somebody inside me, has always tried to be nobody

NIGHTFALL [ ˈnaɪt.fɔːl ] [ noun ]: the onset of night; the end of daylight; dusk. a combination of night, from the old english niht, or "darkness," and fall, or "come suddenly."

[a---naitfall]

NIGHTFALL [ ˈnaɪt.fɔːl ] [ noun ]: the onset of night; the end of daylight; dusk. a combination of night, from the old english niht, or "darkness," and fall, or "come suddenly."

❝ The absurd hero's refusal to hope becomes his singular ability to live in the present with passion. ❞

𝐍𝐀𝐈𝐓𝐅𝐀𝐋𝐋. a levi ackerman rp blog from snk. featuring modern / reincarnation verses, au verses, and verses from multiple fandoms such as arcane, spn, bnha, bsd, kny & more | penned by reina, she/her, 21+. || sideblog to @knightinsourarmor

guidelines | about | bonds | main call / shipping call | discord | discord server | self promo | blog roll / muses | credits | spotify | pinterest |

blogs: @knightinsourarmor (multimuse featuring more muses such as kuchel ackerman, reiner braun & more), @deibreak (todoroki shoto), @deisterre (onk multi), @knightinspicyarmor (nsfw sideblog)

the light amidst the darkness : vonbirden / lausticzt

a study in: war, heroism, absurdism, becoming a servant in another man's purpose, unconditional love, mentorship, discovering the light when having only known the NIGHT

affiliated with: eatenword , gyofukuki , somairle

cw: war, death, cannibalism, violence, gore, trauma, genocide, murder, WW1 & WW2, prostitution themes will be present

[a---naitfall]

au idea. cw child abuse. it's such a shame I haven't talked on the dash about the idea where levi doesn't awaken the ackerman power and he's taken by those thiefs who wanted to sell him. he's bought by some royal. he puts a long fight, he tries to escape. they beat him badly, then they treat him kindly, give him nice clothes to wear, expensive food. he tries to escape, he screams, he threatens but they break him. years pass, and he grows old in a mansion/castle where he's treated like an object- the most precious, but an object. he's the royal's property. he's got servants, he has everything he asks. he's not allowed to venture on his own. he's always accompanied by a guard. it's a life he's gotten used to. or so he seems. one day the royal is brutally murdered (and all of his servants). their bodies are discovered many weeks later. and levi's nowhere to be found. they search for him, they know he's the culprit, but nobody remembers his face (a man with long hair, and a pretty face). maybe he escaped with a lot of money to make a life of his own. maybe he shows up in the training cadets as a man with no identity. maybe. maybe.

[leviackrrman]

I saw a few people say something about this screenshot from the new opening and it really stuck with me; “Levi is engulfed in darkness because his light is gone.”

Throughout SnK, especially during the Uprising and Return to Shiganshina arcs, it was clear how Levi thought of Eren and Erwin as Humanity’s true hope. In Uprising, Levi made it clear that Humanity now had a new hope, someone who aimed to make Humanity succeed. And later during Return to Shiganshina, Levi was determined to get Eren and Erwin home, as he said as long as those two were around, Humanity would not fail on this day. I do find it interesting, as well as fucking miserable, because Levi is now attached to the promise he made to Erwin, and how badly he wants to kill Zeke. His survivor’s guilt about killing Zeke completely reigned his emotions after the time-skip, an unhealthy avoidance coping mechanism that allowed him to focus on something that would perhaps settle the guilt that lie in his chest. It’s also shown in Chapter 112 how, when it’s revealed that Eren might’ve betrayed them, Levi shuts down completely. He avoids the situation entirely and focuses on killing Zeke, the promise he made to his dearest friend; a promise to a dead person guiding his light forward. But as we reach towards the end of the manga, it’s clear how in denial Levi is about it all. He cannot acknowledge how Eren slipped through their fingers, how Eren isn’t this “light” anymore, he’s no longer the “hope”. Every time a plan arose about how they need to find Eren, harm Eren, or something of the sort, Levi hyperfocused on finding Zeke, avoiding the real issue and in turn relying on the promise to cope around it. Instead of people insisting they might need to kill Eren, Levi worked around it THREE times, wondering if killing Zeke would give them the answer instead. It’s subtle, it’s never spoken word, but rereading the chapters really helps with my understanding of this. The hope he had in Eren, the hope Erwin had in Eren, the hope everyone had in Eren, was something that guided Levi, because he thought no matter what, he was making the right choice. His inability to accept the reality that Eren betrayed them kept Levi in the past, kept him clinging to that promise that maybe if they kill Zeke, they’ll be another way. His light from Eren and Erwin have dissipated, he’s left with no Hope, no brightness, no illumination, and is left in the overwhelming darkness with his guilt.

