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Wedding Photographers cost how much??!!

(Please note, any similarity with fictitious characters or events used in this blog are purely coincidental!)

So, let me guess! The engagement was lovely, the dust has settled and you are in the midst of arranging the day of your dreams! You've been to countless dress shops, you've got that perfect dress in your sights, the venue is free on the day you really wanted and Bobs-Dads-Brothers-Friend has got a classic Mk 11 Jag to take you to the church in style. Capturing all those memories is now your main priority, we wouldn't want to miss out on making sure you can remember those moments forever now would we?

Alas, here we've hit a stumbling block, WEDDING PHOTOGRAPHERS COST HOW MUCH??!! Why, when all they do is a take a few pictures, arrange to get them printed and bound and then keep the rights to all the images of your day do they charge so much?! How can their bill possibly be that much money?! With the average cost of weddings in 2012, every penny is being thought about, particularly in terms of photography.

Just like everyone else, these ''Money Grabbing Button Clickers'' do this for a job, its their bread and butter, their trade, their career. They charge the amount they charge for a reason, some, I agree are over priced, but it is worth considering the reasons behind the prices you are being quoted. Photographers spend years and years crafting and honing their skills. Admittedly, not all of us have been to University and earnt a degree in the area but what does a degree count for these days? They've worked for years for free practising photography, and learning all the technicalities that you may have never even heard of. Photography is an art form, as well as being terribly complex and takes years to master, with constant on-shoot learning and discoveries. Technology changes as quickly as the weather, and digital photography and editing techniques are always evolving. Just like any trade or job, photography takes skill.

We all know your Uncle Steve has got a fabulous DSLR that he brings to ALL the family functions, and sometimes he gets some wonderful pictures. So, if you are worried about the cost of wedding photography, read no further, get Uncle Steve to do it. Just don't come crying to me when his battery dies because he didn't bring a spare, his lens isn't the right one for capturing those intimate moments of the ceremony, Aunty Wanda has got red eyes in every single photograph, and the love of your life is missing the top of his head from the most important shots.. But lets not forget, he is 6 foot 3, it is entirely his fault for having a distinct height advantage over the rest of the Wedding party... *cough*

Imagine you've hired a photographer, lets call him (or her, but we'll go with him for now) James, James Smith Photography Ltd. Mr Smith is going to be with you, your family, your friends, two venues, several different locations, a few changes in weather conditions and surrounded by squealing children for somewhere in the region of 8 hours. For that, you are paying him 'X' amount of money. Maybe you've paid a deposit, and on the day you are due to pay him the rest. ''That could buy a second hand car!'' Exclaims your Old Pa. And yes, it could! But you see, what you don't know, or see, unless you are in the profession, is that, for Mr Smith, his job doesn't end once your day is drawing to a close. Mr Smith now has to go home, and spend days on end going through countless images (we'll say 500 as a nice round number, but admittedly there will normally be a heck of a lot more), he then has to edit these images, and lets not forget the fact he's shot in Raw. Raw, for those of us who aren't in the know, means that the photo isn't a useable image yet, but has all the information required to create a usable one, that can be printed, uploaded to Social Networking sites etc. That Raw image (well, 500 of them), needs time, care, attention and some careful editing, to make that snippet of your day ready for you/me/your Gran to keep forever. Your Uncle Steve will, no doubt, be shooting in Jpeg. His image is ready to go, has had certain processes done by the camera, and then his computer, and he can upload to Facebook, Flickr, whatever. But you want a huge canvas printing, can Uncle Steve's picture be stretched to fit a huge canvas to go above your fire place without some distortion? I doubt it! There are several benefits for shooting raw, but we'll leave that for now. Just remember, and take from this, that Mr Smith, the expensive Photographer, has now got to sit and sift through 500 images, and then, he's got to process every single one. You get paid a set wage, be it weekly, monthly or yearly. But, for you, your day ends at 5pm. Mr Photographer Man, gets paid one set amount for each shoot, and that amount needs to cover all the image processing time, as well as the time and money it costs to be with you on your special day, and time spent uploading images, or getting them printed.

Onwards, to another reason why Wedding Photographers cost so much money. And I bet you thought I was going to say photographers aren't worth it, hey?

