1kLstudio

I Season30 I Divergent I M.A in Progress I infj I

[92m2ofannaik]

I Have Been Horrible

I mean it.

I have been horrible when it comes to fulfilling my obligations to successfully complete this “Challenge 50″. The main tenet being to catalog my progress to which I saw is hard for me to do because I haven’t fully committed to the other tenets that would matter in a past for it. 

Essentially, I’m not holding myself accountable for something I opted to do, to literally challenge myself. 

In a non condemning way I think this speaks to why I wanted to challenge myself in the first place. I struggle with follow through STILL, to this day, at 30 1/2, and this is a habit I'm determined to change my narrative. 

Here I am today, not starting over but reaffirming my dedication.

NOW....where are the eggs?

[92m2ofannaik]

Project: “Project 50″

I struggle with being seen. I struggle with confrontation. I struggle with existing. 

It could be just in my head but I struggle with many things and the biggest aspect is regularly posting. I come back ready to be active/create something to catalogue my memories and mostly thoughts but deflate just as quickly. It can be hard to see from the outside but I count each post here as a triumph. 

I kept the motivation long enough to publish something - regardless of the topic - and so here I am again. Back for another match with myself and my struggles. I hope this time I last more rounds. I hope this project will move me past being motivated for short time to being dedicated to complete anything. 

The creative mind (yes, I believe that’s what I have) is a hell-scape or a paradise. More so than imitating other people, I want to display myself for other people to connect with. Maybe in doing that, I connect more with myself. 

Project 50 is nothing new to anyone here - who may be listening - but it is new to me and the recent spark of inspiration for this post. I love a good reset or anything that promotes “figuring your shit out”. 7 rules don’t sound too hard to follow but then it wouldn’t be considered a challenge if that was the case. I, myself will personalize it with my own rules whether that’s changing the wording or having more than 7 rules. Below is what I got and today is the start so check it out. 

Rules: 

(1) Wake up before 7 am (2) Morning Routine w/ no distractions (3) Exercise 1 hour a day - 30 min walk/ 30 min stretching (4) Read 10 pages (5) 1 hour towards building a skill (6) Integrate ACV, Lemons, & Water (7) No alcohol/soft drinks (8) Track progress via blogging

Alright! Lets go :)

[92m2ofannaik]

Hello Future Me,

Hi! Future me who is now 30 years old and wanting just the best for myself. 

I won’t ask if you’re happy because that isn’t the goal anymore. I will ask you do you feel any different from 28 days ago? Do you feel any different than 50 day ago? I can tell you the answer is probable no, or that its not only because you’re 30 but because. Over time, before you even knew it was happening you changed. It was slow like all the movies talk about. It was gradual like all the books you’ve read described. 

Then. One day, it just feels different. You look around the room, outside the window, at the faces you have seen everyday for weeks/months/years now and it’s different. 

Enjoy that. Live in that moment instead of worrying about if you’re happy. That comes with time what I want you to acknowledge right now is you’re doing. Currently. Right now. You’re making all those healthy changes you dreamed about. 

Next time I’ll tell you how I know ;)

[92m2ofannaik]

I’m having a beautiful moment

,,,I’m having a beautiful moment right now as I sit in front of the computer, watching the newest movie out on Netlix on one screen and typing this out on the other. It’s peaceful in a way to know that in all the choas, I can still be content. 

[92m2ofannaik]

No girl is complely perfect but she can be perfect for just herself and the ones who love her. 

it’s 2022

[subtubitles]

[golemmanifesto]

Notice how Shan Yu doesn’t even question it or make a comment about “BUT YOU’RE A GIRL” he just instantly goes into a “I’LL TEACH YOU TO KILL MY MEN AND STEAL MY VICTORY” rage and I think about this a lot sometimes

[ruffnutthorstonthebesttwin-deac]

((Well that might have to do with the fact that he’s a Hun.  Women among the Huns had higher status than their Chinese counterparts and even some of their own men. Women were free to hunt and fight along side of the men, could choose their own husbands and divorce him if she choose to. There were even records of clans being led by women leaders. So for Shan Yu Mulan is just another soldier))

[hotdiggitydammit-deactivated202]

thank you, history side of tumblr.

[nealdk-blog]

He also might not have been able to see very well, due to whatever horrible disease has taken hold in his eyeballs.

[temporalscallywag]

Pretty serious Wilson’s Disease judging by the copper buildup in in irises, and apparent melanocytosis localized to his sclera.

