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soracities

Miroslav Holub, ‘The Root of the Matter’, Selected Poems (trans. Ian Milner & George Theiner)

wishbzne-deactivated20210526

“I know that I no longer exist, but what I don’t know is the thing that lives on in my place.”

— Alejandra Pizarnik, from The Possessed Among the Lilacs

salemwitchtrials-deactivated202

Red Doc>, Anne Carson

[ID: To feel anything deranges you. To be seen feeling anything strips you naked.]

arckhaic

today she said: how do you stand yourself? and i replied: ( i make do with what i’ve given which doesn’t amount to much. i’m tossed on the bed, cut down the middle from sternum to navel and there’s not much in there. i’ve coins found on the side of the road, a tibia from an animal. stuffing from old toys dragged into rags. i have to stuff myself with something and i tend to gag when it tastes like another person. no one fits there, anyway. i wish they would stop trying. sometimes, i cough up petals — never the right flowers. the ones that mean happy that i eat because i just for a moment, want to hold that word inside of myself. instead, marigolds & butterfly weeds. i’m choking on sunrises and carnations. even my favorite flower means death. a collection of mismatched faces, i am red string holding them all together. ariadne tracing the lines of the labyrinth. i’m more monster than man. this is what they have given me. this is what i have. ) i do what i can with what i have.

ghostresidues

richard siken quotes that make me cry

•if you don’t believe in god, then who are you talking to?

•i hope it’s love. i’m trying really hard to make it love.

•we left footprints in the slush of ourselves, getting out of there.

•your body told me in a dream it’s never been afraid of anything.

•he’s easy to desire since there’s not much to him.

•why live a life? well, why are you asking?

•people like to think war means something.

•even when i look away i am still looking.

•he didn’t know how to say it. years later he still didn’t know how to say it, and she was gone.

•i clawed my way into the light but the light is just as scary. i’d rather quit. i’d rather be sad.

•someone has to leave first. this is a very old story. there is no other version of this story.

•tell me how all this, and love too, will ruin us.

•i swallow your heart and it crawls right out of my mouth.

•i couldn’t get the boy to kill me, but i wore his jacket for the longest time.

•tell me you love this, tell me you’re not miserable.

•i want to tell you this story without having to be in it.

•he takes you in his arms and pushes your flesh around to see if you could ever be ugly to him.

•you wanted to be in love and he happened to get in the way.

•i don’t really blame you for being dead but you can’t have your sweater back.

•people get hurt here. people fall down and stay down and i don’t like the way the song goes.

•someone is digging your grave right now.

julienbakerfavormp3-deactivated

I read just over 200 books by non-white (for lack of a better word) women this year and these are all the ones I gave 3-5 stars.