Equipment. Photography equipment sadly doesn't grow on trees. Uncle Steves shiny new Sony DSLR cost him £700. He even got one lens with it! Mr Smith who owns James Smith Photography Ltd, has got several cameras. Imagine this, picture the scene, you've got Uncle Steve covering your special day, and his lovely, shiny, brand new Sony decides its not having a very good day. Has he brought a spare camera body? A spare lens? No? Oh.. I think we've got a problem here. Mr Smith however, has come prepared. He's got all his lenses, at least two camera bodies, a few spare memory cards (in various formats), spare (charged) batteries and maybe even an assistant to run back to the car if he's left something there. Mr Smith keeps going, directing all your wedding guests, making Cousin Peter laugh and waggling a rubber duck around to keep those younger relatives focused. Uncle Steve, however, is mid-panic trying to get his beloved camera working. Aunty Wanda is telling him she told him so, and your Mum is in tears. Careful Mum, that leaky mascara won't look too dashing on your cream outfit. TISSUE, SOMEONE! Oooh, Mr Smith has a box of tissues, and, would you look at that, the heavens have opened! Mr Smith is whipping out several, matching umbrellas. Time for a few fun shots of the happy couple, under some umbrellas, before Mr Smith directs everyone else back into the venue, where, from experience he knows exactly how to still get those important group shots.

Once inside, everyones settling down. Bottles of wine on every table, food being set in front of each guest and the atmosphere is building. Uncle Steve has decided (after the camera breaking drama) that he deserves a little tipple. That flies down the hatch awfully quickly, so Aunty Wanda pours him another. And then the speech, ooh better have a glass of champagne in your hand Uncle Steve! And before we know it, Uncle Steve is looking a bit rosy-cheeked. Mr Smith has captured a few candid shots during this time, got some brilliant snaps of the speeches, and even (believe it or not) got a nice one of Uncle Steve drifting off to sleep at the table during the Grooms speech. He's had a quick sandwich, when everyone was settled, and popped outside to get some nice pictures of the venue. Lovely.

As the bride, or groom, you've spent hours toiling over those wedding favours, Uncle Steve is devouring his. Mr Smith had popped into the hall several hours before and managed to capture the room in perfect condition, with a few shots of the favours, name places and table decor.

Am I starting to show you the merits of hiring a professional photographer yet?

There are more reasons than I think anyone would care to read. But, I'll bullet-point the main reasons why Wedding Photographers cost so much damn money.

Wedding Photographers will spend 8 hours minimum with you on your big day, having met you several times previously (hopefully even for an engagement shoot!), he's got to know you as a couple and who in your family won't want to stand next to who, and who you want in each picture.

Mr or Miss Photographer will leave your wedding with countless images they will then spend days working with to create the perfect memories for you to keep forever.

That expensive photographer has enough equipment to cover any unexpected issues and not cause you to panic. Thus ensuring your big day goes smoothly, and everything you want captured in the form of a photograph, is.

Mr/Miss Photographer has done this before, knows how to direct large or small family parties and knows how to deal with reluctant subjects quickly and promptly.

Mr/Miss Photographer is insured, therefore if something goes terribly wrong, Mr/Miss Photographer is covered.

The Photographs you are paying to be taken will be with you your entire life, to show children, grandchildren, family who couldn't attend the big day etc etc. Don't skimp on this element of your big day, 'Future You' will regret it.

Mr/Miss Photographer knows about lighting, and different lighting conditions, he also knows about how to get peoples 'best sides' or best angles. Spoiler - We all have pictures we hate of ourselves, eliminate the chance of this being the case with the majority of your wedding pics by carefully choosing your photographer.

With me saying all of the above, I'd also like to make it horrifically clear that there are bad photographers out there who claim to be ''professional''. (See here - http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2132578/Are-Britains-worst-wedding-pictures-Newlyweds-devastated-photographer-failed-couple-frame-took-blurry-shots.html)

I really cannot stress enough the importance of meeting potential photographers, seeing their work and exploring their portfolio. Reputation is important, research them or ask for references. Equally important, is the relationship between you as a couple and the photographer, if you don't get on, or can't communicate you won't get the pictures YOU are dreaming of. You only get one shot at your big day, you can't do re-runs to perfect those pictures. If you don't like their style of photography, DON'T USE THEM! Simple!

