grirvous

guys i think maybe i might like grievous

[howdidthisevenhappenanyway]

mace windu isn’t mean, you stupid slut

[may-be-a-plant]

So funny actually that Zeb is considered in canon to be attractive, and since he was Honor Guard captain, also sort of famous among lasat, but hangs out with a bunch of random Rebels doing manual labor, first response and charity work.

Imagine you're a Lasan native just getting their bearings in the Outer Rim. You start to feel faint and collapse only to experience the lasat equivalent of Chris Hemsworth bursting out of the woods to save you.

[sembaze]

[accursedkaleeshi]

theres no way you're leaving that in the tags. tell me more about the kaleeshi god whose tusks grow back through their eye sockets

This is Onja (The One/Singular). Obviously the black sheep of the kaleeshi pantheon, people tend to think of it as more of a ghost or cryptid but it is the only god of the One spiritual tenant.

More below

Onja spends most of it's time masquerading as a regular lone kaleesh in need of help & subsequently haunting people that don't help. Kaleesh who can overcome their trepidation & extend a kind or helping hand are said to find good fortune.

For example: if some asshole decided not to help an old woman get her wagon out of the mud bc he didn't want to get his feet wet he may find himself haunted by Onja. Being haunted by Onja means you will be the only one to start seeing it standing still in the middle distance (fig. 2), butt ass naked & staring at only you despite it's tusks growing back into its eye sockets.

Onja is the epitome of kaleeshi vulnerability: alone, disabled, undecorated, empty. So understandably seeing some fucked up naked guy everywhere is scary as hell. If you find yourself haunted by Onja you have to seek guidance from a priest. The guidance is community service, which is usually enough.

Onja is also kind of an advocate for the mentally ill, which is not an aspect that's talked about much. Onja might take a break from cursing assholes to comfort someone during a breakdown. Onja will then encourage that person's family & friends to check in on them, albeit in spooky Onja ways. Opening doors, misplacing items, walking into rooms & disappearing, & the tried & true "standing there menacingly". Its kind of like a poltergeist.

As you can imagine, most kaleeshi gods are decorated & mythical as fuck. So Onja's true form being just a sickly blinded naked guy elicits a deep fear in kaleesh. It is widely agreed upon that there is a hole in Onja's chest but no one can agree on what is in the hole. Is it empty? Is its heart in there? Sometimes the hole goes all the way through it. Some say if you are forced to look in the hole you might see yourself. Others say if you look in it you will straight up die. (I like the magic 8 ball so much I left it lol)

Despite Onja's maximum spookiness, its never been known to actually harm anyone directly.

Onja's only friend is the god Klaanjakaru, the god of the people. Klaanjakaru is the most popular kaleeshi god & their friendship with Onja, though often overlooked, is still considered sacred. A reminder that there is no many without first the one.

[vielens]

[slackster]

Hellooooo Obigrievous fans. All twelve of us.

[syntheretic]

Grievous is truly terrifying here. If he had looked like this in the 2008 series, it would have only enhanced his charisma and pathos. I really want, or rather, hope, that we'll see him in such a stunning form again

[deoxd]

He absolutely loves it. It's alll he talks about now.

[accursedkaleeshi]

Hewn

I was hesitant to write Maul because I’m not as autistic about him as I am with General Grievous but watching Shadow Lord gave me enough confidence that I would be comfortable winging it. I do want to write this fic but I also may never get around to it, so I’m doing a bullet point fic outline lol.

TL:DR: Pre-mecha kaleesh General Grievous finds half of Maul in the trash &, against his better judgement, takes him in. Maul is forced to recuperate on this guy’s couch in his bustling family home.

Chapter 1: Grievous exposition. Finds a guy in the trash.

New management at the Banking Clan didn’t want their trash near their home. Sent Grievous, Director of Collections & Security, all the way out to junkyard planet Lotho Minor to disappear failed investments.

This planet sucks. Might as well do donuts in the hover skiff. Oh god, he accidentally breathed through his nose.

Almost throws up but also smells a very distinct smell that I’d probably describe for a few paragraphs

Follows the smell of someone actively dying b/c who the hell is throwing people away that aren’t dead yet. That’s just unprofessional

Pokes around & finds Maul. Pokes Maul a couple times. Hmm…

This is none of his business.

