So, I put this on twitter a few days ago, but I want to also put it here on this account I forgot existed in case anyone doesn't have twitter and couldn't see it!
I'm also going to add more stuff to it that I couldn't add in the original thread due to space and word count!
THERE ARE INSANE BF NOM STORY SPOILERS IN THIS SO IF YOU ACTIVELY DO NOT WANT TO BE SPOILED ON ANYTHING THAT HAPPENS IN BF NOM'S POV THEN YOU SHOULD PROBABLY SKIP THIS ONE OUT!!!
So I was rewatching the lovely BF Nom and BF Scott making up scene, and I genuinely do not think BF Nom was blaming BF Scott or 'victimising' himself at all as I'd witnessed some people arguing this whilst the scene was taking place.
I've collected some lines BF Nom said during this scene:
'Admitting wrong is not something I'm great at, but I should've been more honest with you'
'Not that it's an excuse'
'My relation to monarchs in the past - seeing you fill that role was intimidating'
'Not that it made me feel I had to trust you less'
'When you found us on the beach, I panicked and doubled down, I tend to get lost in stuff like that sometimes'
'I don't see you differently, but i guess in that moment I did...'
'I am truly sorry though'
Now point out to me, where he blamed BF SCOTT. He NEVER blamed BF Scott. He blamed the concept of the monarchy and himself, his own trauma. Also, call me crazy, but I don't think discussing your trauma and how it can affect your decisions and your rationality is 'victimising yourself' when you are a literal victim. Understandably he is not the victim of the situation that happened between him and BF Scott, but I don't personally believe there is much to even be a victim of. BF Nom explaining how his trauma affects his choices, consciously and unconsciously isn't victimising himself, it's explaining himself and putting his heart on the table in front of BF Scott.
BF Nom is not faultless, no character is, but he has trauma. He has a past with monarchy. BF Nom was very much a form of child soldier raised to be a weapon, and barely considers himself human. He's literally said numerous times by himself and by other characters to be 'The Strongest Knight' in Blue Kingdom. CC! Nom has said before that BF Nom was talented at what he did, he was damn good at killing, at fighting, at bloodshed.
He actively aimed to gain favour with monarchs to help Katie prosper in the kingdom, and in return the monarchy gave him bloodshed. BF Nom didn't become a knight for glory, to serve or give back to the kingdom. He did it because it was also BF Katie's dream and he wanted to help her achieve it. This is a life he crafted for himself and he doesn't regret it despite all the hardship he's faced because at the end of the day he did it all for BF Katie.
CC! Nom claimed his character was knighted at the age range of 17-18, his character is currently 22. He only broke his oath around 1-2 years ago (I'm making a rough estimate because I cant actually remember the exact timeline in years). So we're talking at minimum 2-3 years with a maximum of 3-4 years of blind servitude of knighthood to the throne at a very young age. These are important years that shape who you are and for BF Nom to place so much importance on the monarchy because they are the one's who ultimately control BF Katie's destiny as a knight it very much warped his own brain about his needs, wants and opinions as a human being. He says to BF Scott in this conversation that knighthood is all about action. It's why he subtly tried to apologise by running the dungeon every single day, to the point of physical exhaustion, especially doing it on his own most days. He believed following BF Scott's decree would show he still has his loyalty and he does trust BF Scott and wants to believe in his rule. It's this action he takes that shows he still holds those core memories of knighthood and the past of the monarchy within him. He decides ruining his body and mind for the kingdom would show BF Scott how sorry he is because the words of a knight mean nothing when they are simply tools for the monarchy to use. BF Scott has to remind him that he's human, and this was a mistake between friends, not a slight against the monarchy, and that all he needs to do is say sorry. It's a strange realisation for BF Nom because his words have never mattered. We see this a lot in his recent streams as there's a large emphasis on BF Nom learning he can have 'the final say'. That he can make choices and decisions for himself and his own destiny and it's alright for him to not want to be a weapon of war.