Make the right choice! You wouldn't spend 'X' amount of money only half liking a venue or a dress, so don't do the same with your photography.

Great photography is money well invested.

So tell me, do you think Wedding Photographers really cost too much?!

CREDITS -

Image by myself, of my Uncle's Wedding Photographer who's name escapes me, sorry! This was in 2011 taken on a little Fujifilm Finepix bridge camera - http://www.facebook.com/photographybyabigolightly

For more about Raw Photography - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Raw_image_format

Daily Mail article about bad wedding photography - http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2132578/Are-Britains-worst-wedding-pictures-Newlyweds-devastated-photographer-failed-couple-frame-took-blurry-shots.html

#wedding #photography #Abi Golightly #weddings #photographer

Interview with Boyce Avenue - coming soon!

And, this one, is the completely naked version of the image, no exposure heightened. Grey background, bright colours. This is what I love. Shame we live in a photoshop era! Lucky I can't use it! Good old iPhoto suits me fine.

Apart from levitation photography, I'm using Photoshop for that bad boy!

Moving swiftly along, no tears here.. Here's me looking menacing, testing out my new studio lights in a quick self portrait.

BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, BEEPPPP. Nothing like a bit of Self Timer-ing.

Photography is my muse, and my way of expressing myself.

I have the tools, I just need to use them more often.

I was already quiet, and then I went a bit quieter. I'm still here somewhere though, I hope.

I looked at the prescription, the prescription looked at me. We stared at each other for awhile and then I stuffed it back into the pile of papers by my collection of '' very important stuff''.

You see, theres this little opportunity, a tiny spark of hope that whatever that prescription contains will fix your problems. But how, I'd like to know, can a tablet the size of a Smartie stop all those thought processes? Surely, the answer lies in sorting through the worries and working out ways to fix them? I'm not doubting the credibility of my Doctor, nor am I doubting that tablets and other medication can actually help people in need.

But for me, I think theres more to it.

At 23, I never imagined that I'd have lost a parent, moved away from home at 17, had a child at 18, separated from the Man I loved, lived alone for 3 years and ended up here, after years of ridiculous situations. But there we go. I've survived, my boys survived and he is, above all, healthy and clever, so what am I worried about?

Last month, my good friend died. He was only 26. I have more memories from that one person in the 9 years that I knew him than I do with most other people. Memories are amazing things. When you leave this mortal coil, your memories disappear, done, gone. And what makes me so incredibly sad is the fact that at 26, Chris can't relive all the amazing things he's done, with friends, family, his Lady, even with me. He text me all the time about one particular memory that for him, has always shone through. I loved that we had that, that one memory that no-one else had, or even knew about. Its gone now. Its died, with him. Now I've got that memory, I'm grateful to be left with it, but now theres no-one to relive it with, like only we could do.

I've spent the last month thinking a lot about how the loss of Christopher will be affecting his family, friends and girlfriend. And, this has absolutely broken my heart, as a mother, a girlfriend and a sister, if I lost Jack or Tom, or my brother, that would be horrific. I can't do much, but I think about them, and hope my thoughts somehow help. But, what I failed to really think about during all of this time was the loss I was feeling. I've lost one of the only people who's been in my life consistently since being a teenager. We may not have seen each other for awhile, or spoken every day. But we always were there, for a text or a talk every few weeks. He had plenty of friends who he was closer with, he had people in the hospital with him who would have talked to him more than I did. Thats why I refused to let myself get too upset, I was removed from the direct impact of Chris being taken away. But, you know what... Honestly, sitting back and thinking about him going, It's hit me terribly.

Obviously, I'm doing what I ALWAYS do, and probably always will do. Which is, put something on to fundraise, and thats because I know that, I know how to orchestrate and arrange and do that. I don't know how to feel grief or just function normally, I organise things.

I hope what I'm organising raises an awful lot of money for The Brain Tumour Trust, because Chris, you didn't deserve to go. You were truly, truly wonderful and such a gentle giant.

I'll focus on that to get me through, what I don't think, I should have been hit by so hard. Maybe its because he's the first person of my age to have died in my life time. Maybe its because he was my first boyfriend, my first love, I don't know. But its tough.

Whatever the reason, I know theres a lot going on to contribute to my troubles, but pills from Mr Doctor won't fix it.