[eatenword]

@naitfall i was thinking abt it

it feels unusual to be above the blood, above the writhing, the wordless hell of people tearing people open in the half-light, but that’s where she is, perched atop a building, chest against brick.

war makes its own kind of weather. the smoke is so thick she can taste it: bitter, chemical. marley burns with the soft color of dying apricots, shells raining through fogged air. she presses into the cold edge of the sill, lets it bite her ribs, makes herself into a shape so thin the world might forget her, breathes in the scent of powder, the metallic certainty of blood already claiming the earth. 

the rifle is not an old friend, but she knows it. the weight. the way its hunger sits in her arms, heavier than any blade she’s loved, steadier than the old familiar dance of gear at her waist. she is good with swords, her body remembers every wheeling turn, but this is different. the conversation with gravity is already family but this is a conversation with distance, with the clear invisible thread drawn tight between intention and consequence. 

smoke draws slow veins through the sky. she thinks of her father’s hands: working a furrow open, patient, deliberate, folding dirt closed over a seed, shaping the hope of a harvest in the dusk-lit rows.

she exhales, patient, waiting, eyes narrowed behind the glass of her scope. the world reduces to the circle of her sight. heat rising, bodies colliding, the throb and rush of someone else’s panic.

she tracks the action bellow and she sees him in the blurred violence. he moves with that battered, essential grace, something both worn and unbreakable, shoulders angling through ruin, gravity arguing with him but never winning.

a scout stumbles, she watches levi close the distance, his hand brief and unforgiving at their arm, steadying and dismissing in the same gesture, shoving them out of the way, and then he is there, sliding into the unfinished violence, claiming a fight that didn't start as his before it can finish becoming threat.

someone ghosts into the blind spot behind him, gun lifting, hunger in the tension of their arm. the bad geometry of danger. her focus telescopes down. the world narrows. her mind draws the line: shoulder, elbow, wrist, finger, breath. she lets her mouth open a little, jaw slackening, memory guiding her.

there’s a hush, a sweetness right before the break, then the sound: crisp, bright, like teeth sinking into ripe fruit. a thread of smoke where the bullet cuts the air. the rifle jerks, a sharp flower blooming at her collarbone, and she watches the arc of the bullet slice space. 

it touches levi first: not his flesh, but a kiss of heat skipping over the crown of his shoulder. she wonders if the shirt ripped.

then the man behind him folds, legs spilling out from under him, skull bursting open on the stone like an overripe fruit tossed hard to earth.

she does not make a habit of aiming for the heart or head, but the ugly math of it is this: sometimes you have to aim for clean endings. a shot through the knee or shoulder is mercy only if you can afford it, and right now the world will not wait for anyone to limp.

[a---naitfall]

@eatenword wanted to be evil. . .