Counterpoint: Anything can be his business if he’s nosy enough

Might as well see if he can give this guy a ride somewhere, postmortem or otherwise

Goes to lift Maul w the trash stick & sees that yeah half of this guy is just gone. The rest of him doesn’t seem to be in the area

Plops him onto the hover skiff with a “Ay brother, you alive?”

The order in which Grievous observes:

Red goth zabrak

Scuffed up the front of his goth attire, indicating he’d been alive & crawling

Still breathing currently

Clutching something cylindrical in his right hand

Gets back to where he parked his shuttle. Steals the hover skiff like it’s a Walmart shopping cart.

Figures it’d be polite to hose this guy down with whatever bacta he had in his meager first aid kit

Lifts tattered goth robe & instantly recognizes it as a lightsaber inflicted wound

Cauterization is failing, like it did in Grievous' brother who died in his arms like x amount of years ago via lightsaber slash to the guts

Probably a graphic description of Maul’s wound before Grievous decides to see if this guy still wanted to live by unloading the bacta aerosol on pretty much his open abdominal cavity

Maul does in fact scream & thrash & blast Grievous back against the bulkhead

Grievous sits on the floor buffering for a hot second.

Goes to pick up what Maul dropped. Yeah that’s a lightsaber. Looks to have also been bisected by another lightsaber. He was hoping for like a wallet or something but no, all he had on him was the hilt.

Has been making offhand comments to Maul out of habit & now informs him that he’s way more trouble than he needs right now.

Jumps into hyperspace mulling over how the Bank &/or their conglomerate friends might handle the gift of half of a Jedi.

Next chapter would be a pit stop at Mygeeto where Grievous sweet talks a medical droid into at least closing up the open hot pocket that is Maul & ultimately makes like, the worst decision possible if we're being honest.

[accursedkaleeshi]

Chapter 2: Mygeeto pit stop, med droid crimps Maul closed with a flat iron (jk), 2 lovable side characters & 1 deplorable one

Chapter 2: Mygeeto pit stop

This planet also sucks but not as much as junk world.

When Grievous had first started work with the IGBC, he had played bodyguard to a bespoke muun that had come to cut the ribbon at the groundbreaking of a new medical facility.

Whilst that muun was shmoozing with other rich guys, she had motioned to her bodyguard & talked him up as very adaptable. He was ordered to fix up the holdover medical droids while she drank wine.

In the spirit of networking, Grievous would stop by on occasion when he’d been shot in the line of duty to get cleaned up before he went home

Now he had a much more complicated favor to ask. He uses the loading entrance & cuts a deal with the lurmen wrench jockey in charge. Lor Wyl Tee, Wilty for short.

The deal is the rest of Grievous’ homemade lunch to mind his own business as usual

Grievous talks up this impressionable medical droid. 2-1B 1VHA, Iva for short (borrowed from one of my other fics lol)

Still, Iva is dismayed at the sight of half a guy. Grievous sells it as a test of her medbay. Maybe it will be able to compare with the rest of the facility when the update is complete.

Grievous is like, “He might die anyway but can you at least …close him up. You know, so everything doesn’t fall out.”

Iva confidently says she’s up for the challenge.

While the droid gets to work Grievous considers what he’s going to do with half of what he assumes is a jedi.

He’s pretty sure his boss & company would like to keep the Republic out of their business. Probably make him take the poor guy right back to Lotho Minor (put that thing back where it came from or so help me-)

OR…or he could take this guy home & cross-examine him should he ever regain consciousness. If he was a jedi, perhaps he had insight into the particulars of the Republic’s fucking problem with his planet.

Grievous was desperate for any respite from the Republic’s embargos on Kalee. Even though the IGBC had promised their aid in return for his work, he would continue to do literally anything he could about it

And if he died. Well, they would keep his bones in the temple should anyone come looking for him

Having settled on the worst decision anyone could possibly make (letting Maul into your house), Grievous played more than a few garbage rounds of sabbac with Wilty waiting on a prognosis.

“What happened to that guy” “Industrial accident” “Oh. Yup, that’ll do it. I once seen a guy get sucked into a shuttle engine- not even one of the big ones- just like that. More pieces than your guy.” “…”

Iva announces moderate success. Grievous saunters over for a debrief.