It's taken me weeks to decide to say these things out loud, but its done. Maybe my mind will ease a tad.

Now Chris, if you are reading (and I know you liked my writing, you regularly commented on the funny pieces) can you send some luck my way, and maybe the lottery numbers?

Miss you buddy, look after yourself!

CREDITS:-

Image above was taken by myself, on July 24th above Lilleshall. Using a Nikon DS3100 and my 55-200mm lens.

The 'Should I break up with my Boyfriend?' App.

Inspired by an article on the Daily Mail's website, today I downloaded a new iPhone app.

It's very aptly named 'Should I break up with my Boyfriend?' mainly (because, and I best add, this is its only function) it tells you after 14 days whether or not you should dump your Man Friend! Brilliant!

Anyone who is lucky enough (read 'unlucky enough') to live within a hundred miles of me will be quite aware of the amount of projectile 'rainbow sick' myself and my beloved Thomas manage to eject when we are anywhere near each other. Sadly, this rather promptly took a turn for the worse and quickly spread to social networking sites... This means even more folk have to tolerate our gushing (anytime, no need to thank me!)....

Anyway, to sum up, we're pretty cringe-worthy, and we know it! However, in this day in age, relationships are difficult. Having been a child of the 90's (born in 1989, but heck, I was only out of the womb for 5 months of that!) I was bombarded with Disney films. Disney films are definitely a killer, if you grow up thinking that men are that chiseled, well mannered and will come and save the day when you are that damned damsel in distress, hell lady, you are wrong! No man is perfect, the same as no lady is perfect. We have to learn to give and take, and accept our partners flaws! I of course, have several, Tom. . Well, Tom has a few, but they aren't important, and I can overlook them very easily. Unless he is stood talking to me whilst using SEVERAL different cups at once ("Every drink is a new experience'' is Tom's famous line), or he's left cupboard doors open he's wonderful! (http://soundcloud.com/tomcampbellshow/signal-107-breakfast-meet-abi - you can listen to Tom and myself discussing flaws here, cameo from Jack, my son.)

Flaws get me thinking though, some people can't tolerate ANY flaws. Some people just see the bad before the good, and some people, they just don't actually know if they like their partner!

Lucky for them, someone lovely has solved all their problems! The 'Should I break up with my Boyfriend' app can give you a solid, impartial piece of golden advice after analysing your relationship for just 14 days! Not only that! For the measly sum of 69p, you can make an important life decision with the help of your trusty iPhone! It tells you your bank balance, calls your Mum in a 'loosing the keys to your house' emergency, sends you an email to tell you you've won £2.60 on the Euromillions and now, this! The app which will change your relationships, forever!

I've taken it upon myself to put it to the test. In 14 days I'll have a solid answer as to whether or not my relationship should continue. Until then, every day at 6pm I will be reminded by my hello-phone to rate Mr Radio-Face himself. If this means he will be arriving in suits and bringing me presents, one shalt not complain!

The results however, could be disastrous. It could be curtains in 13 sleeps time.

I better set up an account on Plenty of Fish, just in case.

#Should I break up with my boyfriend #app #iphone #relationships #screenshots

The eyebrows looked slick today.

So much so, a fireman told me so, then asked me out, and actually said those ridiculous words 'I shouldn't be trying to chat you up, I should be working'...

NB To the fireman, carry on working.

How things warp and change, in so little time. . .

At the start of 2012, I wanted to fill my life with putting on shows and being the best that I could be, building an empire to spend my life working on and pushing towards something bigger and better. That felt like my future.

I am THE most annoying person in the universe, I get an idea, I pursue it like god-damn bloody hell, I take a knock, I decide I don't want to do it anymore, I give up. . I'm like this with EVERYTHING, work, play, friends, relationships, hobbies, everything. I think I'll always be the same, but in the process I build up a repetoire of things I've done, semi-achieved, or achieved.

That's starting to grate on me, and this year I decided I either need to go full pelt, or not bother at all. This has sadly meant that, as far as putting shows on goes, I've pulled the plug.

