes" those of you who actually did that. They were seriously the only things that kept me writing. Later, have fun, maybe we'll dance again.

[1stforge]

Anime Fox Magical Girl

Jesus Bacon Hat Sandwich Monkey! This job has it’s ups and it has it’s downs. But these PUMPKIN bats are too much. We were told giant bats and so we went out here and all we find are incredibly violent natives who TURN INTO BATS AT NIGHT THE SIZE OF MINIVANS.

Who looked at this job and thought that a woman with limited psychic potential and an old fart with monster slaying skills would be best suited for a task as ANNOYING as this. Oh and the annoying fox magic anime girl is here as well.

We couldn’t just kill them all because we weren’t even sure if this was a curse or if these wackos were part of a group doing this on purpose. We tracked the location of where the infection began at least. Thank god, I was running out of tranks and magic gal was running out of sleepy spells. Hate this town, everyone acts all serious and scary when they are just very annoying in comparison to everything else I have killed or fought earlier this year. I just want to find a quiet spot, lay out a psychic net so I can sense anyone coming, and pick the bastards off with a few well placed incendiary rounds.

But one of the rules of the job is to only kill those that are consenting to a curse that is reversible. And this curse is reversible. The main problem is that we need to find the source and remove it from existence. These guys get it easy and only need a few things removed or broken and then everything falls back into place. Temporary magic stuff is always the simplest and easiest ones to remove.

Unlike the undead. Once you go undead ...

But after a week in the APPLESAUCE woods we found it. Magic gall did her thing to a massive statue of an obviously evil looking bat monster and everyone returned to normal and feeling very amnesiac about the last couple of months.

...

Until the statue came to life and we spent the next 6 SMELTING hours fighting the damn thing. Had to pull a Will Smith move and piss off the anime dork enough for her to go all Hulk out and smash the damn thing into a million little bats ... which probably WON’T damage the ecosystem ... or something.

All I had to do was say something about the old boss and she just turned bright red. She is as clear as glass. Crow was happy with the ending of this job and we spent the last week just using all our mind wipes and bribe money to get everyone to “Forget” what had happened.

Now I need a bath ... for the next 3 days. A girl can only go so long without excessive violence and not feel icky.

Wonder how all the other jobs went.

[1stforge]

Genghis Kan: Alien Conquerer

Good gracious godly goodness ... I missed the hell out of this cabin.

Never thought that I’d miss this place as much as I did. But I found a new place of operations for my team, I have a stack of papers, all of them labeled “EMERGENCY”.

But I have an incredible receptionist named Jasmine and she likes to read all of these reports. She has also taken care of the cats, killed everyone who has come here with the intent to kill me, and watered the trees in order to not cause any of them to die and thus causing the ENTIRE FREAKING FOREST TO CRY FOR A WEEK. ... That seriously happened once. A freaking tree fell down, died, and the entire talking forest just started crying, and they wouldn’t stop for like a week.

But thankfully we know to stop something like that. Moving along, the state of the world appears to be like a game of Wack-O Mole. We take care of one problem and the next thing we know, another pops up. I spent a little more than a month taking care of my team after they get abducted and already we have issues.

But ... I got the team mobilized. Giant bats in South Africa, a small creature causing illusions in India, a pillar of liquid metal in San Francisco, and a metahuman group in Greenland trying to reach into other realities. Funny not on that last problem, there are some metahumans who actually believe that their abilities are just manifestations of them reaching into other realities and harnessing the skills or natural abilities of themselves in another world. Example: a man can fly, so he thinks that he must be a bird in another world and that he is simply harnessing it’s potential. That is more than likely not true for these metahumans. These ones are probably just related to some kind of powerful entity that had a breeding fetish 4,000 years ago. Or descendants of people experimented on by mad scientists in the early years of human development. Or they are the descendants of wizards who inscribed specific spells onto their genetic code. Or any of the other millions of other reasons why someone would manifest abilities. Me, for instance, I am a genetic descendant of Genghis Khan, who was a genetic descendant of a VERY powerful alien god that died at some point on earth. But not before making lots of kids. Now I am VERY diluted, it has been far too long for any of my latent abilities to have any kind of actual effect in our gravity. Not to mention that it requires me to have ingested a large variety of chemicals that would normally kill the average human.

