A Baby or Bust @ababyorbust - Tumblr Blog

24 Weeks Along!

It’s hard to believe that it’s been over three months since I last posted on my blog. I truly don’t know how I got so lucky to get to this point but every day I wake up, I am so thankful for my miracle growing inside me. I’ll try to recap the last 14 weeks as best I can. Morning sickness subsided around week 14 and I’ve been feeling great other than heartburn in the evenings and the occasional backaches. At 15 weeks we found out that the baby is a girl and I couldn’t be happier! I tricked myself into believing we were having a boy but it has always been my dream to have a little girl of my own and I am ecstatic that she’s on the way! We had the quad screening done and it came back with normal results, thank you God! We also had a 20 week anatomy scan done and everything looks great with baby measuring right on time. Next Friday we are going to have another scan done, just for fun, and it happens to fall on my Nana’s birthday so it will be a very special day! My shower is in one month and I can’t wait to see how it all comes together as my mom and I have been working very hard to plan it! It’s surreal that she will be here in about 15 weeks and that I’m actually having MY baby shower! Prayers for my TTC sisters, never give up!!

10 Weeks Today!

I can't believe that I'm 10 weeks along. There were so many bumps along the way that lead me to believe we'd never get to this point. From the low beta numbers to the red spotting I experienced at week 7 which turned out to be a Subchorionic Hemorrhage. I've been very nauseous the past week and thrown up a few times now. Technically we were told it's okay to stop all meds today but I will be continuing until I'm out which should be another week or so. Better safe than sorry in my mind! The baby has a strong, fast heartbeat and it's the most beautiful sound I've ever heard. My next OB appointment isn't until 13+4 weeks, yikes! I don't know how I'll wait. I'm contemplating buying a Doppler to do my own checks on baby. I've been having some wild dreams lately, in one I was told I was having a baby boy. Despite the fast heartbeat wives tale I do think we're having a boy but only time will tell. My cravings these past couple weeks were cheese sticks, chocolate milk, chocolate in general, PBJ sandwiches & fast food (I'm so bad!) Arby's especially. Other than that, not much to report, lots of relaxing going on since I was laid off work. I'm going to start looking for something once I reach the 2nd trimester and my days aren't so iffy, as far as whether or not I'm going to throw up. Hope everyone is doing well!

When does it stop hurting?

I'm pregnant and the most pregnant I have ever been, so why does it hurt so bad when I hear someone else becomes pregnant so easily? I'm not jealous, it doesn't make my own pregnancy less real, but it angers me, and I wish it didn't. I don't want to feel this way. And I feel saddened thinking of the women who are still struggling, knowing I'm pregnant and I may have had things "easier" than them. None of this is fair. I hate infertility. I hate that not everyone is sensitive to infertility or understands it. Will these feelings ever go away? Praying for all the strong souls who are fighting this ugly battle. I wish you success in your journeys.

More of my line progression! Just in case anyone was curious … My beta just after taking the test second from the top on 14dp5dt was 287. Bottom test was with SMU at 15dp5dt.

Lately...

Lately I’ve been losing sight of what’s important. And what’s important is living in the moment and being grateful. I am incredibly grateful to reach 5 weeks pregnant, I’ve never made it to this point before. I am also incredibly grateful for the amazing support and encouragement I’ve received throughout my ups and downs. One of of my friends in particular has had an exceptionally tough journey and she’s still waiting for her miracle baby, but she never fails to be there for me and I pray that her upcoming transfer will be “the one”. I pray for all my TTC Sisters and I appreciate each and every one of you! My 3rd beta is tomorrow and my test lines are continuing to get darker, so I feel hopeful. As one of my wise TTC Sisters reminded me “let go, and let God” so that’s what I’m doing. It’s in His hands and I believe that everything will be okay, no matter what.

Sweet dreams friends! 💜

My line progression 8-10dpt

10dp5dt

Happy news - the tests are continuing to slightly darken!

I don’t think I have 2 babies growing, just one. I’ve noticed twin mama’s seem to have dark lines earlier on.

I was woken up to an upset stomach this morning and in the middle of the night last night. Not to mention I feel like someone drugged me around 9pm. So I can add fatigue and upset stomach to the symptoms list.

And that’s about all for now!

Sending you lots of good vibes! Hope this is the one :)

Thank you so much!!!

8dp5dt

Symptoms are consistent with yesterday except for my boobs are hurting a little more. I've been feeling light cramping on and off instead of sharp intense cramps like I was experiencing 4-6dpt. Beta is only 4 days away. I have 1 more FRER test left. I hope I can hold out and not buy anymore. I'm nervous that I'll cave in because I started to get lighter lines 10dp5dt last time and I have a feeling I'll want to check and see if history will repeat itself. I'm just a nervous wreck. Hurry beta, hurry! And be high please!

7dp5dt

Symptoms list:

cramping

dizziness

hungry - specifically for salty foods

slightly sore boobs

feeling bloated (only sometimes)

getting up in the middle of the night to pee

___________________________________________________

My test line was darker this morning and that makes me happy!

Infertility has robbed me of the early excitement most women would be experiencing right now. I can't even begin to think about future things until that first beta, it's like my mind won't even allow it. 5 more days until my blood test and it happens to fall on the day before my third wedding anniversary, so that could make for a really happy celebration or a somber one. I'm resisting the urge to "Google" things for now. Also, something cool that happened this morning - a ladybug landed on my windshield on the way to work. I took this as a sign of good luck!

