2018 International Geared Up Pup

Memoirs from Kabous Pup during his 2018 title year.

[2018geareduppup]

Do I Have To Pay For Everything?

Day 45 - March 28, 2018

Correct etiquette says that you should never show up at someone's house empty handed.  Whenever visiting for a holiday or friendly get together you should always arrive with something to share.

When I started holding puppy parties at my house everyone wanted to know what to bring.  Originally I would tell them to bring their own alcohol and snacks so I wouldn't have to pay for them.  This BYOB policy was a complete disaster for the first few parties because everyone seemed to bring the cheapest 6-pack of beer they could find along with a bag of potato chips

What I need is a good beer batter recipe.

After the first party I vividly remember how much seasonal beer and bags of chips that were left at my house.  Meanwhile, my own stockpile of vodka and rum was gone.  A stockpile of 40 bottles and cans of beer and 10 bags of potato chips might sound fun to some, but I don't drink beer and I don't eat potato chips, so this was annoying.

I saved the beer for the next party and told everyone not to bring beer any more, but some people don't listen to instructions.  More beer arrived, but thankfully a lot of the original supply got used up.

After the second party I decided it was best that I take over the open bar supply and just ask everyone to pitch in to cover that cost.  I expand my open bar supply every party and everyone is able to make all the mixed drinks they want, along with the snacks that I also supply.

I started asking everyone for $10 donations to cover the cost of the open bar.  They'd spend more than that for the BYOB party, so no one should be complaining.  When people ask me what to bring I tell them to forget about the standard "don't arrive empty handed" etiquette because this is not that kind of party.  If they insist then I tell them to give me $20 instead of $10.

Other than snacks and drink, there are a lot of other expenses that go into running a party.  I always stock the house with fresh towels, bedding, soaps, and any other cleaning supplies that are needed for before or after the party.  Depending on the size of the party, the cost of cleaning supplies rivals that of the food. I also stock the house with a few bottles of poppers and different lubes everywhere.

At my last party someone came running up to me and feverishly asked "Where are the condoms?!" I could feel that I gave him the deer-in-headlights look because I don't use them and I don't buy them. Apparently there was some really hot action happening on the mosh mat and the condoms were requested.

Thinking quickly, I remembered that I had a supply from the health clinic from the last time they gave me "the talk" about safe sex and using condoms.  They gave me a goody bag of condoms to go home with.  I dug around in a drawer and gave him that supply.

The following morning someone was teasing me about that deer-in-headlights look I made.  I joked back and just said I was surprised with the question, but what I really should have said was that I supply enough for the party, like the alcohol, snacks, play space, activities, and lube, so why should I provide condoms?  

Some people talk about their sexual activity openly while some never talk about it.  Some are embarrassed to buy condoms and some will proudly buy several boxes.

I tell everyone to bring their own condoms now, that's BYOC.  If they don't have the courage or cash to pay for their own box of condoms then they shouldn't be involved in a fetish party.

Would anyone be interested in sponsoring the condoms I give out at my parties?  Contact me privately and I'll give you the address to ship them to.

Love and licks,

Kabous Pup

[2018geareduppup]

Make Your Mom Happy When You Can

Day 44 - March 27, 2018

For the past several years my schedule has taken me out of the country to spend time with my husband during all the big holidays.  This is the first year that I'm in the States for a holiday in a while.  In recent years my mother has been spending holidays alone.  Even though my sister and her family live in the same house as my mom, they don't often spend holidays together.  My sister usually has to take care of the special needs of her young boys or has other friends and family to visit.

Today I invited my mom to spend Easter Sunday with me.  I'm not Christian anymore and don't celebrate, but I didn't want her to be alone when I'm nearby.  Normally she does a double feature movie by herself, so I invited her to a double feature and dinner together.

It turns out that my sister is cooking on Easter Sunday for her boys, husband, and my mom.  My mom invited me to spend the day with all of them.

I was a little horrified by the invitation.  I don't have a relationship with my sister any more.  I cut ties with her 10 years ago because she is manipulative and always needs to be control of whatever she's involved with.

Even though I don't have a relationship with my sister, I will still talk to her when I see her at my mom's house or when talking about my mom's health.  Recently my sister has reconnected with my father, and she's tried to relay his health details to me, but I refuse to get involved with him anymore. The longest conversation I've had with my sister in recent years took place during my cousin's funeral a few years ago.  We tried to reconcile our differences, but it didn't work.

I told my mother that I had no interest in spending the day with my controlling sister, and I reminded her of all the reasons why I don't talk to my sister any more.

My mom played the guilt card.  She started crying and said "I guess the only time I'll have my children together in the same room with me again is at my funeral."

It seems like I'll be spending Easter at my sister's apartment to make my mom happy.  She's done a lot for me, so I'll put my own feelings aside and do this for her.

Love you pack when you have the chance,

Kabous Pup

[2018geareduppup]

Parents Can Smell Your Young Lies

Day 43 - March 26, 2018

I don't tolerate being lied to.  If I catch you lying to me I will probably cut you out of my close circle of friends or I will allow you to drift away from me without making any effort to keep our friendship alive.