But this is all outside the point. My next update will be the status reports of my new teams handling these problems.

And no, Qu’Bert did not get to keep that new giant body he made. I put it in storage, he can have it back when he needs it, not just when he wants it. All he even does in that body is put everything on really high shelves and make tall jokes.

I have enough of that nonsense when Mary is in Heat and does nothing but make fun of how much smaller than her I am. And her boyfriend is NOT A WEREWOLF AND SHE IS IN DENIAL.

[1stforge]

Prison Break 5

We found the "Evil Lair" and ... I'm feeling kind of proud. James did his weapons expert thing and used a towel as a weapon and broke out of his cell. He then grabbed Trainer and Crow and proceeded to tear through the facility. Now Ms. Trainer is a pro at weapons and hit and run tactics, but Crow is limited to only killing monsters. So he is the Achiles Heel in this equation. But they managed to tear the place up and cause enough pain and anguish for the enemy to make my day SO much easier. They were already having trouble with a minor psychic, an old man, and a weapons expert. So of course they weren't expecting a death squad of super powered rage and a giant robot. No one ever expects a giant robot. So ... yeah. Gonna skip the part and skip to the meat. After and hour of exchanging fire and weirdness with every kind of metahuman to stalk the earth, we found their cache of unhappy metahumans. These people were given the normal leaving package of $500 and my phone number. Along with a ride home of course. So I reached the main intercom controls and told everyone to stand down now or I activate the self destruct. Idiots actually believed it. So I spent the next 5 days processing all the prisoners to various prisons and putting all the violent metahumans into the appropriate rehabilitation facilities. Someday these people might save lives or do something good for the world. I managed to coax Qu'Bert out of his giant body and into a new one. Patched everyone up using the healing stuff this place has and now ... I'm wondering if I could use this facility for something. Maybe a new headquarters. They have all the right stuff, just used for the wrong things. But I'll save that for another time, now ... now I think I deserve some icecream.

[1stforge]

Prison Break 4

So ... wow. I did not have to wait, or look long. It's true that they tightened their security and made it VERY hard to follow or find any info, but in the end ... it wrapped up nicely. Turns out that they needed a powerful program to help keep track of everything they were doing. In order to avoid being attacked or to make it even harder to be found, they have their entire group put into small cells with nearly no communication between them. Except for updates on projects and requests for funding. The only true defining decisions are made by higher ups, and right now they are balancing way too many plates and need help. So they grab my team and start poking at them and most of them poke back ... with swearing, yelling, and stabbing. Except for Qu'bert. He goes dead quiet and the next thing he does is start solving problems for them. He starts with small things, like equations and answering all their math and budgeting problems. So they give him more to do, he starts helping with experiments, then juggling their employment, then ... the idiots hooked him up to their production line. And because he currently is in charge of communication, he starts building a body and there is no one who can rat on him. So he builds a large body and proceeds to lay waste to the manufacturing facility. So my friends, my giant robot buddy, and I are going to find where the rest of my team is, and possibly create a whole new world of pain for these bastards. They took my team, they took ... my ... team. There will be blood.

[1stforge]

Prison Break Part 3

Sorry for the wait, this one took quite a while to do. So after the last attack we needed to reequip and then reorganize. By now we should have rattled the nest enough for everyone to be on high alert.

I armed everyone with the best in equipment and we set out to hit what we believed was the holding area of Qu'bert. We were wrong.

Place was just a trap set to spring when we showed up. We had soldiers with heavy equipment and tech from outside of the planet. Nearly lost some members in the initial assault. A woman with the ability to control insects came out with a heavy hitter, while controlling bugs is dangerous, it shouldn’t have been a big problem. Until she started commanding bugs born on other planets, the size of mini vans.

Then we had a set of guys with mech suits, not the big ones, but definitely large enough to outclass us in raw strength. But they weren’t the most organised, nimrods just stood back laying heavy fire on us. The could have just come over and crushed us with pure might.

