What kind of fucking bird makes a sound like that?

A Loon. Meg 22

[a-fucking-wolf]

U guys think Shane ever wakes up in a cold sweat remembering the time he went up to a depressed guy on a balcony terrace who's mum committed suicide and said "i don't know if it's worth jumping over"

[a-fucking-wolf]

I have never loved anyone like I love fanon Cliff Marl(eau/ow). Pure of heart dumb of ass oblivious bisexual night in shining armour who is lowkey in love with both Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov and also Svetlana and Rose Landry. May your edges always be sharp and your shoulders always be broad and may your ridiculously thirsty texts to the Bears chat always be leaked.

[a-fucking-wolf]

I accept that if someone is set on using AI to generate fic that I probably can't convince them not to with morals (although AI has been proven in a study to be on track for collapsing the global economy and is causing droughts that are eradicating animal populations and encouraging psychosis and violence and suicide) or with the pursuit of self betterment (although if you don't practice writing and reviewing and editing and formatting by yourself you will lose those skills, and the skills they contribute to, and studies are showing decreased neuroplasticity and neural linking in people who use AI frequently) or solidarity to others in fan spaces (y'know.. since their stolen works have been mined and broken down for parts to be haphazardly put back together into the final product, because AI is not actually AI, it cannot think, or create, or speak with its own voice, it is a large language model and it stitches other people's vocal cords together into a mangled larynx and then turns on a fan to push air through it because it can't breathe, either). And that's fine, whatever, I personally don't want to die on the shrivelled husk of the planet we sacrificed to five rich white men and their endless will to avoid paying their workers, but to each their own.

However, I am BEGGING the people who really cannot resist generating AI fics to tag their works on AO3. I don't want to read it, I don't want to contribute to the acceptance of AI fanwork, and i don't want to read the same four fucking sentence structures on repeat until my eyes bleed. It's fucking painful and it's reaching the point where I'm DNF-ing fics that don't even read like AI just because I'm so sick to death of certain phrases now.

Yes, if you tag it that way, some people won't read it. But firstly I don't understand the value of engagement with a work you didn't produce anyway, but also, that's the whole fucking point of AO3.

You aren't owed interaction just because you want it, but if you want to submit something to an archive that has been designed around user-directed experience curation, you owe it to the users to adhere to protocol.

[ilyapricot]

Forever thinking about “Boston is nice too?” and wanting to throw up about it. Just sitting on the floor of a gym across from the stranger who would be the Shane of his existence like.

I am so far away from home. I am so afraid but I cannot show it. I’m going to be all on my own out there and people are not kind to me. I’ve always been alone, but never this kind of alone before. I don’t really know you, but you seemed kind. And earnest. You would not lie to me. Is it safe? Will I be happy there and safe? Boston is nice too?

Ougghhhhgg. My brave little bug I’mgping to be sick

[watermelontuesdays]

AU where Shane and Ilya don't hook up or have a decades-long secret. They don't really know each other at all, except to play each other.

Shane comes out of the closet sometime after Scott does, and in some random, lighthearted interview, they ask him what he's looking for in a man. And Shane's just, off-hand like, "Well, he'd have to have at least one Stanley Cup. Obviously." And when he gets a good reaction from that, he keeps going, like "Needs to be amazing at hockey. Definitely needs to be at least an All-Star, if not a captain. Hot too. If he can't bench-press me, I'm not interested."

And it's all in fun, except two days after the interview prints, Ilya Rozanov shows up at his door like "knock, knock. I am here to apply for boyfriend position. Do you need resume? I brought my Stanley Cup ring, just in case."

[hardlyhinged]

Op’s tags

[tinylilhollander]

I know that Heated Rivalry is one of those pieces of media where COVID never happens but what if it did? Imagine the lockdown shenanigans.

Shane and Ilya are obviously hunkering down at the cottage together. There's no hockey, but they don't know for how long, so they're still training all the time. They're doing interviews and having to make it look like they're in completely different places. Ilya has to keep being reminded that he's supposed to still be back in Ottawa.

Ilya's teammates keep asking if they can be in a lockdown bubble together and he's gotta be like "No, can't do that. I'm not taking any chances." But now they're worried because he hasn't seen or been around another human being in months and they've noticed that even before lockdown he made more jokes about killing himself than the average person, so they're stressed to their eyeballs about his mental health.

Meanwhile Ilya's living the kind of domestic fantasy with his man that he didn't think they were going to get until retirement. For the first time ever most days he can truly pretend that he and Shane are the only people in the world. Sometimes David and Yuna come over for dinner because they are also isolating at their cottage. But most of the time it's just endless hours of just the two of them and neither of them could be happier. Their biggest decision every day is when and where to fuck. Some people are getting into sourdough – Shane and Ilya have committed to learning one new sexual position every day.

I just think that lockdown would have been the ideal codependent situation for Hollanov.

