A Safe Space For Abuse Survivors

Feel free to come here with submissions venting, asking for help, asking if what happened to you was abuse, or anything else relating. This is a safe space for abuse survivors/victims. None of the mods are medical professionals and all of the things we say are our personal opinions.

[ptsdconfessions]

What is gaslighting? And what behaviors would fall under that label?

Hey there, gaslighting is when someone manipulates another person by making them doubt their sanity (eg. memory, thoughts). Here’s some resources if you’d like some more information:

Signs of gaslighting & examples  

15 ways to tell if someone is gaslighting you  

11 warning signs of gaslighting  

Here is a post from introvertdoodles explaining gaslighting.

Gaslighting is a really serious form of abuse which can come from any type of relationship. Knowing the signs and red flags can help you to recognise when it’s happening and what to do. Know that you are loved and deserving of happiness.

-Winter xx

[factory]

Just because the past didn’t turn out like you wanted it to, doesn’t mean your future can’t be better than you ever imagined.

[furiousgoldfish]

Click here for big version

[pancakeke]

I don't know if any of you had the same experience as me, but I tried therapy when I was a teenager living in an abusive household and thought it was a waste of time. Ultimately my biggest problems (dad) were beyond my control and no amount of coping would make them better. Now that I'm an adult with actual control over my life and don't live with my dad anymore therapy is MUCH more helpful.

If any of you had bad experiences with therapy when you were younger it may be worth it to try again now.

[stimman3000]

honestly i think the most validating thing ive ever heard was “good parents don’t have to try to convince their children they weren’t abused” so yknow. remember that.

[furiousgoldfish]

Recognizing Abuse Masterlist

Signs that you’re living in abuse:

Behavioral patterns of living in abuse

Was I abused? Checklist

Not knowing you are a victim

Signs your family is abusive

Making excuses for your abusive parents

Experience of living in secrecy

What they taught you was abuse

Emotional experiences of living in abuse

Shame and guilt: how abused children feel

What makes parents abusers (actions)

Have I been manipulated into believing abuse was my fault? Checklist

Am I being held hostage by abusers? Checklist

You are not allowed to mention the past

Why you still love abusive parents

Parental behaviour that isn’t normal

Shit parents aren’t supposed to say to you

Experience of “not belonging anywhere”

Red flags for abusive parents

Healthy vs Abusive Chores

Was my childhood abusive or just had some bad parts?

Rules always change (unpredictable environment is abusive)

Breakdown of abusive parent’s behaviour:

“This is my house” rule

Start living in the real life!

Why all the children aren’t abused equally in an abusive home

Common abuser hypocrisies

Do your parents want you to be happy or look happy?

Why do they try to convince you that you’re worthless

Why do they pretend you’re a burden? Controlling behaviour

Why your abusers are not good people

Abusive parents are keeping you in false hope they’ll change

Are your parents preventing you from succeeding?

Abusive parents pretending “it wasn’t that bad”

Double Bind (why every choice you make ends wrong)

Incorporating trauma in raising children

Abusers will not allow you to call them out on abuse

Signs your parents are narcissistic:

Stuff delusional narcissists say

Shit narcissistis parents say

Recognizing emotional immaturity of narcissistic parents

Examples of narcissistic behaviours

Being punished for growing up by narcissistic parents

Signs you’ve been thru sexual abuse:

CSA (Childhood Sexual Abuse) Symptoms

Signs you might have endured CSA

Was I sexually abused by adults as a child? Checklist

Signs of abusive friendship/relationship:

How to tell if a friend is not a friend

Am I in an abusive relationship/friendship? Checklist

Manufacturing insecurities

Red flags for abusers

Have I been thru social abuse? Checklist

You can recognize abusers by how they make you feel

How abusive childhood teaches you to stay in abusive relationships

Recognizing abusive friendship

Signs you’re struggling with trauma

Trauma processing information

Experiences of traumatized children

Signs you’re recovering from long term abuse

Things abuse survivors think/say

Thoughts of victims of child abuse

Your brain on trauma

How long term childhood abuse develops into complex trauma (comic)

Ups and downs of trauma

[openblogtomyabusivemother]

I have not vetted this list at all, but hopefully it has some helpful information in it.