Fennec did some gravity Stuff and then we took out the rest.

We cleared out the area, nothing. We found nothing, I think they are scrambling the sites. So ... instead of assault, we should go with “Follow” the lead. Now ... time to set a trap.

[1stforge]

Bullet hole

Bullet hole in my phone, gonna need to wait until we get a free moment to use my computer before I can update.

[1stforge]

Prison Break Part 2

Found them. Took a little digging, but I had to find Blue’s body and then figure out where he was transmitting his consciousness to. Big guy won’t wake up, not even when I dangle fish food in front of the poor guy. ... I put a bunch of silly hats on his giant whale body and took pictures.

So I followed the signal and found a temple behind a waterfall. By this point I was getting annoyed, so I fired a few missiles inside and walked through the broken remains of the soldiers out front. They sent some kind of monster made of stone to kill me, they clearly weren’t expecting me again. Tom fought it with the same “Monster Mash” style that he always does.  I didn’t even stop to make sure he won, I just signaled the team to follow and were down the hall with no problems. They had defensive magical wards, but those are a joke when compared to the power of my own personal arsenal. I have a charm and magical relic from every religion ever considered on this planet. Even that weird one with the Scientists.

They then had some “Dark Arts” guys come out and they tried hitting us with bolts of dark energy. Now while I can safely say that weaponized antimatter does indeed hurt no matter what kind of wards you got, they mean very little to a demigod. I stood right behind Carpenter as she just walked up to each of the grimacing idiots and punched their faces in. Gods don’t like their offspring getting hurt so they go out of their way to give them divine protection. Divine ... not scientific. Bullets still hurt. 

Guess that scared the people behind the cameras, because they had a heavy hitter step out and do something really stupid. I knew immediately that the guy was a metahuman, no one other than someone born with powers can walk with that kind of bold confidence. But what made me stop in the hall was when I noticed the weapon he had in his hand, a black handled katana with a black blade. Before he could draw the entire blade from it’s sheath ... I shot the poor kid twelve times in the chest, I then yelled at the others to keep firing as well. It took at least 45 holes for him to consider dying. The guy had a piece of a god, a very unhappy and evil god. I pocketed it and went looking for the rest of my team. The rest of the time was spent releasing prisoners, with tracking chips, and taking down random guard squads just trying to stop us.

After a while we found where Fennec and Blue were being kept. Broke their restraints and then left a big bomb, but not before we took everything that looked even remotely magical.

[1stforge]

Prison Break Part 1

I set out into the transportation room. The pocket dimension in space and time that acts as a teleporter.

I went hopping around for a little bit before I found the site I was looking for. I made a ritual circle, dropped a few drops of Mantler blood, and all of this opened a hole to a world that had all of it’s matter converted into raw energy.

This would light up on any radar, of any group, that was looking for magic. I received a few calls and told a few people that I would look into a sudden flare of magical energy, but I said I would be a little late getting there. The bait was laid out, and so I waited.

Exactly 10 minutes later, a helicopter appeared and I had the whole team tied up. Nobody had to die.

Tom wiped up the circle, closing the portal, and Mary got one of the pilots to fly us back to their base.

From there … things got messy. Psychics were waiting for us and I immediately felt someone trying to get into my head. So I started doing math in ancient Martian, in my head. This makes me puke, but it did the same to the psychics, which made them easy to pick off with the rifle as we landed. We had the welcome wagon of armed guards, and a magically enhanced guard with shape shifting powers granted by tattoos.

Which meant nothing when a golem comes crashing down on you trying to peal off your skin. A few quickly placed shots disabled the guards and Mary tore open the nearest door using the helicopter blades as a machete.

Before we left the bay, I quickly pulled out a soul parasite and gave it the memory of my first laugh, in exchange it led us down the halls to the holding cells. The creature only appears as two dimensional so it just moved across the walls like a moving graffiti.

More guards blocked us, one could solidify liquids like water into something hard as bone. Took them out, and moved on. Next we had a woman that screamed as loud as a car bomb going off, but only in our minds. Taser to the throat put her down.