[grabmybush]

ilya rozanov who’s known to boston as the mysterious fuckboy from russia who chirps like he’s getting paid for it and is crazy good at hockey. one day a teammate is absent from a few games in a row and turns back up to practice with a fucking newborn and they’re all in their hockey gear fawning over this tiny baby. then once everyone’s said hi before practice, the crowd parts and ilyas just stood by the doorway, a literal deer in headlights staring at the bundle of blankets in his teammates arms and-

“do you wanna hold him?”

ilya’s moving forward before he can process the words and everyone’s holding their breath as he gathers the newborn into his arms, pausing to take his gloves off first. it’s a few tense seconds before the baby babbles and shifts slightly before tucking his head into the crook of his arm and swiftly falling to sleep.

ilya looks up to see his whole team stifling grins, “i think we’ve found the new babysitter” and he bites back a chirp because he doesn’t want to wake the baby he’s holding so delicately to his chest.

he’s stuck on the sidelines for the whole practice while he rocks the baby through the slams against walls, waving its little arm towards its dad when it eventually wakes up.

and yeah pictures surface soon after of fucking rozanov staring down at the baby in his arms with the fucking softest eyes and twitter has a field day proving he’s a softie at heart

[weewoo911]

Loads of Hollanov fics have them getting walked in on while making out etc which is great

But I’d love a fic where one or both of Shane’s parents drop by the cottage for phone charger/laundry pod reasons and find Shane snuggled on the couch fast asleep on Ilya’s chest and that’s how they find out

They’re dressed in soft casual clothes, sleeping like the dead and wrapped around each other like vines and Ilya’s hand is in Shane’s hair and Shane looks so so comfortable and relaxed

Meanwhile his parents are staring slack-jawed at the sight of their son using his archenemy the Russian Rage Machine as a teddybear/pillow

[soulproviderenthusiast25]

I was just thinking about that scene during the Shane Rose era, when Ilya asks Connor to go out and Ilya goes, “We’re in Montreal, we find a fucking club.” And it hits a little differently when you realize Ilya had always been there with Shane whenever they were in Montreal. Without him, Ilya genuinely didn’t know a single club, a single spot, or even where to go.

It’s such a small moment, but somehow it says everything about how much of Montreal was tied to Shane for him.

[laviejaguardia]

I love the everyone wants to fuck Shane Hollander agenda so picture like, Ilya at a team member's bachelor party and the whole Raiders team is there and everyone is drunk and they're playing games and just yelling out answers at the same time to questions like what's your favourite position and age you lost your virginity and giving each other shit for the answers but then there's what player you would go gay for and suddenly the whole team yells Shane Hollander at once to stunned silence afterwards and Ilya has the worst fucking night of his life

[pregnanthudsonwilliams]

personally i think shane is instigating sexting in any and all locations. i think he's in the cens locker room after practice texting ilya fuck baby you look so hot right now. need your cock so bad. he's at a shoot for some brand deal like can't stop thinking about your mouth and wanna ride your face tonight between takes. he's at the team dinner watching ilya wrapping his hands around a bottle and sending need your fingers. fuck. ilya of course loves this.

but if ilya so much as sends a looking sexy, hollander at the MLH awards shane is sending him death glares so intense and obvious that marly's asking uh oh, trouble in paradise rozy?

[a-fucking-wolf]

Obsessed with this actually.

Shane sexts Ilya like his only sexting experience is with someone who is completely obsessed with him and has an extremely high libido (because it is).

Ilya asks Yuna to teach him how to use excel (she assumes he has developed a genuine appreciation for the vast usefulness of a good spreadsheet, developed as a natural consequence of living with someone who already understands this and is very excited to share her favourite hacks with him) so he can try and track factors that may influence or predict Shane's response to a sext. He has a correlating section of his notes app to jot down observations when he doesn't have a computer to hand. Entries in the spreadsheet include Ilya's combined penalty minutes in their most recent hockey game, which team they're playing next, the wet bulb temperature, how many times Ilya said "my husband" in his most recent interview (with a <x> formula because sometimes it's too much???), and the position of Mercury (analysis pending).

Cliff, Sveta, Rose, Wyatt, Bood, and Troy have a photo circle that's dedicated to pictures of Ilya in the middle of typing out a sext with the expression of a man who's shown up to his office job one day only to be told that the retail conflict deescalation seminar he attended three years ago makes him the most qualified person on site to negotiate with the guy wearing a suicide vest in the break room.

Luca formally graduates from "Rook" to "Haasy" when he gets a video slowly zooming in on a bead of sweat on Ilya's forehead then cutting to focus on his phone screen as he types, deletes, retypes, and redeletes "hey sexy"

[pregnanthudsonwilliams]

personally i think shane is instigating sexting in any and all locations. i think he's in the cens locker room after practice texting ilya fuck baby you look so hot right now. need your cock so bad. he's at a shoot for some brand deal like can't stop thinking about your mouth and wanna ride your face tonight between takes. he's at the team dinner watching ilya wrapping his hands around a bottle and sending need your fingers. fuck. ilya of course loves this.

but if ilya so much as sends a looking sexy, hollander at the MLH awards shane is sending him death glares so intense and obvious that marly's asking uh oh, trouble in paradise rozy?

