⋆ house with no mirrors - part one ⋆
"Late at night, going out of my mind. Praying that the sun doesn’t rise. Waking up, wishing that you don't. Up at night drinking liquor like its water. I need some medicine, this shit that my head is in."
⋆ PART ONE – THE LONELY HOUR ⋆
▸ Lonely – lone·ly Someone who is lonely, is unhappy because they are alone or do not have anyone they can talk to. That was the definition of being alone and feeling lonely, a feeling that Olivia Baker knew all too well. Olivia didn’t feel this way because she was an outcast or because she wanted attention from a boy—Olivia felt this way because of her family and her best friend, Layla. It wasn’t their fault. They never would’ve guessed that she was dealing with this or that she felt trapped in her own skin and in her own head. No matter how much she smiled, laughed or pretended that she was okay, but she wasn’t. Olivia didn’t understand how she had allowed herself to get to this level, but she couldn’t shake this feeling and she thought with time things would get better. That she would finally find a glimpse of happiness, but it never came, she watched as her family and friends forget her. She saw herself continue to fall deeper into her own depression. She felt invisible and she felt as if no one loved her. She would always just be “the other baker twin.” She had no real worth and when she was at home, she felt it ten times worse. If the walls could talk, they would yell at her to end her life. They would laugh at how pathetic she was because Olivia felt this wat every day, and no one even noticed her-they were always wrapped up in their own problems that they couldn’t see or hear her cry for help. She just felt utterly 𝕒 𝕝 𝕠 𝕟 𝕖.
The sound of Jordan bursting into her room caused her head to lift upward, her pen resting against the wooden table as she shifted her gaze onto her twin brother. “If you seriously never heard of knocking?” Jordan shook his head, his arms folded against his chest. “Save it, Liv. I am not here for you to lecture me about privacy. What am I going to do?” Confusion swept her features; muted sigh escaped her plump lips as she spun around in her chair and whiskey tainted hues fixated on him. Her head nodded as to allow him to speak. “Dad was supposed to help me prepare for football tryouts, summer is almost over, and we start Freshmen year at Beverly in a couple of weeks and he hasn’t got up from the couch. I don’t know what to do, Liv.” There was a sadness in his voice which made Olivia’s heart ache for her twin brother as she stood to her feet and her bare feet kissed the ground as she sat next to him on her bed. “Jordan it’s going to be fine, football isn’t everything.” Jordan shook his head as he lifted upward from his spot, his eyes narrowed into slits. “You don’t get it, Liv. I have this one shot to make him proud of me. I need this, just because you are fine with being in the shadows doesn’t mean I am. I need this Liv and all I wanted was you to supportive. I should’ve known better.” Jordan shook his head as he stormed out, fainted sigh slipped out of her mouth as she rested her head onto the bed. Her chestnut hues fixated at the ceiling. Olivia wasn’t content with being in the background, but no one ever cared about what she wanted, they only cared about themselves and their own feelings. Olivia knew her place in her family, but Jordan wanted their father to see him, and she knew that she could help it, maybe if she helped him—she could feel better.
Olivia made her way downstairs, she caught him sitting on the couch and she shook her head. She had watched her father become this version of himself. He no longer smiled, laughed and sometimes he didn’t even shower. Her mother tried to help but he just continued to push her away. He spent night and day in that position as he watched himself on tv, same footage over and over. The game that cost him his dreams, she knew that her father felt defeated, but she also knew that Jordan was struggling. “Dad?” She uttered in a hush tone; he didn’t speak. “Dad?” She spoke again, still nothing. “Dad!” This time her tone wasn’t soft, it was loud, and she caught his eyes for a split second before he turned his attention back onto the television screen. Olivia stalked forward as she snatched the remote control from the countertop, and she hit the off button and the groaning from her father was heard and all she did was roll her eyes. “Jordan needs you. Stop torturing yourself and help your son, it’s been years and your family needs you. I need you; mom needs you. We all need you, Dad!” The words uttered in a crack voice, her eyelids blinking a couple of times as the moist droplets glided down her cheeks and her father immediately jerked upward as he pulled her into his embrace, his head nodding as he held her. “I’m sorry, I will do better. I promise.”
That was the day that she put her feelings to the side because she wanted Jordan to be happy, the only reason she didn’t say anything sooner was because for once she didn’t feel alone. Her father might have not spoken to her in that stage he was in but at least his presence was there and after that conversation, she was once more in the darkness, and everyone slowly started to move on with their lives. The soles of her bare feet kissed the cold tiles, her whiskey tainted hues scanned the vacant kitchen. She rested herself onto the beige couch, sigh emitted from her lips. It was completely silent in her house; her mother was working late, and Jordan was with their dad. No one was here. No one was every here. Her eyes landed on a bottle; she reached her arms out as her eyes fixated on the pills. Something was screaming at her to open it, no one would know. Her head nodded as she twisted the cap open and tossed three pills into her mouth, she slides sound backward as her head rested against the couch and the effects of the pills slowly washed over her physic as laughter emitted from her lips. The sound of her hysterical laughter was the only sound made through the house, her eyelids fluttered shut. “One may think we're alright, but we need pills to sleep at night. We need lies to make it through the day, we're not okay.”