i don't know what to do with this account anymore.
as many of you know i'd had so many plans and drafts that i was dying to finish and publish, but the motivation to do so has plunged to an all time low. i don't have an excuse for it. it's been like this ever since youngmin left.
i miss writing, not only on here but also on ao3, on wattpad, everywhere. but i don't know how to pick myself up and continue again. i refuse to close this account because i keep thinking, what if one day i get a burst of energy and am able to dish out pieces that have been sitting in my drafts? but it seems like that's a long time to come.
honestly i haven't been catching up with ab6ix much too, but i did know of the comeback (obviously), i know the new ab4u season came out. it kinda sucks, but youngmin was really the reason for me to stay. i hate to say it lol.
anyway, i hope in the near future i'll be able to come back much more lighthearted and to post almost daily pieces like i used to.
i missed all of you very, very much. happy holidays, merry (very advanced) christmas, and take care of yourselves in this pandemic!
if youngmin was ever sure of anything, it would be that he never got over you. it didn’t matter which part of you, or which aspect of your personality; it was only common knowledge among his friends that the thought of you always lingered in his head. since the very first step you took out of his penthouse, bags packed and not a single trace of you left behind, youngmin has never stopped missing you.
even on nights he rode till late, beating traffic lights, speeding across the highways, more often than not, he’d find himself on the route to your apartment block as if on auto-pilot. and then the realisation hits him and he drifts as he makes a u-turn to wherever the motorcycle takes him.
he tries to get drunk every time his body drags him into a club, indifferent and emotionless. yet his heart remains cold and the same, taking a stranger back home just to temporarily overcome the loneliness that has washed over the penthouse. as though he’s merely trying to convince himself that he’s doing well without you. as though he wants to show you that he doesn’t need you to fill the void in his chest.
but he has to face the truth someday — no one could compare to you. every shot of alcohol he takes can’t compare to how drunk you make him feel. every woman that has his name rolling off her tongue can’t compare to your quiet pleas against his skin. forget having good sex, it didn’t feel right if it wasn’t you.
sometimes his wildest thoughts cave him in. sometimes he thinks he’d seen you somewhere in the crowded, noisy club, all messy hair and skin-tight dress and dancing to the music haphazardly. sometimes he thinks he hears your voice in his ear, louder than the blaring speakers, making him look around frantically and trying to find you in the pockets of people in the tight space.
at some point of time he thinks he has it all under control, that the strings that tie him to you are getting looser with each kiss he leaves on a stranger’s bare skin. but youngmin has got it all wrong when he wakes up with a bitch hangover and finds himself lighting another cigarette at three in the morning, as though it’s you he’s breathing in time and time again, only for him to let everything go in puffs of toxic smoke.
slowly the pictures and 15 second videos of you and your new boyfriend start being posted on instagram. youngmin takes notice, his thumb pressing on the screen of his phone to stop and stare at the wide smile plastered on your face. he could not be bothered about the other man’s attributes; whether he was more good-looking or richer, or if he was funnier and gentler. the only thing that mattered to youngmin was that you looked happier, and maybe it made him more upset than he would’ve liked to admit to anyone.
he’s reckless, showing up at another club the following weekend, dressed in all black and a loose, tie-dyed grey denim jacket. almost immediately upon sitting down on the stool at the bar, he’s downed a shot of vodka, the familiar strong taste washing his mouth and burning his palate.
not enough, the voice at the back of his head prods, and he’s downing a good five shots. it’s starting to heat up as he gets tipsy, head spinning and throat on fire. he dismisses the few women who come and go, the high-pitched voices a little bit too much for him. he quickly gets agitated, raising his tone a little bit to tell them to leave him alone. he doesn’t think it’ll be a good night for him.
youngmin figures he’s just going to stay at the club until he gets bored of people-watching. he cringes at those eating each other’s faces off, raises his eyebrows at fems who scan him up and down, fiddles with the silver watch wrapped around his wrist. he’s sick of it. undeniably so.
he gets up to leave, and it’s about midnight as he pays for the alcohol and heads towards the exit. just as he’s about to leave the premises, he has to do a double take.
you’re there. standing in line, arm linked with another man’s. wine-red dress ending mid-thigh, hair swept over to one shoulder. you’re glowing, and he has to look away. maybe a second too late.
