The Opposite of Amnesia @abatedbreath - Tumblr Blog

irishfolklore-deactivated201912

I love being in college because there are no actual adults around so everyone is just going around bullshitting their way through basic tasks. Like I can be like “I think I got better from my cold because I ate an orange yesterday” and everyone is like “Yeah makes sense” and somebody could just be like “I’m gonna put my pillow in the washing machine to clean it” and everyone’s like “Sounds like a great idea John”

4am-reflections

so there this boy and because of him you no longer listen to sad love songs. you love him in a way that doesn’t hurt and he loves you just the same. you fall asleep to each other’s breathing and are the first person each other calls whenever something happens in your life. he never wants to see you hurt and you smile more than you have in years. this is how you know it’s different this time.

4am

me walking into a cvs at midnight: i need to lift a curse

employee: aisle 5

me: thanks

sassyshoulderangel319

Pretty sure I drove through Night Vale on my way home tonight.

“We invite the children of same-sex couples to listen,” said the radio announcer. “We invite the children of different-sex couples to listen. We do NOT invite the Children of the Corn to listen.”

“Not that there’s anything wrong with that,” a different voice cut in. “Some of our best friends are…” *realized what he was saying was ridiculous* “… corn.”

hotvampireadjacent

that’s just how living in the mid west be

dumdolly

who just sent me money “for being perfect”

dumdolly

turns out boys r useful 4 sumthin

naked-yogi

^ yup.

squeejaw-deactivated20180323

Reblog to let your followers know it’s okay to send you $40 for “being perfect”

nudityandnerdery

I’ll also accept $20 for “being pretty okay”

just-boofer-things-deactivated2

I’ll accept $10 for being “Relatively Tolerable”

ineptbox

I’ll accept $5 for just “being”

riddickthecub

I’ll accept any amount for existing

mabylc

me: not today, satan

satan: you’ve been canceling our plans for weeks now. if it’s something i said, please just tell me

turing-tested

im so fucking mad i unplugged the receiver for my old wireless mouse and plugged in the new one and i didnt even fucking think about it and i guess my brain went “OH A DELICIOIS SNACK” i just fucking ate and swallowed my wireless mouse receiver i want to fucking die oh my god

turing-tested

on TOP of all this i still cant even get my fucking mouse to work

turing-tested

1st-1

sirheisenberg

baetology

Sometimes it blows my mind that there are people that don’t wear glasses/contacts. Like they can literally see with no aid. Like they wake up and just be out here seeing. What a wild concept.

bumblebeebats

And people say stuff like ‘lol don’t you hate it when you look up in the middle of the night and see a spider on your ceiling’ like bitch (!!) i could have Nicholas II last czar of Russia hangin from my ceiling fan and i would be none the wiser

malelavellan

oh my christ

body5000-deactivated20180929

three hours into a road trip when you hit an infinite stretch of farmland is where you find real power and real insignificance simultaneously

did-you-know

Fika is the Swedish tradition of having coffee, cake, and a chat. It’s such an integral part of the culture that many businesses have fika twice a day, and sometimes it’s mandatory. Source Source 2

According to IKEA’s corporate website: “Some of the best ideas and decisions happen at fika.“

setheverman

so after reblogging this to find out if other countries had this as well, i found out the following:

germany: yeah we have something similar called “Kaffee und Kuchen” :)

america: i work 16 hours per day at minimum wage and get a 7 minute unpaid lunch break, and instead of “fika” i have “suffering” and “death”

ar18376492191q721

The Denny’s rule book: A simple guide

Denny’s is your local, friendly diner open 24 hours a day every day of the year. A place to relax and enjoy a breakfast at any hour, a fulfilling lunch or delicious dinner. All are welcome at Denny’s, and it’s your safest location, provided you follow this very simple guide for the nightly hours.

Never close your eyes in a Denny’s parking lot.

Walk calmly to the door; you will hear sounds. Do not look behind you.

Always make sure the door closes behind you, unless it was already open when you arrived, in which case do not touch the door.

Never sit at the table farthest from the front door. Your server will sometimes try to seat you there. Politely refuse and ask for another table.

If you see a table with two salt-shakers, walk past it; that table is taken. Sit at the table directly across from it instead.

Eat your pancakes. Box any leftovers; it would be a shame to waste food. It might attract something.

Do not, under any circumstance, look into the eyes of your own reflection in the bathroom.

If your server’s eyes turn black, do not panic; order a coffee with extra cream. Do not ask for a refill. Do not stare.

Think you recognize someone who just walked in? Best to ignore it. It’s probably not what it seems. They will proceed to sit at the table farthest from the door.

If you are walking past a Denny’s and you see yourself sitting in the corner booth through the window, keep walking. Do not eat at Denny’s that night.

Did you tip? You better double check. It’s only polite to leave a tip.

Do not ask questions. They will Notice.

Your local Denny’s is the perfect place for a delicious meal at all hours of the day. Hope you enjoy your next visit to any Denny’s Diner!

dennys

sage advice

crashingwaves-burningsouls

The strongest I have ever felt is when I said ‘no’ when all I wanted to do was say 'yes.’ When I looked the boy that I had loved, and I had then lost in the eyes, after months of wishing for this moment to come and told him that I wasn’t going to give him a second chance. Ever since he told me that he wanted to be single, that I wasn’t enough anymore I had been dreaming of him coming back to me, telling me that he made a mistake. That I was special, that I stood by him and he was blind not to see it. But when he stood in front of me and told me that being single, and having one night stands isn’t what he wanted, what he wanted was to make up next to me. That he wanted to spend nights on the couch holding me, and not holding a drink at a bar with loud music. He stood in front of me and told me he needed me. That’s every girls dream right? But as soon as he told me all I had been waiting for him to say, I knew that I was worth more than this. That he should have known from the start that I was worth more than the bachelors dream. He took me for granted, so I told him that I preferred being single. That I like that I can take up both sides of the bed, that I enjoy dancing in my underwear alone in the house. I have realized my own worth, and I’m not sacrificing that again.

Saying ‘no’ set me free (via crashingwaves-burningsouls)

archiemcphee

Beginning last summer Twitter user @fuguhitman began illustrating his personal backlog of bird-bread puns. His first starchy birb was the Sparroll and he claims to have at least 20 to work through. With 9 completed thus far, we have one question for him: why did you wait so long to share these works of punny goodness with the world?

Follow @fuguhitman on Twitter to make sure you don’t miss out on the rest of the breadbird flock and little bonus birbs such as this chocolate chick cookie: