Red Orange Heart

Twice the Passion of Red plus the Happiness of Yellow - Ramblings from a Psych 150 student head over heels in love with the color Red Orange. :)

[3redorangehearts]

You are a Helper Congratulations, you are a Helper. Your communication style creates peace and harmony in the workplace.  As a Helper personality you are gifted with tremendous people skills.

You have a strong need to make a difference in the lives of other people. This strength is immediately noticeable in the way you make heart felt connections and bring out the best in those you encounter. People usually feel relaxed and comfortable in your presence.

You love to build self-esteem and make others feel good about who they are. You can easily motivate and inspire people to make changes in their lives and reach their potential. This natural talent makes you excel as a counselor, teacher, social worker and journalist.

[3redorangehearts]

ENTRY 12: Change

                It’s funny how today you act a certain way and feel fine about it, but a certain amount of time later you look back and realize how stupid you had been at the time. For example: when I was younger, I typed and talked on Facebook in a certain way. At the time I thought I was being cool and amusing but years later, I could barely read my old posts without cringing and thinking: “What on earth is this? What on earth was I thinking? I can’t believe I was this horrible/naïve/immature!”

                I guess this reflects the ever-changing nature of our personal constructs, schemas, templates and whatever other terms the cognitive psychologists coined from their theories.

[3redorangehearts]

ENTRY 11: Are Bad Genes Something To Be Sorry For?

                As much as I like the Biological Perspective and all, it really hurts to accept that some things just cannot be changed.

                I am not exactly a Daddy’s girl, but I take a lot from my father. I inherited much of his features, attitudes and mannerisms. Some good, some bad.

                There was a time in high school that I manifested symptoms of clinical depression. It was most likely a product of my then-chronically low self-esteem. I remember then that I kept blaming my parents’ genes for being so incompatible. For creating such a bad gene combination that I unfortunately inherited.

                But maybe there’s hope. You can’t reverse biology but you can modify some parts of it, right? I’ll keep trying then.

[3redorangehearts]

ENTRY 10: My MBTI Profiling Misadventures

                Last semester, I enlisted Anthro 182—Culture and Personality or, as my prof insisted was a better title for the course, “Psychological Anthropology”.It was lots of fun. It was the perfect blend for me because I was interested in both Psychology and Anthropology—not to mention that my prof is a cool person who makes the subject even more interesting than it already is.

                One of our most unforgettable and usable lessons is the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator Profiling. It consists of categorizing people under the different types given in this personality inventory. It was really fun because placing people under categories made me feel…professional. Like I knew enough to be able to tell a person’s personality just by observing them.

                Unfortunately, however, it wasn’t as easy as I thought. Almost all of the time I judge someone as Type this but when I make them take the test, it turns out that their type is something else. Like one time, I judged someone as ENFP but the test revealed that she was ISFJ. And another time, I profiled two characters in a movie but found that I got none of it right. It hurts that I rarely get more than one letter right. It’s like telling me that I have little to no profiling skills at all.

                But there is hope for me I guess. Practice makes better after all. Maybe I’ll profile some more people, read more about MBTI, study more about the profiling process. I might finally get it right one day if I just work harder.

P.S.: Just in case you're interested, here's a link to my MBTI Inventory results.

[3redorangehearts]

ENTRY 9: Boxing You—Cattel 16PF and OCEAN

I normally enjoy taking personality tests and reading the results, but lately I realized something while reading my test results for the above mentioned inventories.

                I realized that no matter how rigorously you study and revise a personality inventory, you will never be able to create a test that can sufficiently explain anyone’s personality. There will always be aspects in the test that will not fit the person. There will always be aspects lacking. And you will always be stereotyped and boxed by the results. Here’s a link to my results, in case you want to see them.

                Not that I’m saying that they are useless and should be done away with—nothing can be farther from the truth.  No one can deny the importance of describing one’s and other people’s personality because this helps us understand each other’s actions and way of thinking. What I’m saying is that we shouldn’t take these descriptions too seriously. After all, personality traits are also subject to change despite being “stable over time and across situations”, so perfect adherence to the stereotypes in personality inventories will forever be impossible. And I’m thankful that it is so, because I cannot bear the thought of being stuck forever with traits that I’d rather do away with.