I was a very shy boy growing up and was legitimately a good and honest kid.  I was the smart nerdy kid that stayed home studying while my older sister went out and got into trouble.  It wasn't until I was 18 and in college that I went out with friend for the first time, and even stayed out past midnight.  By that time my mother didn't give me any curfew, nor did she worry about me because I was always so well behaved when I was younger.  

I lived at home with my mom until I was 29, but that time I had learned how to lie to my mother every time I was out with gay friends so she would not worry about me or suspect anything. I didn't come out of the closet until I was 30.

I'm of an age now where I can practically smell a lie, but not because I am an expert at lying, but because I've learned a lot about how life works.  When it comes to family, work, emotional, and financial issues, it seems like everyone is very much alike.  Many of us experience the same challenges at about the same age.

This past weekend I had a bunch of pups over my house for a party of all age ranges from 20 to 49. We all come from different families and different life experiences.  After holding several of these parties I now realize that some of the college age pups are making up all types of lies in order to come to the party.  The fact that they are making up the lies doesn't bother me as much as how shallow their lies are, and that they get caught.

Being gay, I know that lying about your life is, sadly, normal for all of us.  At some point we were all lying about our activities and then one day we decided to come out of the closet.  

If you are lying to your parents then you need to consider what they already know, or believe, about your live, and how you can make the lie fit into your normal life.  For example, if your parents normally track your location with your smartphone, then turning off location services is an immediate red flag that you are up to no good.  Another example, if you don't reply to text messages or phone calls, then you are either up to no good or you are in trouble.

I will welcome anyone 18+ to one of my events, but I also want to make sure that those who still live with their parents are not going to cause parent related trouble once they get to the party.  

If your parents track your phone, then I suggest that you leave your phone at home or you simply don't go to a party that they would not agree with.  Do not turn off location services because that's an easy indication that you are up to no good.  That's exactly what one pup did this past weekend.  He turned off location services, traveled 200 miles to my house, then his parents demanded to know where he was.  He was an adult, but his parents were still pulling his strings because they pay for his college, so back home he went.  

The sad thing is that, this pup was planning for 6 weeks to attend the party.  In fact, I even changed the party date for him.  In all that time he could have easily crafted a reasonable story as to why he was traveling from his college campus in upstate New York to a small town in New Jersey; but he didn't craft one at all. He just tried to get away with it.

The bottom line of this post is to say that, I understand the need for lying to parents when you are involved in things you feel they won't approve of.  We were all there at some point in time.  Just remember that parents are smarter than you might think, like me, they can probably smell a lie, and they can see through shallow lies.

Be a good boy,

Kabous Pup

[2018geareduppup]

Dark Room Consent

Day 42- March 25, 2018

Consent is a hot topic for every event.  Something is always happening and someone is always getting touched in an inappropriate way that needs to be dealt with correctly.  

For me, if I'm negotiating a hookup on Grindr I know exactly what to expect when meeting the other guy. When I'm at a public bar or club, I don't expect to be touched, but when I am, my reaction all depends on what I'm hoping for at the end of the night. If I'm hoping for action at the end of the night then I will probably engage the person touching me and see where things go from there.  If I'm not looking for action, I might step away from them or turn to talk to them, it really depends on my mood.

The rules of consent in "back rooms" and saunas are a bit different than out in public spaces. Because “back rooms” are not common in the States I need to explain the rules of consent according to my experience. They are based more on hand signals than verbal.

Most back rooms at sex bars are dark places. You can barely see anyone in there. It is assumed that you are giving consent to be touched as soon as you walk back there. It’s dark, so the touch on the waste, hand, tap on the ass, etc. is how you get someone’s attention.

In that back room environment, if you don’t want to be touched by someone then you simply AND POLITELY remove their hand/mouth/dick from touching you.

Again, this is a polite pushing away using your hand. No slapping, no yelling, no complaining that you didn’t give consent, because you actually did as soon as you walked into a dark area designated for sex.

IF YOU ARE THE ONE BEING PUSHED AWAY THEN DO NOT TRY A SECOND TIME!!!

If you get pushed away, then you need to wait for another hand signal or other obvious physical move (like sticking a crotch in your face) from that person before you are allowed to re-engage.

Many times when walking through a pitch black room you have to feel along the walls just to navigate. This often leads to the discovery of hidden guys waiting for service of some type.  

Even in a dimly lit room you should take the initiative if you want.  Go ahead and feel around, because that type of anonymous sex is why everyone is back there in the first place.

I really hate it when people try to apply anonymous back room consent rules to places like bars, night clubs, and hotel lobbies during kink events.

If you don't agree with these anonymous back room consent rules then please stay out of these spaces. Back rooms are not meant for tourists.

Licks,

Kabous Pup

[2018geareduppup]

Don't RSVP Then Stand Me up

Day 41 -March 24, 2018

I began holding monthly puppy play parties at my house in mid 2017. They all began because of my dissatisfied experience with the puppy mosh at The Eagle NYC. I wanted to create a space where pups could get together, get in their gear, and hang out as pups. I wanted them to achieve pup headspace and be able to enjoy it without fear that they would be touched by strangers.