We found a cell where they were keeping Carpenter and Blacksmith.

Gave Blacksmith a gun, and gave Carpenter a baseball club made from rage emotions. They tried apologizing and explaining, but I didn’t want to hear any of it. Our lives were in an immediate threat and we needed info on where the rest were.

I found a computer room, but most of the good info was being erased as some kind of fail safe in case the base was compromised. But this is why we have time bubbles. I put one around the computer and reversed time by an hour. They had Blue somewhere specific with Fennec, Qu'bert is with nerds, and the rest are in holding cells in Egypt.

I want my magic first, I like to think that I can handle logic with a bullet. But a wise man once said, “Magic defeats magic”.

[1stforge]

Werewolf Rock

Well looks like there is a new group in town, and when I say "In town" I mean that they are new to the world. This is a group of like minded individuals who all share the same goal of capturing, stealing, and kidnapping everything not normal and selling it for huge profit. Turns out that they used the squid as bait to lure my team in so they could take them. They then sent me a bunch of programmed clones. I just finished killing the last one. Always wanted to strangle Blue ... he always looked so smug. So, my team has been captured or betrayed. Either way ... I'm going to hurt some people today ... or sell them two scary cats. Werewolf, Rock! Load up with whatever you got, we're kicking ass today.

[1stforge]

Arm was broken for a week

… … … I sent my team … to collect … a talking squid. It didn’t have powers, it wasn’t enhanced or … OR ANYTHING!

HOW, DO YOU LOSE, A GIANT, TALKING, SQUID!? And disappear for a week!?

How? I asked and each one has a different story. How do you screw up this badly? Just fly in, dart the damn thing, take it back to the chopper, then fly it to the holding facility.

It is NOT rocket science! … I think they did something stupid on the way back. Maybe they don’t want to tell me what happened. I’m going to TEAR THROUGH THEIR MINDS UNTIL I FIND A PROPER MEANS OF TORMENTING THEM.

…

I’m just … so angry. I had to fight a Pomeranian, with super speed, and strength that makes the hulk look like an ACTUAL POMERANIAN. BY MYSELF!!! …

It took hours to wipe the videos off of Youtube. The embarrassing videos of me being knocked around like a toy by an overly excited beast.

… Need sleep, arm is broken and all my healing stuff just got back along with my team …

[1stforge]

Zealous Squid

So Mary has a boyfriend that she just HAD to take here ... my house ... That I pay for. ... She says that he is a werewolf, but the guy is 100% vanilla human. Nerdy dude with glasses and a stubble, the kind of guy who sits in his house all day and writes Fan fiction. Jasmine started reading a LOT of books and I could have sworn I saw her animate fresh bodies just so she can act out a scene from one of her books. The cats are ... still evil. Tom is still wearing clothing that it shouldn't, not because cross dressing is wrong, but because all the hot pink is hurting my eyes. Everyone else will get their own updates. Soon. Maybe. I'm just always so damn busy and I'm trying to get free time. But here is something that should tantalize yer minds. Got a giant squid that just popped up at a zoo and keeps trying to convert the animals to Christianity. Gonna need to look into that.

[gendersecretsuggestions-blog]

Reblog if your blog is safe for people of all genders and sexualities

[1stforge]

And species, and religions, and different worlds of origins, and different skeletal structures wether they be exo or not. Basically, as long as you are not trying to kill me then we should get along great. ... Also, no curses. ... Or soul devouring void parasites.