“youngmin?” it’s like your voice sobers him up in an instant. “it’s you, right?”
he glances at you, a small, hesitant smile on his face. “yeah,” he stops in his tracks. “have a good night. enjoy yourself.”
uwaaaaaa i'm back!!! my tests for the term are fiiinallyyy over and i have quite a bit of time on my hands for the next 3-4 weeks!!! i missed you guys </3
i'll post part 4 of itu soon! and get back to the requests asap :) thank you for being so patient i love you all mwahhh
HEYYY 😭😭😭 im sorry u can blame writer's block AND school im so so sooo sorry i havent been able to write anything be it on tumblr or wattpad im SORRYYY
Ok this is quite random but i just wanna tell you that i'm currently watching Golden Disc Award and immediately remember your Prince!Donghyun au because AB6IX members are dressed as princes! 😂😍 You should see them in that outfit too!
eeeeekkkk i was on twitter during gda and i literally freaked when i saw the whole prince concept and i was like oh??? is this??? my prince au coming to life??? NO WORDS LUV
the following month you made a trip back to your home kingdom with the prince. you’d missed busan, your parents, the people in the palace. and surely you’d missed your lover more than you’d like to admit.
you knew you had to control yourself, especially the moment you spotted youngmin in the corridors. with the prince beside you, you only manage to give him a glance and a scrunch of a nose, to which you get a small smile in return. he raises his eyebrows, giving you a look when he catches your arm linked with the prince’s, and you quickly shake your head, but he only stifles a laughter and disappears back into the hall.
when your father takes donghyun away (to whatever he has in store for him), you seize the opportunity to find youngmin, being sure that your mother—or anyone else, for that matter—would not catch you. upon seeing him sitting at his usual spot in the library, you sneaked up behind him to place your hands over his eyes, placing your chin on top of his head.
his fingers wrapped around yours loosely, gently prying them off his face and pressing barely-there kisses to your knuckles as he looks up at you. “hi, princess.”
“hi,” you greet him quietly, pursing your lips together as you take a seat beside him. “how has it been since i left?”
youngmin huffs. “nothing important. i want to know about how you have been since you left. the prince, the kingdom, being married?” his features soften as he looks at you again, eyes warm and lips slightly curled up. “it’s been a few months, hasn’t it? are you happy in daejeon, my princess? does he treat you well?”
“i’m happier back here, of course,” you tell him simply. “and the prince, he’s… nice. we don’t talk much but it’s really not like he mistreats me or anything like that. he’s just living his own life just as i am living my own.” you let out a long breath. “i mean, even he has someone else still lingering in his heart. and we both agreed to just, go on with our days like this.”
while you were back reunited temporarily, the prince was watching from afar. finally, he knew who was the man who creeped into your dreams at night, whose name always found its way into the corners of your books when your thoughts went out far.
donghyun isn’t jealous, if he’s being honest. after all, he’s the one who proposed minding each other’s business and only interacting when needed, and though lately it’s gotten a little better with small talk, it’s usually quiet for three quarters of the time whenever the both of you are left alone.
he’d never seen you smile like that before. neither had he ever seen you laugh so hard you had to clamp your hand over your mouth, until your eyes crinkled up to form crescents and you’re clutching your stomach in pain. seeing it for the first time, when you’re around another man, there was something that bubbled up in his indifferent heart — something he can’t quite pinpoint or get a grasp of.
in his defense, he had been spending time with you and seeing you everyday, that the way you acted almost seemed weird. donghyun knows you aren’t the most open, especially in his kingdom, but still he finds himself frowning harder. you look happy, and you had never looked like that the whole time you were in daejeon.
he’s not making any sense. he closes his eyes momentarily, padding away from the glass doors of the library. he wanders around the palace mindlessly, idling about, almost desperately wanting time to pass faster. he’s merely a guest in your kingdom, anyway. at least, that’s how he felt.
a little later in the afternoon, while walking through the corridors and the halls, he bumps into youngmin. the tutor immediately bows his head, greeting him politely, flashing a modest smile. donghyun returns it, a little hesitant for a reason unbeknownst to even himself.