[moonfallplays-deactivated202501]

Thank you medical side of tumblr

[aquilacalvitium]

I’VE BEEN LOOKING FOR THIS FOREVER

[muraae]

It’s always mandatory to reblog this whenever it appears

[anniethecat]

I wanna be the weird lady who lives in a small house and grows lavender and wears sundresses with straw hats and always has a book to recommend

[92m2ofannaik]

Replace "straw hats" with colored chucks and "grows lavender" with lives with multiple animals and that's me

[kreativekopf]

CYBERNETIC SELF. Emily Bennett

[92m2ofannaik]

I spend a lot of time doing one of two things; protecting my bubble and sitting in my bubble.

[92m2ofannaik]

OMG it’s seven months into the year 2020 and i’m taking the time to check up on myself. Not because I have no one else who cares or that I’m in a personal crisis (which I know I’m prone to posting about). Checking in on yourself is healthy whether that is mentally, physically, emotionally, or all three. Taking a review of your life so far to make sure the systems you place in your life were working, that they were still being followed is just healthy maintenance. WE LOVE HEALTHY RIGHT !?!?!

[92m2ofannaik]

 I used to be told by my mother to not stick out my tongue. I didn’t ask why much because THAT IS SOMETHING YOU DON’T DO but when I did I was told “that’s nasty”, “girls don’t do that”, or “etc.”

As I got older my thought was, sticking my tongue out around the wrong people might give an impression, “wrong impression”, about me that I wouldn’t like going around. The old colloquial term “fast girl” comes to mind almost immediately and my mother probably didn’t want anyone, specifically men, thinking that my tree was a tree to be barking at. Though the idea is shocking, it is unequivocally true that my country still worries about the safety of children from adults more than any other danger. To this day I’m not quite sure if that’s what she meant but I’m not worried that I’m too far off.  

What I will say now is that my mother handled it wrong. To her credit it was the best option that allowed me to maintain my innocence and childhood longer but it created this fallacy. It may have stopped me from presenting myself as something I wasn’t but it also didn’t teach me how to assert myself for the girl (eventually woman) I was. Where else can you learn to tell a man he is mistaken and to kindly vacate your space if not from your mother?

Telling me, and females in general, to not do  “this or that” has kind of been the way of things for a while but no female is safer because of it. 

[92m2ofannaik]

All I have with me are my incomplete thoughts which shine through from the tips of my toes to my finger tips. My face, my eyes, my lips can’t hide my true feelings and in this I am thankful because it keeps me honest. For how can I ever live an authentic life if it’s built on lies. 

[fyblackwomenart]

Artist: sujaedd

[92m2ofannaik]

I can’t breathe, I can’t think, I can’t imagine the weight

[92m2ofannaik]

A boi once told me this and I wish I had saw the value in not him or his words but the truth of them that only I could instill in them

• You’re very independent • You have a sense of humor • You enjoy simple beautiful things like flowers, nature, and animals • You love to take long walks to relieve stress, or to open up your mind, or just to get air. You are an outdoor type person

 • You’re not like most girls. You’re not the type to rush to spend money on something nice, not that you don’t like nice things or don’t have them.

• You argue but It takes alot gr8 you to get there • You’re very caring for your friends. You actually care enough to worry about them, remember whats important to them, and let them know you’re their for them. 

• You show love touch

 • You like BATMAN!!!! • You want to learn Japanese and go to Japan • You often feel your problems aren’t important because others out there have problems that are bigger than yours • You like anime • You walking away from negativity

 • You’re very intelligent 

• You run everyday • You get very jealous - but that means you like me • You’re afraid that you’ll do something to mess up the relationship if we were together • You like to shake your butt/dance • You’re difficult and complicated • You’re willing to sacrifice for those you care for • YOU’RE NOT A BAD PERSON

This wasn’t and isn’t a lie because through all the changing and revisions I’ve made to myself this is still the most truthful statement ever made about me. I love this girl even if that boi no longer loves me. Why? Because by god she is someone to be cherished, to hold on to, to love. I love her complexity, I love that she is a puzzle, I love that she speaks her truth even if no one will like her for it or get her. For a second ( more like years) I forgot why I loved this girl but I will try never to do her the disservice again. Thank you boi with the beautiful smile and kind words for reminding me that babygirl is a baddie. Not because she is hip with the trends but because herself, born out the womb, naked for all to see, is amazing just sitting on a rock in the park listening to nature and jazz. I am amazing even when I open all the windows to my home on a rainy day, excited for the feeling of renewal water brings to me. 

[92m2ofannaik]

Does every post need a title?

This is random but there is nothing wrong with putting words to paper. I am tired but I’m not tired of what you think (racisim, sexism, capitalism) no those things are constant and exhausting to think about. They will be there tomorrow and the next day but today, in this moment i’m tired of shying away from myself. That is myself in terms of my emotions, my mental state, my image. Who and when and where did this complex come from ( low -key i know) but why at 28 have I not kicked this shit in the bucket.....cause I wasn’t focused about. Now I’m focused. 

[92m2ofannaik]

[92m2ofannaik]