Chris'Corner

fuck it

[lesbianshepard]

I would be the worst spy of all time because on one hand I overshare like hell, but on the other hand I also have THE shittiest memory so it’s really a lose/lose scenario for everyone involved.

[lesbianshepard]

guy interrogating me: What’s the passcode?

me: Ah fuck. I think it might be 792.....4?

me: Actually no I think it starts with a 2.

me:

me: Yeah I usually just rely on muscle memory for it. Do you think you could get a keypad in here? That might be faster.

[lesbianshepard]

guy interrogating me: who do you work for?!

me: Okay, so this is super embarrassing. I know he told me his name when we first met but I forgot and at this point it would be weird if I asked him for his name again, right? So I just kind of go with “sir” whenever I have to talk to him. It might be David though. He looks like a David.

[lesbianshepard]

me, after being extracted: bad news guys, I totally blew Dave’s cover.

my boss: Wait, what?

me: Yeah, like they had knives and shit and it was kind of stressful so I just told them that my contact’s name was David Johnson. Really sorry about that.

boss: We don’t have a David Johnson working for us. Are you thinking of James?

me: 

me: Good news, guys, I did not blow James’ cover!

[lesbianshepard]

Enemy 1: So, how did the interrogation go?

Enemy 2: We got nothing. All they did was ramble on about their childhood trauma for two hours.

Enemy 1: Hmm. maybe lower the dose of the truth serum next time.

Enemy 2: We didn’t use truth serum.

[dankmemeuniversity]

[euthymiclurker]

Hades:

Zeus:

[cottagecore]

oh to be a chunky orange farm cat 

[ribcageflutes]

I HAVE A CHUNKY ORANGE FARM CAT

his name is bathtub

[cottagecore]

oh i love bathtub

[slussy666-deactivated20150511]

Frankenstein enters into a body building competition and finds he has seriously misunderstood the objective

[damnitrj]

FOR THE LAST TIME, FRANKENSTEIN WAS THE NAME OF THE DOCTOR

[isnerdy-deactivated20190101]

…a doctor who built a body.

[cthulhubert]

For what is possibly the first time in the history of pop culture somebody actually really specifically does mean the doctor… and someone tries to correct them.

[classicfern]

Just to be That Person… 

Frankenstein wasn’t even a doctor bc he fucking dropped out of college to build a body

[imaginarycircus]

[iguanamouth]

did you know red snapper can live for over 100 years…. whatre they DOING down there

[gentlemanbones]

I hope this doesn’t work the same way for centaurs.

[mijukaze]

Thanks! I hate it

[ownerofdark]

Going fishing:

[jasonpriestley]

The Scooby-Doo Project (1999)

[acreaturecalledgreed]

fun fact this special scared so many kids so fucking badly (b/c the blair witch aspect was played weirdly straight) that CN never aired it again 

[hz-archive]

you’re telling me this is real and not a shitpost

[preciousbeaan]

I seriously thought this shit was fake until I looked it up

[drawing-bored-deactivated202312]

that one time a parody of a fake found footage film is believed to be fake until footage is found.

[dykebrucespringsteen]

i found an extended version of the one above in which scrappy is inexplicably out in the woods and the gang, rightly, is scared shitless by him

[thegaymerist]

“how’s your summer?”

[pixpup]

LEAF HEAD LEAF HEAD LEAF HEAD

[kangals]

LEAF HEAD LEAF HEAD LEAF HEAD

[disco-vader]

[pixpup]

They Meet

[klapollo]

the last jedi director’s cut

yoda: train rey you must

luke: i dont know if i can do that. i’m scared i’ll mess up again.

yoda: hmmh. that’s nothin a little music can’t help

yoda: 

yoda: rockin

[gifsboom]

[fairytingz]

Two cats being interrupted by themselves from an alternate dog dimension

[soupbeast]

I know that the “billionaire playboy” look is important to B’s look but honestly if the joker or smthn tried to kill someone at a gala and Bruce fuckin decked him everyone would probably just be like “damn these Gotham boys are just Like That huh”

[graaaaceeliz]

Too true, the actual reason nobody makes Bruce Wayne the Batman seriously is because the entirety of Gotham is ridiculous and Like That

[jasontoddiefor]

Reporter: Mister Wayne, how did you find the courage to punch the Joker?

Bruce: That clown comes to my party, threatens my guests and my children - of course I deck him. What else was I supposed to do? Wait for Batman to show up?

[wombatking]

Jason (right behind him): Yeah, Batman’s a punk. He’s probably from METROPOLIS.

Bruce: *glares*

[glassceilingbreakers]

[the-redefined-definition]

Life is longer than I thought. And love isn’t a cliche. I used to talk like I knew everything, but I didn’t. I can’t wait to grow now. To see the world I thought trapped me. To become a world. It isn’t a fairy tale. But it isn’t a horror either. It’s life, and it’s a thing with feathers.

[kaijuno]

HR: if they work 40 hours a week u have to give them benefits

Big company: hmm okay. They shall work 39

HR: if they work 8 hours u have to give them a half hour lunch and intermittent breaks 

company: 7 hours and 50 minutes, it is 

[airframeextender]

the law: if theyre employees you have to pay for benefits

company: lets staff through a temp service and wait so long to hire them in they quit out of frustration

[lolotehe]

the law: You must pay them this and no less.

company: I shall pay them that and no more.

[officialweatherwax]

The law: you have to pay your employees

Company: then we’ll replace them all with interns

[black-geek-supremacy]

The law: you gotta increase wages

Company: we’ll cut hours

[paramud]

the law: you have to give raises

company: mayhaps they would enjoy an extra five cents

[kinetic-elaboration]

the law: employees have rights

company: around here we call them “independent contractors”

[itsthemissa-deactivated20260331]

I swear EVERY SINGLE ONE of my employers has been at LEAST two of these at once.

[warmhappycat]

Me, banging pots and pans together: UNIONIZE

[deceptionelle-deactivated201910]

UNITED WE BARGAIN, DIVIDED WE BEG.

CEO’s are scum.

[ruinedchildhood]

Smartest gangster in Gotham

[1talkingmushroom]

Untitled

I’ll be flesh and blood.

Solid marrow and liquid tears.

I’ll bellow my own name

and it’ll ring around the bone.

I’ll stand under the foot of god and cry:

“This is my life! I am in control!”

God will laugh

and squish me like an ant.

[pankhearst]

the muppets, 1x01: “Pig Girls Don’t Cry.”

[graphitetroll]

Why did they make me watch Fozzy Bear experience a micro aggression

[brunhiddensmusings]

his dating life was a lot of upward struggle