What does not kill me makes me stronger

[gwyndor]

everyones praising this, but like, as an asexual who is also aromantic, i find the implication that a life without romantic relationships is ‘shameful’ and a curse of ‘solitary confinement’ pretty insulting? call me picky or hard to please but i am so tired of...

[acertively]

I just wanted to write my opinion and explain why I didn't find the text offensive. It's not even an article, it's an answer for a person who is thinking about buying drugs and whose relationships aren't working. Is it wrong to tell that woman that sex is not compulsory in order to have the relationship she's looking for? And that she can have a romantic relationship, marry and have children? The goal of that answer is to reassure that woman and I believe the author manages to do that. That's how I understand this text and that's why I praised it.

But I do not completely disagree with you, the words "solitary confinement" were unnecessary and overly dramatic, as well as the generalization "most asexuals" (which isn't true, because they have no data whatsoever). So I do see the problems in the text, it isn't perfect, by no means.

Still, it is the best thing on asexuality I've read in months in mass media and it made me happy. The next question could be about the lack of romantic attraction, and then the answer would definitely feature aromanticism, that would be a good next step.

[gwyndor]

everyones praising this, but like, as an asexual who is also aromantic, i find the implication that a life without romantic relationships is ‘shameful’ and a curse of ‘solitary confinement’ pretty insulting? call me picky or hard to please but i am so tired of aromantics being thrown under the bus by alloromantic asexuals trying to prove to allosexuals that theyre ‘normal’ or ‘not broken’ or what have you

[acertively]

That's not what the text says. It is really brief and it doesn't cover the romantic/aromantic spectrum, that's why there is a link to AVEN. Yes, there is a focus on romantic relationships, but the text doesn't put aromantics down.

Anyway, this is my humble interpretation, so I do praise this. I am happy to see the mainstream media are covering asexuality, and are also improving and doing a better job.

[discordcomics]

Here’s something I’ve been working on behind the scenes for a while:

Get Shades of A printed and add another year of updates!

This kickstarter ends May 26th- the monday after London MCM Comic Con. During this time I’ll only be updating the Khaos side stories, waiting for you to decide the fate of Shades of A.

So, internet. This is your chance to let the world know that ace, queer and kinky people deserve places in the media, while getting cool stuff at the same time. 

[transrants]

my proposal for an agender pride flag (somewhat based on a combination of the trans flag and the ace flag)

[acertively]

In my opinion, the placement of the strips (like in the trans flag) is a good idea, but other colours would be a better choice. I am both ace and agender, and I believe using the same colours for the flags would be confusing.

[acertively]

Exclusivity Is My No.1 Problem

So this is the situation:

I have a squish on my friend, who is a wonderful person and treats me amazingly. I'm ace and probably aro and want to be in a QP relationship with said friend. My friend is straight and wants a loving boyfriend.

There are two possible developments:

1. My friend gets a boyfriend who isn't a jerk and is happy with that motherfucker, but I will be abandoned and sad as hell.

2. My friend doesn't get a boyfriend and gives up and lives an unfulfilling life with me and lots of cats.

But guess what, if it wasn't for exclusivity, there could be a third option, which would make everybody happy:

3. My friend doesn't abandon me and lives with me, while having other sexual and maybe even romantic partners.

It's a lie though that this third development wouldn't have any exclusivity, because it still implies that I'd be my friend's primary partner. And it's not going to happen anyway since I'm very positive about life in general.

Conclusion: fuck exclusivity!

[bessibel]

There’s a conversation going on about the hurt that goes with defining ace and aro identities in terms of a lack, rather than in terms of a presence. I agree with odannygirl7 that our identities factually are defined by an absence, and that there’s no credible or meaningful way in which we can...

[acertively]

This topic is really thought-provoking and it is very interesting to read what people have to say about the definition of asexuality and aromanticism through negation. I particularly like bessibels' post linked above, but many other people do make a point too. I'd like to add some ideas to the discussion through comparisons with other communities defined by absence.

There are many communities which definition is based on negation. For instance, in the religious field, there is atheism, and if we refer to politics, we can talk about anarchism. A rejection of belief in a god, an absence of a state or a lack of sexual and/or romantic attraction can define a community. The perception of these definitions as something negative or pejorative is not rational. It is, in fact, partial and subjective. As Anagnori suggests in the last paragraph of this post, the negative perception of the definition of asexuality or aromanticism (translated on words such as "broken", "emotionally frigid", "empty", etc.) comes from an outsider's perspective, and more specifically, from the perspective of someone who doesn't understand these concepts. Similarly, some religious people say that non-believers shall go to hell, and some politics believe that anarchists are terrorists. These reactions are triggered by fear and lack of education.