So my response is:

This song

And this meme

[deathbysarcasm]

Visit Original Link

[a---naitfall]

sinday thoughts. levi turn-ons. levi has a bit of sadist/masochist in him. he likes just a tiny bit of pain— let me explain. pulling on hair tight. holding one's wrist/arm/leg just a little too tight. pinning one's hands. putting a little too much pressure in one's body, one's entire weight on top of the other, a kiss that's far too long until both can't any longer breathe, a kiss where one's lips press too tight, too forceful. pressing one's knee where the other is driven mad. any tight hold, where too much strength escapes them, where passion drives them insane. he's not the type who likes extremes in bed, but he's definitely the type who likes it when control is lost. levi is not a boring guy, he's got his own, different kind of spice, as a character, and when it comes to his partner.

[a---naitfall]

ooc. Okay but nobody talks about what happens to the survivors of the rumbling. The eldians who have stopped the rumbling. They go around trying to establish peace but also. . . Let's talk about the Yeagerists trying to assassinate Levi for killing Zeke. Or Armin for killing Eren. Let's talk about them going some place were a bunch of people want them dead, they come at them with rocks, and tomatoes, and with the intent to hurt, because, it's because of them the plan to reform humanity has failed. Or the opposite. Those who don't buy they're heroes. Those who blame them for ever being a part in Eren's life. Who believe they're responsible for this war. Give me them trying to run for their lives from am angry crowd. Them escaping a bullet aimed for their head. It makes sense.

[a---naitfall]

ooc. good morning. this kind of moment.

[a---naitfall]

@vonbirden asked:

send 🎲 to generate a kiss! - farlan c:

kiss roulette

5. a firm kiss

How unusual, to sleep and wake up in a bed. Sleep had always seemed like a luxury, a waste of time in the never-ceasing battle for survival ( was the enemy the entire underground, titans, or humanity itself ), another weakness, another part of him vulnerable and human he would rather throw away or deny its existence. He was HUMAN, that was the undeniable reality, a reality he could no longer pretend not to see when looking at his own reflection, at the scars meant to remind him how close he had been to losing his life. For getting near crossing that thin line between life and death, Levi would pay. His weakened body would no longer function as he wished ( his hurting leg, his injuries, the damage he had sustained ), and for once, he’d be forced to submit to his own human needs. 

Was it surviving a battle they never imagined to see the end of, was it the medications for the pain he had been taking . . . ever since they saw their comrades one last time, ever since his promise for revenge had been fulfilled, as much as Levi needed sleep, for his body to recover after years of insomnia, exceeding his limits without stop, his mind would still find ways to force him to wake— his mind and body fighting against one another, the nightmares to haunt Levi having become even more overwhelming and violent. 

Lately, he had been having a different dream. A dream, inside a dream, where Levi seems to wake up after a horrible nightmare, in extreme pain, sweating, cursing, struggling to breathe, only to see Farlan right next to him, looking at him while he’s trying to ground himself, still disoriented and out of touch with reality. Farlan always seems to speak to him, but Levi can’t listen to what he’s saying, his ears ringing, only able to listen to the frantic beating of his own heart. In his calming presence, Levi falls back asleep. He had been having the same ‘dream’, night after night. 

It was the same dream tonight as well— Levi had woken up, not struggling in pain this time, worn-out, one single ice blue eye meeting his gaze. This time, Farlan wouldn’t speak. He had been staring at him in silence, wearing his usual playful, charming smile. Levi stared in silence in return, for long, as if waiting for this dream to end, for when he’d wake up. It must be one of those dreams that could hold one’s entire life. So many emotions left unsaid, a lifetime of words unspoken. But Levi hadn’t any regrets. Wouldn’t regret a single moment of belonging in Farlan’s life. None of them move, nor speak. This dream is so much different than the ones he had been having.

In his eyes, Farlan’s eyes, Levi felt HUMAN. Ever since he had lost his mother, ever since Kenny had left him to fight on his own, Levi had been navigating this world like a wild animal. A beast he was, even to Erwin, and a challenge to tame him. Joining the Survey Corps, he was looked at, sometimes with fear, others with admiration, or even resentment, as their captain, a devil, humanity’s strongest, but he was never seen. And once he lost his power, couldn't use his wings anymore, his existence was forgotten ( he wouldn't blame them, he knew that once he died, fulfilled his purpose, he wouldn't be missed, nor remembered ). Except for Farlan, who had never taken his eyes off him. 