[a-fucking-wolf]

Obsessed with this actually.

Shane sexts Ilya like his only sexting experience is with someone who is completely obsessed with him and has an extremely high libido (because it is).

Ilya asks Yuna to teach him how to use excel (she assumes he has developed a genuine appreciation for the vast usefulness of a good spreadsheet, developed as a natural consequence of living with someone who already understands this and is very excited to share her favourite hacks with him) so he can try and track factors that may influence or predict Shane's response to a sext. He has a correlating section of his notes app to jot down observations when he doesn't have a computer to hand. Entries in the spreadsheet include Ilya's combined penalty minutes in their most recent hockey game, which team they're playing next, the wet bulb temperature, how many times Ilya said "my husband" in his most recent interview (with a <x> formula because sometimes it's too much???), and the position of Mercury (analysis pending).

Cliff, Sveta, Rose, Wyatt, Bood, and Troy have a photo circle that's dedicated to pictures of Ilya in the middle of typing out a sext with the expression of a man who's shown up to his office job one day only to be told that the retail conflict deescalation seminar he attended three years ago makes him the most qualified person on site to negotiate with the guy wearing a suicide vest in the break room.

Luca formally graduates from "Rook" to "Haasy" when he gets a video slowly zooming in on a bead of sweat on Ilya's forehead then cutting to focus on his phone screen as he types, deletes, retypes, and redeletes "hey sexy"

[pregnanthudsonwilliams]

personally i think shane is instigating sexting in any and all locations. i think he's in the cens locker room after practice texting ilya fuck baby you look so hot right now. need your cock so bad. he's at a shoot for some brand deal like can't stop thinking about your mouth and wanna ride your face tonight between takes. he's at the team dinner watching ilya wrapping his hands around a bottle and sending need your fingers. fuck. ilya of course loves this.

but if ilya so much as sends a looking sexy, hollander at the MLH awards shane is sending him death glares so intense and obvious that marly's asking uh oh, trouble in paradise rozy?

[drabbles-and-rambles]

I fully believe that Shane and Ilya cannot agree on an anniversary. Shane says it was the All Stars weekend because that's when he thought they were both 100% serious about the relationship because that's when he was, Ilya says it was the cottage when they said "I love you'' because he didn't believe in it until that moment. They find this out the first year with Shane's anniversary date when Shane plans an elaborate secret date the last night of All Stars and gets Ilya gifts, and Ilya has no idea what its for. They agree to disagree on the date, "We will just celebrate twice a year, I guess." It happens again with their wedding anniversary, Shane says its when they legally got married, Ilya says it was when the twins married them because he doesnt care about about being officially married in the eyes of Canadian law he cares about the first time they said "I do". They find this out when a reporter asks them about their wedding and when they had it and they both gave different answers. Once again they agree to just celebrate twice a year. They say it is because the date doesn't really matter and both of them are right in some way, but in reality it is so they can compete on who plans the more romantic, thoughtful, and elaborate anniversary date. And so that they don't fight about who's planning the date this year or making conflicting plans by accident.

[perlukafarinn]

Shane and Ilya go out for coffee a little while after they're outed and it's not until they're home and have parked the car in the driveway and are walking up to the door that Shane suddenly realizes:

"I think that was our first date."

Ilya frowns at him. "What?"

"I mean, kind of?" Shane says. "At least our first date in public."

Ilya stops to consider and realizes that holy shit, Shane might be right. Still, "It was just coffee. If I am taking you on a date, it will be somewhere much nicer. Someplace with candles."

Shane shrugs. "I've heard coffee is a pretty classic first date activity, actually."

They've reached the door and as Shane goes to unlock it, Ilya leans against the door frame with a teasing grin.

"It was a good date then?" he asks. "Maybe nice enough that you want to invite me in?"

Shane feels a giddy rush and has to fight to suppress his smile. "I don't know. I'm pretty sure that's more of a third date activity."

"You are Mr. Dating Expert now?"

"Just don't want you to think I'm easy."

"You are easy," Ilya says, wrapping his hand around Shane's waist and tugging him in close for a kiss.

Shane hums into the kiss happily, clutching Ilya's shoulder when he trails his lips down the column of Shane's neck. "Just for you."

[oshell-on-ice]

I think Shane and Ilya are the type of couple that gives you whiplash. They’re touchy feely lovey dovey staring into each other’s eyes with their ring finger hooked because they’re married and so enamoured with each other’s one second and the next Shane is wrestling Ilya to ground while Ilya is trying to bite him and kicking him in the ribs for freedom. And you can’t separate them because they’ll be very upset.

[madrasaur]

yes hockey IS that serious