[1stforge]

A Reckoning (POSSIBLE SPOILERS)

HAI! It's me, Jasmine! :3 Everyone is busy doing stuff so I decided to borrow the computer and just nerd out over my new favorite book series. The Reckoners. The first book is Steelheart, the second is Firefight, and the last one is Calamity! >~< I love this series so much! I wanna do tabletop roleplaying, I wanna cosplay as Firefight, I wanna draw fan art, and I want a phone case that says I'm in the Reckoners! Haven't finished Calamity yet, I'm super excited and totes ready to see how this might tie into the rest of the Brandon Sanderson universe. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! I just feel bad that they probably already introduced Hoid and I missed him ... or forgot. Also, totally ship Mizzy and Abraham. X3 If you haven't read it then get your rear in gear. Brandon Sanderson is like the greatest writer at this moment! Oooooooooooooooh, the ending to the last Mistborn book had me writing smut for hours. But yeah, read the book series, starting with Steelheart! It's like, if people started getting random superpowers, and, but they're all evil and murderous. And then, like, years later a group was formed to hunt down and defeat them. But the most powerful ones have conquered like, large areas or cities and now rule them like gods. So yeah, like ... FREAKING READ IT! Or ... don't. Make me cry just a little. So go read it! And give more of your money to Brandon Sanderson. So he can make more books! DO IT! Now I need to go raise some zombies and have them reenact some of my favorite scenes from Calamity.

[1stforge]

ERMAGAWD BOYFRIEND

EVERYONE! Oh my god! EVERYONE! First off, it's me Mary, the sexy beast covered in hair. And right now I got a sweet piece of new info! I got me a BOYFRIEND! We met over a website and he was writing stories and I told him I was a werewolf and he was all "Oh I'm a werewolf too." Then I was like, "Oh my god really?" And he was all, "Yeah, hate how we have to hide it from people though." But then I was all like, "So what clan are ya in?" He then said, "Yeah I'm in clan Dark Fang." And I said, "Oh my god, Dark Fang, that is the coolest clan name, are they new?" But he just laughs and says, "No we're a clan dedicated to hunting and killing renegade werewolves who abuse magic. We keep ourselves hidden from the other clans so they can't hide from us." So then I was all, "Oh my gawd that is so cool!" So we played around on the website, exchanging life stories and his life is so much cooler. He fought a dragon guys, that was so cool! He even ate the bones of a powerful lich who was gonna raise an undead werewolf army. He even told me that last week he was fighting a werewolf dragon! I didn't even know those were a thing! So now we just talk and ... stuff. ^_^ But tomorrow we're gonna meet up for a date and everything. He even said I was pretty! I transformed and took off my clothes and he said that my fur pattern was super cute. I've never wanted to lick a man more than I do right now! Can't wait til I get to see him transform in real life. He is SO hot in his pictures and I'm just nervous of what he'll think of me when we meet in person. Whenever I sent him picks of me he kept asking what artist made the images I sent him but I told him that it was all just photos of me. He must think I'm a great photographer! Well I gotta go everyone. Wish me luck on my date!

[1stforge]

Birth Thoughts

Sometimes when a human is born they are filled with certain thoughts. We have no idea why. But here are a few of them. I hate it all so much. It burns, oh god why does it burn?! Why doesn't she recognize me? No, oh my god I can't go through this again. Uh ... I think they sent me back too far. The hell is all this!? Why am I born like this, I wanted something else. Their everywhere! Can't they see them? No, I don't want to exist just to die! Where are my grandchildren?

[1stforge]

Never gonna say these again

"There are too many dragons in this bathroom." "I hate how much these owls remind me of SpongeBob." "I need more small animals to power the Lightning gun." "Okay ... America has too many alien crash landings, let's crash this one somewhere more original." "Dammit science, I need guns, not burritos." "Listen, if fire doesn't solve all my problems then there is something wrong with my day." "I can't eat anymore pizza." "Quick, throw the psychic squirrel!" "Well that puppy is clearly from hell." "Don't worry, if we need to kill ourselves I found a hammer." "This gun makes a great cereal bowl." "Who's a snugly Eldritch horror, you are!" "Just shoot all the the things in the face until we run out of faces." "No, stop asking if you can wear my skin, you'd just stretch it out." "We know we're going the right way because all the screaming is coming from this direction." "Too many snipers and we might as well not even have a mission." "Young lady I will pull this car over right now and reload that damn missile launcher if you can't stop arguing." "Hmmmmmm, not sure if this pain is painful enough ... we might be in a virtual reality." "Oh man, did I just kill my clone, or the original?" "This song tastes a lot like madness, but there is too much Linkin Park in it."