[chinon]

i wish issues with daily hygiene due to mental illness were talked about more. i feel like it’s the elephant in the room when it comes to symptoms of debilitating disorders.

so i’m proud of everyone who brushed their teeth, washed their face, showered, and/or put on fresh underwear today. and it’s ok if you haven’t done all or any of those (i know i’ve only done the first two); i’m still so proud of you for managing and surviving another day. keep going you’re doin good.

[everythingstarstuff]

[land-of-birds-and-comics]

Donald Duck Goes To Group Therapy For His Debilitating Executive Dysfunction And It’s Just Played Completely Straight For Like Four Pages Like What

[langblrwhy]

Group therapy can help you create some small goals for life, when you can’t have any alone

[furiousgoldfish]

Sad I have to write this out, but abuse and trauma have zero benefits to anyone’s life. You can learn anything the kind way. You can become anyone the kind way. There is no reason whatsoever to traumatize you. Everything can be done without abuse.

[openblogtomyabusivemother]

Love Crumbs

This is the term I came up with for what abusive parents offer when they supposedly “aren’t being abusive”. Every once in awhile, they’ll offer tiny little crumbs of love and if you’ve been abused your entire childhood, even if that abuse has been what our society sees as subtle, with mostly neglect coupled with love crumbs, you aren’t going to understand that this isn’t normal. So let me tell you, it isn’t normal. Normal, well-adjusted, healthy, parents who are capable of love, don’t offer love crumbs, they offer the whole entire cake.

Here’s how you know if your parents are dropping love crumbs instead of the whole cake: if you mostly feel desperate to be loved but then you think to yourself, there must be something wrong with me to want so much love because there was that one time last year when my mom did that loving thing for like 5 seconds…

Sound familiar?

[buszkeamerikai-deactivated20200]

When talking about my biological father, I used to tell me boyfriend, “he wasn’t all bad–sometimes he’d surprise us with food even on the days we weren’t supposed to eat”

And he’d say “… You’re supposed to eat everyday*

A little literal on the crumb take, but yeah.

[openblogtomyabusivemother]

Is your parent emotionally immature?

Emotional immaturity tends to be foundational to abusive behaviors in parents. More than one yes to these sentences means it’s likely your parent is/was emotionally immature.

I had to say yes to ALL of these for BOTH parents. How many are yes for you?

- My parent often overreacted to relatively minor things.

- My parent didn’t express much empathy or emotional awareness.

- When it came to emotional closeness and feelings, my parent seemed uncomfortable and didn’t go there.

- My parent was often irritated by individual differences or different points of view.

- When I was growing up, my parent used me as a confidant but wasn’t a confidant for me.

- My parent often said and did things without thinking about people’s feelings.

- I didn’t get much attention or sympathy from my parent, except maybe when I was really sick.

- My parent was inconsistent—sometimes wise, sometimes unreasonable.

- If I became upset, my parent either said something superficial and unhelpful or got angry and sarcastic.

- Conversations mostly centered on my parent’s interests.

- Even polite disagreement could make my parent very defensive.

- It was deflating to tell my parent about my successes because it didn’t seem to matter.

- Facts and logic were no match for my parent’s opinions.

- My parent wasn’t self-reflective and rarely looked at his or her role in a problem.

- My parent tended to be a black-and-white thinker, and unreceptive to new ideas.

Source: Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay C. Gibson

[furiousgoldfish]

“You can’t “provoke” abuse. You can’t make someone hurt you if they weren’t just waiting for an excuse to hurt you already. You can’t cause abuse. Your behaviuor cannot affect someone’s abusive behaviour. You did not ask for it. Nobody asked for it.”

— they would have found an excuse to hurt you no matter what you did (via furiousgoldfish)

[harmony-is-happiness]

[abuse-survivor-safe-space]

This blog is horribly beautiful. It's horrible because It's needed, but beautiful because you have a life outside and still choose to help other people who had gone throw abuse and need an open ear to be listened. Thank you so much for your time and kindness. -S.