Farlan hadn’t taken his eyes off of him, hadn’t he? His back, Levi had turned on him, for he didn’t want to be SEEN, didn’t want to meet his gaze. He had convinced himself. Farlan was dead. He had killed him many years ago, his pride had gotten them both killed. He’d march forward, to a path he was supposed to follow on his own, never looking back— didn’t dare, for he knew he’d find him standing right behind him, a ghost (?), following his steps— he may haven’t yet killed him, but one day would. He couldn’t let him get any closer. 

Except, ever since he was brought down by his injuries, Levi couldn’t any longer keep himself at distance, couldn’t keep moving forward on his own. He didn’t want to. He any longer hadn’t the strength to be selfless— SELFISH he’d become once again, a side of him only Farlan knew and could bring out— Levi had turned his back on him, for he didn’t know if he could be fighting for humanity, instead of him ( afraid he'd give up on the purpose he had found, for him ). But they hadn’t any more battles to fight, no promises to keep, no vows to be fulfilled. They were no longer soldiers. There was no purpose to serve. The remaining years of this life, Levi wanted them to be like this moment, where his whole world resided in Farlan’s eyes, the reflection of his soul he had been lost into. 

When dreaming, people are known to lower all defenses, one’s real self shown. A selfish man Levi was, as much as he had been trying to deny it ( deny Farlan ) all these years. Levi wouldn’t keep himself at distance. Not any longer. Even the short space in between, the few inches to separate them, he wanted to close it. The reason he leant closer escaped him, guided by instinct as he was, unguarded. Eyes close, and lips gently press. If this wasn’t the most SELFISH he had ever been in his entire life. He didn’t mind it, though. For it seemed as if he could for once breathe properly —even though in fact, his breath had stopped— after suffocating for years, certain he’d lose him. 

He didn't want it to be a dream. If there was anything real in this absurd reality, it was the beating of his heart, the warmth of his hold, the proof they were both still alive. His hand was warm. When had he reached to hold his hand? Since when had he realized none of this was a dream? From the very beginning. When their lips part, he leant backwards, to look at him, and all emotions to rise within. 

The question to follow may seem to come out of nowhere. A question troubling him for such a very long time— his defenses lowered, he’d act according to his emotions, speak of his real thoughts. ❝ Do you hate me? ❞ For he had put him in a lot of trouble, hadn’t he? 

[xamyachok]

[lausticzt]

&. 𝐚𝐧 𝐚𝐬𝐬𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐝𝐢𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐮𝐞 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐭𝐬. @naitfall / x.

THE WAY THEY SPEAK (...) how they look at him even when his focus cuts away. A fire that burns in contentment; yearning, respect, admiration. Laura had seen it before. It wasn't so uncommon. In those rare opporunities to witness it, she often couldn't take her eyes off it. Soliders with dreams, a will to fight through hell and back, trusting in their captain that they followed without a doubt in their mind. It had long since been washed away with purpose - he inspired them.

She had doubted him, once condeming him with the rest ; arrogance in heroics, a tasteless display of ignorance, fighting for a lost cause (...) she hated the feeling, residing bitterly in the pit of her stomach. When was it that she found herself staring, without any trace of resentment. Was Levi even aware? could he see what she saw?

If she were to picture freedom, even to this day, she knows the wings that would come to mind. Now, that image resides on his back ; she knows why they look at him like that. She wonders, if she had wanted people to look at her in that way. A LONG TIME AGO.

But it's not what occupies her thoughts. She wasn't envious when she stared at him (not anymore) but she still can't tear herself away. Emotions are abstract when they take hold. She can't put it into words. Laura isn't a selfish child, isn't reactive enough to feel (...) what?

