Myopic Visions of A British Chick

Her Postulations and Musings

[aaishahme]

She's why.

[aaishahme]

I caused her. To grow to flourish. I nurtured her and soothed her. I stroked my distorted stomach and sang to her.

I rocked her to sleep with my rythmitic gait, and my lumbering rolls.

I caused her.

As I spoke and my sounds echoed towards her.

As I cried so many times and felt her loving  reply. Her kicks and bubbles. I remember everything about her beginnings.

I caused her to move as she entered into the world. This glaring loud place where I could no longer protect her from what lay outside…yet still I try. I try.

I cause her to grow with my milk as she gulps full breath filled swallows.  Her chubby cheeks newly introduced to my sweet kisses and salty tears. As she cries and I run towards her or even at times hesitate to hear her cry... I cause.

I cause her choice of clothes and her choice of sleep place, whether she naps lightly on my lap or soundly in her cradle. I cause.

As for her.. She causes me to want more. Be more. Choose more. For me and her.

I promised her that I would never cause her any harm or pain and I hold strong to this.

Cause no harm. Ever.

[aaishahme]

I call her My Muneca. I love her so much. Its impossible to say how much. My Soraya. 

[aaishahme]

Are We There Yet?

Cause I dont think I can get any bigger! I want to see her so badly. Thanks to Allah for reaching 37 weeks. Its time for Little Princess S to make her appearance...

[aaishahme]

My child..

I dont own my stomach right now...it seems that everyone has to touch her/feel her/reassure themselves that she is still here. She is Her papi speaks sweet words of love every single day. Already she grounds him. He loves her already. Sometimes I wish I could unzip her and let him carry her around. I think he would do that.  She is kicking right now. My princess. My love.

I dont own my stomach right now. She does.

[aaishahme]

I cant stand when he leaves me..

I swear I can hear the music from The Hulk playing in the background. His sad face. I see my baby still lost in that 16 year old's swagger. I hate when he leaves. I really do. I need as many of my babies with me as I can. At this time. As she grows. As she thrives. As I start to name her. My princess. She needs all her princes around her...

[aaishahme]

She moves so much. Its amazing!  Im so happy that Allah blessed me with this lil baby. She started as a twin but Allah had other plans... I promise to love her twice as hard. 

[aaishahme]

I can not wait to meet my daughter! 

[aaishahme]

Kick. That's all you do. Bubble. I know you are there because that's all you do. Kick.

[aaishahme]

[aaishahme]

I remember years ago being so upset when I found out that a woman told my sons father to be careful of me... that I would use my child to get at him... dont let her know how much you love him...she said.... she will use it. Well that didnt happen because thats not how I roll,,,but what I did learn was that any woman who had that in her mind.. had the potential to do that to a man. Delete me and input yourself. YOU would use your child. YOU dont care what you say around your OWN child(or mine) for that fact....but I wouldnt expect anything less !

Not that I care. I dont. I honestly, wallahi, do not care.

I care about three things right now.

1) School

2) Family (Kids including the one(s) to come and

3) Allah 

And thats in order of least importance to the greatest,

Oh dont get me wrong. I can act crazy like the best of them but one thing I do NOT do is use my kids to get at a man.

If you dont want to pay child support... its ok..I wont ask you to pay a dime. I will never be in court to force your hand. You are a deadbeat deficient father by your own admission... by omission of financial support... what do I need someone to write that in ink.

If you want to talk about me ,,, then thats fine too...cause I dont even mention you or your life to anyone.

The ONLY reason Im venting right now is because two grown adults couldn't hold themselves together enough NOT to beef in front of my child. My child. Couldnt cull their tongue enough to keep those nasty words of their tongue.

When my child tells me that they are sad and start crying,.. Ma Dukes comes out and she dont play,

So get yo SHIT together. Its about time aint it?

[theotheralice]

[aaishahme]

Sometimes people forget. Home for me is thousands of miles away in a cold wet dank city called London. Im international baby!

[aaishahme]

There is a reason why mothers tell their children the story of the boy who cried wolf. After a while no one believes your lies.  I can not stand people who lie. Your lies only expose the darkness and pettiness of your soul....whats left of it...because you see lies wear the heart away....they create blackness in the heart. Lies. They create a sense of shame in the one who lies and disgust in the one lied to.

How can anyone trust you? After your lies...and worse than that.... no one cares about the truth once it is revealed.

So. Save your truths. Spread your lies. And have a wonderful dissemblance of a life...

[aaishahme]

Soo true!

[aaishahme]

“But the last one: the baby who trails her scent like a flag of surrender through your life when there will be no more coming after - oh, that's love by a different name. She is the babe you hold in your arms for an hour after she's gone to sleep. If you put her down in the crib, she might wake up changed and fly away. So instead you rock my the window, drinking the light from her skin, breathing her exhaled dreams. Your heart bays to the double crescent moons of closed lashes on her cheeks. She's the one you can't put down.” Its true...I love her already.

[aaishahme]

Keep popping those blues.