3dp5dt

Can’t sleep. My hubby woke me up at 5:45am and it’s light out so I’ve been lying awake over analyzing symptoms ever since.

I woke up feeling extremely hot and sweaty this morning, back pain continued and I had a vivid dream. My breasts aren’t sore like they were at this point last time. My left one is slightly sore but that began before the transfer. I’m going to chalk up the night sweats and back ache to upping my dose of progesterone from 1.0mL to 1.5 yesterday. Prednisone dose goes back to 10mg today, I’m happy about that because those little white pills have been making me HUNGRY!

I did have a hot flash yesterday while waiting to get my prescription, so that was interesting. I now fully understand what those are. It happened about an hour after my PIO injection so I believe it was a direct affect of it and nothing to do with implantation.

I haven’t really been feeling much cramping. Some cramping yesterday when I was getting up and moving around but that would subside quickly. The day of transfer and 1dpt I was experiencing a heavy feeling in my uterus but that has gone away completely. I assumed that was from the progesterone but now I’m doubting it.

I wish I could see what is happening with those embryos! 👏🐣👏 I hope they’re getting niiiice and cozy!

2dp5dt

We're really here again! I hope my embryos are getting nice & cozy in there. I woke up with a back ache every few hours last night and got up to pee about 3-4 times. I also made the mistake of drinking a little too much water a little too late so I'm not reading into anything. Yet! Today is my progesterone check to see if we should amp up my dosage. I'm so relieved that this is being monitored this time. A few other things making me think positive: great feedback on my embryos, my uterine lining was ideal at the time of transfer, I've been more relaxed overall, I took more time off work in order to relax and my state of mind has been more calm in general. I've also been getting some cool "signs" thrown my way, which I try not to read into too much as I've gotten them before without anything happening but they're still fun to get! Best wishes to all reading this! Praying my embryos decide to stick around for the long haul. Xxoo

Cry Baby

All I do is cry. For no reason and every reason and I can't help it. Is Estrace the culprit? I think so. I'm anxiously awaiting our Karyotype results so this has my nerves on edge and emotions out of whack. So much happening in this upcoming week! The dreaded PIO injections begin Friday, as well as my monitoring check up on Friday morning. Our Karyotype results should be in sometime this week. And then the main event - FET take 2 - is next Wednesday! At last!

3 weeks until FET #2!!!

Well that came quick! It feels like my heartbreak was so long ago now. I am ready for my next chance at motherhood and we have added lots of new stuff to the protocol: a baby aspirin, PIO shots and Prednisone. I'm also walking everyday and cutting out bread and trying to avoid gluten (to help with endo in case I have it). This Friday the hubby and I will be getting our blood drawn for a Karyotype. I'm nervous but happy to be getting this done. It will ease my mind if everything comes back normal.

"You Are Not Alone"

National Infertility Awareness Week has made the phrase “you are not alone” their tag line of 2015. I like it. I find comfort in it. I hope to never forget it.

I see many women that have struggled with infertility go on to have healthy pregnancies and babies, and then go about their life with a lack of sensitivity for the infertility world they left behind. I promise never to forget how painful this struggle is, or how badly I want to experience pregnancy and motherhood. Above all I promise not to forget who was there for me in my darkest days.

I can imagine it is hard to balance the excitement of being pregnant while also being considerate of those dealing infertility. I promise not to forget and I promise to do my best to be considerate.

I’m trying so hard to be positive I’ll be a mom someday soon, but it’s starting to feel like it won’t ever happen. I’ve been so close, and yet so far from motherhood. I’m actually much more relaxed thinking of my upcoming transfer. I know in my heart that in order for a successful pregnancy to take place I need to maintain a healthy mindset. I was very tense last transfer and I want to avoid feeling that again. I’ve already committed to staying off my phone, taking off 3 days of work and I’m starting to work out again everyday. One thing we’re doing differently this time around is PIO shots. As painful as they might be, it will be better for them to measure my progesterone levels which they couldn’t do with Crinone since it doesn’t show in your bloodstream.

Anyway, that’s all for now. Sticky baby dust to all. Xx

I'm so sorry about your news. I can totally relate to what your feeling, after just going through a CP myself. As hard as it was, I had to keep telling myself there is a reason this pregnancy didn't come full term. This wasn't supposed to be our baby. That didn't make it any easier to cope with the loss, but it did help me move forward. Here for you if you need someone to talk to.

I appreciate your kind words and support. Thank you so much. I believe things happen for a reason and you're absolutely right, I'm choosing to believe the future holds better things for me. 💜

Picking Up The Pieces

Every pregnancy loss is painful no matter how short lived it was. I think my biggest infertility pet peeve is when people ask after learning of my chemical pregnancy, "so were you really even pregnant?" They should just be called early miscarriages, because that's exact what they are. My heart broke into a million little pieces when the line on my pregnancy test began to fade. Again. And this time was worse because I went to a place in my mind that scared me. I started to explore all of the "what ifs" and it terrified me. I'm not going to go there, though. I'm choosing faith. I'm choosing to be proactive. I'm choosing to believe this next FET will succeed with a baby in my arms. What next? A weekend getaway to New Orleans, a little pampering, some lb. dropping and staying calm because stressing does absolutely nothing. And most importantly, a meeting with my RE on April 23rd. I'll seek out answers and changes to increase chances of success this next cycle. I'm blessed to have 5 frozen embies and I'm focusing on how lucky I am to be able to try again in 6 weeks. Baby dust to all. Xxoo

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