♔

queer + ace + kinky nsfw/18+

[hcnnibal]

at the sex club on bdsm night whipping my partner but shaking my head the whole time so you know i dont condone violence and do not derive pleasure from causing other people pain

[matrixonvhsanddvd]

My unemployed mommy dom texting me at work: grrr mommy needs kitten rn 😈

Me, on my fifth smoke break in an hour: I need you to actually kill me during sex this time please

[matrixonvhsanddvd]

I’ve been watching people tag this with fictional characters for months and I based this off an actual relationship I had with a woman

[matrixonvhsanddvd]

We had matching necklaces that were vials of each others blood

[notursneverwasx]

why are you into girls? ....

have you seen them

[starbucks-strider-deactivated20]

Oh… oh no… this is a compromising position we found ourselves in… you know… you have me pinned to the wall… knife to my neck… would it be too hard to… to a..sk.. i…f w..e ca..n kis….s?

[archived18482939204848]

why do you want to bite people?

some of you deserve it

[cruisingforabruising]

it’s so hot when someone who respects me makes me feel dumb. like we both know I’m smart but yess I’m your little idiot, talk down to me and point out all my mistakes

[asexual-domme]

Ace-Friendly Kinky Questions

You guys asked and I delivered. I hope they all make sense! Now get sending those numbers.

How long have you known you were kinky?

Were there any early signs of you being kinky before you realised you were?

What was your first kinky experience?

Is there one kink that is more important to you than the others?

What do you think is the best or most fulfilling aspect of your kink?

Do you have any kinks that you wish you didn’t? Things that are awkward or embarrassing?

Have you ever been surprised by a kink you didn’t know you had?

Do your kinks fluctuate or are they fairly constant?

What’s your current number one kink?

Are there any kinks you’re not into anymore?

Do you like everyday kinkiness or do you prefer it to have a time and a place?

How kinky do you consider yourself relative to everyone else? Very kinky, or only a little?

If you could give yourself a kink, what would it be?

Is there a popular kink that you dislike or don’t understand?

Do you have a kink that you wish was more popular?

What is your favourite thing about the kink community?

If there was one thing you could change about the kink community, what would it be?

Is there any kink you wish just was not a thing?

Have you ever lied about your kinks?

How does kink relate to sex and sensuality for you?

In your experience, is it easy or difficult to find kink partners?

Could you live without kink in your relationship?

Have you ever thought a kink was just something everyone had?

If your dream partner/s could only have one kink, what would it be?

Do you have any kinks that you think you’ll never try out?

Are there any kinks that you’d never consider trying?

Are there any kinks that totally derail your thought process?

Are you most active in the kink community in real life or online?

Do you know the kinks of many of your friends?

Have you ever been kink-shamed?

What’s your favourite portrayal of kink in the media other than Gomez and Morticia Addams?

Has anyone ever unintentionally set off your kinky senses?

Is there anything that you would normally hate that is okay in a kinky situation?

What kinky thing do you fantasise about most?

Your favourite medium for kink? (Photos, videos, writing?)

Favourite place for kinky shenanigans?

Your dream kink combination?

Do you go in for kinky gear or keep it simple?

Tell us an embarrassing kinky story, please?

Or a funny one?

Or the cutest one you can think of?

Do kink and food go together for you?

Kink and words?

Kink and clothing?

Kink and roleplay?

Kink and chores?

Kink and humour?

Your favourite kinky tumblr?

Do you sign up to have people ask you any other kinky questions they can think of?

Are you going to be polite and send some numbers to the person you reblogged this from?

[normal-horoscopes]

what is your target demographic

SLUTS

[aceandkinky]

I’ve been fantasizing a lot lately about consensual non-consent, but not in sexual ways (lol surprise surprise). I just keep thinking about a lose-lose situation for the sub. Like specifically designed scenes or moments where you’re not going to enjoy this at all, but you’re going to do it because the dom can, simple as that. 

There’s are two scenes from this fic that get me. The top (Z) tells the bottom (C) that his phone is missing, and he needs C to go get it. It’s across town, back at their hotel room. C is like “Why don’t I try to calling it, just to check so I don’t have to go all the way back...” and calls it, and the phone beeps in Z’s pocket. C is like “Ha! Saved me that trip back” and Z goes “My phone is missing and you’re going to go check the hotel for me” and it finally clicks for C, that it doesn’t matter if the phone was there all along. He’s gotta go back to check because Z wants him to. Nothing more, nothing less. He has to do what he’s told. 