The parties have grown pretty popular. Originally I only expected pups from the New York City and New Jersey areas to attend, but I’m getting pup attendees from as far south as Virginia and north as Massachusetts now.

At today’s party I had 25 pups and 4 handlers RSVP for the party. That’s 29 people in my house that probably can only fit about 22. In fact, I had to tell a few pups that I would have a full house and they had to be put on a waiting list.

On Friday night and Saturday before the party I texted a bunch of pups that has not yet double confirmed their attendance. Ten people never replied to me or showed up.  That's pretty annoying considering I spent a lot of money on drinks, food, and party supplies to accommodate 29 people and they didn’t even have the courtesy of telling me they could not attend.

The point I’m making today is to be considerate when you RSVP to any party. Every party/event has expenses that need to be paid for long before you get there. If you RSVP yes, then don’t arrive, you’ve screwed the party host more than you know.

Be considerate and realistic when saying you’ll attend a party. Don’t hide in a hole if you know you won’t make it; instead, let the party host know as soon as possible.

Be a considerate pup to your party hosts, otherwise you won't get an invite back.

Love and licks,

Kabous Pup

[2018geareduppup]

Puppy Party Planning and Logistics

Day 40 - March 23, 2018

I’m having my next "Gear Up, Pup! Party" at my house tomorrow.  Coincidently, the name is not related to my International Geared Up Pup title, but rather the nature of the party.  I started the parties in 2017 to give pups a safe place to get into gear and have fun in headspace.  They are all instructed to "gear up" as soon as they walk in the door.

Planning for each party takes a few weeks and keeping my house organized for all the guests is a big challenge.

I don’t leave things to the last minute like I did when I was younger. I burned myself too many time on deadlines and loss of sleep, so I do my best to plan way ahead of time and take care of one detail at a time every day.

I don’t think we are born with the ability to plan things; we just have to try it a few times before we figure out all the tiny details needed to plan a party, a trip, a vacation, or a big event. All those tiny details are collectively referred to as “logistics.”

Every time I throw one of my parties I find out something new that I overlooked. As different guests attend I discover more of their needs or desires and how to better account for them next time.

If you are dissatisfied with the number of parties in your area then you should plan your own. You won’t get it right the first time, but I’m sure those you invite will be happy just being involved. Ask for feedback about the party you throw and make the next one even better.

The world needs more puppy parties.

Let's have some fun!

Kabous Pup

[2018geareduppup]

How I Make My Long Distance Relationship Work

Day 39 - March 22, 2018

When my husband first moved over to France in 2009 he didn’t think that we could make it work. In fact he tried to break up with me the summer before he moved over to France. I did not except the break up and followed him around like a lost puppy should. He broke up only to soften the emotional blow of his moving away, and because he wanted to "have fun" for the summer without worrying about a boyfriend.  That didn't work out as planned because we still spent the entire summer together as "not boyfriends."

His moving to France worked in my favor because of the old adage "distance makes the heart grow fonder" so within a couple of weeks he admitted he missed me.  That’s when were started figuring out how to make this long distance relationship thing work.

He had accepted a job in Nice, France for one year and I had hoped he would return back to New Jersey within 12 months, but somehow we needed to figure out how to make this work for a year.  Up until that point I had only been outside of United States twice, once to Canada and once to the Cayman Islands.  A transcontinental flight scared the shit out of me, especially since I was the typical monolinguistic American.

Back in 2009 smartphones were in their infancy.  I had a Windows CE phone and he got a basic feature phone when he moved to France. Phone calls and text messages between one another were too expensive to do daily, so we used Yahoo Messenger to keep in touch most of the time.

In order for me to visit France I'd have to figure out how to change my business around so I could work from anywhere.  That meant migrating my work to the cloud and converting my phone systems from POTS to VoIP. The year 2009 was right in the middle of the Great Recession and my business wasn't doing well.  I didn't have any employees at the time so it made it easier to change my technology and work flow.

A one year teaching contract turned into a two year contract and by that time it was apparent he was never moving back to the States again, so my trips to France needed to become more frequent and our communication method needed to improve.

I got my first iPhone in the summer of 2010 and he got one a short time later.  Thanks to Apple's free iMessaging service our relationship was solidified.  Once again we were able to text all day long and keep updated on the small silly things in our lives.

Ten years ago the technology we take for granted today was on the cusp of availability.  Over the years my husband and I have migrated through different social networks and apps to keep in touch, but the iPhone iMessage is still our primary communication.

Although there are plenty of apps available now to keep you connected between any two smartphones, there's nothing better than a simple technology that's built into the phone. For this reason, I feel that the iPhone is the best possible smartphone for a couple in a long distance relationship.

Although our method of communication is important, we also have an established mutual trust of one another.  Our already open relationship worked in our favor because there wasn't a need for an uncomfortable conversation when he moved away.  As part of our openness we would type out or tell each other about our previous night's hookups.  I find it pretty exciting to read about his sexual exploits and imagine myself there participating.

