matters? yes.
“I am, as I am; whether hideous, or handsome, depends upon who is made judge.” - Herman Melville
So my friend tells me today the first impression she had of me and how it changed when i started talking. She tells me as we were waiting for the bus today how she first took me as someone who looked very weird and you know there’s this impression of people that you have by the way they look. impression is the word here that i used to be ‘nice’ when in fact the word that fits here is ‘judging’. you judge people by the way they look or dress, both of them or sometimes just the one thing but you judge them. it’s instinctual. it’s that one thing we, all mammals share. Other mammals do this act to see if the other party is dangerous or not, but we, well we do it for a hundred reasons, to make friends, to choose life partners and so on. but we all judge. as much as we hate to judge and be judged, we judge. i’m curious to know how people judge me. it shouldn't matter, it’s best if it didn’t matter but it matters to me how people think of me when they look at me. it shouldn’t matter. but it does.
i hate that it makes me insecure. i hate that it makes me look in the mirror.
