trying my best

avpd call that. a very pretty dyke

[aavpdyapping]

ANNIE . THEY/IT . ADULT

I was recently diagnosed with AVPD! I've made this blog to talk about my experiences living with it. I have various other disorders and illnesses, including BPD, CPSTD, Autism, and OCD. I also am chronically ill, and struggle mostly with fatigue and brain fog.

This blog will mostly be me yapping, basically journalling, about how I'm struggling and how I'm trying to heal. I hope I can connect with others with similar experiences.

Feel free to send me asks or whatever, I will try my best to answer! Because this blog is about Being Mentally Ill, I know I can come across as being overly negative, but I can be friendly and happy, haha

if you think you know me, either online or irl, please leave. this is meant to be a safe space for me without feeling Known or Watched

‼️ I support those with any personality disorder/s and other demonised/"scary" disorders and illnesses. "narc abuse" and "borderline abuse" do not exist, it is just abuse. ableism will not be tolerated

‼️ I'm pro researched self diagnosis. I'm anti fakeclaiming. I'm against "MUDs" / trans-IDs / r*dqueer etc, I find those communities deeply toxic and spreading misinformation [link]

‼️ blinkie credits - one . two . three

[jcv]

[aavpdyapping]

"do you even realise? you are all I think about. or do you think I've just forgotten?"

a quick comic about cutting off a parent. why does it hurt more than when I was in the actively abusive environment

[poetrydystopian]

"Very early in my life, it was too late."

[aavpdyapping]

I'm meeting a friend in person for the first time tomorrow (we're tumblr mutuals).... I'm very nervous. Excited!! But nervous. And scared. I've never met up with anyone like this. I'm so scared of fucking up horribly.

[aavpdyapping]

IT WENT REALLY GOOD!!!! it was so good :) home now, and meeting up with them again tomorrow! Now that I'm home, I am trying very hard not to otherthink and pick apart everything I did ajsjsj

[aavpdyapping]

I'm meeting a friend in person for the first time tomorrow (we're tumblr mutuals).... I'm very nervous. Excited!! But nervous. And scared. I've never met up with anyone like this. I'm so scared of fucking up horribly.

[f4therlesssss]

nvm i’ve said too much #unknowme

[dying-weeds]

[cuddledhormone]

Something something let me post my b/w furry vent comic real quick

[mashpotatoe]

stagnation

[scooterplastic]

[scooterplastic]

Stoat facts (X)

[scooterplastic]

[aavpdyapping]

anyways i have been going to therapy on and off for the past 10 years and it has never fucking done anything UNTIL. sometime last year when I started working with a therapist who does internal family systems therapy. and oh my god it unlocked something, it made something click. I've made more progress in these past 6 months than in ten whole years. I would definitely recommend it

[aavpdyapping]

I had therapy today, and doing schema therapy. I thought the main cause of my avoidance was the sheer social isolation I faced, and dgmw that was and is definitely a huge factor. But talking with my therapist, it absolutely started earlier than that. Thanks, dad, for making me so scared of doing something wrong that I learnt to just Avoid Doing Anything by the age of like 7

[aavpdyapping]

I went with my friend to a laundromat a couple of nights ago, left at 11pm, they had some emergency washing and I went to keep them company. I brought my sketchbook and some sharpies with me and we drew pictures together while we waited.

It was really nice. I did have some significant anxiety about being Out Of The House, but it wasn't busy at the laundromat and I could push it to the back of my mind.

And I keep thinking, a year ago this would've been almost impossible for me to do. Hanging out alone with a friend, in a public place I've never been before, spontaneous and unplanned? While I would've done it - I'll always do my best to help a friend including doing things that are scary - but it would've been really hard. I would've gotten nauseous, I would've been panicking the entire time, second guessing myself the entire time. But now, I didnt. It felt normal, it felt natural. I enjoyed it, calm and safe.

The life I've always dreamed of, existing with a friend doing mundane life things. I've been doing badly mental health wise lately, so I keep thinking I've gone backwards in healing, but I'm realising thats not true. A unexpected nighttime trip with a friend I love dearly. That's huge. That's genuinely something I used to think I would never ever be able to do or cope with.

[stuckinapril]

I love being alone <- girl who has known nothing but loneliness her entire life and so has no choice but to take comfort in it