Even though we still share photos frequently via iMessage, we currently use Facebook and Instagram to monitor our daily activities.  We also have the Find Friends feature activated between our phones, basically we "LoJack" each other.  We are so connected that it's easy for us to spy on one another, but spying implies that one of us has something to hide.  We don't.  

We know each other's daily routine quite well, and since we tell each other everything, there's no real need to activate our LoJacks unless we are feeling lonely or when we are unresponsive to texts.

Technology makes long distance relationships easy to keep in touch, but keeping in touch isn't what makes them work.  You need constant communication, truthfulness, support, and unwavering trust.  Above all else we both support our individual hopes and dreams, and we enjoy the journey together, even if that journey pulls us apart for 2 months at a time.

Long distance relationships don't work for everyone, but don't let the distance deter you from trying.

Licks,

Kabous Pup

[2018geareduppup]

Feeling Proud To Show My Pill

Day 38 - March 21, 2018

I’m feeling very proud today that my #showyourpill has caught on a little bit.

I got a message this morning from someone saying they had the courage to ask their doctor about the pill and then they posted a pic this afternoon showing their first dose.

I’m also flattered that everyone is copying my idea of balancing the pill on their nose.

I’m seeing the #ShowYourPill hashtag pop up on twitter, Instagram, and Facebook with people I don't even know.  I hope the momentum continues.

There are several negative comments popping up every time someone posts a pic of their pill.  

The first negative comment I saw was someone shaming PrEP users for taking the pill, in that, if we wanted to be safe we would use a condom instead. Apparently condom use has worked so well that everyone is safe and HIV isn't a problem.  Right, look where that got us.

Another shameful comment came from someone saying that we wouldn’t need to worry if we didn’t have sex with random strangers.  I guess we can't help the horny nature of gay guys.  Oh well.

Then I saw a comment today from someone saying he takes PrEP because he doesn't trust his puppy pack. Digging deeper into this Alpha's social profile I found that his puppy pack is only supposed to play with other members of the pack, yet he assumes that they are having sex outside of their group.  It sure sounds like they have some group dynamics to deal with, but I commend him for being realistic and taking steps to protect himself.

How far will this go? I don’t know, but at least I know I’ve made a little bit of a difference.

Post a pic of your PrEP pill and tag #ShowYourPill to join this trend ;-)

Kabous Pup

[2018geareduppup]

Getting the Correct STI Testing

Day 37 - March 20, 2018

Before I started taking PrEP, my only experience with STI testing was at my local Public Health Clinic. At this clinic they will draw blood and screen you for HIV, but they rarely do anything else.

A few years ago when I wanted to start taking PrEP I had to find an STI/HIV specialist in my state that understood the drug and how to prescribe it.  I asked my general practitioner first and was told I shouldn't need such a drug if I am married.

I got a full medical workup the first time I met with the STI/HIV specialist I found.  I thought I knew a lot about STIs already, but he gave me more in-depth information.  I also felt comfortable telling him exactly what type of sexual activities I'm usually involved with.

Before long he explained the STI testing and blood work that he would do every 3 months.  Blood is drawn to test for Chlamydia and my organ levels, then to test for gonorrhea you need to take a urine sample, anal swabs, and throat swab.  That's blood, urine, and two swabs, without which you can't get a full screening of all the ways that STIs can lurk in your body.

Since starting PrEP I have moved my full time STI care over to my second home in France, so I no longer need an STI specialist in New Jersey, but there are still times when I want to get an STI screening while stateside.  During those times I will return back to my local Health Clinic.

When visiting the clinic this morning I was happily surprised that they had new signs up that they are now offering PrEP.  I took one of the fliers to hang up during my house parties.  

When they eventually called me in I told them I needed a full panel of tests.  They proceeded to draw blood and they asked for a urine sample. When they told me I was finished I had to demand the anal swab and the throat swab tests.  They gave me the excuse that they were short handed and they don't normally do those tests.  The look I gave the nurse must have been intimidating because she widened her eyes, pursed her lips and said "I'll get the culture dishes."

When you go for your own STI testing you need to be forceful with the medical practitioners if they are not doing all 4 tests for you.  Those little STI bugs have plenty of places to hide in your body; you'll never know if your 100% safe unless you have everything tested.

Get tested often!

Kabous Pup

[2018geareduppup]

Hookup App Drama

Day 36 - March 19, 2028

I have a love/hate relationship with the call-out culture.  If someone does something wrong to you, should you take screen grabs and post them to the public?  If they've wrong you privately, without endangering the community, then I think you should keep it to yourself.  If they have wronged you and there's a good potential for them to endanger someone else in the community, then I agree to the calling out.

There's a lot of Grindr screen grabs being posted recently, most of which are just conversations with discriminatory and rude jerks.

Grindr is a hookup app, which means you are supposed to use it for the intended purpose of finding someone to have sex with.  Using it for networking or just to find friends always seemed strange to me.  I'm rarely on Grindr looking for an immediate hookup.  Honestly, that "right now" expression is never true because most of the time those "right now" guys tell me "in an hour" or "tomorrow."