It's no problem. When you have felt alone and worthless for so long you don't want anyone else to feel what you feel. I wish I had this when I was younger and I want to help people like me. It's horrible that so many people deal with abuse, but at least we live in a time when there's support and awareness and help available to many people. If I don't/can't give advice, I, at least, want everyone to know that I, and past mods, listen and read all the asks and submissions we get, even if we can't publish due to anonymity, we still read every word and try to message with non-anons of possible. The first step to healing is awareness and the next is seeking help, even if it's sending an anonymous ask to an advice blog, you're going in the right direction-Jellyfish👾

[abuse-survivor-safe-space]

I'm sorry Y'all (update 9/3/18)

I've been neglecting this account and I'm sorry if it's affecting anyone. I don't delete asks so I will try to get through all of them.

Something happened in my life and now I'm up to the brink with stress. I started my third year at college with a full schedule, I'm trying to get a job, move out of my toxic household, and I'm also playing collegiate volleyball so I'm busy and have no time for even free time, let alone taking my time to thoughtfully answer your asks. And the way tumblr is, I don't think I can answer them on my phone because I can't add tabs, but I'll try again today to see if the new updates allows that now, or if I can post an answered ask, and then edit it to add tags (which is what I have to do on the computer)

I've at least gotten a job that I kinda like (read: I'm not dreading to work there like I have with other jobs in the past and most of my coworkers are likeable and nice to my noobie shy butt), so that's eased the stress load by a lot and I have more time now that I'm not frantically applying and setting up interviews.

So I'll be answering a few asks between classes and during my free time, instead of trying to answer them all at one time. I haven't looked in the inbox, so if there's applications I'll address that first so that I can get some help with answering the asks. I'll be starting from the bottom/oldest asks and going up. I'll be doing some today after doing a couple things I need to do. This is the end of my announcement, but I'll be explaining my situation a couple lines down if you're interested. I just need to get a couple things off my mind and to show I really am overwhelmed and care about this account.

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So I'm in my third year at college, though I'm academically more of a sophomore. My first semester at college I didn't know I was going to graduate that June so I applied late compared to other and all the core classes were gone. I took a psychology class, Chinese 1A, and 4 PE classes (dropped down to 3 because I really didn't like my Haitian dance class, and it was hard on my parents to have to take me to the sister campus 25 miles away on a Saturday morning because I didn't have my license or a car yet (had to wait until October when I turned 17 1/2 to avoid the mandatory $600ish driving school requirement). Then something happened during that semester to trigger my PTSD and I had to skip the spring semester. I'm in my third year with 39/60 credits completed and plan on transferring for the fall 2019 semester. I am having some doubts and questioning my career path at the moment, so I have to do some heavy research on careers, majors, and 4 year schools to transfer to very soon, since a program called TAG (transfer admission guarentee) has started and lasts until September 30th and then actual applications start Nov 1-30 so I have to start figuring out where I'll try to apply very soon. So that's stress #1 (number does not reflect severity or order of stress)

Next is that I found out my brother's girlfriend will be moving in right before I went to Mexico in late July, and at the time my mom said she'll be moving into my room and the girlfriend will be moving into my mom's room. So I spent all weekend thinking and worrying, and by the time I got back I decided I needed to move out asap. I talked to my grandparents about it the next day and then called my aunt, and they are the only ones who know and are supporting me. My aunt is more active in her support, helping me figure out all the details and what I need to do, and using my college money from my grandparents to pay for rent because I can't stand being at my house long enough to save money with a part time job. So as I'm looking places up on housing apps, I noticed that even though my college money guarantees I will be able to pay every single bill, I still need a job, cosigner, and credit score, 3 of those things I didn't have at the time. School was also starting and a lot of my weekends went to moving my brother's girlfriend in, and i had started having volleyball practice mon-thurs. I was having problems and started new meds. I was able to start adderall though, and it has helped immensely and I don't know if I could've done any of this without it. When school starts I'm now a full time student athlete, trying to get a job, move out, and figure out things related to my college account with my aunt who lives 3 hours away.

My third week of school is starting tomorrow, and I have a job with flexibility for my volleyball game schedule that is different each week, and it's better now that I know most of my volleyball schedule. So the stress from volleyball and getting a job is gone. I also discovered that I do have a credit score thanks to a Kohl's credit card I took out a year ago that I was not aware was connected to my personal credit. (Not very good with all this finance stuff). Right now it's poor, but it went up from nonexistent, so the more I use my card and continue making payments in time, it will continue to go up. I will be applying for a credit card to also help increase my score, probably tonight, but I have to get my aunt to cosign (I hate inconveniencing her). But now I have a job, a credit score, and a cosigner.

