whining about shoulder again
i was a competitive judoka once. i was never nationally ranked, but I won state championships one time. I went to a local tournament two or three times every month. I was good, but not great. All the same, Judo, and martial arts as a whole was my life. But see, I tore my rotator cuff once in 2008, and itās never been the same since. The last time I was an active competitor was in 2010. In 2014 I tore my rotator cuff again, worse than ever. A couple months later, I suffered a subluxation from just wearing a backpack for a little while. I now have a diagnosed chronic shoulder instability, meaning my shoulder can pop out of the socket pretty much whenever it wants.Ā
17 years Iāve been in the martial arts game, and I had to retire from competition at 22. I never got to try my hand at college wrestling, I never got to try my hand at amateur boxing, or powerlifting competition or any of the sports I wanted to try when I was ready to take a break from Judo. Nope. Letās just be straight up about this. 17 years went down the chute. I dislocated 17 years of my life, yo. This shit makes me horribly depressed every time I think about it. I try not to be a bitch about it, but this is honestly what my life is. I coach for a living now, but my ass canāt get out there and mix it up like I used to. I just canāt hack it with my shoulder the way it is.Ā
I competed last weekend, i had 4 matches, against all brown belts. I should have had these kids easy. First match was 4 and a half minutes long. 4 minutes is my limit before my shoulder gives out. I couldnāt do anything my second match. Sensei pulled me out right then and there. I was so disappointed. I literally almost cried because I canāt fucking do the one thing i love more than anything else. Like. fuck.Ā
But now, for the first time in over a year, I was able to bench 180. Itās not a particularly heavy lift, but itās a major improvement from the 0lbs I was able to do this time last year. maybe if i do enough physical therapy i can compete again someday. so no, I donāt expect anyone to be impressed when i say I put up 180, but Iāll take a little bit of encouragement here and there.Ā
Or whatever. Maybe Iāll find some dumbass shit to distract myself with. Maybe Iāll go act like an idiot somewhere because I literally donāt have the ability to go undistracted for a few minutes anymore. I donāt know man.Ā
Fuck this
