"You are the Universe experiencing Itself"

Claire. 31 y/o. Maine, USA. ... I am aware that I'm on a path of being present, and a few other things too. I have photos tagged as #mine and transcribed thoughts tagged as #personal

[a--drift]

It's like I chose to burn everything down, and now I get to see what grows back

[a--drift]

I'm vibin

[a--drift]

Haven't been writing much since the breakup. I had a bit of a panic attack on Monday, back at the apartment. I talked on the phone with Mom for awhile. She calmed me down and was clearly hoping for reconciliation between Chris and I. Then he came home and I cried to him. I'm really not sure what he's thinking. We will check in in a week or two. If he has hope, so do I. But we would need couples counseling. If he doesn't, that's okay too.

I have really been enjoying waking up by myself.

I think I'm gonna book a solo trip to Peru for early next year.

[a--drift]

Official last sunset living on North St

[a--drift]

This is a month and a half of hair growth!

[a--drift]

I feel very loved right now. Several friends thinking of me and checking in ❤️

[a--drift]

Weekend 1 of 2 that I spent moving out, Chris was camping. So I had the place to myself for packing, which is for the best. And every evening, I went for a sunset walk around the east end, with a packed bowl. It was incredible. I cried, and I skipped, and I experienced such calmness and confidence.

[a--drift]

Just got it in my head that I wanna do some sort of epic solo travel in the next two years. Like maybe Peru.

[a--drift]

Begging the universe to take care of Chris. He has the ability to really thrive during this time, but he needs to be proactive about it.

I want to see him be okay.

I know this is the right thing.

[a--drift]

Well, I'm not signing a lease, but I believe I'm getting the keys to a house share situation in the next week. I hope to be out of Chris's space by the end of the month

[a--drift]

Maybe I just blew my life up to fucking feel something.

[a--drift]

Please, universe, catch me. I'm ready to trust.

[a--drift]

I really have no fucking clue. Chris and I have had a beautiful relationship. And overcoming obstacles is admirable. But fuck. Am I really just gonna get over this desire to be alone? Or am I gonna make it happen and then regret it?

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

[a--drift]

Welp, initiated a break up with Chris on Friday. Ended up chatting with my dad and mom on the phone that day, which wasn't my plan, then went on a walk and talked with Erin on Sunday.

Am I just super pathetic and couldn't stick to my guns? I'm leaning towards that I practiced some compassion and recognized that 5.5 years isn't worth throwing away without trying something, at least. So we try. He's been on late brews all week. I need space, that's my whole fucking thing. So this week was fine. But this weekend? And next week? Idk. All I want is silence from myself, and the space around me. He doesn't provide that. And he won't be satisfied with that. I know it. So it's the beginning of the end. I feel that, I think. He actually mentioned suicide. What the hell. He said his life didn't start until he met me. That isn't romantic. I hate that.

Am I just depressed and trying to isolate in a toxic way? My brain isn't working right? I don't know how to navigate the hallways of my own mind anymore.

I think Kyle mightve ended his relationship. It complicates it, even though I'm lying to myself and saying that it doesn't.

[a--drift]

Kyle did end his relationship. Because he has feelings for someone who isn't me. Fucking ouch yo.

[a--drift]

Hahaha. Loooooord. What a crazy life.

[geopsych]

From each end of the hill trail

[a--drift]

Welp, initiated a break up with Chris on Friday. Ended up chatting with my dad and mom on the phone that day, which wasn't my plan, then went on a walk and talked with Erin on Sunday.

Am I just super pathetic and couldn't stick to my guns? I'm leaning towards that I practiced some compassion and recognized that 5.5 years isn't worth throwing away without trying something, at least. So we try. He's been on late brews all week. I need space, that's my whole fucking thing. So this week was fine. But this weekend? And next week? Idk. All I want is silence from myself, and the space around me. He doesn't provide that. And he won't be satisfied with that. I know it. So it's the beginning of the end. I feel that, I think. He actually mentioned suicide. What the hell. He said his life didn't start until he met me. That isn't romantic. I hate that.

Am I just depressed and trying to isolate in a toxic way? My brain isn't working right? I don't know how to navigate the hallways of my own mind anymore.

I think Kyle mightve ended his relationship. It complicates it, even though I'm lying to myself and saying that it doesn't.

[a--drift]

Kyle did end his relationship. Because he has feelings for someone who isn't me. Fucking ouch yo.

[a--drift]

Welp, initiated a break up with Chris on Friday. Ended up chatting with my dad and mom on the phone that day, which wasn't my plan, then went on a walk and talked with Erin on Sunday.

Am I just super pathetic and couldn't stick to my guns? I'm leaning towards that I practiced some compassion and recognized that 5.5 years isn't worth throwing away without trying something, at least. So we try. He's been on late brews all week. I need space, that's my whole fucking thing. So this week was fine. But this weekend? And next week? Idk. All I want is silence from myself, and the space around me. He doesn't provide that. And he won't be satisfied with that. I know it. So it's the beginning of the end. I feel that, I think. He actually mentioned suicide. What the hell. He said his life didn't start until he met me. That isn't romantic. I hate that.

Am I just depressed and trying to isolate in a toxic way? My brain isn't working right? I don't know how to navigate the hallways of my own mind anymore.

I think Kyle mightve ended his relationship. It complicates it, even though I'm lying to myself and saying that it doesn't.