                I might take these tests again soon and see whether anything has changed. :)

P.S.: I took the tests on the following sites:

Cattell 16PF

OCEAN

[3redorangehearts]

ENTRY 8: Welcoming Those Who Approach; Not Chasing Those Who Leave

               When I was younger, I used to have an odd mix of avoidant and anxious-ambivalent attachment style. Because I grew up with an inferiority complex, low feelings of self-worth and self-esteem and learned helplessness in many things, I came to strongly desire proof of my being worthy to be loved but at the same time believe that I do not deserve it. It was really confusing and frustrating. In fact it came to a point that my relationship with my best friend ended up being strained because of my weird attachment style. Who would possibly not be weirded out by someone who demands affection yet acts uncomfortable when given it? Who forbids her friend from making other friends for fear of being replaced and left for “better” friends? Actually the more I clung to friend, the more I pushed her away. It was really a miserable phase for me.

                But looking back, I am very thankful that this happened because if not, I wouldn’t have met the friend who shared the Gospel with me and enabled me to accept Christ into my life. It was the perfect turning point: from misery to immense joy, from empty attachment to genuine connection, from selfish clinging to selfless giving, and whatever other good transitions that you can think of. In short, the experience of losing a much treasured friend gave me the opportunity to develop my avoidant and anxious-ambivalent attachment style into a secure attachment style. Now that I’ve learned my lesson (that friendship is not something you should keep to yourself, but something that you should mutually share and enjoy out of each other’s own will), I lost my high fear of abandonment and high fear of closeness and finally learned to enjoy friendships as they are. I no longer imposed unreasonable demands and expectations on my friends, and at the same I time I learned to be sensitive, considerate and open to the my friends’ needs. I stopped being a self-absorbed and self-pitying person. The change was so perfect. I regret nothing. :D

[3redorangehearts]

ENTRY 7: Mind over Matter—How You Think Is How You Cope

                Many people acknowledge me as an easygoing person. Yung tipo ng taong hindi napaghahalataang may problem o dinadala. And if asked how I manage to remain unfazed in the face of life’s lemons, I would probably answer:

                “Lemons? What lemons?”

                Either I have no problems or I don’t always see problems as problems—that’s how I am. I have this extremely handy tendency to take things in stride without being too negatively affected. This is not to say that I am stoic and unemotional; it’s just that I tend to be more affected by positive things. Maybe it’s because I have a fairly good command of problem-focused and emotion-focused strategies. Especially emotion-focused strategies.

                My optimistic-yet-realistic side helps my mind transcend the situation and see it in its “profitable” light. By “profitable” I mean, how well will this experience enable me to learn and grow as a person? Will it not kill me and instead serve to make me stronger?  Things become a lot more bearable when you think of them that way.

               On the other hand, it is my defensive pessimist side that drives my problem-focused coping. By contemplating how things will be from that moment on, I prepare myself for both the good and bad things that might happen along the way and find ways to deal with them. Advance planning helps a lot. And in the event that things don’t go according to plan, at least I was able to anticipate failure and managed to emotionally prepare for it.

                Thank God for this lovely set of troubleshooting features.

(P.S.: I hope I didn’t sound too preachy or conceited here :3)

[3redorangehearts]

ENTRY 6: Identity vs. Role Confusion

                Many people say that high school life is the best part of life. Being a young and naïve child who believes in others easily, I believed them and lived my grade school life anticipating its end so that high school life may begin.

                High school life was fun, I guess, but it definitely wasn’t the best. It was worth the wait, but not worth being stuck in.

                I was very fat back then. I was often teased about my bulky body and this established in me an inferiority complex. My only saving grace was my academic abilities. I never reached the top of the class—not close even—but I was perpetually in the honor roll, and for me that was something. I treasured it but not to the point of basing my entire self-worth on it. But this was in Grade School. High School had been a different story.

                In High School, I grew mediocre. I stopped caring about my performance in class. I still did what I was supposed to do, yes, but I no longer fussed over it.

                The key point to take note of here is that, while I was doing things of my own accord without regard to what others think of me (I study hard for my personal satisfaction, not because I wanted to fulfil my parents’ expectations), I had no idea what I was supposed to be doing them for. I just went along with the tides, barely keeping up with what everyone else was doing. I had no clear direction and I was satisfied with living for the demands of the moment. I guess this is what you call Role Confusion from Erik Erikson’s theory.

                But fortunately, I had an opportunity for growth. This opportunity came when I finally came to accept Jesus Christ as my personal Savior and Lord during my 4th year in High School.

                After deciding to put Christ at the center of my life and to surrender everything to Him, I finally found my true identity. I am a “conqueror and co-heir with Christ”, as a song and verse. There is nothing sweeter than finding out that I am nothing less than God’s precious daughter. :>

               So from now on until eternity, I will no longer suffer from role confusion because I now know who I am. I now know what I am supposed to do with my life. Life with God is indeed great. :>

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." - Psalms 139: 13-16

"For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will..." - Ephesians 1:4-5 

"For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." - Ephesians 2:10 

[3redorangehearts]

ENTRY 5: When I Get Up From Bed and Start The Day, Only To Find Out That…

                Tita: Gising na Ja, male-late ka na.