poetry etc

natalie diaz, when my brother was an aztec

claudia rankine, don’t let me be lonely: an american lyric

tarfia faizullah, seam

tamai kobayashi and mona oikawa, all names spoken

safia elhillo, the january children

sonia sanchez, homegirls and handgrenades

haunani-kay trask, light in the crevice never seen

grace nichols, i is a long-memoired woman

rosanna deerchild, calling down the sky

juliane okot bitek, 100 days

short stories

carmen maria machado, her body and other parties

chinelo okparanta, happiness, like water

dawn dumont, glass beads

ngahuia te awekotuku, tahuri

becky birtha, for nights like this one: stories of loving women

achy obejas, the tower of the antilles

leanne betasamosake simpson, this accident of being lost: songs and stories

nice rodriguez, throw it to the river

elena poniatowska, lilus kikus and other stories

makeda silvera, her head a village

alice childress, like one of the family

jhoanna lynn cruz, women on fire

novels/plays

eden robinson, son of a trickster

suzette mayr, dr edith vane and the hares of crawley hall

louise erdrich, future home of the living god

paule marshall, brown girl, brownstones

terri janke, butterfly song

vi khi nao, fish in exile

kopano matlwa, coconut

adania shibli, touch

gwendolyn brooks, maud martha

ana castillo, watercolor woman/opaque men: a novel in verse

buchi emecheta, second class citizen

naomi fontaine, kuessipan

evelyne trouillot, the infamous rosalie

gloria naylor, mama day

emma perez, electra’s complex

marie clements, the unnnatural and accidental women

octavia butler, kindred: a graphic novel adaptation

scholastique mukasonga, our lady of the nile

han kang, human acts

hala alyan, salt houses

zinzi clemmons, what we lose

nalo hopkinson, sister mine

michelle cliff, no telephone to heaven

cherie dimaline, the marrow thieves

cathie dunsford, cowrie

marie vieux-chauvet, dance on the volcano

marjorie liu, monstress vol 1 & 2

silvia moreno-garcia, certain dark things

han suyin, winter love

katherena vermette, the break

s.j. sindu, marriage of a thousand lies

j.y. yang, the red threads of fortune

nayana currimbhoy, miss timmins’ school for girls

sherine hamdy, lissa; a story about medical promise, friendship and revolution

sahar khalifeh, wild thorns

catherine hernandez, scarborough

lydia kwa, oracle bone

makeda silvera, the heart does not bend

young adult

lois-ann yamanaka, name me nobody

gabby rivera, juliet takes a breath

nina revoyr, the necessary hunger: a novel

julie c. dao, forest of a thousand lanterns

melissa bashardoust, girls made of snow and glass

malinda lo, adaptation

malinda lo, a line in the dark

art

shirin neshat: facing history

elizabeth catlett: an american artist in mexico

wangechi mutu: a fantastic journey

joan simon, lorna simpson

family legacies: the art of betye, lezley and alison saar

carrie mae weems: three decades of photography and video

dancing at the louvre: faith ringgold’s french collection and other quilts

ruth cuthand: back talk, works 1983-2009

she who tells a story: women photographers from iran and the arab world

graciela iturbide: juchitan

mickalene thomas: origin of the universe

we are still here: a photographic history of the american indian movement

memoir/biographical

deborah a. miranda, bad indians: a tribal memoir

riverbend, baghdad burning: girl blog from iraq

ibtisam barakat, balcony on the moon: coming of age in palestine

leila ahmed, a border passage: from cairo to america - a woman’s journey

gaiutra bahadur, coolie woman: the odyssey of indenture

mine okubo, citizen 13660

esmerlda santiago, when i was puerto rican

haifa zangana, city of widows: an iraqi woman’s account of war and resistance

lorraine hansberry, to be young, gifted and black

leila abdelrazaq, baddawi

doris pilkington, rabbit-proof fence

anne moody, coming of age in mississippi: an autobiography

scholastique mukasonga, cockroaches

oksana marafioti, american gypsy

chanrithy him, when broken glass floats: growing up under the khmer rouge

manal al-sharif, daring to drive: a saudi woman’s awakening

mende nazer, slave: my true story

hiratsuka raicho, in the beginning, woman was the sun: the autobiography of a japanese feminist

lynda blackmon lowery, turning 15 on the road to freedom: my story of the selma voting rights march

ellen kuzwayo, call me woman

shirley geok-lin lim, among the white moon faces: an asian-american memoir of homelands

fatema mernissi, dreams of trespass: tales of a harem girlhood

miriam mathabene, miriam’s song: a memoir

thi bui, the best we could do

jeanne cordova, when we were outlaws

sandra uwiringiyimana, how dare the sun rise: memoirs of a war child

souha bechara, resistance: my life for lebanon

halima bashir, tears of the desert: a memoir of survival in darfur

margarita engle, enchanted air: two cultures, two wings: a memoir

jamaica kincaid, my brother

reyna grande, the distance between us

shirley chisholm, unbought and unbossed

sarah winnemucca hopkins, life among the piutes: their wrongs and claims

phoolan devi, the bandit queen of india

daisy bates, the long shadow of little rock: a memoir

domitilia b. de chungara, let me speak! testimony of domitilia, a woman of the bolivian mines

maria rosa henson, comfort woman: a filipina’s story of prostitution and slavery under the japanese military

