Sports Night Meme - Season 1B
All quotes from episodes 1x13-1x23 of Aaron Sorkin’s Sports Night. Feel free to change names/pronouns as needed.
“You don’t say things about people in Connecticut?”
“You know what might be fun? If you didn’t talk for like a minute and a half.”
“Plus you never know when ___________ is gonna freak out in public.”
“Tell me quickly why I care.”
“Oh I want this commercial break to be over so badly.”
“Would you please in the name of everything holy give that up?”
“Oh you know what? Bite me so hard for that.”
“That woman is crazier than any ten people I know.”
“I’m gonna stay here and do our job.”
“Have you had a bad experience with fish?”
“Let me tell you why I’m not gonna do that: I’ll look like a jackass.”
“Is everyone who works here deranged?”
“They are self-absorbed, narrow minded, immature people of limited intelligence and limitless ego.”
“Would it be possible to have one meeting that doesn’t descend into dork recess?”
“You know what? I’m gonna step out now and it’ll be like I never came in.”
“I can’t believe none of that’s gonna happen because one time you married an idiot.”
“If you turn out to be a jackass, no kidding, god as my witness, I will do something bad to you with numbers.”
“Do you swear the hideous cheese mistake was because of me?”
“Sometimes you just stand there… hip deep in pie.”
“Oh my goodness gracious you had sex with a woman.”
“There are some people who think I killed our Lord Jesus Christ.”
“Oh my god were you talking to me all that time?”
“You’re our boss, not our bartender we shouldn’t be leaning on you like this.”
“When I was 11, I had a pet fish that died.”
“Keep talking. I’m just gonna start drinking now.”
“Were you really working last night or can I turn you off a little more by being insane?”
“Well that’s an interesting theory and you’d be totally right except for the fact that you’re totally wrong.”
“Thank you William Sapphire.”
“When you use that word in a romantic context, you have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Man, this is about as bored as I have ever been in my life.”
“Would it be wrong of you guys to just make up a news story?”
“Could any of you tell me anything about the host wafer?”
“You could’ve fried her an egg, dude.”
“Can you believe this guy is doing this to me?”
“He’s not doing this to you personally, he’s doing it to me personally.”
“I have unscheduled time on my hands!”
“Wanna play garbage can basketball?”
“Please oh please don’t drag me into this.”
“You see I am just sitting here with no provolone!”
“None of that would have happened if he had gotten beat when he was supposed to.”
“I’m winning, which is inevitable.”
“He just absolutely will not die.”
“And you know what’s happening? The world in which I’m confident is running right into the world in which I’m not.”
“You produce a lot of live television at the district attorneys office?”
“I was just thinking: It’s been such a long time since ________ said something charming to me and then there it was.”
“I understand what makes a woman think that any man is better than nothing. I’ll just never understand what makes a woman think she’s got nothing.”
“Things are going to be rough for awhile, but I want you to keep your head in the game. We’re gonna come out the other side of this.”
“Maybe I’ll jam a number two pencil up your nose.”
“I took an elevator up twelve floors for this?”
“Hey, is it okay if I hit you in the head with this big book?”
“You guys, seriously, I’m just gonna sit down in the middle of the room and cry.”
“Listen, I know there’s a lot of jargon, but some of these are pretty self explanatory.”
“On one or two occasions I went to class.”
“I’m going back to my world now.”
“There’s nothing about you I don’t hate.”
“It’s been my experience that men buy better cake than women.”
“He’s trying to break up with me but it won’t take.”
“So your strategy for this is to be wonderful?”
“Good news, Pluto’s still a planet.”
“I’m having her take over a very small number of my functions.”
“I’m taking you into receivership.”
“You know for someone I’m sleeping with, sometimes you don’t say the nicest things to me.”
“Okay so did I just totally come unglued?”
“It’s a tense time. Glue’s not gonna work.”
“If you got some calm people and you need to make them upset, I think we’re the guys to do it.”
“We’re men, we’re petrified, it’s what we do.”
“We’ve found that giving into our fears makes us stronger.”
“He was doing Jesus with a lisp?”
“Our boss had a stroke and someone tried to blow up the building… we’re not having our best week, are we?”
“I will kill you both with my hands.”
“I just wanted to say, if anything terrible ever had to happen to one of us, I’d want it to be you.”
“You know, you’re almost tempted to consider the possibility that I’m just going stark raving mad.”
“Have you seen my shoes?”
“Thought I was gonna blow it, didn’t you?”
“I’ve got everything completely under control… except I can’t find my shoes.”
“You’re a senile old man and this stroke is a punishment for you not being nicer to me.”
“I’ll see if I can speed up my nervous breakdown.”
“I have a typewriter and I will use it as I see fit!”
“Somehow, in time, I’m gonna find a way to blame this on Jerry Falwell.”
“Well… we’re in our underwear.”
“We’re two grown men with important jobs and we’re standing in our underwear.”
“You think there are people in the building across the street looking at us in our underwear?”
“I’ll tell ya. What really makes this outfit work are the socks.”
“First we show up, then we see what happens.”
“We can differ, it’s okay with me, as long as you understand that I’m right.”
“I’ve been strange my entire life.”
“Cut the crap, this isn’t a Noel Coward play.”
“I think she’s withholding our pants.”
“The high road is a very happy place.”
“Is this part of her psychotic episode?”
“I’m gonna start again because that’s how completely you’ve both missed the point.”
“You guys are professionals, you couldn’t talk her out of this?”
“I just need one good thing to happen before the day is over, one good thing!”
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