I have never, in the last (nearly) 10 years of putting on gigs, shows, events etc had as much drama with venues as I have in the past 6 months. From venues breaking verbal contracts to sleazy venue owners preying on girls who were performing, or due to perform for me, I've seen it all. It's been a colourful journey, but who really wants to deal with things like that? I've got a life that doesn't rely on, or necessarily need to put on shows. My reputation, and that of any companies I am linked to or run, is important. My integrity as a human being is something I hold on to, I would never put any parties through any uncomfortable situations, and Burlesque performers do not deserve, nor merit the actions of sleazy, disgusting men who feel its appropriate to prey on them for sexual gain.

I love burlesque, it sneaks into your veins and despite desperately trying to pull away from the machine you end up hooked up to, it just chases you like a lonely cat manically wanting a quick rub behind the back of the ears.

So, even though I'm letting go of the shows, and breathing a sigh of relief about not having to cope with the stress of them, I'm not breaking away completely.

Good luck to all the other promoters out there, I don't have the patience, nor the tollerence for idiots to put money in venues pockets and get nothing back, not even pride in shows.

tellethompson

Things, as a Burlesque Promoter, I'm bored of.. PART 1

Ahhhh, it must be that time of the week when I have my 'things that tick me off' rant...

As a Burlesque promoter, I get somewhere in the region of (I sadly kid you not) 100 + emails on a weekly basis from performers. Now, clearly, 90% of these emails have had a lot of care and attention given to them. The clever things people can do with technology never seize to amaze me.. Online, email-able CV's with pictures? Whoa! I'm easily impressed though, lets be honest.

However, it doesn't matter how fancy pants the email or the CV looks, if you list an act which is described in a way similar to the following, I really want to smash a plant pot, or a glass (that may be more apt actually) -

'During this act 'X' takes a sultry sip from a glass of poison and suddenly turns into a very naughty girl' ...

BLAH BLAH BLAH...Do you know how many times I read something like that, A WEEK!?! No? Fancy the log in to my email inbox? No?

Yes, I'm happy to admit women/men/me (definitely me, sometimes) can turn a little bit frisky after the addition of a glass of wine/beer/sambuca/vodka/crate of cider/barrel of whisky, but seriously?! Think outside the box you lovely ladies and gents!!!

I've seen acts based around the above executed absolutely wonderfully and I've whooped and cheered with the rest of them. But, having been involved with burlesque for 3 and a bit years, I think its time that every artiste scraps that act basis from their repertoire.

I've seen some brilliant acts the last few months, with some really imaginative themes, excellent use of props and costumes to die for.. All the ones that spring to mind immediately have NOTHING to do with the act starting off with 'taking a sultry sip from a glass of poison' ETC ETC.

Anyway, I'm off to await my voodoo doll being stabbed by someone who takes offence to my silliness.

Heres a picture of the delightful Moreorlesque at my show on Sundae. A double-act who I've never seen do an act based around drinking something lovely.

#secret sundae #burlesque #promoter #birmingham #moreorlesque

''Just when do you think you're a chain with just one link, something comes to tip you off your stool''

Life is funny. I've spent the last 5/6 years of mine convinced that lightening will never strike twice.

I've seen the bad in everything before I've seen the good, and I've picked apart and analysed all the little things that don't really matter.

But, I think I know why now. So I guess that's all that really matters. There's a reason for everything. This, right now, feels like the reason for all of the bad times, the strange times and those moments when I've felt like giving up entirely.

The last month or so has taught me more about myself and the world I live in than the last 3 and a bit years has. . Despite everything that has gone on; the good, the bad and the ugly. I'm quite happy learning lessons, because they point you towards another direction in life. Maybe all the lessons I've learnt intended to lead me to here?

I'm pretty jealous of ''me'' at the moment, how utterly fantastic is that?

To 'The One' who took me to the top of the City and showed me that lightening can strike twice, just in a different, more powerful way - Thank You...

Still.... This might just be another lesson that needs learning, I have to keep telling myself I'm only 22...

heartshaped-bruises-blog-blog

Photographs from The Newbie Show Final by Gary Hedges

What a night!

It was jam packed with fantastic performances, a brilliant audience and an atmosphere you could almost dance with.

We hope you all enjoyed it as much as we did!

We loved seeing lots of new faces as well as lots of our regular chums! Please remember to tell your friends about us if you liked it, and tell us where we failed you if you didn't!!