elissa washuta, my body is a book of rules

betty: the helen betty osborne story

saidiya v. hartman, lose your mother: a journey along the atlantic slave trade

kaneko fumiko, the prison memoirs of a japanese woman

malika amar shaikh, I want to destroy myself: a memoir

sonia manzano, becoming maria: love and chaos in the south bronx

safiya bukhari, the war before

lorina mapa, duran duran, imedla marcos and me

haifa zangana, dreaming of baghdad

wangari maathai, unbowed

yiyun li, dear friend, from my life I write to you in your life

carolina maria de jesus, child of the dark: the diary of

hana yamagawa, from okinawa to the americas: hana yamagawa and her reminiscences of a century

emma reyes, the book of emma reyes: a memoir

rita la fontaine de cler zubli, disguised: a wartime memoir

lila quintero weaver, darkroom: a memoir in black and white

fadwa tuqan, a mountainous journey: an autobiography

leslie marmon silko, the turquoise ledge: a memoir

ana castillo, black dove, mama, mi’jo and me

alia malek, the home that was our country

anbara salam khalidi, memoirs of an early arab feminist: the life and activism of anbara salam khalidi

hida viloria, born both: an intersex life

fethiye cetin, my grandmother: a memoir

pauli murray, pauli murray: the autobiography of a black activist, feminist, lawyer, priest and poet

monica itoi sone, nisei daughter

alice french, my name is masak

huda shaarawi, harem years: the memoirs of an egyptian feminist 1879-1924

kai cheng thom, fierce femmes and notorious liars: a dangerous trans girl’s confabulous memoir

other non-fiction

beth brant, writing as witness

jesmyn ward, ed, the fire this time: a new generation speaks about race

eden robinson, sasquatch at home: traditional protocols & modern storytelling

mona oikawa, cartographies of violence: japanese canadian women, memory, and the subjects of the internment

alexis de veaux, warrior poet: a biography of audre lorde

joyce green, ed, indivisible; indigenous human rights

jael silliman et al, undivided rights: women of colour organizing for reproductive justice

urvashi butalia, the other side of silence: voices from the partition of india

elena r. gutierrez, fertile matters: the politics of mexican-origin women’s reproduction

monique morris, pushout: the criminalization of black girls in schools

chelsea vowel, indigenous writes: a guide to first nations, metis and inuit issues in canada

sarah deer, the beginning and end of rape: confronting sexual violence in native america

carla trujillo, ed, chicana lesbians: the girls our mothers warned us about

barbara smith, ed, home girls: a black feminist anthology

roxane dunbar-ortiz, all the real indians died off: and 20 other myths about native americans

sayantani dasgupta, globalization and transnational surrogacy in india: outsourcing life

lee maracle, I am woman: a native perspective on sociology and feminism

edwidge danticat, the art of death: writing the final story

sara ahmed, living a feminist life

deepa kumar, islamophobia and the politics of empire

mercutioswriting

WHAT’S THE BEST WAY TO GET BLOOD OUT OF CARPET? ASKING FOR A FRIEND. YEAH THE FRIEND WHO SLEPT TWO HOURS LAST NIGHT AND CAN’T LIFT WEIGHTS WITHOUT TRYING TO BREAK HER OWN BODY. YEAH NO SHE’S FINE.

WHAT’S THE BEST WAY TO PUT OUT A FIRE? ASKING FOR A FRIEND. YEAH THE FRIEND WHO SKIPS LUNCH AND WOULD RATHER CRASH HIS CAR THAN ADMIT HE WANTS HELP. YEAH NO HE’S FINE.

WHAT’S THE BEST WAY TO STOP A HEART ATTACK? ASKING FOR A FRIEND. YEAH THE FRIEND WHO WOULD RATHER HAVE GOOD GRADES THAN GOOD HEALTH AND LOVES EVERYTHING THAT DOESN’T LOVE THEM BACK. YEAH NO THEY’RE FINE.