It transcends jealousy. Laura wasn't possessive, could never put claim over others, wasn't bitter or resentful as their eyes lit up around him. How even with his blunt tone that sends them jumping, quick to fall in line and atune to his words, they still held absolute appreciation. Solider's willing to die, but more then that, willing to fight at his command, because they believe in him. In truth, she just stares in silent thought, locked in a gentle rise of emotions, both warm and hesitant.

Laura had always fought for herself. Never had she followed, never put faith in another, she could rely on her drive alone - it had been enough. And yet, in that moment, she has to wonder (...) what was it that she could do for him? She'd fight for him, she knows that deep down. Not at the behest of any orders. Perhaps, she is envious of the soliders around him - so close, even as he keeps them at a distance. She doesn't want to follow him, no, it's more important then that.

She wouldn't die for anyone. But, if she was told to fight, she'd do it, if he asked. She wouldn't follow (...) she would find a way to his side, even as the gap between them stretched.

Laura blinks out of her thoughts the second he made his way towards her. Shoulders tense, ruffled by her own contemplation, and not enough time to recover before he finally speaks:

❛ you look like you've got something to say. ❜

EYES ARE QUICK TO DIVERT / she can't look at him, pride dictates. Aversion. Adamant in her obsurce difficulty, her grimance is inconspicuous, an exasperated scoff buried in her throat. “ No I don't. ” Unnerved at her own ludicriousy, refusing to let it slip.

[a---naitfall]

. . . stares.

[a---naitfall]

wishlist. Levi and his squad (& any muse) returning to the Underground during Kenny's arc because the underground is a good place to hide both from the Military and Kenny's squad. Because Levi knows the Underground best and because nobody would dare to set foot. Levi going x100 feral returning to this place. His instincts on alert, he's growing insane. He returns to the same place he used to live with Farlan and Isabel only to find others living on it. People who recognize him have to be killed, so he and anyone from his squad have to hide their faces. People recognize him from his old squad or kids he's taken care of that have now grown to teens/adults. Them learning about Farlan and Isabel. The kids learning about the life Levi used to have in the underground. Rumors spread the thug has returned, but nobody can connect he's Captain Levi of the Survey Corps.

[a---naitfall]

Levi doesn't open up to people, he doesn't let anyone get close to him BLAH-BLAH-BLAH. Have you wondered why? 'Trauma response', you'll say. Hm, pretty close but not quite. 'He's scared to let people close because when they're gone, it's going to hurt him more'. Strongly disagree.

Levi is incapable of showing his emotions. It is result of trauma and the environment he was raised (fighting every day for his survival), but it's NOT because he's scared of getting close to people or like your regular fictional character who 'is too strong and cool and traumatized to be showing his emotions'. No. Levi is simply incapable of expressing himself properly.

He's a deranged man raised by deranged people in a environment full of deranged people.

His mother. As much as I love her (and write her), Kuchel wasn't in her right mind to raise a kid in the underground, and a brothel. Nor was Levi's reaction as a kid normal to choose to die alongside her. She was a woman who wore a pleasant facade and was in fact incapable of feeling. For Levi she did feel extreme love, but she didn't feel anything else, no real happiness, or sorrow, or anxiety. Except from her love for Levi, she wouldn't show or wear any other real emotions. Levi was raised by a woman who never laughed or cried, or seemed genuinely happy or sad, or a woman who could show any intense emotions. It's not surprising to me he wouldn't actually know what emotions looked like, in one's face. That the first time he heard laughter he'd stare shocked and wide-eyed. After all, he was a kid who was raised in a room, isolated, in a place that was too dangerous to wander alone.

Kenny. I don't need to analyze the reasons Kenny was deranged (again, as much as I love him). I doubt Kenny ever let himself show Levi how much he may have cared for him. Kenny taught Levi violence, became the father figure Levi never had, and disappeared from his life. Same as Kuchel, there's no real genuine emotion for Levi to be taught from Kenny, and on top of it all, he was abandoned and believing it was his fault.

