I Drink So You Dont Have To

My blog is a mess, but so is my life

[solace-y]

just the girly things

forcing an earing through a closed piercing

taking off tight clothes and rubbing the indents they left on your skin 

human sacrifice

homemade face masks 

[69shadesofgallovich]

My boyfriend: *yells at me*

Me: did I pee my pants or am I wet

[sleepbby]

me as a mother: girl what he do

[pettyrevenge-base]

Rude to my wife? Enjoy your moment of self doubt

A few years ago when moving houses, we had to sell our Ikea PAX wardrobe as it wouldn’t fit in our new place. This thing was massive, and took hours to originally build. My wife diligently took photos of it open/closed at different angles and advertised it as for sale online. Soon after we had a winning bidder, and for a pretty decent price too! We arranged a pickup date and all seemed to be going smoothly.

Keep reading

[69shadesofgallovich]

Nobody:

My brain at 3am: stop don’t touch, leave the area, tell an adult

[69shadesofgallovich]

nothing is more aesthetically pleasing than looking at a picture of you and feeling as if you are staring right into the heart of my soul

[thebootydiaries]

Me: *sees my stuffed animal on the floor next to my bed*

Me: Why wasn't I a better parent

[muckkles]

working with children is a wild fucking experience yall. this morning at work one of our second graders got my attention and was like “you know what word my mom told me not to say? PUSSY.” and i was like “then why did you just say it??” and she went “i dunno” and then dabbed

[sagihairius]

*gets down on one knee* *gets down on other knee* *lays down on ground* *doesn’t get up ever*

[yallstillhere]

Come get this dick-fil-a

[beaujes]

ghostbusters are always like who are you gunna call? ghostbusters! but it’s hard enough to call the doctor’s office i’m not gunna call the ghostbusters i’d just live with a ghost in my house forever

[beaujes]

who you gunna call? no one i have anxiety

[69shadesofgallovich]

Every John green book: my name is Kirk assgun and I m not cool or popular and I'm bullied everyday because I fuck comic books and I watch this really cool show called the Big Bang theory. But it's okay because I at least have 2 other bros and 1 convenient negro friend. You see that girl over there? That's kaydence Tigerlilly Dookieson. SHe is the love of my life. She is misunderstood and like really cool indie bands like Coldplay and she's been smoking since she was 7. She's not like other girls. If only she would realize that the missing key to her life was me, a greasy white boy

[thebootydiaries]

Just as he reaches the door, he looks back at me with a sad smile. “Hey Farha?” I avert my gaze, blushing. “Yeah?” He watches me in silence for a minute; sorrow oozing from his dark eyes. “Your foundation doesn’t match your neck.”

[drinklust]

once i got very drunk in a bar and my mum had to pick me up so i was trying to act normal by keeping the conversation so i asked her if shes a virgin and she looked at me with pain in her eyes and said “i wish i was”

[angelicloner]

Just me, her (the overwhelming loneliness) and the moon

[cali-cocaine]

[lapotencia55]

YOOOO SO LOOK DA FIRST TIME I EVER GOT ON DIS RIDE I WAS WITH A WHITE FAMILY AND U KNOW WHITE FOLKS CRAZY SO DEY DONT FEAR ROLLER COASTERS OR DEATH IN GENERAL. AFTER ABOUT 10 MINUTES OF TELLIN DEM DAT I DIDNT WANNA GET ON I FINALLY SAID YES CUZ I AINT NEVER BEEN NO BITCH AND I DIDNT PLAN ON STARTING THAT DAY. WHEN DA ENGINEER SAID “PLS LEAN BACK AND KEEP THE BACK OF UR HEAD PRESSED AGAINST YOUR SEAT” AND I SAW EVERYBODY STICK DA BACK OF THEIR HEADS TO THE CHAIR I KNEW DAT I MADE DA WORST DECISION OF MY LIFE CUZ I EVEN SAW SOME BLACK FOLKS LISTEN AND U KNOW DAT WHEN BLACK PEOPLE LISTEN A WHITE LADY’S ADVICE , ITS DA REAL DEAL. SO MY FIRST MISTAKE WAS REFUSING TO PRESS MY HEAD AGAINST THE SEAT… THE RIDE TAKES OFF AND MY DOME SLAMS AGAINST THE CHAIR WHILE MY NECK SNAPPED… UNCONSCIOUS INSTANTLY.. WHEN I AWOKE FROM MY 3 SECOND SLUMBER WE HAD REACHED DA VERY TOP OF THE RIDE WHERE THE RIDE MAKES A QUICK PAUSE… WHEN THE RIDE MADE THAT PAUSE I OPENED MY EYES CAUSE I THOUGHT THE RIDE WAS OVER AND WE ALL MADE IT SAFELY. BOY WAS I WRONG… I OPENED MY EYES AND DA ONLY THING I SAW WAS A 300 FOOT DROP STRAIGHT TO DA GROUND SO I SAID “GOD YOU CANT LET ME DIE LIKE DIS”. I THINK I SUFFERED A HEART CONTUSION CUZ MY HEART JUST COMPLETELY STOPPED BEATING… AND THAN THE RIDE TAKES OFF AGAIN… WE MAKE THE 300 FOOT DROP AND I SCREAM MY LUNGS OUT AS IM SCARED TO DEATH BECAUSE DA ONLY TIME A HUMAN SHOULD BE DAT HIGH IN DA AIR IS WHEN THEIR SPIRIT IS BEING SUCKED INTO HEAVEN BY DA GRACE OF GOD.. SO WE SAFELY MAKE IT TO DA END OF DA RIDE AND WHEN WE GET OFF I STUMBLE OUT OF THE SEAT CUZ MY LEGS WENT NUMB AND ALL THE AIR WAS SUCKED OUT OF MY BODY SO I COULDNT TALK EITHER.. DA FIRST THING THESE CRAZY MOTHERFUCKERS TELL ME IS “HEY MAN LETS DO THAT AGAIN THAT WAS WICKED”. I LOOKED AT DEM AND I REALIZED DAT DIS WHITE KID DAT I BEFRIENDED WAS ACTUALLY SATAN. I NO LONGER HAVE ANY WHITE FRIENDS.

[officiallightningmcqueen]

please read this whole thing.

[69shadesofgallovich]

Now you're just a memory engraved in my mind I can't forget.