“im youngmin, right?” he starts off, getting a small “yes, your highness,” and another bow of his head. “i’ve heard a lot about you from the princess.”
the elder grins upon hearing the words leave his mouth. “i hope they’re all good things about me, your highness. the princess, too, has told me a lot of great things regarding you, earlier this afternoon.” donghyun lets out a quiet oh, a little taken aback, but he quickly recovers himself. the tutor spares a quick glance at the watch wrapped around his wrist, before looking back up at the prince and composing himself. “forgive me for the lack of time i have, your highness, but i will have to excuse myself now.”
“oh, yes, of course,” donghyun does a quick bow of his head, watching as youngmin walks briskly past and out of his sight.
later that night in your chambers, the prince tells you he has met youngmin. you mentally scold yourself for suddenly being a little too excited, regaining composure as you sit up slightly and tell him that you’re glad he finally knows your best friend.
“i can see why he’s the one that lives in your heart,” donghyun looks briefly at you. “he suits you. and i can tell that he makes you happy, your highness.”
you glimpse at him, but he’s already closing his eyes. “he does.” and maybe one day you’ll be able to make me as happy as he does.
that donghyun piece was for real just for me to let some stress off. after all, i think i need you guys to know that writing is a stress relief for me!!! i won’t be too active but i’ll try to post little drabbles now~~
elo!! let me just say that i love your writing so much + the fact that you write for ab6ix is 10/10. so anyway, i dont mean to be rude but i wanna request giving and receiving oral headcanon w donghyun. thank youuu ♥️
hello!!! so sorry this took forever, but here you go <3 thank you for requesting!
“you okay?” you frown at your boyfriend, who is sitting on the couch, taking off his cap and placing it on the table. “tired from practice, babe?”
he lets you scoot closer to him. “yeah,” he sighs. “just having a bad day, angel.” he strokes your hair, exhaling deeply, his hand landing on a small of your back.
“are the rest of them at the dorm?” you bring yourself to ask, and donghyun gives you a look as he nods. a little skeptical, but there’s a glint in his eyes when your hand creeps down to hover over his crotch. “want me to… help you feel a little better?”
he lets out a breathy chuckle when you press down slightly, barely palming him through his sweats. “oh, you,” he connects his lips with yours, kissing you roughly. when you pull away, you’re down on your knees, tugging at the waistband of his pants, sliding the pair down along with his boxers and letting them pool at his ankles. “don’t tease, please, baby.”
you smile to yourself, index finger tracing his shaft. “no promises,” you tell him cheekily, stroking it gently. donghyun grunts, a low, guttural noise from the back of his throat. it’s hot and heavy in your hand as you pump him slowly, a groan eliciting from his mouth.
boldly, you take his whole length into your mouth, dragging your tongue along the underside of his cock. donghyun lets out a shaky, yet satisfied moan, his hand coming up to tangle his fingers in your hair and keeping a strong grip on your head. you hollow your cheeks out, glancing up at him and blinking away at the tears pricking at your eyes, enjoying the view a little too much.
you start bobbing your head, pulling back for air, your hands working non-stop. you hear donghyun gasp quietly when his head brushes the back of your throat, his grip on your hair getting tighter. before you know it, you’re getting face-fucked, your head pushed to meet his erratic thrusts. as you look up at him, he’s in pure bliss — eyes shut tight, head thrown back, lips parted as the lewd noises come tumbling out. his knuckles turn white from gripping whatever he can from the couch, and you feel his thighs tensing up beneath your touch.
“‘m gonna cum,” he manages out, chest heaving and breath heavy. when you don’t pull away, his eyes widen, taking your free hand in his. “in your mouth?”
you hum, going faster, your other hand jerking him at a much quicker pace. he spills, and you take it all in, watching as his features twist into all kinds of emotions at one go. you wipe the drool away from the corners of your mouth, kissing him square on the lips.
