[a-yearningsoul]

As long as you are happy.. that is all that matters to me.

[a-yearningsoul]

Are you coping well? I pray you'd be fine soon.

Alhamdulillah, getting by.. Thank you for your concern. May Allah illuminate your heart with more goodness.

[a-yearningsoul]

It's the thoughts that keep you up at night that really matter.

[a-yearningsoul]

What's wrong? You seem down

Just been going through a hard patch in life I guess. Alhamdulillah. Thanks for asking.

[a-yearningsoul]

hope you have a great day!

Thank you so much. I hope you have an amazing day.

[a-yearningsoul]

Nah, it's certainly "we" for here I'm another anon who missed your posts. May you overcome whichever grieves you.

Thankyou again. I'd love to post but I don't want any pessimistic vibes to come off from whatever may be in my mind. Ameen Ameen.

[a-yearningsoul]

why don't you use this? we miss your posts/writings

I really appreciate that. I think 'we' just represents you though.. May He bless you.

[aboonoor-deactivated20180121]

[happy-for-youu]

And it hurts, my god it hurts. It’s a crushing ache that runs through my heart.

just-crash—fall-down (via happy-for-youu)

[arabic-posts]

“Alone, because you were everyone to me.”

[a-yearningsoul]

At times, my sorrow gets to me.. and I wish that I be under the dirt already to escape from it. But then I wonder.. what have I prepared for Allah..?

[a-yearningsoul]

It still hurts, the pain doesn’t seem to cease.. It is like a dagger being stabbed to the chest, and I’m unable to take it out.. They say time heals.. and indeed it does, but how long I wonder, will this time need to be endured with a heart full of sorrow.. Will it be many months, will it be years, maybe even decades.. And for so many reasons, I certainly know I will need to live with this for the rest of my life.. It will bug me, and continue to bug me, as not a day has passed except that I am filled with remorse and guilt with myself.. I found everything I could ever want, and only He knows how much I truly cherished what I had found Yet the one who challenged Him, to misguide and assist all of mankind to sin, Ar-Rajeem, undoubtedly conquers us constantly, as he conquered our father Adam (as), took the advantage in the most vulnerable of times.. And all of mankind sin, but the best of those are the ones who repent.. And repentance only comes from a heart that is filled with guilt and remorse.. This realization, is a result of knowing what you did was wrong, thus you feel guilt for it.. As for me, I look back and wonder, how could it ever happen? How was that even me? We all slip, but some slips are indeed devastating..

Truly, they crush dreams, they crush hope, they crush the happiness that was inside you and was the cause for you to be so joyful every day.. And only He knows how much I would do to make up for it and prove to you the man I truly am, for even a lifetime of it would not satisfy me.. For one who falls and makes a big blunder, doesn’t acknowledge it, looks to make up for it and rectify it, nor does it affect him, is surely on an entirely different page from the one that feels great remorse due to it, is severely affected by it, and intends do everything to make up for that wrong.. Nevertheless, I blame myself despite what I was surrounded with on that day and that time, I blame my negligence, I blame my stupidity, I blame my I blame my carelessness.. How many times, I had come to the realization that I had been lied to, manipulated, and left.. Yet the moving on was easier, as it was only their loss, and I would be able to move forward as I knew I did no wrong.. But how does one move on, when you had finally had everything you could long for within your hands, yet your own wrongdoing lead to such a loss.. For this reason, it is greater as a burden.. I know that I will have to live with the fact that it was my actions that lead to my state.. These actions, represented nothing of who I truly am.. for indeed anyone can slip, but despite that, I cannot seem to forgive myself..

Emptiness took over me so often, sometimes being even unaware where it was coming from.. But that emptiness disappeared, simply with your presence in my life.. Only did I come to know of a new emptiness, knowing how I am.. It is the love and care that is built inside you, flowing so strongly, yet you are currently unable to give it.. A new sort of emptiness, when you have so much to give.. yet you’re just not able to give it as of yet.. Only to come to feel what is worse, having so much to give yet at the time not being able to give it to the one you intend to provide it to due to certain circumstances is one pain, while having so much to give while the one you had yearned to provide it to, isn’t even there anymore, is another pain.. a far greater one indeed..