There’s another scene where Z has some rules for C during the day, and one is no asking questions. Every time C fucks up, Z puts a little tally in a notebook to keep track (for punishment later). They’re at a cafe, and Z asks C if he wants coffee. C says, “No thanks” and Z goes, “I asked, did you want some coffee?” and it goes back and forth again until C realizes, oh, Z isn’t asking. Z is telling me I’m going to have coffee. 

So C says, “Sure, thank you, I’d love some coffee” all polite (trying to be a brat) and Z responds, “Ask me” and C splutters, can’t believe his luck. Z is going to make him ask for something he doesn’t want, and in the process he’s going to rack up more points for punishment because he’s not allowed to ask questions. Lose-lose. 

I just love the mindfuck of it, the casual meanness. I <3 mean tops. But also I think it would be nice to see the absolute resignation on someone’s face knowing they can’t win no matter what, and get to comment about what a dumb little slut they are to think they could outsmart me :) 

[blaekswan-deactivated20210428]

being attracted to older women like, am i attracted to her because she’s hot??? because she’s probably unobtainable?? is it my mommy issues????? anyways, i love a milf

[blaekswan-deactivated20210428]

therapists don’t interact

[naomisalman]

What medical practice can learn from BDSM

A bit of basics: BDSM is three acronyms in one. We’ve got Bondage & Discipline, Dominance & Submission and Sadism & Masochism. Medical care relates directly to the last two. I’m not even talking about hospital trips here: this goes even for (especially for?) regular doctor appointments.

Whatever your kink is, chances are it’s about power exchange, with one person giving it and the other one taking it. Obviously, those things have to be properly negotiated ahead. Except negotiation never happens in a doctor’s office. Of course, as a patient, I choose to surrender myself to medical care. But this is coerced consent at best, since the impetus is exterior to me. I’d rather not be there, but I have no choice. Or rather, I’m being forced to choose between bad and worse. 

As a doctor, you have to be very aware of that – just like a Dom would have to be towards a sub enduring a scene out of obligation (and doesn’t that hypothetical scenario sound hella wrong?) If it has to happen, the least you can do is make sure it’s happening right. It is your job and your duty. So here’s a check-list for the ones who are dishing it out.

Make sure you can be communicated with.

If a sub is gagged, they’re given other means to communicate. If a sub goes non-verbal, if they stop responding to cues, you’re supposed to pause the scene and prompt them to check in.

Well, guess what: a patient cannot speak when in a dentist’s chair, for instance. Or they could be too shy, or too ashamed, or to anxious to speak up. You’re the one running the show: you need to make it clear you’re ready to listen, and establish a code beforehand if necessary.

Make sure you are communicating.

Can your sub stand what you’re doing to them for much longer? Do they even understand what you’re doing to them right now? Answering “I don’t know” or “I assume so” to either of these questions would be a red flag for a scene. 

And yet so many doctors don’t bother explaining what they’re doing, or announcing the duration of a session beforehand. Would your patient prefer a step-by-step narration of events to feel reassured? I’m ready to bet most of them would. In any case, you need to at least check.

Watch out for collateral discomfort.

S&M is supposed to hurt, but hear me out: what about that rope you’ve forgotten about, the one snagging around your partner’s toe? What about your jewellery scraping against their skin? You have to stay in control of what you’re inflicting on your sub. 

As a doctor, maybe you’re doing something that’s intentionally painful, but necessary; and that’s fine. But you’re also digging your elbow into your patient’s stomach or leaving them shirtless for too long or using too-cold instruments. Pay attention.

Practice debrief and aftercare.

Everything I’ve said this far basically boils down to “check in multiple times during the scene”. But after the scene, your job ain’t done. If you want to avoid subdrop (and top drop!), then aftercare, in whichever form suits you and your partner, is mandatory. 

As a doctor, it would probably be unprofessional to cuddle your patient. But you can quickly go back on how everything went down and give them a moment to breathe, or a glass of water, or a kind word - anything to let their subconscious know they haven’t been, in fact, attacked.

What about a check-list for the patients? Well, it’s all of the above - you must demand it from your doctor. You must speak up. I know it’s not easy, even for something as innocuous as a physical. Next time I go to the dentist, I’m going to at least try.