“dirty girl,” a smirk makes its way onto his lips, pulling you up by your elbows and sitting you on his lap, straddling him. moulding your mouths together again, he pushes you until your back hits the couch, hovering over you and planting his lips wherever your skin is exposed. “relax, baby.”
he fixes himself up before advancing further, pulling up his pants and getting rid of your tights clinging onto your legs. “sit up a little for me,” he instructs you, and you comply wordlessly, your forearms resting on the armrest of the couch.
you watch donghyun’s tongue dart out to swipe over his lips as he hooks his finger around the waistband of your panties, sliding them off immediately. his eyes twinkle and glitter with mischief when they land on your clit, ready and wet just for him. “hurry,” you whine. “please.”
he smiles at you, grazing the tips of his fingers over your folds, before going down and sliding his tongue all the way up, stopping at your bud to suck on it roughly. his hands reach up to wrap around your thighs, pulling you closer and keeping you in place when you start squirming.
his tongue worked on your heat expertly, kitten licking and laying it flat against your sensitive spot. donghyun is noisy, sucking at your clit lewdly, pulling away and going back to licking from the bottom up again. he flattens his tongue, swiping at your folds, before sticking it inside you.
you let out a choked out moan, feeling his tongue wiggle and move around inside you. the newness causes you to tremble under him, thighs tensing up as he fucks you with his tongue. the grip around your legs tightens, donghyun holding you down as all the different curses and pleas escape your lips desperately, haphazardly.
as he pushed into you further, thumb rubbing at your clit, you felt the sensation pooling at your gut and your stomach coiling into tight knots. you’re close, and he senses it, going faster then before, shoving his tongue in and out of you fast. you moan out his name, fingers wrapped around his, eyes rolled back and back arched off the couch.
you push yourself away from his mouth when you reach your high, thighs shaking and core throbbing. fucked out, your lips part as you catch your breath, head thrown back in bliss.
donghyun presses soft kisses on your inner thighs, gently squeezing them, massaging them lightly to stop you from shaking. when you open your eyes, he’s on top of you again, a bright smile plastered on his face.
“thank you,” you tell him sluggishly, a sheepish grin now playing on your lips. he kisses your nose, your forehead, your cheeks, before going back to your mouth and kissing you slowly, tenderly.
first off, i would like to apologise for suddenly going mia for this past week :( i was on vacation for a good 5 days but before that i was just... not motivated at all to write anything. on top of that i've been finding it difficult to dish out new pieces, publish new chapters of itu, and even write the requests still sitting in my inbox that i've always yearned to complete. i know this isn't a good excuse, but my personal life has been getting a little hectic and i'm in a bad place right now, so i hope all of you understand if i don't post anything for a few days, weeks even. i love all of you and i'm so, so thankful for all the support i've been receiving since day 1.
three weeks pass by quickly — quicker than usual, what with wedding preparations and the never-ending lectures from the queen. still, on the weekends, the nights feel longer, especially now that the queen rarely lets you see youngmin. she claims that it’s not good to let the heart roam freely so close to the wedding date, but you think she’s spitting nonsense all over again, and when luck is on your side you manage to sneak out and ditch preparations to meet him in the royal garden.
though the fun and games quickly come to an end, as the fourth week comes sailing by, and before you know it, it’s already your wedding day.
you’d never seen the prince of daejeon in real life, at least, not after you turned 16. as young royals, sure, you could recall some times you’d played with him in the royal garden and got lost in the maze. other than that, you had never seen him ever again. the servants in the kitchen and the seamstresses who altered your dresses always talked highly of him, from his looks down to his humility, but you aren’t one to judge from word of mouth. you’re marrying him, anyway.
it’s late afternoon by the time the wedding ceremony is over, and you’re left alone in your new room with the prince—your husband—the tension and awkwardness that lingers in the air making you dizzy. there’s a fairly huge gap in between the both of you, and you fidget with the lace on your white dress, unable to find the words to speak. even if you do have an idea of what to say, the fear that you might word it wrongly comes to haunt you.