The monarchy in the past used him to cause severe bloodshed, against many innocent hands, as his oath foolishly included absolute loyalty to the monarch. Its here where he meets the end of his tether with the bounty on BF 4C. Being commanded on a literal hunt, 16 knights (himself included), to kill a singular innocent man. I don't think I see enough people discussing how insane this is. Not only are we talking about killing an innocent person for crimes against the crown that they did not commit. But it's a demonstration of the gross manipulation and corruption of the Blue Kingdom's monarchy especially at this time. Afterall, Blue Kingdom are at war with Red Kingdom, and although they would've had more knights at the time BF Nom was sent on this mission, they still sent 16 of their soldiers away to hunt and kill BF 4C, including their strongest and likely one of their youngest knights, BF Nom. 16 vs 1. This is actively a demonstration of Blue Kingdom's previous vast corruption and why BF Graecie and BF Nom seem to have detachment from what the kingdom stands for. BF Graecie has discussed that her oath surrounds the people and place rather than the monarchy, and although she respects it, especially in recent years, she simply has no care left for this war. Similarly, BF Nom has grown detached from the monarchy as he had to witness first hand and be a physical sword for the monarchy to deal and dispose of those who they didn't want around anymore. Commanding BF Nom to do the dirty work, and carry out injustice whilst weaponising the power and authority of the Blue Kingdom.
Back to current times, it's very obvious BF Nom didn't even expect himself to react the way he did to BF Scott taking the throne. He doesn't know how to react to feeling true trust and loyalty to a monarch in such a long time. BF Scott is someone who he's grown attached to. Whilst he isn't on the same level as BF 4C or BF Katie, BF Scott has said to him that arguably BF Nom is the closest friend he has, which in turn means something to BF Nom. The fact someone so new can put so much trust into him, after everything he's gone through, means something. They've also experienced hardship together, with BF Nom being the one to deliver BF Scott the note regarding his father, and then taking it upon himself to look after and care for BF Scott's home in canon during his absence. Now, BF Scott has the throne, and despite the fact BF Nom is no longer a true knight, he still holds those ingrained knightly beliefs of detachment to the monarchy and servitude. Except before, he could more easily avoid it.
He didn't know BF Shandrea as well when she was queen as he does now and she and BF Graecie at one point held him in a cell against his will in an attempt to force friendship, it would've felt like part of his human autonomy was being stripped away again. Once again the words of a knight mean nothing to those in power.
Similarly, BF Eloise's reign he didn't enjoy due to her dealings with Frogue about 4C. Watching a monarch now ignore his best friend's autonomy after having his own ignored by the previous ruler only would have cemented his beliefs in the crown's corruption.
He was still on healing terms with BF Mae after talking to her about beginning a friendship, due to their previous fight regarding friendship and stealing. Though he admits she was the best of the 3 in BF Nom's mind which is likely due to her commitment to protecting BF 4C and uplifting the kingdom and allowing it to prosper. Yet still, BF Mae was not someone who he had trust for from almost the beginning.
This time, its someone he's genuinely grown close to and someone who knows the truth about him yet still trusts him back, and that's fucking scary. BF Scott knows about his oath, he knows about the 15 knights, he knows he no longer has his mace and trusts himself with it. Despite all of that, BF Scott still trusts him, still sees the good in him, and even attempts to reason with BF Nom's mind that it's okay and he believes he always made the best choice he could, even if BF Nom doesn't believe any choice he made or could have made instead were optimal. Now that trust and friendship has had a wedge driven inside of it. BF Scott now wears the crown that's caused him so much betrayal. It's a curious sight to see BF Nom actually struggle to understand why he reacts the way he does when it comes to BF Scott taking the throne, as he'd actually previously advocated and asked BF Scott if he'd be willing to do so, and has said to others that he believes BF Scott would be a good king. Yet when that situation no longer became a 'what if' scenario, he was faced with the reality that he doesn't know what to do, think or feel, because he thinks and feels too much for a knight about this. He's stuck between his distain for the monarchy and his lack of trust in the system and his loyalty and trust in BF Scott.