(Tune in next time for the much funkier post “what BDSM can learn from medical care” aka an exploration of medical kink)

[legsdemandias]

I feel like I could talk all day in and out about why people, particularly queer people and straight women love noncon/dubcon fiction, but y’all got no interest in indulging in the unique experiences of vulnerable populations** so you’ll just stick ur fingers in ur ears and keep sucking on the cis hetero patriarchy. 

[legsdemandias]

If your entire life you’re taught to be repulsed by your sexuality and the idea that you are a sexual being you will likely find sex as something that happens to you not something you actively do. Which can lead to you finding yourself attracted to dub/noncon fiction.

You can still enjoy the sex, but you have this cognitive dissonance that alleviates your shame. You’re not really indulging in your sexual desires, you’re…uh…experiencng the evils of it! That’s totally it!! No shame here!! 

Even more than that, you have this “big bad evil likes me and I’m beholden to someone else’s desires…I toooooootally don’t want this!!!” It gives people who have shame pushed onto their sexuality this outlet to express their sexuality in peace. 

We can argue back and forth about how healthy this is, but the reality is…if someone isn’t ready to fully accept their sexual agency, taking away their tools to ease into it isn’t going to help. That’s not a choice you get to make for them.

[as-thou-will]

I also wonder for how many ace people specifically it overlaps with allonormativity and constant societal messages over sexual attraction. Because for me personally, it’s almost… escapist, I guess. All the having sex as society insists I will and must, none of the friction over my personal lack of attraction because in that particular situation it doesn’t matter- without the helpless feeling the same situation has and would give me in the real world.

Admittedly for me it’s also more emotionally cathartic than anything else, but.

[legsdemandias]

I definitely think there’s a large overlap tbh, and in my book aces and aros belong under the queer umbrella and my books is the only book that matters lol. I feel like anyone who isn’t a straight man (and I would even go so far as to say a straight white man in some cases) who has been made to feel shame about their sexuality at some point for some reasons will likely connect with these kinds of narratives. Whether it be that they are inherently predatory (gay men and women, trans women, black men, etc). Or they are inherently sexless sex objects (straight women, women in general tbh, aces/aros, black and asian women, trans people, etc). 

These societal stereotypes and perceptions are seriously harmful and if it means they have to separate the act of sex and desire from themselves in order to liberate themselves from these falsehoods, then,,like that just seems like a net gain for me? As long as these people are controlling the narrative for themselves (or choosing to engage in the narrative freely), then they are the ones controlling their experience and it’s liberating in a way that media might never been.

If it’s…shame (or insert any other uncomfortable/negative emotion here) inducing to experience requited love or pining or crushing or whatever, then they aren’t positively interacting with their sexuality. First they need to feel comfortable and in control, then they can move on to acceptance. 

Idk, I’d always had a bit of an obsession with dubcon/noncon and sexual assault media and it was violating to be told by an abusive boyfriend in high school that that meant I “wanted to be sexually assaulted”. I doubt you’d say something like that to someone who’s obsessed with WW2 or sports injuries or cancer narratives. “Oh you just want to die in war/have your arm broken/die of cancer”. No, they want to experience complex emotions/experiences in a completely 100% safe way.

[thefisherqueen]

@legsdemandias Thanks for writing this post! Asexual survivor of child sexual abuse here. My obsession for and arousal from noncon fiction has caused me a lot of anxiety over the years. I used to worry over what it meant, if that kind of fiction was excusing abuse, it was unhealthy for me to engage with it (was it just a form of self harm?), etc - and couldn’t find any helpful answers anywhere. I reached a sort of conclusion in the end that I just needed it - I still do - for processing my memories and emotions about my abuse. It’s also the only kind of pleasure I can get from my sexuality. Sex in real life is out of the question for me, other sexual fantasies just don’t do anything for me and I can’t change that, so it’s the only thing that’s left basically.    

[aceandkinky]

bitten by the kink bug again. does anyone have any good kinky blogs to recommend for me to follow? also hi feel free to message a hello if you want to chat :) 

[bysaestyl]

*sees female character who could kick my ass* that’s my girlfriend

[geniuss-loci-deactivated2021052]

[funnymemes-and-kinkydreams]

[funnymemes-and-kinkydreams]