                Joyce: Mmpf…?

                Tita: Tayo na diyan, dali.

                Joyce: Mmkay.

                I get up, still fully groggy, eyes half-closed and heavy and protesting, steps unbalanced. I face the mirror and brush my hair. I go downstairs. I eat breakfast. I take a bath. I dress up. I kiss my parents and aunt goodbye. I leave.

                I was already aboard a jeep on the way to UP when suddenly…

                Tita: JOYCE BUMANGON KA NA DIYAN ANONG ORAS NA LATE NA LATE KA NA!!!

(…when i get up from bed and start the day, only to find out that i was only dreaming and therefore in reality am still sleeping.)

Wish fulfillment at its finest.

[3redorangehearts]

ENTRY 4: How Free Association Amused Me So Much I Couldn’t Write About It

               In class, one of the exercises that we can work on is the Free Association exercise. It consists of staying in a quiet place, playing a recorder and speaking into it anything that comes to mind without censoring anything. I was really excited about this activity because the idea of uncensored free talk seemed intriguing. When I finally found an opportunity to be alone and speak to my heart’s content without fear of being overheard, I plunged right in.

                I was not wrong in assuming that it is fun. I spoke about all sorts of things that I wouldn’t normally talk about with other people for fear of judgement; voiced out thoughts and opinions that I never reveal for fear of hurting someone; apologized for mistakes that I’ve done that no one knows about. It wasn’t melodramatic though. If anything, my delivery was animated from start to finish because I was that excited about the activity.  

                After wrapping up my 43-minutes-36-seconds-long talk, I placed my phone back in its original place and waited for another opportunity to listen to it without fear of being overheard. The opportunity finally came almost a week later. 

             One afternoon while alone in my dorm room, I lied down, replayed the recording, closed my eyes and listened.

                I ended up laughing my ass off (excuse me for the word but I deem this most fitting so it had to be here) while listening. I laughed at myself all the while because the things I said and how I said them were so amusing. I never knew that I sounded like this when I talk like that! So all along I was thinking this and that! So all along this and this and that! I heard from myself soooo many insights that I never realized I had. (These insights are pretty personal and private though so I won’t divulge them here.) What’s better is that I had forgotten most of what I said when I recorded it so the words were mostly “fresh” and “new” to my ears, and that was what made it all the more fun.

                I attempted to write about my experience so I could pass an output and proof of my doing the exercise, but unfortunately I was so sleepy and protective of my unfiltered thoughts then that I couldn’t bring myself to write anything about it. Looking back, maybe I should’ve just written ambiguously so I could still get the points without having to really divulge anything, but it’s too late now. It’s alright though. At least now I have a souvenir of the time when I let the unrestrained part of me speak and let its voice be heard, even if there’s but one audience—ME. :D

[3redorangehearts]

ENTRY 3: The Spirit is Willing, But the Flesh is Weak*

                I admit that despite my “dislike” for Freud (because he is too mainstream), I have always liked his theory about the Id, Ego and Superego.

                When I first read about these things, I was nodding in agreement all the while. It all felt so true to me and I felt that nothing can ever disprove this because it felt so correct. Of course we cannot be sure yet whether it truly is infallible truth, but it is highly accepted so I guess it would be safe to believe in it. For now.

                I especially like (actually dislike the fact that it exists, but like that there is such a theory acknowledging this) the part explaining the perpetual battle between the id and the superego, and how the id is constantly trying to mediate between the two. There is no denying that many people feel this way every day especially when trying to battle temptation.

                As a Christian, my superego is always alert and on guard against the id’s inappropriate desires. I always fight to support my superego in its fight to keep the id at bay. It’s almost never easy though. Since it is my desires that we are talking about, of course it is difficult on my part to even begin resisting the things that I think would give me pleasure. But it has to be done. I had to discipline myself into settling for nothing less than the infinite pleasures of living a Christ-centered life, and to do this I absolutely had to maintain the battle against the id. I really pity my ego for having to put up with the nerve-wracking dilemma between discipline and desire every day. I also pity the id for being so deprived (not totally, just most of the time) and the superego for having to work extra hard all the time. But at the same time, I smile at the thought of such an organized system taking care of the dilemma processing for me.