Right now my main focus other than school is sifting through potential places to live and getting rid of the ones that don't meet my requirements (which are basically just I can't live with men and the room needs to be unfurnished because I don't have anywhere to fit my 4 pieces of furniture) and then, with the help of my aunt, figuring out which places would be good based on rent, location, commute (depends on if I have a car or not, which I probably wont), amenities and appliances included, lease type, etc. Then I'll contact the landlords/owners and arrange viewings and then get approved to move in. So my goal is to move out before October, though I'll be working hard to do it way sooner if possible.

I also had a little bit of a medical problem, but it's basically resolved. This week will be a lot easier and less busy.

Right now I'm focusing on housing, college research, getting a credit card and updating my fafsa, the last two of which are a one and done thing so I'll most likely complete those two tonight. So I will have a little bit of free time to answer your asks starting tomorrow and I'll try my hardest to do as much as I can in between my school, volleyball, and work. I'll be checking tonight if the mobile app will work, because if it does it will be 10× easier to answer asks on the go, the 10 min between classes, in the car when I'm not driving, during work breaks, etc.

Sorry again for ghosting and being inactive!! I'll also be reblogging more things from recovery accounts and other helpful things from other blogs. I still have a goal to make a hotline master post, but that'll have to be way later. Thank you for being patient and sticking with this account. You are all amazing, strong survivors, and I love each and every one of you 💚

-Jellyfish

[recovering-and-healing]