One of the first things I tell guys on Grindr is that I'm not looking for that moment, unless I am, in which case they need to get to the point.  Seems like everyone hides something behind their Grindr profile, sometimes good, sometimes bad. I don't know if I'm sexually compatible with them until we get to chatting and exchange pics.

I really regret that Recon isn't a more popular hookup app where I live because most of the guys on Grindr are so vanilla that they can't even handle me with a harness, let alone full puppy gear. A hookup is supposed to be about the quick mutual enjoyment of getting off, and I enjoy being a puppy during those scenes.  I'd rather entertain my Bad Dragon for the night than be asked to take off my puppy gear during a random hookup.

People get upset when you say "no" to a hookup. Simple fact of the matter is that sometimes we are not sexually attracted to someone else, regardless if they are attracted to us. You take your ups and downs and you move on.  I get plenty of "nos" on Grindr.  

I've learned a bit about psychology for my day job.  One thing I've learned is that the reaction you have in one moment is immediately influenced by whatever happened to you in the PREVIOUS moment.  So if someone just pissed you off, it's more likely that you will react badly to the next person that talks to you.  This influences your point of view, your interest in someone, and what you say to them.  For example, someone might have just pissed you off because they said you were too thin, to fat, to muscular, to fem, to whatever.  Your immediate state of mine will influence how you react the next guy, and you might turn into a complete dick yourself even if you find that next guy attractive.

My only advice about Grindr it that, when someone tells you "no," just except that they are not interested, for their own reasons, and move on. There’s nothing wrong with you.

Maybe they are not a top.  Maybe they are not a bottom.  Maybe they do not think you are a match.  Maybe you remind them of their ex.  Maybe they’re having a bad day. Don’t make derogatory comments back at them when they deny you.

Also realize that, just because someone is gay, and the gay community seems to hump everything, doesn’t mean that someone will immediately want to hookup with you.

Lastly, just because someone is flirtatious, or dresses in a very provocative way, does not mean they are out for a hookup.

Now go have some fun and don't get insulted along the way,

Kabous Pup

[2018geareduppup]

How I Manage My Weight Without Working Out

Day 35 - March 18, 2018

There are a lot of trendy diets that lure people into eating one way of another in hopes of losing weight fast, and then there are diets that also teach you how to change the way you eat so you don't gain the weight that you lose.  I've been eating paleo since 1999, since before it was considered a trendy diet, and I couldn't be happier with the way I feel and look.

I'm talking about this today because there are a lot of guys in the LGBT community that are unhappy with the way they look and there's a lot of body shaming.  We wouldn't need the #ThirstTrapChallenge if it weren't for the unhappiness and body shaming. At the same time there's an entire Bear Community who is happy with what they look like.

I chose to switch to the paleo diet because I was gaining weight and I was afraid of the health problems that I saw in my older family as a result of being overweight their entire lives.  

What is the paleo diet? It's based on the idea that humans are not supposed to eat processed food that we can't find in nature.  The basic concept is that you should not eat anything if it will make you sick when eaten raw, and in large quantities. Sick, as in a tummy ache.

Opponents of the paleo diet will tell you that this way of eating is screwed up because humans have continued to evolve and over the last 100,000 years our bodies have changed enough to digest the processed foods.  That's a valid point.  Opponents also claim that the paleo diet causes Vitamin D deficiency.  They might be right about this one because I am Vitamin D deficient and take those supplements daily.  They also argue that there is no scientific study to prove the validity of the paleo lifestyle.  But that's only because no one wants to bother commissioning one.  

Therefore, I'm presenting myself as a one-off subject that's been paleo for 19 years.  

First off, my life insurance company does a more in depth health study of me than my doctor does. For many years they have told me that I always come back with a health rating of someone at least 10 years younger, and they ask why.

Second, I have not been able to maintain a real workout schedule in about 10 years.  I don't have a hyper metabolism that helps keep my weight off, I just eat whatever I want that's on the paleo menu.

Third, I have learned that it's better for me to eat large meals in the morning and smaller meals in the afternoon or evening.  I've also learned how to count calories as well as discover which foods are more filling and have fewer calories.  A full plate of food that knocks me into a food coma might only be 1000 calories. Eating that earlier in the day will sustain me for most of the day (assuming I can make it through the food coma).

Eating normal size portions of paleo doesn't leave me feeling sluggish or result in a sugar crash an hour later like many other foods will.  Ever eat ice cream and then feel tired within an hour?  That's the sugar crash I'm talking about.

One of the claims of the paleo diet is that you can eat as much as you want without gaining weight. Paleo foods are not supposed to trigger fat cell production.  I was never an over-eater, but I did feel this was mostly true.  Although, over the years I noticed that there were times when I would suddenly gain 5 to 7 pounds of weight and then struggle to shed it again. On a small frame like mine that 5 to 7 pounds is easily noticeable.

DNA analysis is another trendy thing to do now.  Want to know your true genetic lineage, get a test and find out.  There's a bit of controversy over privacy and DNA testing, but there's also some pretty cool health reasons to know your origins, and it has to do with why you might also gain 5 to 7 pounds even though you might be eating healthy.

About 3 years ago I learned of another new food study of "reactive foods."  This study looked at many common foods and if they triggered water retention (aka bloating), or fat cell production.  What it discovered was that not everyone reacts the same to different foods, and what's considered a health food for some is a seriously bad food for others.

According to the study, 90% of the people tested would retain water if they ate these things: (1) farm raised fish, (2) deli meats, (3) most sushi, (4) hot dogs, (5) bagels, (6) corn.

Consider how common those items are in an American diet, and now consider how often everyone eats fish as a health food.  I won't pretend to understand what's wrong with farm raised fish, perhaps they are fed corn?  Sushi is also considered healthy, but not when made with the farm raised fish. Additionally, wasabi, ginger, and soy can be reactive for many people.

Turkey, salmon, and pineapples are all considered healthy foods, but every time I ate them I would gain weight.  It turns out that 85% of people are reactive to turkey and salmon while 70% of people are reactive to pineapples.  Cross referencing this reactive food list helped me identify what was causing my sudden spikes in weight gain, but it also opened up more possibilities for me.

By studying the list of foods in the 50% and lower category I found some items that are not on the paleo diet that I might be able to enjoy again, most notably, potatoes.  I went more than 10 years without fries, potato chips, or baked potatoes, but now I will occasionally enjoy them.

So what do reactive foods have to do with DNA?  Well, it turns out that the reaction is an allergic reaction to your body trying to process food it doesn't handle well.  Two things happen when the body can't properly process food, first, it can trigger water retention to help filter the food out, and second, it converts it to fat.

With regard to turkey and salmon, both animals are native to North America.  Therefore, anyone without DNA from Native Americans will probably react badly to eating them.  My DNA is purely from Europe, which explains my reaction to them.  Pineapple is originally a native food of South America, so unless your DNA includes Brazilian and Paraguayan then you might be reacting to the delicious fruit like I am.

I've shared this information today because of the #ThirstTrapChallenge that's happening over the past few weeks.  I'm not a doctor, dietitian, or nutritionist, I'm just a pup who has spent 19 years thinking about everything he eats and how I will feel after I eat it.  Perhaps this information can help someone who isn't happy in their own skin and wants to look differently.

For more information you can do a Google search for "Paleo Diet" and "List of Reactive Foods."

One last meal recommendation... use a dog bowl!

Kabous Pup

[2018geareduppup]

Cheating In Monogamous Relationship

Day 34 - March 17, 2018

Leopard really can’t change its spots. If you are in a monogamous relationship and have the inclination to full around with someone else, then you were not being truthful to your own desires.

If you believe in monogamous relationships, and if you really love someone, then you won’t have the desire to cheat on them. Monogamous relationships are usually based on the connection between emotional love and physical love.  Cheating on your monogamous partner means you either had a one night physical hookup or you had a longer emotional affair.  Either one is a violation of your monogamous relationship.

I saw someone on Facebook posted today that they were the cause of their relationship break up. They were a cheater. It takes a lot for someone to take that responsibility and have the capital letter "A" branded to their chest.  What saddened me was how many people jumped on and made comments about how horrible of a person they were.  He was the cause of breaking up such a good relationship. The names he was called will probably make him feel like shit for a very long time.

I’m of a completely different mindset; I don’t feel that physical actions are tied to emotional love. I’ve never felt that way. I’d like to blame old religious believes for the idea of forcing monogamy upon couples for life.

Everyone should be allowed to choose the direction they want in life as long as it doesn’t harm another. Those are my beliefs. If you are going to cheat on someone then certainly you are harming them emotionally.  If you are going to cheat on someone then you better be protecting yourself from STIs, otherwise you are going to harm them physically, too.  I've heard many stories of people who were infected with HIV or other STIs because their boyfriend was cheating--Certainly not a good way to find out about their cheating.

Taking responsibility for your actions takes guts.  You know you are wrong and you regret it.  We live in a hate-thriving culture that continues to yell at people and make them feel even worse than they already do.  Of course you could argue that people don't plead guilty of wrongdoing until they are caught, therefore they are not truly remorseful.  Yet, I do actually know of a few people throughout my life that felt sorry for their actions and confessed even though they were not caught.

If someone admits they are wrong, why can’t we simply congratulate them for admitting their mistake so that perhaps they can learn from it?  Why do so many people need to further rub it in to make someone feel like shit?

Why do so many people love to spread hatred?

If you feel that you are a cheater then perhaps you need to have a conversation with your significant other and talk to them about your relationship status.

Why is it that you need to cheat? Are you not getting something sexually out of your relationship? Perhaps your significant other is not making you feel sexually desired anymore. Perhaps you need to expand your sexuality further into the fetish realm.

My point of view is that cheating comes from a place of needing more than what you’re getting now. If things aren’t working out at home, and if you really want to keep that relationship strong, then it’s time to talk to your partner instead of seeking something else.

If you are chronic cheater, then live up to your hoe status and just be in an open relationship.

As for me, I'm in an "emotionally monogamous" relationship that is "open physically."  My husband and I do not tie out physical actions to emotional feelings.