Both Kenny and Kuchel loved Levi, but simply couldn't show it. Levi was taught how to feel intensely, but never how to show it. And then, he was left on his own to fight for his life in a place where there were only enemies. He became a man who couldn't speak of his emotions, couldn't understand his own emotions, while searching for emotions in others. Like I said, he's a deranged man raised by deranged people, and that has made him the caring, yet distant, yet understanding and emotionally intelligent person he is. Levi's intelligence is observing. And that is why he knows people so well, but he doesn't know himself. The lack of information in his early childhood have made him the person he is, with the missing parts he still doesn't have and will never find.

Now, one more thing I needed to point out. One more reason Levi doesn't speak about himself (his worries, his emotions, his thoughts) is also because he believes his mind to be an ugly place. All the blood, and murder, and death, and cries, and screams, and nightmares and, and, and. . . He sees his thoughts, his inner self, as some place ugly to let anyone see.

[a---naitfall]

platonic / romantic / story of opposites / developing . . . they are / should have been the same. yet on opposite sides they stand, for one of them didn’t survive — he suffocated, but she didn’t. what’s left for a dead man to do? make sure she wouldn’t find the same end he had— for that he’d become both the enemy & the shoulder to lean on, cruel & caring at once. who she needed, never who she wanted. except, she would see right through his act. she would see him. when most couldn’t or didn’t dare to.

@lausticzt [ tag: beautiful. furious. radiant. i love you with fury— to choke you with all my soul. with all my blood ] : affiliates / mains

[vonbirden-archived]

There really was NO WARNING ... barely able to muster out a 'hey!' in surprise, knowing it's Levi closing the gap he isn't sure if he's angry at him or ; well, he isn't sure on the other part. Farlan doesn't know what expression is on his face right now, is he gawking, curious, a little ruffled that he was suddenly pulled so close ( pulled downward, mind you, that he's now having to lean at an angle ) but he's at least sure this isn't going to be a fight. Which makes it worse. Tension takes over, swallowing at the lump in his throat, and for once he's the one flustered, the one on the receiving end of this behaviour, and ...

His soap?

Mouth, now agape, twitches. It takes Farlan a few seconds to recover. To take in Levi's question. To notice his prying gaze.

“ I-.. is that all this is about? ” He would rub the back of his neck if he could, but instead lips pull into a frown. Levi could have just asked him, but no. Jeez. He got his heart beating. Fluster or just the sudden invasion of his space? And for the way he smelt? This was embarrassing. Still, his casual disposition returns without fail ( for he doesn't really mind being this close ) “ You really took notice of that, huh? Why, don't like it? ”

[a---naitfall]

Levi was no idiot, despite what he may look like in Farlan’s eyes. Despite looking like an idiot from up-this-close — the unbothered look on his face, his stern exterior, the falsely suggested obliviousness for suddenly forcing Farlan into his personal space, leaning down yet still on his toes.

Not the slightest change in environment would escape Levi, from a shirt being folded differently or changing one’s soap, to a rise in heartbeat, or even the heat on Farlan’s face. Levi didn’t claim not to understand, that would be a misunderstatement, he simply didn’t care to comply with what ‘normalcy’ commanded. To treat people just as they expected to be treated, was a skill he had never been interested in. He’d rather act according to his instincts, and deal with the consequences instead. 

Farlan already knew, didn’t he? He understood how impulsive he could be, unrestrained — many times he’d help clean up the mess Levi would leave behind, frustrated and rolling his eyes. Why was he surprised? What else could be, other than such a radical change in their routines? He let go of his hold after a while, after getting his answer, remaining just as close as before, looking up at the other, crossing his arms in front of his chest. ❝ It’s different. ❞ It was an interesting scent. The question was, how hadn’t he known about this, and why did Farlan get his hands on something new first. And that left him in a sullen mood.