And it is these visualizations, thoughts and aspirations I carried for a great amount of time, that seem to tear me the most.. How I would visualize, to finally hold you in my arms for the first time, and never let go.. How I would visualize, to make you feel like the happiest in the world, being the coolness of your eyes.. How I would visualize, sitting by your side and holding your hand by the beach, watching the moon and reflecting upon His creation.. How I would visualize, being able to come home to you, and embracing you every day with love and compassion.. How I would visualize, surprising you with my simple but special meals, my notes and my gifts.. How I would visualize, embracing you after every prayer and kissing your forehead out of contentment in having you and worshiping Him together.. How I would visualize, taking turns in reciting His book, praying through the nights together and learning about His beautiful religion.. How I would visualize, showing my appreciation for your every effort, whether small or little.. making you feel truly adored and special.. How I would visualize, expressing my love and tenderness to you in front of our children one day, for nothing would matter more to me than for them to know their father loves, cherishes, and treasures their mother with every piece of his heart.. How I would visualize, showing the utmost respect to your parents, assuring them ever so frequently their daughter would be treated well eternally.. And how I would visualize, that we would assist one another in good deeds and righteousness, as Paradise is what we all desire..

If I were to express everything else of my thoughts and what I was longing for, I would be here all night.. Where do I go from here.. I really don’t know.. I broke myself, but this is something that needs to be accepted, as we cannot turn back time.. but we can only turn closer to Him.. Ya Allah, only you can remove this pain from my heart.. we turn to You alone You are the one that knows my heart the best.. You are witness to that I never intended to harm her, nor do her any injustice.. No matter how much I tried to change myself and grow a harder heart, I constantly failed, You are the One that created this delicate heart of mine, something I will never be able to change.. Only You know how deeply my heart yearns.. Only You see the tears.. Only You know how I long to be a dutiful slave of Yours, and a dutiful husband who would constantly strive to bring my other half closer to You, her path made easy for Your pleasure as I would do everything possible to lighten her duties and loads and make the doors of Paradise most easy for her..

I will pray for you.. I will pray for your happiness.. I will pray for your heart to never be hurt again.. And as much of the conviction that I have, such would never occur if a simple chance was given, and that small bit of hope lies within me that I’ll be given an opportunity.. I cannot push what doesn’t want to be pushed.. I pray that you are granted shade on the day there is no other shade but His, I pray that you receive your good deeds in your right hand, I pray that you are granted the highest levels of Paradise and are united with your loved ones.. And to Him we belong and to Him we return

[huriyyah-deactivated20180801]

Since your departure, bits of my soul withers away every day ..

[a-yearningsoul]

I just want to leave this place.. this miserable dunya. I'm tired of it.

[julaibib]

[a-yearningsoul]

Forgive me if I have hurt any of you as this would never be my intention. I ask Allah to accept from you all in this blessed month.

[a-yearningsoul]

It’s like his whole world came crashing... How silly he could be How heavy the whispers of the Devil can be How even the firmest of hearts can turn weak at times.. A man makes mistakes, but he learns from them.. He looks forward and never repeats them.. Otherwise it wouldn’t be a mistake at all.. His eyes, teary.. his throat, dry.. his heart, empty.. He hates himself for what he has done, contrary to his words But he knows one thing, is that the pain he is feeling.. Is due to the remorse he feels, he can’t think straight.. he cant eat. From the bottom of his heart he knows he’s not like the rest,  Yet his actions could’ve showed otherwise Nonetheless, he knows the man he is, the way his heart is.. He knows that he would never leave her, never intentionally hurt her He knows that he would always stay by her, even in the most difficult of times He knows that he could never do such a thing again.. As her pain is his pain.. He believes.. he believes in their future, a future that looks so bright But with every path there are obstacles, and they need to be overcome With strength, with hope, with faith.. The damage hurts.. it really does But the path of two souls is one of making up, acknowledging mistakes, whether big or small.. And promising never to do them again A chance is all he needs, to prove his value, and his actions, with the words A chance is all he needs, to erase her doubts and worries, even if it takes time.. But it will come dear, it will come.. believe..  His heart is only open to her, simply reserved for her So he pleads.. “Please my love, let’s get through this together, come back inside to where you belong..” Only this time, the position she was in, would never occur again This time, she will never have to worry again.