Untitled Poems/Ana Journal @aaaahhhhhh - Tumblr Blog

Took a vacation, wish I didn't. Fatter than ever and in summer with no summer body. But hey, at least I'm going to class and doing well in school.

Oh, wait.

Watching old videos of myself is my new thinspo

I used to be beautiful and I threw it all away

#i wanna be sk1nn1

Well well well

For a moment there I really thought I was going to give up. But then I saw my friend, the one who is supposed to be the fat one. Shes my size now and she's gonna keep getting smaller and if I don't go with her I'll be the fat friend. Never gonna happen.

Back to less than 1000 cals a day and logging shit in the journal.

201lbs today. So I didn't gain much if any.

#low cal restriction #i wanna be sk1nn1

I haven't done my summary of yesterday but holy shit am I fighting the urge to binge rn.

#low cal restriction #i wanna be sk1nn1 #3ating d1sorder #eating disoder trigger warning #tw disordered thoughts

This is totally tmi but like I have never been intim@te with someone. So yeah, v1rg1n. I just turned 20 years old. I can't even explain how much of that is related to confidence issues and being fat. I won't be afraid to pursue that stuff once I'm skinny. I won't be afraid to let people close for fear of not being good enough. Skinny will make me good enough.

#i wanna be sk1nn1

As soon as I'm done with this team meeting I'm gonna submerge myself in cold water and have my tea. I want to shiver. I want to burn those cals from being cold.

Day 22 (10-14-24)

Yeah my summary is early so I really can't eat anymore.

I'm stopping myself here

Cals totaled at 1315. Not great but much better than the weekend. Anyways time to settle my tummy with tea.

Stay safe, stay in control

#low cal restriction #i wanna be sk1nn1 #3ating d1sorder #eating disoder trigger warning

Day 21 (10-13-2024)

Happy three weeks.

The damage wasn't as bad today I was probably around 2000 cals. Can't wait to start fresh again tomorrow. This weekend kinda sucked.

Stay safe

#low cal restriction #i wanna be sk1nn1

Day 20 (10-12-2024)

Well I'm officially 20 years old. No longer a teen which means I've wasted all of my teen years being a fat bitch. At least I won't hit 21 that way.

Estimating over 2000 again.

Stay safe

#i wanna be sk1nn1 #3ating d1sorder #eating disoder trigger warning

Day 19 (10-11-24)

Weigh in day and also get my own scale day.

My first goal was to be under 215 lbs by today which is about 15 pounds in three weeks.

I crushed it. I weighed in at 203lbs. I'm so close to being under 200.

Also I didn't count any cals this weekend as I was with my family and had home cooked meals that I didn't make and was given pizza and cake. I didn't want to but I had to after my mom gave me that look. Anyways my estimate is over 2000 cals for today

Stay safe

#low cal restriction #i wanna be sk1nn1

Day 18 (10-10-24)

Holy shit.

18 days of this is crazy. I've never been this consistent with anything before.

Anyways, I'm back with my parents this weekend so the cal totals are gonna be rough. I think I just won't eat unless there's people around to see me. My mom has already questioned how I lost so much weight. She had that look in her eyes. She knows for sure. Anyways they want to get pizza for me and other fatting stuff. Pray for me.

Oh and cals totaled at 1246.

Stay safe.

#low cal restriction #i wanna be sk1nn1 #eating disoder trigger warning #3ating d1sorder #ed ednotsheeran restriction #thinspø

Day 17 (10-9-24)

Cals totaled at 938. Don't remember much else

Stay safe.

#low cal restriction #i wanna be sk1nn1

What if I only really got back into this because the only person bigger than me in the friend group is losing weight and I can't be the biggest one?

#tw disordered thoughts #low cal restriction #i wanna be sk1nn1 #3ating d1sorder #eating disoder trigger warning #ed ednotsheeran restriction #⭐️ ing motivation #skinandbones #thinspø

Watching supersize vs superskinny while scrolling pro tumblr and the episode on pro websites comes on.

Please that's not funny.

#low cal restriction #3ating d1sorder #i wanna be sk1nn1 #skinandbones #⭐️ ing motivation #ed ednotsheeran restriction #eating disoder trigger warning

Day 16 (10-8-24)

Yesterday was a great day. I woke up this morning with the best morning skinny so far.

Cals totaled at 649.

God I love eating vegetables.

Stay safe.

#i wanna be sk1nn1 #3ating d1sorder #eating disoder trigger warning #low cal restriction

Day 15 (10-7-24)

Got takeout today. I'm such a bloated f@t silly goose rn. I feel miserable. And once again ate too many calories but it wasn't as bad as yesterday

1862

Def gonna keep it low tomorrow based on how bloated I am right now.

I need to be a they/them. That can only happen if I stop giving in bc I'm hungry.

Focus

Stay safe.

#low cal restriction #3ating d1sorder #i wanna be sk1nn1 #eating disoder trigger warning

Day 14 (10-6-24)

Stress got to me today.

It was not a good day

Cals over 2000

Breathe, reset, do better tomorrow

This is why I'm documenting everyday. For this moment where I just hold myself accountable and think about what went wrong.

I used to run to deal with stress before I got shin splints, I'm gonna start doing that again.

Stay safe.

#low cal restriction #i wanna be sk1nn1 #eating disoder trigger warning

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