#extradirty
if i look back, i am lost
Misplaced Lens Cap
oozey mess
DEAR READER
we're not kids anymore.
Xuebing Du
Sweet Seals For You, Always
blake kathryn
Peter Solarz
TVSTRANGERTHINGS
Monterey Bay Aquarium
art blog(derogatory)
NASA
roma★
KIROKAZE
No title available
Cosmic Funnies
trying on a metaphor
Kiana Khansmith
seen from United Kingdom
seen from Türkiye
seen from Netherlands
seen from Brazil
seen from United States
seen from Brazil
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Canada
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Iraq
seen from Türkiye
@abipolarsreality
Later...
It’s been a couple of days since my ketamine treatment. I feel a little weird and anxious, yesterday was worse but I am also in a decently good mood. I have severe social anxiety and agoraphobia. Today I walked around a grocery store by myself!!! I’m hoping this means I can get out even more. When I was there, I didn’t even have a panic attack. Remarkable. My panic attacks are typically about…
Third Session
This session was way better than number two. There still was a little dizziness when I closed my eyes, but the room wasn’t spinning. About halfway through I started smiling and really enjoying my music. I am not a person who can sit still. I think it’s because of my ADHD honestly, but I really wanted to dance. I texted my husband and my mom to kind of keep myself in check. Today I feel a little…
Ketamine
Tomorrow I will be starting a journey. I am having ketamine treatments. I’m super nervous about it but I realized it could make a huge dent in my depression. I guess that it may be used for other things, I don’t really know about those things. I only have a smidgeon of what it may be like. As I learn more, I’ll share it here. I hope I will be able to share enough information.
Doing Some Exposure Therapy
Last weekend I did a lot of stuff that I didn’t think I could never do again. Went to a family get together, went to the casino and I went to the opening of our YMCA. We also went out to dinner which was nice. Then I got sick and haven’t really done anything this week. I asked hubby if he wanted to go on a date this weekend. I am planning on going to Dave and Busters because we have such good…
View On WordPress
I'm Not A Horder
I get manic and I collect things and shop. Clothes, makeup, paints and nail polish stickers. I use all of them quite often except for the clothes. I’m going to try and rectify that this weekend. Just put my head down and buckle up. I just wanted to write tonight, I want to get back into, blogging but I can’t sit my ass down and just focus on anything.
View On WordPress
Getting Older
I’m 53 years of age. I know that I should be an adult but I just don’t feel like I am one. Almost every night I wake up and can’t go back to sleep for 3 hours or more. This makes me dull all through the next day. I can’t really focus on things like I used too. I just figured out how to save my ass and pay for these cards I just bought without pissing off hubby. I think that I am a little manic…
View On WordPress
Another Day At Another Time
Another Day At Another Time
Right now, things are going pretty well. I’m still kind of really having problems writing my blog. I’ve started doing exposure therapy to solve this damn agoraphobia. It’s not going to bad. I am most anxious when I am in the car. Nebraska drivers suck. I’m really tired of not sleeping through the night. It happens about 5 days a week. I used to come upstairs in my recliner and pass out, but the…
View On WordPress
Starting To Write Again
Starting To Write Again
If you’ve read my blog, you know it’s been quite a while since I’ve last written anything. Last night me and the hubby were having a conversation about it, and he said to me, just do it. We went back and forth, and I really didn’t have a reason for not doing it. I’ve felt frozen trying to do anything. Even right now as I write this, I’m having to really push it out. My meds are working pretty…
View On WordPress
A Little Bit Manic and a Whole Lot Happy.
A Little Bit Manic and a Whole Lot Happy.
The negative to being manic is I am getting very little sleep. The good thing is, is that I am happy. So happy, it’s weird. I keep finding myself staring at hubby when he’s not looking and grinning my ass off. Another good thing is I’m feeling feelings. I’m not super numb like with the depression. Man I hate the depression.. No point in worrying about it till it gets here though.
View On WordPress
A Little bit Manic
A Little bit Manic
I’m a little manic. Not in the crazy way but in I want to do something but can’t focus on one thing. So I’m blogging for starters. Yesterday I painted a couple paintings. Eventually I’ll upload them so you can see what I do. Several weeks ago someone asked me to appear on their podcast and I’m still thinking about it. I’m so flattered. The last podcast I did was when I was still doing phonesex…
View On WordPress
Painting
I’ve been painting a lot lately. It makes me feel good for the most part. I do judge myself probably harsher than other people would for sure though.I just went off wellbutrin cold turkey and the headaches are terrible. I didn’t really have a choice in the beginning as my shrink didn’t fill out my pills for 5 days. Emotionally I am not feeling so blocked though which is nice. I am also more…
View On WordPress
Holiday Blues
Does anyone else get the holiday blues? Every year no matter how good life is going I get sad. Not depressed. SAD! I miss my family a lot as I haven’t seen most of them for close to 20 years and they never talk to me unless I start the conversations, calls or text. This year I won’t even be spending any time with my in-laws who I really love. So maybe that is what’s bringing me down. What makes…
View On WordPress
Insomnia
I don’t ever sleep the full night through. I’ve been having a lot of nightmares about the past. You think you are over something and yet there it is poking it’s heads out. I’m in this vicious sleep cycle. Bed at 1am, wake up between 2:00 and 5:00 am. Go back to bed at 8:00 am and then sleep until 11:30am or noon. Don’t get me wrong I love sleep because usually I have full control of my dreams but…
View On WordPress
Thanksgiving
Usually Thanksgiving is a super stressful day. Going out in the car to go to my mother in laws place and be surrounded by family. With covid I had a nice quiet thanksgiving and cooked the whole meal myself. I enjoyed it and there was no stress. Usually hubby and I just order our meals out so it was fun to cook with him. It made me realize we need to do it more often. I hope that everyone enjoyed…
View On WordPress
Figuring the new Wordpress out
Figuring the new WordPress out
I am trying to figure out how to post, it’s kind of weird and confusing right now. Nothing like wanting to write and not being able to.
If I get this figuring out I’ll definitely post more often.
View On WordPress
I'm back
I’m back
I had a very very long depressive episode. Yes it lasted years. I went through many different meds and honestly thought that I would never be able to do anything again. I’m now on some new meds which I will list for you at a post sometime in the future, but I am happy. Still housebound which I guess since I am in a pandemic is okay. It’s weird being happy. I honestly don’t know what to do with it.…
View On WordPress
Day 9
today has gone pretty good. No head aches. I have some body aches but I think it is from sitting cross-legged all the time. My hubby is watching the puppy while I write my blog post. Nothing exciting has happened. The puppy is doing good. The withdrawal is going good and life is good. I find it harder to write when I am happy.
View On WordPress