WHAT’S THE BEST WAY TO KILL YOUSELF WITHOUT DYING? ASKING FOR A FRIEND. YEAH NO WE’RE FINE. JUST WONDERING.

themindmovement

“When you get older, you notice your sheets are dirty. Sometimes, you do something about it. And sometimes, you read the front page of the newspaper and sometimes you floss and sometimes you stop biting your nails and sometimes you meet a friend for lunch. You still crave lemonade, but the taste doesn’t satisfy you as much as it used to. You still crave summer, but sometimes you mean summer, 5 years ago. You remember your umbrella, you check up on people to see if they got home, you leave places early to go home and make toast. You stand by the toaster in your underwear and a big t-shirt, wondering if you should just turn in or watch one more hour of television. You laugh at different things. You stop laughing at other things. You think about old loves almost like they are in a museum. The socks, you notice, aren’t organized into pairs and you mentally make a note of it. You cover your mouth when you sneeze, reaching for the box of tissues you bought, contains aloe. When you get older, you try toner, you experiment with trousers, you experiment with real sexy outfits, you experiment with pin curls and darker hair and orange-toned red lipstick and you date people that look good on paper. You kiss them in public and feel only a little self-conscious. You never like them, although sometimes you really do. you think about safe sex and sometimes, kids. You think about plants, maybe succulents, or maybe even a cat? When you get older, you try different shampoos. You find one you like. You try sleeping early and spin class and jogging again. You try a book you almost read but couldn’t finish. You wrap yourself in the blankets of: familiar t-shirts, caffe au lait, dim tv light, texts with old friends or new people you really want to like and love you. You lose contact with friends from college, and only sometimes you think about it. When you do, it feels bad and almost bitter. You lose people, and when other people bring them up, you almost pretend like you know what they are doing. You try to stop touching your face and become invested in things like expensive salads and trying parsnips and saving up for a vacation you really want. You keep a spare pen in a drawer. You look at old pictures of yourself and they feel foreign and misleading. You forget things like: purchasing stamps, buying more butter, putting lotion on your elbows, calling your mother back. You learn things like balance: checkbooks, social life, work life, time to work out and time to enjoy yourself. When you get older, you find things like rejection hurt less and things like nostalgia hurt more. You watch people do things you want to do, and then you do some of those things too. Things start to feel like pins on a map. You watch landmarks pass and almost note them. You eat a taco from a food truck and be careful to dab the corners of your mouth with a napkin. You smooth your shirt down. You think about details, the details of how clean the beer cup is, how you need to put the dishes away, how she smells like a perfume you wore and how his teeth are perfect and aligned. You feel a little less downtrodden by things like routine and security and a little more appreciative of things like doing nothing, finding a friend, stretching on a big couch. You hear old songs and only sometimes do they gut you. You think about your future almost always, in both a thrilling way and a very very panicked way. When you get older, you find yourself more in control. You find your convictions appealing, you find you like your body more, you learn to take things in stride. You begin to crave respect and comfort and adventure, all at the same time. You lay in your bed, fearing death, just like you did.You pull lint off your shirt. You smile less and feel content more. You think about changing and then often, you do. When you get older, you barely notice it at all. Then, you are sitting somewhere you’ve been before, staring at the nothingness of the sky, and you feel the wind moving away from you, fast and almost impossible to catch.”

— When You Get Older, thefrenemy

lastparty

top five lines from crush by richard siken that i think about constantly: a list by me

'there's a part in the movie where you can see right through the acting, where you can tell that i'm about to burst into tears, right before i burst into tears'

'you raised your hand to the light as if to hide it, the pink fingers gone gold with light streamed straight to the bone, as if you were the small room closed in glass with every speck of dust illuminated.'

'a man takes his sadness to the river and throws it in the river but then he's still left with the river. a man takes his sadness and throws it away but then he's still left with his hands.'

'here are the illuminated cities at the centre of me, and here is the centre of me, which is a lake, which is a well that we can drink from, but i just can't go through with it. i just don't want to die anymore.'

'i'll give you a heart to make a place for it to happen, evidence of a love that transcends hunger. is that too much to expect? that i would name the stars for you? that i would take you there?'