Licks,

Kabous Pup

[2018geareduppup]

Leadership

Day 33 - March 16, 2018

It seems like groups in this community rise and fall all the time. Only a few stand the test of time and last for more than just a few years.  What is started with the best intentions doesn’t always turn out that way.

The initial founders that create a community group may not get along after the group is started. Perhaps they had the common goal but disagreed on how to get there, and conflicts arose. It’s also a little difficult to assume that someone who was never in a managerial position could actually run a community group unless they are willing to put themselves through and extremely steep learning curve.

Leaders must be present for their members to see.

Leaders must be able to take criticism for what they are doing wrong and evaluate how they should improve themselves as a leader. Criticism isn't always constructive, especially when you have large community groups and you piss people off.

When you receive those criticisms you have to evaluate if the person telling you was wrong, or if you legitimately need to improve yourself.  Good leaders don't ignore legitimate criticisms.

With large groups the criticisms won’t always be constructive in fact when you piss someone off, which you are likely to do in a large group, you will receive a lot of hateful comments. But as a leader you need to take the good with the bad and try not to let it make you feel worthless.

Leaders should not be going around telling members or other board members to "go fuck themselves" because they disagree with the criticisms they are receiving.

People in leadership positions also should not make excuses as to why jobs are not getting done. They should simply admit that the job did not get done take the blame for it, then figure out how to get the job done quickly instead of worrying why it didn’t get done in the past.

Leaders should not claim that things will get done and then allow months to go by without showing results. Community groups often have fundraisers and sell swag.  Most of the time the swag is pre-purchased and available for sale immediately, but sometimes pre-order is required.  If people pre-pay for an item they will still expect the given delivery date.  As a leader, you need to fill those pre-sold orders on time and not wait for more orders just so you can get a better bulk price from the manufacturer.

When leadership is absent and doesn’t follow through on promises there is this real chance that membership will have a vote of no confidence during future elections. Also, a leader that just appears whatever it is time to dish out discipline comes across as more of a dictator then a guiding light.

The old adage is that good leaders are thrust into power when they didn't want it, but bad leaders seek the power out.  If you expect to be a leader in your community group then you need to emulate a higher standard than the rest of the members and the rest of the people on the Board of Directors.

Community organizations are created for the betterment of a particular community, therefore being a dictator in a community organization I will certainly be contrary in to your cause.

Be a leader others will follow,

Kabous Pup

[2018geareduppup]

Warnings about 18+ Puppy Parties

Day 32 - March 15, 2018

Thoughts on my mind today are of child pornography and child molesting. These are emotionally painful topics to talk about since several people in our community were victims when they were younger.  People we know and love have grown up with secret childhood traumas and struggled to become decent and healthy adults.

Whenever I hear of cases of child pornography and child molesting I cringe a little since this topic hits close to my own home.

My own father was accused of child molesting back in 1997 and it ruined his life, and it forever changed my life.

Yesterday the furry community found out that RC Fox committed suicide. Allegedly he was accused of 20 counts of pedophilia which lead him to end his life.  I think it's an appropriate time to talk about the age of people attending puppy events.

There seem to be ongoing discussions on social media regarding the age of which someone should be allowed to attend a puppy party. Some people believe that 16 is old enough because that is the age of consent in some locations while most people say the age of 18 is appropriate.

The law in the USA says that any type of sexual activity with someone under 18 would be considered child molesting, child porn, or corrupting the morals of a minor.  It's better to stay away from these accusations.

I have always felt that puppy parties should be 18+ but many of the puppy events in North America are held at locations that require 21 year or older because they serve alcohol. Naturally if you have a party at a private home you can allow any age, although I suggest strongly that you make it an 18+ party.

I need to offer a few words of caution regarding private parties at your house.

There are plenty of puppies that are not out of the closet about being gay, not out of the closet about being kinky, and they still live with their parents. They are still continually faced with having to make up excuses of where they’re going, what they are doing, and who they are with. Some parents still have extreme domination over their children even though they are older than 18.

Here are my suggested guidelines for others running 18+ private parties their house. First of all you should ask the under 21 attendees if they had to make up an excuse to their parents. Find out what that excuse is because you do not want to be caught in the middle of a lie.

Also find out if those under 21 puppies have giving out your address to their parents. The last thing you want is an uptight parent to show up at your party. Parents will not understand a fetish event and will absolutely freak out, and most likely call the police. This will especially happen if they are domineering over their child’s life.

Although this is your private home and you are holding a consensual 18+ party, angry parents could easily call the authorities with claims that you were allowing underage drinking.  That's one sure way to bring your party to a screeching halt, and get you into legal trouble.

Those are just some words of wisdom that I’m sharing today.

I host private parties on a monthly basis and I now know that I have to start more detailed background checks and vetting of my attendees. Creating a safe space for the party isn't just about the attitude of those attending and maintaining safety at the event, the safe space is also about making sure no one at the party will get into trouble for perceived illegal activity, especially me.

Last thing I want on my record would be accusations of corrupting the morals of a minor or inappropriate sexual conduct with someone who is still under the protection of their legal guardian. Furthermore, I would not want to be accused of running a brothel.