“i’ll make it easy for the both of us, your highness,” he talks after what feels like probably 20 minutes of dead quietness. you tilt your head up and turn to look at him, blinking one-two times. “i think we were both forced to do this, so i won’t make it more dreadful than it already is. you’re only fulfilling your duties as a princess for her kingdom, and i’m simply following my parents’—the king and queen’s—orders by marrying you,” he reiterates, looking straight right at you. “to put it bluntly, let’s just, mind our own business when we’re alone, and do as told when in front of the public or the royals. we have a deal?”
you consider him for a good moment, before you snap out of it and reply with a word of agreement. “yes. yes, your highness.”
when night falls and the moon is high above your head, lying in bed feels foreign to you. your eyebrows knit tightly together when you realise that this is the place you are going to have to call home. you shift in your spot and see that donghyun has his back turned against you, all the way at the other end of the king-sized bed.
the emptiness comes to cave in your chest as you suddenly miss the comforts of home. they always say home is where the heart is, and though it’s a little quick to judge, your heart has no place in the kingdom of daejeon. it’s stuck in time back in busan, back in the palace library, back in the royal garden where the tulips grew. angry, rooted to the ground, refusing to leave where it truly felt at home — youngmin.
you can practically hear your mother’s words at the back of your head, reminding you that you’re a princess who has no time for dilly-dallying and puppy love. your kingdom and duties first, you second, she’d drilled into your head. fresh into your teenage years, you’d mindlessly brush her off, ignoring her and still putting yourself first before anything else. now, on the other hand, staring at the high ceiling of the room, you finally realise why she’d wanted you to live up to it.
when you awoke the next morning, you get ready for the day, eating and observing your typical table manners at breakfast. you tend to the royal garden, spend the day in the library—which isn’t as big as the one back in busan, but they still have all of youngmin’s favourites—and going to lunch and teatime as told. you don’t fuss, don’t banter, don’t ask questions. you just do this and that, obeying every order given to you, bowing back at every servant that walks past you.
the next few weeks and months in the kingdom go just like that, with you needing to leave the palace to do charity work occasionally. the prince almost never talks to you, only checking up on you right before you head to bed for the day. true to his word, he really minds his own business.
one particular weekend sitting alone in the library, you’re joined by company, the prince, to be exact, and it startles you slightly, but you compose yourself and simply bow your head and go on with the book you’d been reading for the week.
“isn’t that your third time reading it?” he asks, causing you to stop and look at him. “no, i mean, i think i’ve seen that book at least three times at your bedside table, but i might be wrong.” the smile on his face is barely there, but it grows a little when you nod and tell him that he’s right. “a favourite? or someone else’s…”
youngmin’s. “both,” you tell him short, exhaling deeply. “don’t you have a favourite somewhere in here? or are you too busy with the prince duties to step foot in the library?”
“i have a copy of my favourite in my old room because of the latter,” he grins, and it’s the first time you’ve seen him smile like that. “did you– do you um, have someone waiting back in busan?”
you gently close the book on the table. “do you have someone waiting for you? in the city or in another kingdom?” you throw it back at him, a little playfully, wanting to push and pull.
“the city. i used to, sure,” he sits back in his chair. “i fell in love with the local florist’s daughter when i went to the city back when i was 18. whenever i went down i would meet her and we’d just be living our best lives together. then the queen found out about it and it just didn’t work out, i guess.” he lets out a breath before setting his eyes back on you. “and you, your highness?”
you drum your fingers on the hardcover of the book. “my tutor. my best friend. told the king about it and he told me he would try his best to convince the queen, but one day she told me that she would never approve of the two of us. which leads me here,” you prop your chin on the open palm of your hand. “you know, to you. and this whole mess us both got into.”
the words ring incessantly in your ears; like the bells early in the morning that wake you up from your deep slumber. upon hearing it from your mother herself that you’re due for marriage in four weeks, you excuse yourself back to your room. now sitting on the edge of your bed, you ball your hands into tight fists and let the tears of anger stream down your face.