                I fail sometimes, of course. Sometimes my Id wins. Whenever this happens my Superego never fails to “beat me up” for it, but I don’t resent it for doing its job because if it didn’t, I would be stuck with indulging the Id forever. I wish I could say that that is okay, but of course it isn’t. We all know that merely living on and for pleasure never brought anyone any good. So Superego, if you’re listening, I want to tell you that I appreciate your hard work every day. And Ego, I’m proud of you for handling things so well despite the pressure! (if only I could speak to them. Hehe)

  “Be holy, because I am holy.” – 1 Peter 1:16

"But I say, walk by the Spirit, and do not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh; for these are opposed to each other, to prevent you from doing what you would." - Galatians 5:16-18

  *Taken from Mark 14:38.

[3redorangehearts]

            I remember well a manga (Japanese graphic novel) that I read.  It was a collection of short, meaningful, sometimes disturbing stories centering around the lives of humans who own dolls: humanoid robots who were made to serve humans in a variety of ways. I remember it in particular because aside from it being thought-provoking and well-written, there were also some stories with a Freudian flair: one about a bulimic writer who wears childish dresses to compensate for her “lost” childhood (she was sexually harassed by her uncle when she was a child); a man who is exclusively attracted to women with missing limbs (later, it is revealed that this fetish was triggered when he saw his father chopping off his unfaithful mother’s limbs and raping her afterwards, probably as punishment for her infidelity); a man who had an affair with his own mother (who had an affair with her father), and many others. A common theme in these short stories is how their childhood experiences led to the development of their odd habits. From a regular person’s point of view this can be a fresh and intriguing (albeit disturbing) premise, which explains why some people liked this manga very much.

                As a Psych major, however, though I like the stories and how they were written, I cannot fully like them because they portray some aspects of Psychology in a stereotypical and slightly faulty manner. One such instance is when the character with the missing-limb-fetish goes to his psychologist friend for therapy. The psychologist friend is portrayed as a stereotypical Freudian psychoanalyst in a typical Freudian psychoanalyst’s office. Up to this point there is nothing wrong yet, but when the treatment starts that’s when the faulty portrayal comes in. First off, the psychoanalyst uses hypnotism to get the client to talk about all sorts of things. She also instructs him to go on a “trip” into his unconscious so that he can regain his repressed memories.  He does exactly that (not without resistance from his ego of course), and this is how he finds out that he saw his Father maiming his mother when he was a child. He and the psychologist finally pinpoint this as the cause of his odd fetish.

                What did I find wrong with this? Actually, the way it was written was so realistic and almost perfectly believable, if not for the fact that it assumes that hypnotism is the “gate” to repressed memories. The psychoanalyst treated the patient’s account of his old memories while under hypnotism as gospel truth. She did not pause to consider that not all “memories” gathered through hypnotism are authentic. What if the patient had merely imagined everything? What if it was a false memory? If only this part had been more grounded on facts, this manga’s psychodynamic side would have been perfect.

                Despite this, though, I still appreciate the mangaka’s (the equivalent of author) efforts to portray psychoanalysis in as realistic a manner as she can. J

[3redorangehearts]

Crossing the Bamboo Bridge

              As a means of self-introduction in Personality class, we were asked to "cross" an imaginary bamboo bridge in a way that (we think) best represents our personality. I thought it was really cool. It wasn’t easy though.

              There were so many possibilities to consider. I could skip while singing to represent my cheerful and energetic side. I could stop at various points along the way to point at things and act all awestruck/amazed/amused to show my easily-emotionally-aroused side. Or I could act all hesitant and indecisive and regretful to show my, well, hesitant and indecisive and regretful side. But in the end, I just settled for “crossing” the “bamboo bridge” in a slow and relaxed manner, one step at a time, feet crisscrossing over each other, smiling and humming all the while. This was supposed to show that I am a slow-moving, relaxed and easygoing person; that I like taking my time and enjoying things as they come along.

               That walk probably wasn’t the best representation for my personality, but it will do. It's only for an introduction after all. 

                I now realize that this realization supported one of the points made in our textbook’s first chapter: that it takes more than one perspective to fully understand the human personality. Like in this case, it will take more than one kind of “bridge crossing” to fully describe who and how I really am.  It is not enough to focus on just one explanation and insist that it is the appropriate explanation for everything. You also have to consider the limitations, the parts that don’t seem to fit, and be as flexible as possible so you can accommodate every plausible explanation and deepen your knowledge of your personality, and others’ as well.  

                If given a second chance, I will definitely change my “bridge-crossing” style. I will still walk slowly while humming (or singing, whatever I feel like doing) but this time add an extra spring to my step. Act as if I am touring a gallery and stop every now and then to appreciate the things that I “see”. Pause at times and look straight ahead as if contemplating what to do next. This is still not the perfect representation of my personality, but at least it’s better and slightly more complete than the first one. Hopefully next time I manage to add more to this and, finally, manage to create the walk that shall fully (or at least almost fully) define who I am as a person. :)