Good thing zabraks have 2 (two) hearts

Stabilized the position of his organs

Closed his abdominal cavity reasonably well, supplementing synthskin where needed. Its not quite a matching shade of red

Installed nervous stabilizing module to the new bottom of his spine in between 2 filtration modules

There was fancier waste filtration modules out there but all she had were these older models that needed emptying a few times a day, to which Grievous remarked, “better than being dead”

Iva tries to get Grievous to let him stay, because this isn’t so much an instant fix as it is a lifelong disability.

Grievous convinces Iva to give him the release care files & that he’ll take care of him

He then waits until Iva & Wilty are not looking to reset Iva’s memory to before he showed up

When Iva blinks back on he asks her to look at one of his old blaster burns, to which she gladly complies

Grievous gets back in his shuttle & calls his supervisor: Jos Haines, muun bank lackey & wrangler of Grievous’ jobs. Much less lovable than the other 2 characters & unfortunately recurring

Grievous lies to this guy with his infamous deadpan expression. Haines smiles in that strained customer service way bc he hates him.

Next chapter: Maul POV let’s goooo. Oh no, he’s alive.

[accursedkaleeshi]

Chapter 3: Maul regains consciousness & could take it or leave it, honestly

Maul remembers Kenobi. Indistinct jumbles of random garbage. Sith ancestry screaming at him in his head. His kyber crystal also screaming at him

It took everything he had to drag himself across sharp scrap to retrieve at least half of his saber

After that he seemed to fall into an endless void. At times it was mercifully silent & there was nothing but the pain.

This was punctuated with twisted, feverish visions mixed with warped memories to a soundtrack of anguish & admonishment. Not fun times

He had no sense of how long he languished there, just that eventually his consciousness began to make grabs at the surface.

Glimpses of light, warmth, respite, yes but there were also skulls that would loom & circle him. Hands on him. What seemed like countless wide metallic eyes watching & an incessant unintelligible yammering

Finally, he comes to with enough energy for it to mean something.

Blys’aan (round green kaleesh woman) is giving him a drink of water. He’s like “???”

Tries to get up. Gets denied by her big meaty claws

Asks where he is. Blys’aan impressed he’s awake “for real” says he’s on Kalee. No idea where that is. Behind Muunilist, in wild space. Displeased, confused growl

Steels himself to look down but can’t quite contain the disappointed cry of shock at, yeah, his legs are gone.

“Don’t worry, dems not your bones” as she slaps a cool wet cloth on his head, referring to some kind of harness he’d been fitted into at the waist made from the pelvis of some animal (?).

After a while covering his face with his hands, he asks how he got there. “My husband fount ya in de trash, honey.” Another displeased groan.

“He gon’ have much question for you when he get home, ya track”

Disregards her & begins trying to piece things back together. Takes a deep breath that stretches where he’s been put back together. Winces.

Maul floatingmath.gif

Surely, Master would be trying to recover him? He had slain his own Sith master just the year before. To make room. For HIM. The Grand Plan was in motion. It was his time.

At long last, it had been HIS TIME

Ruined. FAILED. WASTED by that PADAWAN KENOBI

Not wasted. He was still alive. Surely, he could still be of use to the Master. See the Plan through.

These stupid lifeforms had taken him straight to the other side of the entire galaxy. He needed to get back…perhaps the bankers…?

At some point Blys’aan came back over to interrupt his manic panic. “Ay, child, got to flip you like steak on da grill to keep what left o ya good.”

Scowl. “What.”

“Gonna get bed sores if ye don’ rotate, now” reaches to grab one of his shoulders. He deflects & is like “I can do it myself.”

“Oh, okay, go oan then if you so hard.”

Tries & is immediately wracked with insane pain. Mission failed. Almost passes out

“Told you, tough guy. Is gonna hurt all ya meat movin ‘round” She grabs him & flips him onto his stomach like a tortilla

He yells & almost throws up, which would not have helped.

“There ya go, prickles, save yer strengt, now.” She gives him a fresh cold rag & pats his stupid head

He does not notice, having shut his eyes to stop them from swimming. His previous scheming of just leaving here of his own accord had just been put into perspective. He decided to catch a nap in wait for the fool that brought him here.