We just wanted to show you a selection of images by the talented Gary Hedges taken during the event of our performers and finalists-

Our finalists were -

KITTY KOKO Saturday 17th September 2011 Winner at Beat Nightclub, Blackpool https://www.facebook.com/ KittyKokoUK PIXIE AMORE Friday 2nd September 2011 Winner at Sugar Suite/Oh Velvets, Birmingham https://www.facebook.com/ profile.php?id=100002894297 205 GEETA VON TEASE Friday 5th August 2011 winner at The Bear Tavern VIOLET VAYNE Friday 13th May 2011 Winner at O'Neills. Cardiff https://www.facebook.com/ violetvayne1 ALABAMA BOOM Friday 6th May 2011 Winner at The Bear Tavern, Bearwood https://www.facebook.com/ profile.php?id=100002438384 573 BRUISE VIOLET Friday 1st April 2011 Winner at Sugar Suite/Oh Velvets, Birmingham https://www.facebook.com/ pages/Miss-Bruise-Violet/ 127264463965269 VELVET VON BLACK Saturday 19th March 2011 Winner at The Varsity, Wolverhampton https://www.facebook.com/ luthien.firefly also the third part featured - LOLA LASHES, https://www.facebook.com/ profile.php?id=100001991054 372 http://lolalashes.com/ MOREORLESQUE, http://www.facebook.com/bethanyblue http://www.facebook.com/paloma.violets1

JACQUES BRUXELLES

Our comperes were Tom Campbell, Jim Hawkins and Abi Golightly.

Tom Campbell -

http://www.djtonto.co.uk

http://www.twitter.com/TomCampbell

Jim Hawkins -

http:// www.jimhawkins.co.uk/

Abi Golightly -

http://www.abigolightly.com

http://www.twitter.com/abigolightly

CREDITS :-

All images courtesy of Gary Hedges and may not be reproduced or used without his permission.

http://www.facebook.com/Gary5150

#burlesque #secret sundae #birmingham #performer #burlesque dancer #fan dance #costume #pin up #burlesque show #tease #live photography #UK #england

How to do it like a DIVA, darlings!

We all know the importance of being a diva when you are a Burlesque performer. Here I have compiled a few easy to remember instructions for how to perfect the Diva in you!

1) Blow your next show booking/situation entirely out of proportion, it'll make people think you are amazing, darling!

''OH MY GOD! I've just landed this amazing slot at a FANTASTIC show! They were crazy about one of my acts they saw, just couldn't wait to book me!''

Point blank deny the facts that it is an unpaid gig and that you are forking out for transport and accommodation.

Deny even further that in actual fact, it was YOU who contacted the show promoter and asked them for a slot.

2) Stick to the following rules when arriving at a venue, darling!

When you arrive at the venue :

Thou shalt NOT talk to, mingle with or exchange false pleasantries with other performers for any longer than is absolutely necessary.

Pace the stage, tut, and tell the sound boy that that DEFINITELY needs moving.

You most definitely, 150% must NOT share the dressing room with the other performers.

Fine your own dressing area, without asking or consulting the promoters.

Ensure you have a strange human being with you to be my ''chauffeur'', he (and only he) will collect your drinks from the bar and carry your luggage.

You WILL air kiss those who attempt to speak to you whom you are acquainted with, something that has not been done since the the 1990's. You must refuse to *actually* kiss, or touch other people. HEAVEN FORBID!

3) When preparing your act -

Remember to write a lengthy introduction (that you absolutely need the audience to hear before you go on stage) for the compere to memorise ten minutes before the show. Two paragraphs will do, at least.

Make sure your perfect 'woe is me' pout is prepared and rehearsed for when the compere forgets to say your desired tag line. They have clearly ruined the ambiance of your entire act.

4) Gush uncontrollably when someone pays you a compliment and then completely deny it whilst fishing for more compliments!

Me? Amazing? Never! You are too kind! I was so nervous! Did you see my pasties? I made them myself! Absolutely darling aren't they! So, what did you think of my stocking peel? Not too staggered? I thought it was, definitely need to go back to the drawing board on that move, I really appreciate your kindness but it was awful! Oh stop! You are making me blush! A drink? I'd love one! But only if you are sure?! A double G&T in that case, and make sure the glass is clean! Buy you one back? Do you know who I am!?

5) Remember that the maid, or stage hand, is your personal assistant!