Party safely,

Kabous Pup

[2018geareduppup]

Depression and Suicide

Day 31- March 14, 2018

We lost two from our community today.  OmegaPup Cooper was battling depression and committed suicide.  The other was the furry RC Fox who was accused of pedophilia and committed suicide.  I didn't know RC Fox, but I knew OmegaPup Cooper through commenting on each other's Facebook posts.

The pup community is exploding in sadness at the news of OmegaPup while others are rejoicing at the loss of RC Fox.  It difficult to reconcile my emotions today because I don't believe that suicide is an answer, and I'm greatly confused by the sad reaction for OmegaPup mixed with the rejoicing about RC Fox.  I might have to write out my thoughts about pedophilia in another post and how those accusations can destroy someone life.

There are plenty of people who post depressing things all the time on Facebook.  Every day they claim their life is miserable and yet they don't react when friends publicly offer to help them out.  I reach out as much as I can when I see someone posting about depression or ending it.

Perhaps the one benefit of being an older puppy is that I have lived through a bunch of shit already.

I don’t necessarily want to say "life will get better" and leave them to wallow in their pain. It’s wrong to just tell someone to "suck up the pain" and "get over it." Transitions in life cause pain, they cause depression, and they cause us to believe that no one else understands what we are going through.  

We, as humans, are private people when it comes to our pain.  We hold it in and it destroys us from the inside out as we feel like we can't talk to anyone.  Everyone else seems to be fine while we are suffering.  But that's just it, they are probably suffering too, because we humans hide our pain so well.

We also have trouble articulating how we feel because humans have 27 different emotions and the ability to experience multiple emotions at the same time.

Looking back over OmegaPup's Facebook posts from the last few days I don't see any continuous hints of depression like I see in so many others. I chatted with one of OmegaPup Cooper's close friends today who is a 911 emergency dispatcher.  He said that he never picked up on Cooper's depression even though he was trained to.  It's apparent that Cooper was in such pain that he became a master at hiding it.

This makes me realize that we can't assume that our friends who appear the happiest are actually happy.  Perhaps we should all take a pause and occasionally, and quite randomly, ask our friends how they are doing and if there is anything they'd like to talk about.

Personally, I want to extend a paw to anyone who is feeling extremely depressed. Give me a poke online or a call before you get to the stage of wanting to end it all.  I can be an extra shoulder to lean on or an ear to gnaw on. Maybe I do not have all the answers but at least I can be a friend that listens.

Pawhaps I could even tell you stories of how I overcame some of my own life issues that will give you a little hope in overcoming yours.

Hang in there,

Kabous Pup

[2018geareduppup]

Tagged By Thirst Trap

Day 30 - March 13, 2018

I didn't expect to be tagged by the #ThirstTrapChallenge, but two of my friends, Jersey and Iggy, both decided that I needed to show more skin than I already was.  I'm not sure that's possible, unless I start posting full nudes.  

The Thirst Trap Challenge celebrates being sex positive and body positive as a way to fly in the face of those who would sham us because they feel we shouldn’t be open about sex. Many of them think that it’s our fault for continuing to spread STIs and HIV.  Those who sham are attempting to cast doubt on those who are different than they are.  Shame, like discrimination, is something you are taught when growing up; humans are not born with a shameful bone in their bodies.  

If I'm going to shame anyone then I think it's a shame that people have monogamy training forced upon them along with their supposed religious righteous views.

There are plenty of "monogamous" people who somehow gave STIs to their partner.  Meanwhile, those of us who are more open with our play time take steps to protect ourselves and those we play with by getting tested often, and by taking PrEP to prevent HIV infection TasP to prevent the spread of HIV.

I created a #ShowYourPill campaign a few days ago as my way to motivate those taking PrEP and TasP to show themselves in a photo with their medication.  I'm hoping this will stimulate the conversation about HIV prevention medication.  I show my pill to help motivate others towards a path of safety and sexual health and responsibility.

With the #ThirstTrapChallenge I'm supposed to tag 5 people every day to motivate them to show 5 sexy photos of themselves.  I'm not doing that.  Instead, for the next 5 days I will tag 5 different people and ask them to post 1 photo of themselves with their PrEP or TasP pill.

I'm not going to ask anyone to show skin or a sexy photo, just show your friends you are serious about your health, and that of those you play with.

If you are reading this some time in the future, I urge you to also post a photo of you and your PrEP or TasP along with the hashtag #ShowYourPill.  Those of us on medication are far more educated than those of us who aren't.  

You will get questions, and people might even shame you for showing your pill. Please don't let that stop you.

Join me,

Kabous Pup

[2018geareduppup]

Even though this puppy hates to beg, I really beg everyone to break the stigma about HIV, HIV medication, and PrEP — the HIV prevention medication. If previous safe sex practices were adhered to, then HIV wouldn’t be a big problem. But let’s face it, people say one thing then do another. PrEP medication protects those who “do another” but don’t want to admit it. You don’t have to admit it to your doctor either, but you have to be willing to ask your Doc for the meds. #showyourpill #hivprevention #prep #hiveducation