[stagbeetleboy]

Emperor Porcelain Sheen, alicorn lord of darkness! He holds his wings forward to substitute arms after learning from the centaur mage Plagueis.

He rules alongside another alicorn lord. A black stallion with iron hooves, metal wings, and a burning red horn.

[accursedkaleeshi]

Hewn

I was hesitant to write Maul because I’m not as autistic about him as I am with General Grievous but watching Shadow Lord gave me enough confidence that I would be comfortable winging it. I do want to write this fic but I also may never get around to it, so I’m doing a bullet point fic outline lol.

TL:DR: Pre-mecha kaleesh General Grievous finds half of Maul in the trash &, against his better judgement, takes him in. Maul is forced to recuperate on this guy’s couch in his bustling family home.

Chapter 1: Grievous exposition. Finds a guy in the trash.

New management at the Banking Clan didn’t want their trash near their home. Sent Grievous, Director of Collections & Security, all the way out to junkyard planet Lotho Minor to disappear failed investments.

This planet sucks. Might as well do donuts in the hover skiff. Oh god, he accidentally breathed through his nose.

Almost throws up but also smells a very distinct smell that I’d probably describe for a few paragraphs

Follows the smell of someone actively dying b/c who the hell is throwing people away that aren’t dead yet. That’s just unprofessional

Pokes around & finds Maul. Pokes Maul a couple times. Hmm…

This is none of his business.

Counterpoint: Anything can be his business if he’s nosy enough

Might as well see if he can give this guy a ride somewhere, postmortem or otherwise

Goes to lift Maul w the trash stick & sees that yeah half of this guy is just gone. The rest of him doesn’t seem to be in the area

Plops him onto the hover skiff with a “Ay brother, you alive?”

The order in which Grievous observes:

Red goth zabrak

Scuffed up the front of his goth attire, indicating he’d been alive & crawling

Still breathing currently

Clutching something cylindrical in his right hand

Gets back to where he parked his shuttle. Steals the hover skiff like it’s a Walmart shopping cart.

Figures it’d be polite to hose this guy down with whatever bacta he had in his meager first aid kit

Lifts tattered goth robe & instantly recognizes it as a lightsaber inflicted wound

Cauterization is failing, like it did in Grievous' brother who died in his arms like x amount of years ago via lightsaber slash to the guts

Probably a graphic description of Maul’s wound before Grievous decides to see if this guy still wanted to live by unloading the bacta aerosol on pretty much his open abdominal cavity

Maul does in fact scream & thrash & blast Grievous back against the bulkhead

Grievous sits on the floor buffering for a hot second.

Goes to pick up what Maul dropped. Yeah that’s a lightsaber. Looks to have also been bisected by another lightsaber. He was hoping for like a wallet or something but no, all he had on him was the hilt.

Has been making offhand comments to Maul out of habit & now informs him that he’s way more trouble than he needs right now.

Jumps into hyperspace mulling over how the Bank &/or their conglomerate friends might handle the gift of half of a Jedi.

Next chapter would be a pit stop at Mygeeto where Grievous sweet talks a medical droid into at least closing up the open hot pocket that is Maul & ultimately makes like, the worst decision possible if we're being honest.

[thejackalking]

Alongside many awesome headcanons of other people and myself, i especially love the ones that involve Zabrak nature. Zabraks are extremely social creatures with many reflexes and instincts. Maul is simply wired to be an affectionate lover and it scares him. It's almost unsettling for him how he feels a deep purr form in his throat every time his love interest touches him, how the nest formed out of carelessly crumpled blankets feels safer than it should, how their scent is automatically calming him and the urge to rub his forehead against theirs, marking them as *his*, is almost unbearable. He despises the way his brain knows exactly how to soothe a fussy child, or the way his teeth bare with a growl to protect his own. Maul wasn't raised to care, he never did that before, but his body knows how to and it catches him off guard every time.

[persicapink]

handle with caution

[ezras-birth-parent]

For most every series I get into, I tend to have one—occasionally two—“guys in the blender.” What I mean by this is that I am a major angst fan, particularly hurt/comfort, so if I’m able to put my silly characters in the metaphorical blender and watch them scream I enjoy myself immensely.

