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aalsalem

Just because I’m strong enough to handle the pain, doesn’t mean I deserve it.

staszki

all i wanna do is travel and look hot

remanence-of-love

nofatnowhip

mondlichty

mykgthco444

there’s love in long messages. in late night phone calls. love when laughs echo around us. when we dance. there’s love woven into your “i saw this and thought of you” or “i can give you the space you need” or “i am here”. there’s love in your eyes when you understand. and in your smile when you don’t but still try to. it’s in the food we share. flowing through the tips of our fingers when we touch. and intertwining when our thoughts flow together. there’s love captured in our photographs and even better, in our memories. days pass and there is love. always love, still.

maliciar

becherdireinen

"If you never heal from what hurt you, you'll bleed on people who didn't cut you."

incaseyouart

pigmenting

leave people softer, brighter, calmer than when you found them

quotefeeling

“They may not have loved you, but they did change you. They taught you. They grew you.”

— Bianca Sparacino (via thoughtkick)

minijournals

you can do everything right and still feel sad at night

geekdawson

one of the more valuable things I’ve learned in life as a survivor of a mentally unstable parent is that it is likely that no one has thought through it as much as you have.

no, your friend probably has not noticed they cut you off four times in this conversation.

no, your brother didn’t realize his music was that loud while you were studying.

no, your bff or S.O. doesn’t remember that you’re on a tight deadline right now.

no, no one else is paying attention to the four power dynamics at play in your friend group right now.

a habit of abused kids, especially kids with unstable parents, is the tendency to notice every little detail. We magnify small nuances into major things, largely because small nuances quickly became breaking points for parents. Managing moods, reading the room, perceiving danger in the order of words, the shift of body weight….it’s all a natural outgrowth of trying to manage unstable parents from a young age.

Here’s the thing: most people don’t do that. I’m not saying everyone else is oblivious, I’m saying the over analysis of minor nuances is a habit of abuse.

I have a rule: I do not respond to subtext. This includes guilt tripping, silent treatments, passive aggressive behavior, etc. I see it. I notice it. I even sometimes have to analyze it and take a deep breath and CHOOSE not to respond. Because whether it’s really there or just me over-reading things that actually don’t mean anything, the habit of lending credence to the part of me that sees danger in the wrong shift of body weight…that’s toxic for me. And dangerous to my relationships.

The best thing I ever did for myself and my relationships was insist upon frank communication and a categorical denial of subtext. For some people this is a moral stance. For survivors of mentally unstable parents this is a requirement of recovery.