Was BF Nom in the right for lying? No, but BF Cherri lied FIRST. I don't see many people pointing this out but when BF Scott first found them in the storage room, BF Cherri lied, claiming BF Nom does own her hand in farkle. BF Nom followed this up and agreed that it was going to be about farkle and not a secret training session. This would've likely lead BF Nom further in the belief that he is doing something wrong, something that will upset BF Scott. But he chooses to continue with the lie because he knows BF Scott told him before he took the crown to make decisions for himself and to try centre himself for once and not do something for others. He chose to train BF Cherri in the end because she wanted to protect BF Katie and her kingdom and those she holds dear and deep down this would've reminded BF Nom of not only himself, but of BF Katie too. He tried to keep BF Katie safe and help her achieve her dreams when she was in Blue Kingdom before defecting. Unfortunately though he failed to realise in his attempt to seek recognition from the monarchy so they would recognise him and BF Katie as true knights, he was neglecting her emotionally and leaving her to deal with the shadow and the teasing of being the 'lesser sibling'. Because once again, BF Nom deals in action, he does not deal in words and he has struggles with his own emotions because knights are weapons first and he is a human being second.
BF Nom doubled down afterwards because he was so caught off guard about BF Scott finding him on the beach doing something most monarchs would've been upset about. Aka, actively training the enemy kingdom despite a looming war, because he put his wishes for BF Katie to be safe before Blue Kingdom. He didn't know BF Scott had previously trained BF Cherri, when she asked for help and during the training, he was for once overcome with emotion as he would've saw not only himself in BF Cherri but also BF Katie. This is of course evident by the fact he literally calls her 'Katie' during the training. At this point in time he is in an emotional and vulnerable state and then suddenly being faced with his fear, BF Scott finding out, and potentially losing one of his only other connections left in Bannerfall, he panics. Afterall, when this fight took place, BF Nom wasn't on speaking terms with BF Katie, he hadn't properly seen her in days, nor spoke to her. Similarly, BF 4C was missing, he hadn't spoken to either of the people he cares for the most. He'd recently lost his trust in BF Graecie, and he at the time didn't have his kinship with BF Owain. BF Scott realistically was all he had at the time of the fight, and now he was faced with the fact that the consequence of choosing to do something for himself for once in his life was going to cost him yet another friendship. This is also likely why he felt so bitter and angry in the aftermath, that he was told by BF Scott to do things for himself, yet when he does, he's still in the wrong, not for his actions but because he didn't tell him what he was really doing when in his mind, this was something very vulnerable for him to do emotionally, and would've reminded him that one of the last times he betrayed a monarch, it ended in so much bloodshed, which ended up being for naught as when he returned with 4C, the corrupt monarch had already been replaced and the bounty pretty much no longer had relevance in the new monarch's eyes.
Now, BF Scott having the crown isn't his fault, he isn't to blame for BF Nom's trauma reaction, but BF Scott actively understands BF Nom's trauma, and can accept the crown does unfortunately cause a rift in BF Nom's mind. BF Nom fucked up and he takes accountability for that in his talk with BF Scott, no where in that conversation does he actively blame BF Scott for what he did. He spends more time practically cursing out his own trauma and blaming himself for his reactions when realistically, they are made in self defence. BF Nom has many walls, most of which BF Scott has managed to tear down in their talks. But lying is BF Nom's defence mechanism, for if nobody knows then nobody can punish him, and he can make choices for himself. After all, he's lied from the beginning of losing his oath. It's not a healthy mechanism, BF Nom says himself he's learnt it's easier to lie and ask for forgiveness later than to tell the truth and suffer the consequences of that openness. He struggles to separate the crown from the person at the beginning because of his past relationship with the monarchy and he directly addresses that this is not BF Scott's fault, it's his own, and he's truly sorry for what he did, because he can see now it was strange to value the crown over his friend.
Anyway Mon's insane Bannerfall Ted Talk over sorry I love BF Nom's POV its so complex and I had to write about the fact he didn't blame BF Scott and I also wanted to directly go over BF Nom's past and how it shapes his decisions as a person in the story.
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