“what? to whom? what for?” you’d thrown questions to the queen. “i’m barely of age — why am i getting married? you promised me when i was 18 that i was free to do anything until you step down from the throne!”
your mother gave you a warning look. “our kingdom is losing money at a dangerous rate,” she’d explained. “the kingdom of daejeon has offered to help us. they have a prince, and he’s more than suitable for you.”
“what does that have to do with me?” you were aware you sounded ignorant and irresponsible, but your priorities concerned yourself first. “prince of daejeon? please, father, you know i have feelings for someone else.” you pleaded, looking at the king in hopes of getting defended. before he can say anything, however, the queen places a hand over his to keep him at bay. “i don’t care if he’s a prince or not, mother!”
she stood up at the raise in tone of your voice. “prince or not, i’ve taught you well enough for you to know that i would never approve of you and youngmin,” she told you firmly, and you flinched, lips parted and eyes blown wide. “the engagement ring will be sent to your room. there will be no more discussion about your relationships, or your wedding. my word is final, and you will be marrying the prince of daejeon.”
that night during dinner, you keep your mouth shut, silently eating your food, immediately retreating back to your chambers when you finish. you sit yourself down on the queen-sized bed, your eyes falling to the navy blue velvet box sitting on your vanity desk, still untouched and unopened.
getting up on your feet and settling down on the stool in front of the desk, you take the box in your hand and cautiously open it, revealing a dainty silver ring which diamonds sparkle under the chandelier lights like stars. you hesitate, catching it between your index finger and thumb, pursing your lips together as you let out a long exhale. just as you are about to slip it onto your ring finger, your mind clouds with the thought of youngmin, and you almost instantly place it back onto the cushion of the box. you close it shut, pushing it towards the corner of the desk.
you leave your room, towards the library, having a hunch that he might be there. as suspected, when you open the glass doors, he’s sitting at the long table, glasses resting on the bridge of his nose, too immersed in a book he probably found on a shelf at the fourth stairwell landing. as you drag a chair perpendicular to him and sit down, he’s a little taken aback, but recovers and places his small bookmark on the page before closing the book. “yes, your highness?”
“your highness?” you frown, eyes quizzical. “you never address me like that. it’s just me, youngmin,” your voice is quiet; because you’re in the library, yes, but mainly because you’re not feeling too good about where the conversation might go. “everything okay?”
youngmin can’t seem to look at you straight in the eye, his own eyes suddenly dull. “i heard,” he admits after a long silence. “you’re getting married to the prince of daejeon, aren’t you? did you come here to tell me?”
“youngmin, i had no say in this,” you point out. “you know that if i did, i would have rejected it immediately!” your fingers loosely grip his, resting atop the cover of the book. “you know i would have. i would never betray you like that — you know this.” his other hand comes out to cover yours, gently squeezing it, his gaze finally lifting up to meet yours.
he gives you an apologetic, solemn look. “princess,” he speaks again. “i know you would have done things differently if your voice was going to be heard, my sweetheart.” he takes both your hands in his, his thumb drawing circles at the back of them. “but this is your fate now. your duty as a member of the royal family to keep your kingdom at its best condition. remember what i told you on your 19th birthday, right when the fireworks display started?”
you look up at him, holding back the tears threatening to spill from your eyes. “i told you that if we’re just not meant to be together, to stay together, then i won’t battle fate just to change it,” he reaches up to catch a stray tear from the corner of your eye, then caressing your cheek. “i just want you to know that, when you leave this kingdom, and you just happen to find yourself to be happy with the prince,” he pauses, searching your eyes. “i’ll wait for you back here not as your lover, but as your tutor, your friend who has shared knowledge with you and taught you how to love.”
as soon as the words leave his lips, you let yourself cry, pulled into youngmin’s chest as he kneels beside your chair. to think that you are going to have to leave the man you love behind to marry another just to save your kingdom from bankruptcy. it causes your heart to boil and your insides to churn, but soon you’ll have to learn that everything you feel or say aren’t going to make a difference in the kingdom of daejeon.
after all, you’re merely a princess arranged to marry the prince — but somehow it feels like you are a tradeoff for the money being sent to the kingdom of busan.