One such character is Obi-Wan Kenobi. I can’t stop reading angst of him. He isn’t even my favorite character in Star Wars (that title belongs to my son whom I gave birth to Ezra Bridger), but somehow his character is so perfect for putting him in unfortunate circumstances

[accursedkaleeshi]

Kaleesh & Pheromones

TL:DR: Kaleesh breathe primarily through their mouths & save their noses for Serious Sniffing™️Vibes are communicated through pheromones.

Given that many kaleesh have a variety of serious dentition up front, most resting kaleesh face has their mouth various degrees of ajar anyway. During exertion or when someplace unfamiliar kaleesh will huff, puff, & chuff a lot of air through their mouths. The roof of their mouths are a highly vascularized membrane with what could be compared to a less precise Jacobson's organ in the middle. Their tongue doesn't really help in this regard like it may have in their ancient ancestors. Its more of the the air being captured & identified molecules being ferried off for further scrutiny in their more specialized receptor organs. This is also how they cool themselves down, since they don't sweat like we do.

They do have odor glands that secrete pheromones. The main smells come from the pair of pores behind each ear, which they often sweep along their hair & scalp, as well as a pair under the arms kind of like ours. There is a third pair of pores at the small of the back along the back of the sacrum above the booty where there was once a tail. Third pair can be very pungent but clothing helps keep anything embarrassing in check. Males also have vestigial femoral pores toward the inside of their thighs that have a unique scent that you aren't going to experience unless, you know, you're rooting around down there. Ancient kaleesh ancestors did a lot of territorial scent marking but modern kaleesh use their pheromones to read the room, so to speak.

Half of the pheromone information they are putting down & picking up can be considered anxiety & what level it is at. A lot of stress: nervousness, fear, aggression. Little to no stress: relaxed, calm, welcoming. Kaleesh can read anxiety or at least get the gist of it from other reptilian lifeforms & can learn to pick up on it from others with context.

The other half of their pheromone activity is more species specific like life stage, health, friskiness of course, & sometimes even ethnicity. Kaleeshi puberty is when you just start manufacturing all sorts of new smells which wouldn't be so bad if you also simultaneously didn't start smelling everybody else's smells AND THEN couldn't control the smells you make in response to other smells. Like goddamn.

Humans & other less scent driven lifeforms often find the smell of kaleesh to be cloying. It isn't outright foul but it isn't exactly roses & daisies. Its a bit thick, but not as sharp as the smell of rodians. It doesn't take long to get used to should one find themselves in prolonged company.

Given the sensitivity of their olfactory set up, they are rather resilient in the smells department. Kaleesh that are out & about in the galaxy don't utilize their nose unless they want to, often having their nostrils outright shut until they acclimate to a place. Kaleesh will get grumpy if there are too many loud smells. If food is too strongly flavored they will not like it & tell you it is too loud. Spicy food really hurts. They do like minty things, since it doesn't hurt in quite the catastrophic way snorting a pepper would. They are not fans of overly sweet smells & wearing a lot of perfume will keep them away from you.

Because I am an angst monger I headcanon cyborg Grievous to be completely stripped of his sense of smell & have it replaced by a hopelessly outclassed digital analog, just like his sense of touch. Like he's got sensory arrays monitoring things like air quality fed to him in a HUD & the Techno Union was like "good enough for government work." So, General Grievous is cut off from his kaleeshi-ness in yet another, incredibly debasing way. If you wanted your cyborg to keep his sense of smell you could probably swing it by packing a bunch of his nasal cavity up in the headcase.

I'll make a cute list of reasons kaleesh might be sniffing around to repent

[accursedkaleeshi]

Reasons a kaleesh may be using their sensitive nose to sniff around:

Tracking a kill in the jungle

Tracking their friend in a spaceport

Weather changing

Vibes are off

Someone, somewhere, is cooking good shit

Trying to discern one smell from many smells

To find something to complain about

Drugs

Committing your scent to memory because: a) They need to find you later b) You smell good c) You smell sexy

[accursedkaleeshi]

I am so stoked they let Maul have a mental breakdown. Like just in case you forgot: this man is fucked up. God bless