They are here for you, and you only! No expectations of them are too big or too small! The fact they are a human being, just the same as you is irrelevant! They will be only too happy to run back and forth for you, in fact! Not only will they carry all your things on and off stage, heck, they'll pop back to your car for you to grab that 'really important thing' you forgot.

But most of all, pretend you ARE Dita Von Teese! Because after all, thats the only burlesque performer you have ever heard of!

Now! Strut that strut, rock those 6 inch heels you can barely walk in, stick your nose in the air and go get 'um Tiger!

N.B - Some of the above has been created for fictional purposes. The majority, sadly, is taken from situations I have encountered. No names named, of course!

CREDITS -

Image from Google

#burlesque #burlesque dancer #diva #dita von teese #how to do it like a diva #abi golightly #secret sundae

Accidentally went AWOL.

It appears I went AWOL for a week and a few days. Ooops.

Its been a busy time, lots going on in all areas of life and I'm starting to wonder where my 'Off' switch is.

Obviously this week treated us with Valentines Day, joy. It brought back memories of the last few years.. I repeat, joy! But the 15th February reminded me that it really isn't worth all the fuss and I'm very thankful not to be in other peoples shoes, or even my own from past years.

I got a few cards and a beautiful rose from lovely friends though, which is more than I've ever had, and best of all, a card from my Mini Me. Life really isn't about big gestures and throwing lots of money at a 'manufactured' day of the year. If you love someone, tell them every time you feel it, not just on certain occasions.

I stayed up until 2am last night watching this new programme on BBC3. As an avid Don't Tell The Bride fan I got a little excited when I managed to catch Don't Tell The Bride To Be - The Proposals (watch it on iplayer here - http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b01c97z7/Dont_Tell_the_Bride_Dont_Tell_the_Bridetobe_The_Proposals/).

A few of these proposals were a bit naff in my opinion, I won't lie. The one styled on a scene from Love Actually could have be executed a million times better. That, and the poor chaps grammar was horrific, sorry love! The flash mob proposal was my favourite. I like seeing people who are genuinely very in love. But the cynic in me always sits there and wonders how long they are really going to last. I've decided being a Daily Mail reader (don't judge, please don't judge, I'm a good person, honest!!) doesn't help with my relationship cynicism. For example, a story this week entitled ''Don't tell the missus! Men splurge on Valentine's day gifts for their lovers (but scrimp on their wives)'' was run in the run up to Petrol Station Forecourt Flowers Day (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2100513/.html) I think I could become accustomed to being a mistress if that story is true. I'd accept the expensive underwear bit anyway! Not so sure I could happily be involved in such a life destroying situation though. Having been a child of a cheating Father (sorry Dad, I love you, but theres no denying it) I've seen the effects of affairs on the entire family linked to the cheater, I'd never do that. And, before anyone thinks it... I know life isn't always as straight up and down, and these situations can really be taken out of our hands. What the heart wants, the heart will try desperately to get!

In other news, I cut myself a fringe back in.

My new business cards arrived -

and, we have 3 new furry members of the Golightly family -

One of the gerbils 'Charlie' had a little tail related incident within 16 hours of moving into Château Golightly.. Sorry about that little lady.. Gypsy Rose Gerbil and Bettie are doing well though. They enjoy long walks in the gerbilarium, fine dining whilst climbing all over each and a little girl on girl action on cold, lonely nights.

Back to the future anyway, this Sunday is the second Secret Sundae event. We've got Lola Lashes hosting a beginners Burlesque workshop before hand and Girls With Ink are coming down to join us so we can attempt to get a bit of filming done and interview a few ladies. Sometimes I wonder why I like doing so much at once, and then I remember its illegal to commit murder so maybe working so hard all the time is a blessing in disguise.

Got some product reviews to do in the next few days, and I watched a great film with Mr Brown last weekend that I'll talk about aswell.

Until then, Happy Thursday.

Had a little chat on Radio Shropshire today with Jim Hawkins about Ink and what my tattoo's mean to me. Didn't say half the stuff I wish I had listening back to it!

Then, I learnt how to use iMovie, from a YouTuber who turned out to be only 14 years old. That didn't knock my ego even slightly, nope, not at all. Nope, definitely not.

Oh, ok, it did. I admit it.

Thanks to Jim for having me on!

http://www.jimhawkins.co.uk/

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