What dysphoria really is and what it feels like, by a trans person
PSA: this was based on my own experiences mostly and the experiences of other trans people that I've come in contact with. I'm not a scientist or a scholar, I'm just a person talking about their own reality so that people who are not like us can understand us better. Please rb so that cis people can see this
Just a friendly reminder: dysphoria is not the feeling of alienation that comes with not fitting into the stereotypes associated with manhood/womanhood. Trans people feel dysphoria regardless of fitting into stereotypes or not. Dysphoria is the feeling of alienation that comes with not being the person you were raised to be, regardless of what that person should look like (a manly men or a feminine girl; even if you fit into those stereotypes, or even if you defy those stereotypes and reject them completely you still feel dysphoria. Despite of how "manly" or "feminine" you are, you're still not a guy/girl and that's dysphoria).
To exemplify: dysphoria feels like you've been wearing a mask your entire life and people don't know you're wearing one, they think that mask is your real face. People might say that since you were born a girl your face should be pink with rainbow glitter; you might have decorated your mask like that so people would treat you better. Then you came across some people saying that you didn't had to paint your face pink, you could just wear it plain and it was fine. So you washed off the paint, and you might have felt a little bit better because the burden of having to paint your mask everyday simply to make people stop saying shit to you was gone.
But the thing is: you're still wearing that mask. Even after you washed off the paint, even after you stopped performing the stereotypes, even after you started to fight against those stereotypes that mask is still on. And what does that mask represent? That mask represents being a girl, no matter what that girl looks like or who she is, if she's the perfect girl patriarchy raised her to be or if she's a real girl fighting against sexist expectations. The mask was still on when you were performing those stereotypes; the mask was still on when you weren't performing any stereotypes. And the mask only comes off when you are treated (by other people, by yourself) as the right gender for you.
For me, that mask fell off when someone in my school misgendered me and called me a boy for the first time. The mask fell off and it felt like that person could see me, the real me. That I was listening to them talk to me for the first time ever. They didn't say anything afterwards, they didn't treat me differently (they didn't treat me as more capable person because they thought I was guy). They just called me "him". And damn it felt good. And terrifying. And liberating. And here am I, 6 years later, trying to come to terms with the fact that that person took my mask off. I didn't even knew I was wearing a mask until that person took it off. It's wild, but yeah.
So please stop spreading misinformation. If your "mask" fell off when you started rejecting stereotypes you weren't wearing a mask in the first place: you just washed the paint off your face. You don't feel dysphoria and you never did. Stop saying you know what it's like because we, trans people, used metaphors to try to explain our very deep and complicated reality. And please stop saying that trans people are not real because you "felt dysphoria" and your "dysphoria" disappeared when you started actively rejecting stereotypes, so it means that trans people just have some internalized sexism and are making a big deal out of it. It's amazing that you dealt with those horrible ideas patriarchy taught all of us and that now you're feeling more like yourself- but please stop equating that to "overcoming dysphoria".
Dysphoria is not rooted in sexism. Dysphoria is rooted in dysphoria lol, trans people exist because we exist and that's it. Feeling the need to theorize and justify a minority's existence is fucked up. Hopefully you can see that, if you apply that "ok convince me that you're real" to any other minority. We're here talking to you. Please listen to us.
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