Mental Health Apps Masterpost

ANXIETY

Anxiety Free - iTunes

Accupressure - iTunes and Android

Self Help for Anxiety Management - iTunes and Android

Worry Box - Android

Stop Panic & Anxiety Self Help - Android

Worry Watch - iTunes

Moods - iTunes

What’s Up? - iTunes and Android

Stop, Breathe and Think - iTunes and Android

Colorfy - iTunes and Android

Breathe2Relax - iTunes and Android

7 Cups - iTunes and Android

Happify - iTunes and Android

Anxiety Reliever - iTunes and Android

Pacifica - iTunes and Android

Panic Relief - iTunes and Android

Stress Doctor - iTunes

Anxiety Coach - iTunes

Mindshift - iTunes and Android

Dare Break Free from Anxiety - Android

Stress and Anxiety Companion - iTunes

CALMING

Relax and Rest Guided Meditations - iTunes and Android

Nature Sounds Relax and Sleep - Android

Sleep Time - iTunes and and Android

Free Relaxing Nature Sounds and Spa Music -  iTunes

Headspace - iTunes and Android

HelloMind - iTunes and Android

Inner Balance - iTunes and Android

Calm - iTunes and Android

Rain, Rain - iTunes and Android

Harmony Hypnosis Meditation - iTunes and Android

My Oasis Calming and Relaxing Game - Android

Atmosphere Relaxing Sounds - Android

Equanimity - iTunes

Relax Melodies - iTunes and Android

Secret of Happiness - Android

Cove - iTunes

DEPRESSION

Depression CBT Self-Help Guide - Android

iCBT - iTunes

MoodKit - iTunes

Fight Depression Naturally - Android

MoodTools Depression Aid - iTunes and Android

Life Reboot Fight Depression - Android

InnerHour - iTunes and Android

How To Deal With Depression - Android

Feeling Good - Android

WYSA AI Therapy for Depression - Android

Relieve Depression - Android

IntelliCare Hub - Android

Boost Me - Android

Lantern - iTunes and Android

EATING DISORDER

RR Eating Disorder Management - Android

Jourvie - Android

WhatsMyM3 - iTunes

Mindful Eating Hypnosis - Android

IEatWell - Android

Rise Up and Recover - iTunes

Recovery Box - iTunes

Real Life Change - iTunes

MOOD

Moody Mood Tracker - iTunes and Android

Catch It - Android

Mood Notes - iTunes

iMood Journal - iTunes and Android

T2 Mood Tracker - iTunes and Android

DiaryMS - iTunes

Daylio Diary, Journal, Mood Tracker - iTunes and Android

Mood Space - Android

eMoods Bipolar Mood Tracker - iTunes

Mood Triggers - Android

MoodScanner - Android

MyMoodTracker - iTunes

CBT Thought Record Diary - Android

ThinkUp Positive Affirmations - Android

Breathe Easy - Android

MoodKit - Mood Improvement Tools - iTunes

Stigma Mood Tracker - iTunes

Mood-Log - iTunes

OCD

Live OCD Free - iTunes

GGOC OCD Relief with Daily Exercise -  Android

Tranquility OCD Support - Android

Circle Connections - Android

PANIC ATTACK

Stop Panic & Anxiety Self-Help - Android

Panic Relief - iTunes and Android

Panic Shield - iTunese and Android

Beat Panic Attacks - Android

Aware Meditation and Mindfulness - Android

Don’t Panic - Android

Fast Calm - iTunes

Panic Attacks? - iTunes and Android

PERSONALITY DISORDERS

Mental Disorders - Android

DBT Travel Guide - iTunes and Android

DBT Diary - iTunes

MindCare - Android

Youper AI Therapy - iTunes and Android

Impulse DBT - iTunes and Android

DBT Daily - iTunes and Android

Reachout My Support Group - iTunes and Android

Vital Tones - iTunes and Android

All Mental Disorders and Treatment - Android

Mental Disorders Helpful Books - Android

Mental Disorders - Books & Reference - Android

Cognitive Diary CBT Help - Android

PETS

Pets 4 Homes - Android

Animal and Pet Care Diary - Android

Dog Hotel - Android

Pawpular - Android

Dog Bite Prevention - Android

Daily Kitten Virtual Pet - Android

Puppr Pet Training - Android

Pet First Aid - iTunes

Dog Care - Android

11Pets - iTunes and Android

Pet Page - iTunes

Cat Clicker Training - iTunes

Kitty Cat Clicker - Android

Tractive GPS Dog & Cat Finder - Android

Paint for Cats - iTunes

My Virtual Pet Shop - Android

My Talking Pet - iTunes and Android

APCC by ASPCA - Android

ASPCA – Emergency Pet Safety - Android

Dog Park Assistant - iTunes

Dog Park Tycoon - Android

PTSD

PTSD Coach - iTunes and  Android

CPT Coach - iTunes and Android

PTSD Hub - iTunes and Android

Develop Your Resilience - Android

PTSD Stops Here - Android

PTSD and Traumatic Stress - Android

Tactical Breather - Android

Morpheus Recovery - Android

RAPE

SIA Survivors - Android

Sex Offender Search - Android

Sexual Trauma Support Group - Android

You Are a Survivor - Android

Women’s Security - Android

SOS Emergency App - Android

Chilla Personal Safety - Android

Circle 6 - iTunes and Android

bSafe - Personal Safety - iTunes and Android

Hollaback - iTunes and Android

SELF HARM

S.A.F.E. ALTERNATIVES - iTunes

Self Harm Recovery - Android

Calm Harm - Android

Talk Life You Are Not Alone - Android

Booster Buddy - iTunes and Android

DistrACT - iTunes and Android

Stay Alive - Android

First Aid - iTunes and Android

First Aid Training Simulator - Android

Suicide Safety Plan - Android

Emotional Support Helpline - Android

SOS Emergency

SOS Emergency Tool - Android

Locator - Android

SOS Help - Android

Shake2Safety - Android

SOS Whistle - Android

Find My Family, Friends, Phone - iTunes and Android

STUDY

Todait Smart Study Planner - Android

Smart Study Plan - Android

MyHomework Student Planner - iTunes

Evernote - iTunes and Android

Study.com Online Courses - iTunes and Android

School Assistant - Android

Chegg Study - iTunes

Study Tips - Android

The Homework App - iTunes

Smart Study Plan – Android

Study - Android

Math Help MathElf - iTunes

Notebook - Android

Study - iTunes

My Study Life - Android

THERAPY ONLINE

Talkspace Online Therapy - iTunes and Android

Better Help - Counseling & Therapy Online - Android

Anonymous Chat Online - Android

Emotional Support - Android

Psychologist - Android