Let me suggest a possible reason of this debate. We are writing about this topic not because we are worried about the definition of asexuality and aromanticism. The definition is clear and works for the community. The reason we are having this discussion is that we are looking for a way to make the definition more acceptable for those people outside the community who fear and misunderstand us. I don't think such a definition is possible, because a definition is supposed to be objective, and not something like "asexuality is a lack of sexual attraction and it's an awesome thing and nothing to be afraid of". I've got nothing against this last sentence, I perceive asexuality this way, but it is not an objective definition.

To sum up, I think that the definitions of asexuality and aromanticism are good the way they are and that they are not negative. We can educate our families and friends, we can show them how we focus on friendships and how many different sorts of relationships are possible between people. Not experiencing sexual or romantic attraction is neither negative nor positive, it's the way we are, and that's something we will transmit by talking to people.

[adriofthedead]

Okay, I realize this hilariously late for Asexuality Awareness Week (which was last week), but due to unforeseen stressors, it didn’t really get done in time.

Anyway! I’ve wanted to do something like this for a while, and I’m proud of myself of actually getting a six page comic done within a week. (Not that it’s really anything super fancy, but it’s better than nothing lol) I do apologize for the massive ugly text wall that is page four but I had a hard time figuring out how to convey it visually while being kind of pressed for time. oh and the occasional copy/paste, I’m sorry for that too

Enjoy! Click on the separate pictures if the text is hard to read.

[defira85]

[onepercentworld]

defira85:

Because my mother told me that all I needed to do was get drunk and lie back and let my husband have his fun. Because if I was drunk, I’d be more relaxed and it’d be over sooner

Because my sister told me that I was trapping my husband in an abusive marriage, and that one day he was...

[acertively]

Yesterday, I was asked about my sexual orientation at a party and I said I was asexual and the guy who asked me said, "Asexual? Like angels?"

That was really pathetic and I think he realized how pathetic he was. So, one more weird reaction to add the list of shit people say to asexuals.

[aromanticaardvark]

(Please note that for the purpose of this post I’m using “queerplatonic” to mean “committed platonic relationship” as I know not everyone is comfortable with this term. I am talking about my own experiences, and for my own experiences queerplatonic is the word I enjoy using, although I know this...

[acertively]

Really liked this post but forgot to reblog it.

[acertively]

I feel bad when somebody calls me "girl", "lady" or when I have to write my sex in some official document. It's not like I want to be referred to by a male pronoun, but for some reason I do dislike the female ones, they just do not fit right.

From gender neutral pronouns, only they sounds good to me. It would be a good option for me, but the problem comes with all the other languages I use every day (English is neither my first nor my second language) and that do not have gender-neutral pronouns.

[veronikaasexy-blog]

Asexuals in bed. Especially me.

[milthanks]

"What erasure?"

[immediocregoodbye]

Oh my god fo’ real

[acertively]

The 30 Day Asexuality Challenge

30. Tell us anything about asexuality that you want to end with.

Asexuality exists. Asexuals are not better than sexuals, they are not more rational or purer (sex is not a sin, it is not inherently dirty). Asexuals are not worse than sexuals, they are not broken, they are not insensitive. There is nothing special or weird about being asexual.

Everyone should know about asexuality. Great effords are being made to make this happen and I want and will contribute to this. I believe asexuality concerns not only the people who identify as asexuals, demisexuals or gray-As, but also sexuals and society in general. Understanding asexuality leads to a better understanding of human relationships.

I wish all my fellow aces to find this understanding. Do not be afraid to explore who you are and to talk to others about your discoveries.

Love and cake to all the aces on Tumblr!

[acertively]

[acertively]

The 30 Day Asexuality Challenge

29. Where did you first learn about asexuality?

Sad as it might be, on Wikipedia. I was looking for information on intersexuality, then started to browse through other related entries and ended up reading about asexuality. I became very interested in the topic and spent the following days reading AVEN forums and other ace sites.

I learnt about asexuality by chance, but I think I would have discovered it anyway sooner or later.